Chapter 71

Pettigrew, Potter, and Black did not meet me outside by the Willow. I used a branch to press the knob that would freeze it so I could get close enough to it to enter through the hidden door leading to the Shrieking Shack.

There, I stripped out of my clothes and waited on the moth eaten bed. It felt disgusting to even be on it, let alone in it. The least it could be is warm, but no.

I don't know how long I'm waiting until the moon is high enough to start the transformation. The clock chimes the hour and my body is attacked by the most unimaginable pain.

I try not to tense, or scream. Both happen involuntarily and everything goes black as the wolf born inside me takes control.

Severus is asleep within me. I whimper as the pain subsides. I curl up on the bed, biting my arms and anything else I can reach. Humans are so picky. I don't see anything wrong with the bed.

I hear a howl. Perking my ears, I look up and approach the window, peering outside. Another howl. I answer. How do I get out of here? How do I find my brethren?

But the night passes by and the pack leaves. In the end I never found them. I couldn't get out of this cage.

#

The potion turned tar black, telling me I had finally completed the potion. I wave my wand over it. The fire dies and the potion steadily begins to cool.

I know "when" I'll be going to, but "where" still has me confused. I can only hope I'm not too late. I dare not to venture out of the Room. I couldn't bring myself to leave after the full moon passed.

I pick up the mug of coffee and down it. It's cooled over the last few minutes and now tastes disgusting. I want to gag, but I force myself to swallow anyway.

If only the cooling process would be quicker than this.

Though I've made up my mind to break who knows how many wizard laws and try to change history, the fact remains that I'm a little afraid of what will happen.

Time is a set line. It's supposed to be a set line. Nothing can change it. That's why time is not supposed to be tampered with. But there have been theories, which muggles ponder and wizards dismiss, that suggest that time is not a set line…

But…

More that time is a web stemmed from one moment in time that leads to infinite possibilities that can also become moments that lead to more infinite possibilities.

The funny thing is, it is a muggle theory. So the possibility of it being true is close to zero.

But close to zero is not zero, so no matter how small, if there's a chance that I can change a moment in my past and save Remus I'll seize it.

Yes, I'm being incredibly selfish. I don't care. I refuse to leave this theory untested—especially if it means I can have a future where Remus is alive.

Holding my hand to the pot, I feel it's warmth seeping into my hand…

When I wake, the cauldron is stone cold and the potion is ready for consumption.

I dip a cup in the potion and wipe the access liquid with a towel which is promptly tossed aside and I, ignoring the scent and the constant voice in my head telling me to stop, chug the contents. I cough.

God, it's awful!

I feel a little light headed. Everything is spinning. My eyes are swimming. I pass out…

When I come to, I'm in the Room. Did it work? I step outside, looking around. The halls are deserted.

"What are you doing here?"

I look around and stare at the Gryffindor House ghost. Nearly Headless Nick, I think. But I'm not that sure.

"Why didn't you leave with the others? Why are you hiding at school?"

"Er…" I don't know how to explain.

"I'll have to report to your head of house." I can't let myself be found by anyone else, so I run, moving right through him. "Hey!"

I've no time to apologize, sprinting out of the school. I need to find a newspaper. The sun is shining brightly outside and it's warmer than I remember it being, but I still need to leave the school grounds in order to apparate to Southampton.

I skid to a halt outside the Broomsticks and pick up a newspaper from the stand.

June 6th, 1977.

The clock chimes ten in the morning. I can only hope my memory's right, but by now, I should be back in Remus' room.

I drop the newspaper and apparate. I arrive outside in Remus' backyard. An anguished cry comes from within and grows silent, but my hearing is better and I hear each sob.

I almost run inside, but the moment my hand is on the handle, I compose myself. I'm not here. I back away and apparate again, arriving in the hallway of the Leaky Cauldron's second level.

I have to wait for myself to appear. I keep in the shadows as Tom leads my past self to a room. Did I really look so beaten? Everything about this me reflects exactly how I felt at that moment.

"Would you like anything to drink?"

He—me—shakes his—my—head.

"Well, if you need anything…"

"I know were to find you," he manages a weak smile directed at Tom and enters the room. Once Tom is downstairs, I stride to the door and take my wand out, pointing at the lock.

"Alohomora."

The door unlocks and I enter. I'm met with a wand in my face. My past self stares at me, shocked. I take his hand and twist it, forcing him to drop the wand. I release him.

"What the hell is going on? Who are you? Is this some sort of sick joke?"

"Listen to me!" I hiss, closing the door, "You need to go back to Remus." He calms down, staring at me.

"Why?"

"Don't give me that crap! You want to go back. I know you do."

He sits on the bed. "I can't. Not after what I said to him. I'm not good enough for him."

I pull the blinds over the windows and lean against the wall. "I know how you feel. Eight months ago I was thinking the same things you are now." I look directly at him. "How you feel now…it's nothing compared to…"

I sigh. "Remus—my Remus, in the future—is dead." He stares at me, unable to process what I'm saying. He stands, seizing my shirt.

"This is some sort of joke, is it?!" he demands.

"It's not," I say, pushing him off. "I'm not lying. A few weeks from now, Remus will join Fenrir's pack. He'll later want to leave and when he tries, it will only lead to his death. I came back because you can change it. I'm hoping on a sliver of a chance that if I can convince you to go back to Remus, then he'll be saved. I don't know what will happen to me, but if he's alive, then that's all I care about."

"What do you expect me to do?"

"All you need to do is stay with him."

"It's not that simple. If you really are me then you know that."

"I do. And it never was simple. It was so difficult at times, dealing with my own insecurities about my relationship with him. But one thing never changed: I never regretted a moment and I'm not ready for those moments to end. I loved Remus. I still do."

I sit down at the table. "You do keep him human. I know you doubt it right now, but you have to trust me. You do keep him human. I lost him. Twice. You can fix this. Just go back."

"It's not that simple."

"It is as simple as that."

"I'm not weak."

"Neither is he. He will forgive you. He'll take you back. Just go back and beg like crazy if you feel you should, but I'm begging you—"

"No one in their right mind would dare—"

"He did." I look right at him. "I know living without Remus will get easier, all rationale says it will. But right now I don't want to live without him. Every moment is agony and this day is the defining moment that will spiral everything out of control. The pack, school, looking for loopholes…if I can change it, then I want to change it."

The silence is suffocating. I look at him when he moves, standing. He picks up his wand and pockets it before getting his trunk.

"You're certain you're me?"

"I know it."

"And you really think my going back will change Remus' fate?"

"Yes."

He stares at me. I don't know why.

"You better be right." He apparates.

I wonder if I should follow, but when I stand, I feel dizzy again. The sensation I felt when I first drank the potion was plaguing me again.

My last thought before I feel my consciousness vanish is, How much of me will change?

#Remus#

Severus wakes, sitting up.

I groan, propping up on my arms. "Sev? You kay?"

"Yeah," he says, clutching his head. "Ouch."

"What's wrong?"

"Headache. Bad, bad headache." To make his point, he massages his temple. "I had the weirdest dream."

"Oh?"

"You joined a pack."

I'd laugh, but it's not really that funny. "Why would I join a pack?"

"I don't know, it was a dream, Remus," he snaps. It must be a god awful migraine. I throw the covers off and go to a cabinet, selecting a headache remedy and handing it to him.

"Drink this and go back to sleep."

Severus obeys, setting the empty vial on the bed stand. I get back under the covers and play with his hair. "You want to sleep in this morning?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Severus groans. "McGonagall's got a quiz for us first thing. She'll kill us if we miss it."

"Fine," I huff. "God, I wish we'd have our NEWTS already."

"Trying to sleep here, Remus," Severus mutters. I smile and kiss him, closing my eyes and succumbing to sleep. Severus pulls me close to him, holding me tightly. He's leaving something out about his dream, I can tell, but I don't press him to tell me. He'll tell me when he's ready to.

"I'm here," I assure him. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I love you, Babe."

"I love you too. Goodnight."