Author's note: Finally, an update! Sorry it's been so long! I've been terribly busy and just haven't sat down to write this. :( Poor excuse, I know. So now enjoy!
From: Gandalf
To: Thorin
Subject: Needed
You need to go on an adventure.
- Gandalf
From: Thorin
To: Gandalf
Subject: RE: Needed
That's random. But no! I don't want to go an adventure! Find some unwilling, comfort-loving hobbit or something. I'm busy enjoying my treasure. You can't make me.
-Thorin
From: Gandalf
To: Thorin
Subject: RE: Needed
Or can I? Oh, alright. I'll find someone to go in your place.
From: Thorin
To: Gandalf
Subject: RE: Needed
GANDALF! Did you put a mark on my door or something? All these hobbits showed up and they are trying to reclaim the Shire so they can get back their treasure of lost carrot seeds! They have this crazy notion in their heads that I am coming with them. Gandalf! I thought we were friends!
From: Gandalf
To: Thorin
Subject: RE: Needed
O.O What are you talking about? I didn't send those hobbits…or did I? Hmmm.
From: Thorin
To: Gandalf
Subject: RE: Needed
But Gandalf! Blahahahahoooooooooo!
From: Pippin
To: Merry
Subject: IDK
Let's sky dive from the top of Mt. Doom!
- Pippin
From: Merry
To: Pippin
Subject: RE: IDK
Why would we want to do that?
- Merry
From: Pippin
To: Merry
Subject: RE: IDK
Uhh…cause it's fun? And dangerous?
From: Merry
To: Pippin
Subject: RE: IDK
It sounds wicked! You're on!
From: Gimli
To: Legolas
Subject: Ears
Are pointy ears stylish?
From: Legolas
To: Gimli
Subject: RE: Ears
Uhh…I guess.
From: Gimli
To: Legolas
Subject: RE: Ears
Cool. I want to get some.
From: Legolas
To: Gimli
Subject: RE: Ears
Uhh, Gimli, you can't just get pointy ears. You have to be born with them.
From: Gimli
To: Legolas
Subject: RE: Ears
Oh, darn. I wanted to be fashionable.
From: Legolas
To: Gimli
Subject: RE: Ears
Gimli, you will never be fashionable.
From: Gimli
To: Legolas
Subject: RE: Ears
Is that an insult?
From: Legolas
To: Gimli
Subject: RE: RE: Ears
I suppose it could be…
Do you have any chicken lost in your beard right now?
From: Gimli
To: Legolas
Subject: RE: RE: Ears
I don't think so. But I don't know for sure. They are lost in my beard after all. Hahahahahaha. Nope. No chicken fell out that time. We should be clear. Why did you want to know?
From: Legolas
To: Gimli
Subject: RE: RE: Ears
Oh, because I had another joke to tell you, but I didn't want gross chicken falling out of your beard.
What did the dwarf say when an elf asked him for some rum?
From: Gimli
To: Legolas
Subject: RE: RE: Ears
Uhh…no, I drank it all?
From: Legolas
To: Gimli
Subject: RE: RE: Ears
The dwarf answered, "Sorry, I'm a little short!" Hahahaha!
From: Gimli
To: Legolas
Subject: RE: RE: Ears
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'M LAUGHING SO HARD THAT A TURKEY LEG FELL OUT OF MY BEARD.
Oh, wait. That wasn't even funny. You're one crazy elf, but that wasn't funny.
From: Legolas
To: Gimli
Subject: RE: RE: Ears
AWWW! How come I can never make you laugh?!
From: Gollum
To: Sam Gamgee
Subject: FREE YUMMIES!
CLICK ON THE JUICY FISH IN A FRYING PAN, PRECIOUS, TO WIN PO-TA-TOES!
From: Sam Gamgee
To: Gollum
Subject: RE: FREE YUMMIES!
SWEET! Thanks, Gollum!
From: Aragorn
To: Sam Gamgee
Subject: Warning
I am sorry I did not warn you sooner, Sam, but Gollum escaped the other day and took to spamming. Please do not follow the links in his emails.
Sincerely, Aragorn
From: Sam Gagmgee
To: Aragorn
Subject: RE: Warning
You might have mentioned that a bit sooner, Strider. I clicked on the ad for free potatoes (I should have known better, I know) and it asked for my address which I entered thinking that the potatoes would be shipped here. Well, they did ship something but it wasn't potatoes. It was more like…giant spiders. They are now attacking the outside of Bag End. I'm dreadfully afraid that Mr. Frodo and Mr. Bilbo will throw me out when they return from their journey to Rivendell.
- Sam
From: Smaug
To: Saruman
Subject: RE: Burglars
Saruman the White, your literary knowledge is quite extensive, dear wizard. I was wondering if you could explain to me what a burglar is and how I should prevent them from stealing my vast amount of treasure.
Many worthy thanks,
Smaug
From: Saruman
To: Smaug
Subject: RE: Burglars
My dear friend, Smaug the most brilliant,
A burglar is someone who sneaks in a steals items. In your case, it is probably a renowned hobbit burglar who goes by the name of Bilbo B. I would suggest installing a Mordor Burglar system, run and managed by my excellent and trustworthy friend, Sauron the One Eyed.
Sincerely, Saruman
Author's note: Hope you laughed and enjoyed it!