SP/n: Not dead. Frustration-driven writing.

He was a past love. Not lover. It was one-sided. I didn't mind, I was happy enough to be friends. Good friends. That was one-sided too. I didn't know what he thought of us. He never referred to us as anything more than 'You people'. We didn't know what that meant. Friends. Companions. Acquaintances. We decided to think it was his way of calling us his family. I guess.

Growing up he didn't have much. His parents got into a nasty hit and run when he was only thirteen, leaving his brother, a ripe age of eighteen, to take care of him. It wasn't taking care as it was living in the same house. They barely saw each other, and when they did they barely spoke a syllable. His brother OD-ed at twenty-three; leaving him at eighteen without a family. He didn't say much after; not that he said anything prior.

We pitied him, well, everyone pitied him, but he didn't care. If he did, he had a horrible way of showing it. He just continued to be himself. He didn't talk. If he did it was either to curse out or emotionlessly insult you. And it went on like that for a few months.

Until graduation came up a few months later did he decide to strike up a conversation.

"I signed up for the army."

We stared at him in confusion and shock. We wanted to say something, anything that was against him leaving toward place where the possibility of returning was slim. Very slim. But we all saw that look in his eyes; confusion, determination and fear. It was probably the most emotion we had seen in him. Relenting on speaking out against his wishes we all gave a silent approval.

"Make sure you come back." I said.

He didn't respond.

He left the night after graduation, he didn't say goodbye.

We didn't see him until five years.

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Aftermath

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For the past five years my thoughts rarely drifted to the boy who left soul-searching. I could fairly say that my past afflictions have died somewhere along the second and third year he was gone. I dated and broken up, I loved and I lost, it was a wonderful time of self-discovery, a little side-trip on the whacky side of being a teenager. Despite spontaneous ideas coupled with stupid choices I was a diligent college student that had strived to ace her finals in order to intern (paid, if I may add) at Konoha General Hospital under the wing of world renowned Tsunade.

So far, everything was great.

Until he appeared at my doorway.

I instantly forgot all of my manners and just stared. He didn't say anything nor did he budge from his stance, which made me think twice whether he was really there or not. I held my gaze as I slowly reached out to touch the being in front of me. When my arm didn't phase through did I realize that he was really there, at my doorstep, after five years.

"Sasuke?"

He grunted. Typical.

I snapped out from my initial shock. "Wow! It really is you. Those five years were good to you!" I openly commented. He didn't respond. And we just stood there looking at each other. I wasn't kidding when I said that those five years did good to him. In his plain black v-neck, khaki army pants and black combat boots, he was… delicious.

I scratched my elbow, a habit I formed from being either nervous or awkward. "Um… Do… Do you want to come in?" He merely nodded. I opened the door wider so that he could walk in, leaving a fresh track of mud on my polished floors.

Thank god I don't use carpets.

He sat on the couch with his hands around the cup of tea I had retrieved for him. His duffel bag was set beside the couch he was sitting on. Now that I thought of it, I didn't ask him if he wanted coffee or tea.

"Do—"

"It's fine." He interrupted.

I didn't have the qualm to even be the slightest irritate at his bad manners because I was too scared to even think. I sat across him with a cup of tea in my hands, bigger in comparison to the one being overpowered by his manly hands. I gave him the most awkward of smiles I could muster, the one where you're showing all of your teeth as if you were speaking to your orthodontist.

I decided to introduce subjects that weren't supposed to be in our one-sided converstation. "Have you contacted Naruto yet?" I asked.

"Yes."

"That's great! He would be so happy to see you back! Did you pay him a visit yet?" I asked, feeling like this conversation was going somewhere.

"No." Then again…

I paused and thought hard. Then it came to me. I was five years too rusty. Reading Uchiha Sasuke was like trying to read Latin mirrored on tablets made out of limestone. I asked. "Do you have a place to stay?"

He didn't respond.

I knew it.

In his own Uchiha Sasuke way, he was asking if he could live with me.

And I just couldn't.

"I have an extra room."

Say no.

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.

During his time in the army Naruto constantly wrote to him, though he never wrote back. That was probably why he knew that I was a doctor. He didn't want to go through the post-war therapy, so he sought out for me. But that's just the problem.

I'm a doctor. Not a therapist.

I reasoned it out and he answered that it was the same thing. Funny that how someone who rarely talks decides to only speak out at times when he wants to cuss somebody out.

I was in the kitchen washing the dishes, lost in my thoughts of the new tenant in my house. I heard him come in through the front door. It was a little after noon and he was just coming back from one of his jogs. It was a hard routine to break from. Before and after every meal he would go out for a jog for twenty to thirty minutes. Discipline, he says.

I didn't acknowledge him when he reached over to grab a glass. No, I was too lost in my thoughts. Perhaps too lost to have noticed my grip on one of the metallic bowls had loosened which caused it to fall to the ground giving off a shrill clang. Sasuke tensed and sprung into a defensive crouch at the sudden sound.

"It's okay Sasuke." I said, picking up the bowl. I saw him shake his head and made his way toward the fridge to pour himself a glass of water.

One thing that I learned from living with a post-war Sasuke is to never, never take him by surprise or else he will strike. And he struck hard.

Every little sound was like a bomb to Sasuke. The accidental slam of the door due to the wind. The popping popcorn in the microwave. The tiny chirping of grasshoppers in the night. Everything reminded him of the war. The tiniest of sounds could set him off, and it worried me.

At night he'd have trouble sleeping. He'd jolt in alarm at the strangest of times and at irregular intervals. Other times he would thrash in his sleep because of the nightmares. He was a mess. And I was too scared to make a move. I would just lay in bed waiting until I could hear the click of the door which signaled that he was out for another jog.

When I'd get off for work he'd be going around the house arranging and re-arranging things. And when I'd get back he would still be doing the same thing; anything and everything to just get his body moving. I decided to finally take him out to reunite with the people he once associated with, hoping that this would ease him.

Getting together like old times was a breather. Though we may have stayed in the city it was hard to get into contact with each other due to our respective busy lives. Naruto and Kiba were still their boisterous selves. Hinata was the same quiet girlfriend of the hyperactive blonde. Shikamaru was still the ever black-lunged addict. Ino wasn't there, I took note sadly, apparently Ino had to travel to Ame for business.

We caught up, drank and had a generally fun night. It was nostalgic, to say the least. Until Kiba decided to play a stupid trick on Sasuke, which he learned the hard way to never try it again.

It was after they ordered their third bottle did Kiba decide to playfully pull out a finger gun from his coat and point it at Sasuke. In less than a second Sasuke was on the prankster with Kiba's arms painfully pinned behind him. It took both Naruto and Shikamaru to pry Sasuke off of Kiba. The rest of the night got really quiet.

We walked home in awkward silence. He had his hands in his pockets as he walked with his head directed to the ground. He was sorry, he didn't say it, but it was blatantly clear. He got carried away, still stuck in that war mentality. I slowly hooked my hand around his forearm and gave him a light squeeze.

"It's okay." I smiled at him. He didn't retract his arm until we got home.

He started to change. Nothing monumentally great yet, but he was trying. I would see him sitting in the living room, where he would just sit there and watch the powerless TV. He was restless, I could tell, by the incessant twitching and fiddling with his hands. It wasn't much, but it was a start. I smiled at this.

He started to do menial jobs around the house. Like water the plants and take out the trash, he even tried to do both our laundry, thankfully I stopped him to save myself of any future embarrassment. The post-war Sasuke was starting to get better. He wasn't as aggressive as before, like when he'd water the plants you'd see most of them uprooted or had their soil scattered around screaming bloody murder, now the soil was still intact and no plants were evicted.

But his nightmares didn't stop. They were still as prevalent as ever. He would still wake up with a scream in cold sweat. Whatever he was trying to portray in the daylight was gone by nightfall. During this situation my fear would always overpower my will to do what was right, but tonight I swallowed a heavy gulp of courage and shoved the blanket off and made my way to the guest room.

I didn't knock I knew it would set him off. So I gently pushed the door open careful so that it's hinges wouldn't squeak. He was sitting up on the bed his face disappearing atop his palms with his shoulders slumped as he heaved long deep breaths.

"Sasuke…?" I said.

At the sound of my voice his palms slowly slid down his face. He propped up his knees and settled his arms atop, he slouched even further. "It's nothing Sakura." He said; his voice slightly muffled.

The hinges of the door squeaked as I opened it wider. I walked up to his bed and sat beside him just barely out of Sasuke's personal bubble. I kept my hands on my knees afraid that any physical contact would set him off. "It helps if you talk about it." I said.

He raised his head and glared at me. "I said, It's. Nothing." He ground out.

Now that was something I definitely didn't miss. His glare terrified me. I could feel the fear creeping all over me, giving me goosebumps. Thank god our only source of illumination is the street light outside the window, and it wasn't doing a very good job. Feeling like the darkness gave me a new sense of confidence I continued to speak out.

"Screaming at the middle of night isn't nothing, Sasuke."

He growled. Oops, too much confidence.

"I-I mean…" Great, I'm a stuttering fool. "…when I had nightmares talking it out helped."

He was still glaring. "Go to sleep Sakura."

Involuntarily my hand reached out to pat his back. In a situation where your friend was feeling down the customary action would be to pat that said friend on the back. Doing that when your friend was Uchiha Sasuke…

"Don't. Touch. Me."

…resulted a lack of blood flow in your arm. His grip on my forearm was tight, really tight and it was really starting to lose some feeling there. I saw the anger in his eyes slightly subside and he let go of my arm. He faced forward settled for directing his anger toward the wall.

I sighed quietly and stood up. I looked down at him and risked my arm being viciously ripped out from its' socket I gently placed my hand atop his hair. He didn't react violently this time he merely looked up and we held each others' gaze. I don't know when he moved but now he was facing me. His legs dangled over the edge and his feet were firmly planted on the ground.

"It's okay to be scared, you know?" I spoke and gave a gentle squeeze to his hair.

The next series of events happened too fast…

His arms pulled my legs closer and the next thing I knew I was straddling him and he pulled my head down for a rough liplock.

…and I couldn't complain.

He shoved me on the bed and clothes were soon flying left and right. This wasn't my first time, I was far from the prude most had thought about me in high school. I had my fair share of hook-ups and this… I moaned… this was going to be something that we would both be regretting the next day.

But tonight…

He entered.

…to hell with it.

Everything was just so rushed and haphazardly done. This wasn't love, I don't think I even had a say in this. All I could think of was that Sasuke was just using for some sort of release, all of that pent up anger and confusion. I didn't deserve to be treated like this, but I had my needs too.

His touches were rough and bruising and he was just going all animalistic on this. He was just pounding and pounding and he didn't look like he was going to stop soon. I looked up at him and saw that his eyes were staring straight at the wall with one hand on it and the other was on my hip in a death grip. I closed my eyes and decided to just go with it. His war-gasms were my orgasms. This was going to hurt like a mother tomorrow but I didn't mind because this felt good.

Seems like the army did something right.

.

.

It didn't hurt like I had thought it would. No, it was far worse. Oh god, help me I could barely lift a leg out of the bed without a jolt of pain that'd course throughout my whole body. Damn that Uchiha Sasuke, he wasn't even here. I didn't expect him to stay though, after all, it was just a one night thing. But really, I needed that boy to call the hospital and tell them I couldn't work today, seeing as I won't be leaving this bed for a while.

I am not kidding, it hurt that much.

I let out a frustrated sigh. My head whipped to the side to the sound of the door opening. There's that bastard now. His sweat glistened on his skin, a sign that he just came back from one of his routine jogs. He stared at me for a while before he turned back to leave the room.

The nerve.

"Uchiha Sasuke! You did this to me! Go get me my phone you bastard!" I shrieked.

He wasn't responding.

"You fucking dickhead! If I lose my job I will throw your fat ass out!"

Still no response.

"Hey! He—"

In the midst of my rants I didn't realize that he was standing over the bed with my phone in his hand. An annoyed look on his face. I grabbed the phone from his hands and pressed speed dial 2. It was Tsunade the head doctor herself. A little lie of 'I had too much to drink last night' and I was out of it. She didn't need anything more seeing that Tsunade used that excuse a little too liberally.

I placed the phone on the bed beside me and glared up at the Uchiha. He had a blank look on his face as he stared down at me. He left the second I was about to say something.

The rest of the day was going by horribly slow. I had got out of the bed after an hour of just laying there and ignored the pain that remained. Since this was an unexpected leave I decided to just laze around and watch TV. I showered and slowly made my way downstairs to the living room where I'd nest on the couch.

By night time I was starting to feel better. I had the hospital receptionist fax and e-mail me some documents so that I could feel that this day wasn't that wasted. I worked in the living room with the TV turned on. Somewhere along the night Sasuke had settled himself in the living room and watched whatever was on.

I didn't speak to him. It wasn't like I had anything to say. What happened the previous night was nothing. It didn't deserve an explanation, it just happened, end of story. Personally, I didn't feel anything, well, aside from being sore, but other than that this was a pretty normal thing. But there was just something off with Sasuke's aura.

"Have you eaten yet?" I asked.

He grunted.

I shifted my eyes to him and saw his eyes were glued to the TV. I adjusted the glasses on my face and went on with my work.

By midnight we both retired upstairs. It was funny what happened next. I was just going to turn off the hallway lights but Sasuke figured that his libido was still raging, pulled me and we did it on the floor. I swear this boy is fucking crazy. If I was sore on the bed what more on the floor! Well, first time for everything.

And it went on like that for a few weeks. No, not on the floor. I argued never on the floor ever again. We were going at it everyday, well he was anyway. Every single day it was just rough, rough, rough. I learned to tolerate the pain after the fifth day. During the weekdays, I would work in the morning and come home to a sexually frustrated Sasuke. On the weekends though he would grab me and just do me anywhere. It hurt being slammed everywhere, but it always turned out to be great sex so I didn't mind.

He seemed to sleep better he said, which was part of the reason why I didn't mind being used every day. I also noticed that he was calmer in the day and less restless. If I knew this was the kind of therapy he needed I would've jumped at it on the first day.

What bothered me was that every time we would go at it he would never look at me. He'd always fix his gaze somewhere, anywhere, just not on me. I promised to not feel anything, but it was hard not to. It was just a blow to my self-esteem. Was I not even the slightest bit appealing for him to be fixed on a potted plant? Was I uglier than a potted plant?!

I'm over thinking this.

Fuck it.

I'm a girl, we over think everything!

I couldn't let this go on. Even though it offered some type of release from Sasuke it wasn't benefitting me in any way. Well, great sex, but I had duties to myself as a person and as a woman. I refused to degrade myself any further, I deserved respect! And if I couldn't do that myself who would? Certainly not Sasuke, he only saw me as a place where he could just stick it in. And I was scared that the longer this went the more I could conclude my past feelings were still running amuck.

I laughed; what an irony this turned out to be. My childhood crush was living with me and literally throwing himself at me at every given time of the day but I was relenting. I decided to confront Sasuke about it. I entered the guest room and saw that he was sitting on the edge of the bed with his dog tags in his hands. He looked up.

"Hi…" I said.

He didn't respond.

"I need to talk to you." I continued as I pulled out a chair and sat in front of him, a good arm's length away from each other.

I scratched my elbow at his gaze on me. "Um… I noticed you don't have nightmares anymore and that's great and all…" I paused. Oh god how was I going to say this?! "…um… I guess we could stop uh, having sex." That didn't sound right. "I mean we could still you know do it and uh…" I trailed off seeing Sasuke's brow raise skeptically.

A moment of awkward silence passed between us. The tinkling of his dog tags stopped and the only sound that would come by was the rush of a car zooming in the street outside. I clapped my hands and laughed awkwardly. "Um… right. Nice talking to you, Sasuke. So bye." I stood and made my way out the door.

Now that shit was awkward.

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.

The longer Sasuke stayed in my house the more I could come to the conclusion that he was psychologically troubled. The first month he was so detached and restless; still stuck in the aftermath of the war. The second month was like his second bout of puberty with all his hormones acting all animal. Personally, that was a good month. At the third month he started acting like an infant. Like a child who constantly needed some sort of affection.

This is like Benjamin Button being fast forwarded.

Nothing sexual happened, but just all this affection; it was creeping me out a bit. Just a bit, a part of me was also enjoying this.

We were on the couch; he was watching TV while I was on my laptop, working. Suddenly an arm rested itself on my shoulders. I looked at the hand that was lazing beside me then turned to the other side to look at Sasuke who still had his eyes glued to the screen.

At my initial thought I wondered if this was his new way of asking if he wanted to sleep with me. But I looked at his pants there was no obvious tent happening.

"What are you doing?"

"Go back to work." He said gruffly.

I regarded him with a suspicious gaze but went back to work nonetheless; his arm still around me. Nothing happened that night or for the next following nights. It was like I was living with a whole new person.

I came home late one night. I had had a long day; I conducted two scheduled surgeries and one emergency surgery. One of those surgeries was a kidney transplant, and it was a pain in the ass. I walked to the living room so that I could just bunk there for the night only to find Sasuke there, waiting. And immediately I thought, "Oh god, not tonight."

"It's 2AM." He said.

"I know." I said tiredly. "Can we just not tonight Sasuke? Please? I'm really tired…" I guess he wasn't too happy to hear that since he was glaring, not the most menacing of his glares but it had a little oomph in there.

He only responded by carrying me up to my room and placing me on the bed. I sighed. I guess I could sleep in my office tomorrow. I sat up and started stripping when he stopped me and gently pushed me down the bed. Okay, I guess he wanted to take it off himself. Whatever. I'm too tired to even move, doubt I could stay awake for the whole thing.

The next thing I knew I woke up with the sun shining and my clothes still on. I looked at the clock and went wide-eyed when I saw that it was 9:23AM. I was two hours late. FML. I sprang out of bed and rushed downstairs, I didn't care that I was still wearing yesterday's clothes; I was late. For the first time in the history of ever; Haruno Sakura was fucking late.

I ran to the kitchen to grab a piece of bread or something when I saw Sasuke sitting there reading a newspaper. Then my mind clicked, this son of a bitch didn't wake me up. I let him live under my roof, eat my food and use me like a hoe and he didn't even have the audacity to wake me. He knows I go to work at seven, mother fucker!

"Sasuke!" I cried. He let the newspaper flop down to peer at me, then shook it back up. The nerve!

"Good morning." He said.

"It's 9AM. I am two hours late you son of a bitch and you didn't wake me!" It is only when my work is concerned do I get all high-strung and cuss like a sailor.

Sasuke closed the newspaper and set it beside him. "Breakfast." He said, gesturing to the meal he prepared. I could only glare.

"Mother fucker I don't have time to eat!" I shrieked.

"I texted your boss, you can clock in at 1." He said, picking up his finished plate and bringing it to the sink.

"You what?"

I heard him sigh. "Check your phone."

Hastily, I fished my phone and saw that he had indeed texted Tsunade. He even imitated the way I texted to make it more believable. I couldn't even imagine him texting: 'Shishou, massive hangover, gonna clock in a one, okaaaaay? Love you~ :3' I blushed.

I looked up when I felt Sasuke's hands on my shoulders guiding me to the chair. He placed the newspaper near me and gave me a kiss on my forehead. "Breakfast." He said and went out.

To say that I didn't like the new and improved Sasuke was a lie. I liked him at the second month, but now I am totally in love. This boy— man, was making me feel things again. And I hated it (lie). It was like high school again. Even though he was a total social retard back then (still is) he was a gentleman; which was the reason why I liked him (partial lie, his looks helped). It's happening. The very thing that I was so afraid of was happening and there's no stopping it. Oh god.

I am in love with Uchiha Sasuke— again.

One night I lay in bed thinking. I was starting to second guess myself and my choices. Was it a bad idea to let Uchiha Sasuke live with me? Why didn't I kick him out after the first month? Should I ask him to pay for rent? How long should I let him mooch off me? Why am I feeling these feelings again?

Did I even fall out of love for him?

I gripped the sheets tighter. Was I being a good friend? Or a selfish slut? All of these crazy thoughts thanks to that ex-soldier across the hall.

I jerked my head to the door when a knock resounded. Of course it was Sasuke, who else could it be.

"Come in."

He entered noiselessly save for the dog tags dangling in his hand. I sat up as he sat at the edge of the bed. This is the first time where I could feel nervousness radiating off of Sasuke. I placed a hand on his back rubbing it soothingly. "You alright?" I asked.

He twisted to face me. "I— I want to show you something." He said. I blushed. This was Uchiha Sasuke, a man who was so calm and collected that not even a war could break him. And here he was, in my room, a stuttering mess, and it is hard to not find that the slightest bit flattering.

"What is it?" I asked. Gladly my voice didn't betray me.

He hesitated for a while but showed me his dog tags. One was the usual identification tag, with his name and birth date. The other one shocked me, my blush increasing to epic proportions. This was surreal, I wanted to punch myself. Not pinch, punch. It was an emergency tag.

In case of emergency:
Haruno Sakura
516-xxx

Suddenly I found it hard to breathe. These were no butterflies in my stomach it was a whole colony of wasps. I looked at Sasuke and asked shakily. "T-These were from five years ago?"

He nodded.

I couldn't believe it. Uchiha Sasuke was confessing. Confessing to me. I started crying. I don't know why. I just did. Oh god. This is so embarrassing. Here is Uchiha Sasuke, my crush since forever, confessing, and my response was to cry like the little bitch that I was. I stopped soon enough and started laughing at myself. Damn I'm bipolar.

"I'm sorry, I'm an idiot. This is— this is just a lot to take in right now." I laughed, wiping away the tears.

I looked down as he held my hand and pushed the dog tags in my palm.

"W-Why?" I asked. When I looked up his face was so close and I could see determination in his eyes.

"I'm not leaving." He cupped the back of my neck and pulled me for a make-out session.

He pushed me down the bed and got on top. He then wrapped my legs around his hips. I reached down to unbutton his pants but he pushed my hands away. Funny. Instead I opted to lift his shirt off, to which he complied with obediently.

I don't know what was going on with him. He wouldn't let me touch him anywhere below the belt. Usually we only made-out for like a minute then went beast. But this was nice foreplay. He was starting to give attention to every part of my body… Oh god… This was torture; wonderful, wonderful torture. This was a hundred times better and we still had our clothes on. I felt his hand going down and started teasing me down there. I stand corrected this was some nice foreplay. I let out a slow throaty moan.

"Oh… my… god…" I gripped at his hair and clawed at his back as I arched. We didn't do foreplay. We just didn't. We were more the beastly types. And then the thought crossed my mind. We weren't just fucking anymore. We were… Dare I say it?

I whimpered. "Sasuke… Stop it…" I moaned. My actions betraying my voice. Before I could orgasm he retrieved his hand. My eyes shot open and looked at Sasuke. I was expecting him to be staring somewhere again but I was surprised to see him looking at me; and was that a smirk on his face? Cocky bastard.

"What are you doing?" I seethed, more annoyed that he didn't let me finish. He responded by grinding his hips against mine. My head lolled back as I released. He didn't even do anything yet and I already came.

We started taking off all of our clothes. I wrapped my legs around his hips while he entered. Oh yeah. Now this is it. I started moving my hips but he stopped me, again. He held me down while he moved at an agonizingly slow pace. But it felt good. Every time he'd enter I'd let out a slow strangled moan. There were no words to describe how good this felt. I heard his ragged breath and I could tell that he wanted to go fast but controlled himself.

"Sakura…"

I opened one eye and looked at him. He was sweaty and panting, but nonetheless gorgeous. Every time he'd pump I could see the muscles in his jaw harden and he'd let out a small grunt. The muscles in his neck, shoulders, arms and back were rock hard and tense. "Thank you." He rasped. I shut my eyes again when I felt him go deeper. Shit. I came again.

"You're welcome." I said breathless. I pulled him down for a kiss. I ran my hands all over him and I guess he ran out of patience, he started to quicken his pace. He broke the kiss and lowered his head to bite on my shoulder as he let out a groan.

It was going to be a long night.

.

.

When I woke up the next day I wasn't as sore as usual. In fact I felt refreshed. I was lying on my stomach and couldn't help but smile into my pillow as I hugged it. Uchiha Sasuke confessed to me and gave me the best sex after. I looked at the clock and it was 6:05AM. Sasuke was probably out on his morning jog. I stretched but then tensed when I felt a hand on my back. I twisted my head to the other side of the bed and saw Sasuke lying there, still in his naked glory.

"Sasuke?"

"Morning." He ran his hand down my back and stopped just above my butt. See? A gentleman.

"When did you wake up?" I rubbed my eyes.

"Thirty minutes ago."

I twisted until I was facing him. "Why aren't you on your morning jog?"

He smiled. "I told you,"

"I'm not leaving."

SP/n: Hate the title. But enjoyed writing this. :)

(PS) Some people just cannot read the AU written on every summary I put. :|

(PPS) Patience my grasshoppers, the key is patience.