My Fault

It was my fault. I shouldn't have been distracting him. But you know how it is. Or maybe you don't. And if you don't, I'm not sure I can describe it. What it feels like to be standing on top of a tall building looking out at the city, on the top of the world, above everyone and everything in it. If you look down you get dizzy, but you still gotta do it, even though you might fall. The temptation is irresistible. To see the world as little ants scurrying around beneath you, to see big things like cars and trucks reduced to tiny dots, little specks of light in the darkness. And to watch people fade in and out of the shadows, smaller than pieces of dust and just as meaningless. And to be standing above them, knowing you're above them, knowing you're better than them, because your life has meaning. Your life has purpose, and your life has reason. And that reason is holding you in his arms, holding you so tight that you can't fall, even if you look down and feel dizzy. He won't let you fall.

If you don't know how that is, to be held tight in the arms of someone special, then I feel sorry for you. You'll never know the sense of security, of warmth, of love, of life, of pure, simple, beautiful bliss running through your body when you realize this is where you're meant to be. This is where you've always meant to be. To find where you belong, and who you belong with. It's why I think I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

He suddenly let go of me and I stumbled, the vertigo overwhelming my head. I fell forward over the edge, but he caught me again, laughing his perfect, teasing laugh. I felt safe and warm in his arms again and I smiled up at him, mirroring his own big, gorgeous smile. Letting me go was one of his jokes; he didn't mean it. He never means to hurt me, not really. It's all just one big gag. And sometimes people don't get it. But I do.

"Long way down, Harley girl," he whispered.

"It sure is, Mr. J," I murmured, as he brought his lips down to mine. I shut my eyes, feeling the warmth of his kiss, flooding my body with delight, making every inch of it feel alive and whole.

"Ain't you scared?" he whispered, drawing his mouth away gently and smiling at me.

"Nah uh," I replied, shaking my head and beaming at him. "Not when you're holding me."

He smiled at me, then pulled me away from the edge. "Ain't this great, pooh bear?" he exclaimed, looking around. "Top of the world! Nobody up here to touch us, nobody else in the whole wide world but you and me! We're king and queen of this whole goddamn town, baby! King and queen of the world!" he shouted, rushing to the edge and throwing up his hands.

I giggled. We were so far above everyone and everything that it did seem like it was just the two of us left on earth. We were the only two who mattered anyway.

He turned back to me, grinning. "I'm on the top of the world, looking down on creation, and the only explanation I can find, is the love that I've found ever since you've been around, your love's put me at the top of the world!" he sang, picking me up and spinning me around. I couldn't stop laughing – I had never been this happy before and I couldn't imagine being this happy ever again. I just wanted this moment to last forever. Him, me, and nobody else in the world.

He put me down and kissed me, then giggled. "I've got a surprise for you, pooh," he said, walking over to the other side of the roof and beckoning me. "C'mere."

I followed him and saw that a table and two chairs had been set up. He pulled one out for me, and leaned over to kiss me. "It being Valentine's Day and all, I thought I would do something special for my little Harley doll, who's so very special to me," he murmured, making a rose appear from somewhere and placing it in my hand. "Now close your eyes, baby, and when I count to three, open them."

I obeyed him, feeling butterflies fluttering through my stomach. My body was shaking in anticipation – Mr. J's surprises were always so spectacular. "One…two…three!" he exclaimed.

I opened my eyes just in time to see a row of buildings explode a few miles directly in front of me. To my surprise, the explosion sent fireworks up into the air, fireworks that shot up into the night sky and then exploded themselves, spelling out in a blaze of shimmering light the words: I love you, Harley Quinn.

My eyes filled with tears as the glow faded from the sky. It could never fade from my heart. I had never felt so special, so loved, so perfect in my entire life. I turned to him, but couldn't find the words to say anything. But he had gone over to a stack of what I had thought was junk, and pulled off a sheet to reveal a gramophone. He set the record playing Earth Angel, an oldie but goody, then turned back to me, holding out his hand.

I couldn't say anything. My legs felt like jelly as I approached him. He took me in his arms and I collapsed into them. He chuckled, helping me up, and then began to dance with me.

It was the most perfect moment of my life. In his arms, held firmly but gently against his body, dancing with him, losing myself in the music, forgetting everything else but him and me. There wasn't anything else. Nothing else mattered in the whole wide world but him and me and this perfect, unbelievably beautiful moment.

And just when I thought it couldn't get any more wonderful, it did. He drew me close and began to sing along, softly, gently, right into my ear, in his beautiful, sweet, gorgeous, soft voice: "Earth angel, earth angel, the one I adore, love you forever and ever more, I'm just a fool, a fool in love with you…"

He leaned forward to kiss me. And that was it. An instant of pure perfection, of complete and utter bliss. The most perfect dream come true.

But like all dreams, it couldn't last. You always have to wake up. And my awakening was cruel and sudden, as if the dream had suddenly turned into a nightmare. Because my love was abruptly torn away from me, ripped from my arms and knocked across the roof as a dark shape attacked him. A monster, a terrible demon in the shape of a bat which landed on top of him and began beating him mercilessly.

I screamed in terror, rushing to help him. I leaped on top of the Bat and tried to pull him off, but he was too strong. The demon threw me from him, and I crashed into the table, feeling the wood breaking against my spine. It didn't matter. The pain was nothing when my love was in danger. I struggled to my feet and rushed at the Bat again.

He was expecting me this time – he seized me around the throat before I could reach him and flung me away again. I hit the ground, winded, and before I could get up, the monster was on top of me, tying me, binding my arms and legs so I couldn't move. When he had secured me, he returned to my love and started pounding him again. My love tried to fight back, but the Bat was too strong. He pummeled my love without mercy, his fist crashing into his stomach, his chest, his face, making him bleed from his nose and his lips, making him bleed everywhere. I heard my love grunting and hissing in pain, and I had to watch in horror as he took blow after blow, the Bat's punches ripping and tearing him apart. It felt like the Bat was pounding his fist into my heart.

"Stop it!" I screamed at him, tears rushing down my face. "Stop it, stop it, stop it!"

The Bat ignored me. He kept beating him down, and although my love kept trying to fight back, the Bat was relentless in his attack. "Stop it!" I kept screaming. "Stop it, please! Stop hurting him! I love him! You monster, I love him!"

The Bat looked at me, then threw my love to the ground, handcuffing him. My love looked at me and managed a laugh. "That's life, I guess, sweets," he murmured. "One moment you're king of the world, the next you're having the crap kicked outta you by a guy in a flying rodent costume. Makes you want to laugh, doesn't it, kid?"

He did laugh, although his body was twisted and battered and bleeding and every fiber of him was in agony, like my heart was at seeing him like this. And then the Bat punched him again, knocking him unconscious. I could only stare at him with tears falling down my face, and I looked up at the Bat with hatred in my eyes. "Why?" I gasped. "Why are you so mean?"

"I know you're crazy, Quinn, but get this through your thick skull," snapped Batman. "He's the mean one, not me."

"He's not," I breathed, gazing at him in adoration. "He's not. He's the sweetest, most wonderful man in the whole entire world. And he loves me, Bats. He loves me."

"Open your eyes, Quinn," he retorted. "He doesn't love anyone except himself. This whole romantic gesture was just so he could take some perverted pleasure in blowing up a whole block of apartments. That's how he set up that firework display. Do you know how many people he killed for that?"

"So?" I whispered. "What do they matter? He killed them for me – I'm the one who matters. They don't, with their meaningless little lives, they're like little bugs running around at our feet. Nobody matters but us."

"I don't know how I can make you understand this, Harley," said Batman, softly. "But the two of you aren't special."

"How can you say that?" I whispered. "Look at us. Look at you. You're special too, Bats, he's always said so."

"Harley, people can't be allowed to run around causing mass destruction," said Batman, quietly. "The greater good is always more important than the individual. Always."

"Except when it comes to justice," I murmured. "The greater good has established a justice system, but you don't trust it, so you take the law into your own hands. You run around causing mass destruction, you harm people, you beat criminals senseless, all because you think that you, as an individual, are somehow serving the greater good. But how can one man understand what's best for all of humanity? How can a man who breaks the law serve the law? And why would a man who pretends to care so much about the greater good dispense justice as an individual? That don't make no sense, do it, Bats?"

He was silent. "I may be crazy, Bats, but at least I know what I believe in," I murmured. "I believe in love. I believe in him. I believe in the individual over the greater good, whatever that means. I believe there are people in this world who matter, who are special, and people who don't, because they aren't. And I don't care if a million of them die. Who would? Who cares when a kid destroys an anthill? Do you, Bat-brain? Cause that's what all those people are down there, about as important as ants. They're good little workers, they do as they're told, they live and they die without their lives meaning anything. I ain't like them. My life means something, to him anyway. Just as his life means something to me. Who does your life matter to, Bats? Or are you just like those little ants after all?"

He looked at me but didn't respond. Then he cut the ropes which held me. "Wait here," he snapped. "I'll be back with help to take you back to Arkham."

He disappeared from the roof. I slowly eased out of the bonds and crawled over to my love. I held his frail, battered body tenderly in my arms, leaning him gently against my chest and kissing the top of his head. "It's ok, puddin'," I breathed. "You're gonna be ok."

I looked down at him and my heart filled with agony. I sobbed, burying my face in his soft green hair. "This was the most beautiful thing you've ever done!" I sobbed. "The sweetest, most romantic thing! Oh, thank you, puddin'! I love you so much, my angel! I'm so sorry he can't understand that! I'm so sorry tonight had to end like this! It should have ended in each other's arms, the two of us together, king and queen of the world. And nobody else. Nobody else matters."

The cops and the medics returned with the Bat. They took my love away from me, but not before I kissed him once more and whispered, "Happy Valentine's Day, my angel. I love you."

Batman stood looking after him, then turned to me. "You don't love him, Harley," he murmured.

"Do you even know what that word means, Bats?" I murmured.

"Of course I do," he retorted.

"Nah, I don't think you do," I whispered. "You don't really get what that's like, to put someone else above other people. Or else you'd understand. You'd understand that nobody else on earth matters but the one you love. You'd understand how everyone else can die because they're just meaningless. You'd understand that people don't matter. Only one person does. And for him, you'll do anything, you'll sacrifice everything, and everyone else in the whole wide world. You don't understand that, and you never will, Batman. I feel sorry for you."

I don't know if you understand it either. I hope you do. But until you do, you'll never understand me. People say I'm crazy, I guess. But I ain't crazy. I'm just in love.

The End