"Kid! Hey, kid! Wake up, dammit!"

Ed could hear someone shouting but he wasn't sure why he should give a shit. He was tired, and he just wanted to sleep.

"Hey, Shortmetal!"

Ed twitched, cracking his eyes open. He wanted to argue, but the words didn't quite make it out of his throat. Everything was too dry. He swallowed and licked his lips.

"Shit," someone said, and Ed thought it might be Gorius. "He really must be sick if he's not giving us hell for that. And he's burning up, too."

"Well, hell," someone else put in. Greeling, maybe. "What are we supposed to do about that?"

Lion King drifted into view. "Let's get his shirt up; we should take a look at that wound."

Greeling leaned down and peered into Ed's eyes, his own eyes that stupid shade of purple. "What wound?" he asked, frowning.

Lion King grabbed at his shirt. Ed batted ineffectually at his hand, but he couldn't quite seem to connect. He moaned again instead of talking.

"Yeah, yeah, kid," Lion King said. "We have to check." Lion King pulled up his shirt and pointed. "That wound," he said.

Greeling whistled. "Where'd you pick that up, Elric?" he asked.

"He started a fight with Kimbley," Gorius supplied. "He's an idiot."

"It looks bad," Lion King said. "You see how it's kind of red and puffy around the edges?" Ed groaned as the other man poked a finger into his side.

"Well, what are we supposed to do about it?" Greeling asked, irritated.

Lion King sighed. "He needs a doctor," he said. "It's probably infected."

His memories were starting to filter dimly into his brain now, like molasses through a sieve. He remembered feeling tired and achy yesterday and falling into his bedroll like he never wanted to wake up. They'd been running for days, trying to stay out of sight of the ever-present military patrols.

"Shit," Gorius sighed. "We're going to have to carry him, aren't we? At least he's tiny."

Ed forced his eyes open. "Shut up, asshole," he croaked. "M'not tiny. N'n's carrying me."

"Hey, he's awake," Greeling said. "Can you actually stand, Short Stuff?"

Ed ground his teeth. He felt warm and fuzzy and he ached everywhere. "Fuck you," he managed, with feeling. He rolled over, pushing himself upright. Everything spun. "Shit," he said.

"Hey," Greeling said, grinning. "You know something? I've got a great idea for how we can get the kid to a doctor without the military catching us."

"Fuck you all," Ed said, groaning.

"Ladies don't use that kind of language," Lion King said. He smiled his stupid self-satisfied moustache smile. "We could have left you to die of sepsis out in the woods, you know. It would have been quieter. Now shut up before the doctor gets back."

Ed glared at him, but pointedly shut up. He felt like ass. Besides, looked at from a certain light, Greeling's plan was brilliant. The military were on the lookout for two men and a blond boy. They wouldn't notice a single man escorting his daughter. If the plan hadn't involved Ed wearing a stolen dress with socks stuffed in the top, he would've been positively impressed by it.

Ed glared darkly at his legs. The stupid skirt kept getting in his way. How did Winry wear these things all the time? Of course, Winry's skirts were usually shorter than this one.

Ed blushed even hotter than he already was, thinking about that.

"How are we doing?" the doctor said, entering the room. She smiled at Ed. "What seems to be the problem?"

"She's sick," Lion King said, pointing at Ed. "Fever. I think it's an infection."

"Well, we'll see," she said, and started taking Ed's vitals. "What's your name, miss?"

"Ed...wina," Ed ground out. It belatedly occurred to him that maybe he should be pretending to have a girl's voice. "Edwina," he repeated, pitching his voice up.

The doctor gave him a strange look. "Well, Edwina, we'll have you feeling better in no time!" she said. She stuck a needle in his arm. Ed was careful to offer his left arm. He kind of hated having to be attached to an IV, but if it made him feel better, he wasn't going to complain.

"You're a terrible girl," Lion King muttered, once she'd left the room again.

"Yeah? Well, you're a terrible lion," Ed replied. He leaned back against the wall and wished that everything would stop spinning so much.

Lion King rolled his eyes. "Just shut up and try to stop dying," he advised.

Ed glared at him. "I'm not dying," he protested. But it did feel good to rest, so he closed his eyes and let the saline and medicine flow cool into his vein.

Some time later, Lion King stirred. "You think it's been a while since the doctor was in?" he asked.

Ed cracked an eye. "They always take forever. It's why they're doctors- so they can make you wait."

Lion King shook his head. "I don't like it," he said. "My animal instincts say something's off."

Ed sighed. "Dammit," he said. Lion King was usually right about that sort of thing.

"I'm gonna take a look," Lion King said. "Get ready to run."

Shit, Ed thought. He wasn't sure he could run without falling over. Still, he was the Fullmetal Alchemist. He wasn't going to get caught at a stupid doctor's office in the boonies. He pushed himself up, and held his breath for a moment until the world settled.

Then he reached down and pulled the needle out of his arm, wrapping the wound with a roll of bandage on the table. He tied it off, and then pocketed the drug vial that the doctor had left next to the bandages, and a spare syringe too.

Lion King ducked back into the room. "No one's around," he said, frowning. "They must have told the military we were here and then rabbited. We'd better get out of here, too."

In the distance, Ed could hear the sound of booted feet entering the building.

"Dammit," Lion King swore. "Too late. Come on, kid."

Ed gritted his teeth and stood. Shit. "If we get to the outside of the building, I can make us a door," he said.

Lion King looked at him sideways as they edged down the hallway. "You sure you can do alchemy right now?" he asked.

There was a shout from the end of the hall, and a group of armed men in blue turned the corner. "There they are!" one shouted.

Ed clapped his hands and slammed his palms into the wall. A barrier cut them off from the soldiers. "I've done alchemy in worse situations," he reminded the other man. Lion King shrugged. "Screw it," he said, leaning against the wall, a little. Just a little. "Hell with getting to the outside of the building." He clapped and made a door through the wall and into the next room. "C'mon," he said, clapping again and lurching forward.

Three claps got them to an exterior wall. A fourth brought them through to the side of the building. Ed was sweating and he felt kind of like he wanted to throw up.

"Good job, kid," Lion King said, keeping his voice down. "Okay, we just head this direction and we can make the rendezvous point with Greed and Darius."

Just then, they turned the corner and came face to face with a squadron of Amestrian soldiers. Both sides froze for a moment, staring at each other. "Shit," Ed heard his voice saying, before Lion King yanked him back around the corner.

"Get her!" someone shouted from behind them.

"I hate you so much," Ed told Lion King as they turned and ran. "Well, I hate Greed. And Greed's stupid plan. Hey!" Bullets cracked and whistled around them. Lion King dodged into an alleyway and Ed followed him. Ed gasped for breath as he looked for an escape.

"Can you drop us into the sewers?" Lion King asked, flattening himself against a wall.

Ed groaned. "Have you ever tried to get sewer slime out of automail?" he asked, already clapping. He put up a wall in front of them, hoping that the approaching soldiers might think it was the end of the alley. Then he dropped a ladder into the sewer. Lion King went first.

"You complain about your automail, kid," Lion King said. "But one of us has an enhanced nose, and it isn't you."

Ed grinned, remembering his trick with the sulfur. "Poor you," he said, cheerfully. He swung down the ladder and then regretted it. He collapsed against the filthy wall of the sewer, trying not to retch.

"Hey, take it easy," Lion King advised. "Kid? Elric?"

Ed came to with a face full of lion mane. "Wha-?" he said, struggling.

Lion King- who else would have a mane?- turned around. "You awake again?" he asked.

"How long was I out?" Ed asked, as Lion King put him down. Ed glanced down at himself. One of his chest socks was missing, and the other was halfway out. "And goddammit, why did I have to be the girl?" he complained.

"Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to," Lion King advised. "How long are you gonna keep the dress on?"

Ed felt like a dumbass for not thinking of that before. To be fair, his brain was overheated. That probably accounted for it. "Shut up," he said weakly, and transmuted the dress into a blue jacket.

"Right," Lion King said. "This way. I can hear them coming. They've figured out we're down here."

"Dammit," Ed said, looking around. "Do you know how to get to where we're supposed to meet Greeling?" He had no idea where he was anymore.

"Just follow me, kid," Lion King said.

Which was probably a good plan, since he could see in the dark better than Ed could. Still, it meant sloshing around in the stinking dark after a chimera. At least he didn't have the skirt to trip him up anymore.

Ed really, really wanted a nap, he thought. A nap and a nice bowl of soup. He found himself pondering the molecular structure of chicken, wondering whether he could reasonably transmute some if he had enough of the raw materials. It probably wasn't that different from human flesh, and he knew the ingredients for that by heart.

Lion King stopped. Ed almost walked straight into his back. In the sense that he actually walked straight into his back, oofing into his jacket.

"You hear that?" Lion King asked, whispering.

Ed went still. There it was, the sound of boots sloshing through sewage. "Dammit," he whispered. "How far are we from the rendezvous?"

"Too far," Lion King said. "Can you make us an exit?"

Ed just glared at him and clapped his hands. "Come on," he said, climbing up the ladder he'd just made. His hands were shaking a little, so he held onto the rungs even tighter.

They came out behind a florist shop, drenched and stinking. "Hold on," Ed said. He transmuted the door shut. Then he transmuted the filth off of him and the lion man, newly reverted to human form. Then he collapsed back against the wall while he waited for his head to stop spinning. Usually he could transmute all day, but it was taking its toll right now.

Lion King ducked out, looking at the street signs. Then he looked back at Ed. "You really look like shit," he said.

Ed tried to think of a comeback, and ended up just glaring wordlessly in Lion King's direction.

"Yeah," Lion King said, and then hefted Ed up on his back. Ed considered arguing about it, but he was really, really tired. Dimly, he reflected that letting another guy carry him around was probably as bad a slur on his manhood as the dress, but he was finding it hard to care.

Ed found himself drifting in and out, which was sort of disturbing. He'd close his eyes, and then open them in a different part of town, without knowing whether he'd gone a block or a mile. Lion King didn't say anything, just kept moving. Ed tried to stay awake, but his body had other ideas.

"We're almost there, kid," Lion King said suddenly, his voice rumbling through his back. "You think you can make it the rest of the way on foot?"

Ed shook his head. "I'm fine," he said. Which was probably not true, but dammit, he could stay on his feet if he had to.

With a grunt, Lion King lowered him to the ground. "You weigh a ton," he complained.

"Automail," Ed said, shrugging.

"They're supposed to be waiting for us just over that hill," Lion King told him, and Ed tried to concentrate on putting one foot in front of another.

"Stop!" a voice shouted, and Ed turned. They were just about to walk into the alleyway that would take them to the meeting point, but there was a squad of soldiers behind them with guns out.

Slowly, Lion King raised his hands, glancing over at Ed. Ed did the same, trying to think. He couldn't outrun a bullet, and he probably couldn't get a wall up fast enough, either.

"You're going to need to come with us," the leader of the group- a captain by his bars- said. He stepped forward, his boot splashing into a puddle on the cobblestone street.

Cobblestone, Ed thought.

"The components of granite," he said. "70% silicon dioxide. 15% aluminum oxide. 4% potassium oxide."

The soldiers looked confused. "What are you talking about?" the captain asked.

"He's sick-" Lion King explained.

"And 3% sodium oxide," Ed finished, grinning. As fast as he could, he touched his raised palms together and dropped into a crouch. It was a simple thing to pull pure sodium out of the cobblestones all the way into the edge of the puddle of water. It was also a simple thing to run away while the soldiers were dealing with the sparking, jumping, toxic explosion in front of them.

"I could have used the potassium instead," he explained to Lion King as they ran. "But that would have been really dangerous."

Ed wasn't sure what Lion King said in response, but he was pretty sure it involved the words "alchemists" and "crazy".

Greeling and Gorius were waiting at the appointed place.

"We were starting to get worried," Greed drawled, leaning against a tree. "But then we saw the explosion, and we figured you'd be fine."

"We went to see the doctor," Ed said, pulling the drug vial out of his pocket. "I stole this." He paused, reflectively. "Your plans suck, and I hate you," he added.

Then he went to sleep.