My fingers trace a heart on the desk which has collected dust. Ive been sitting in my apartment, wishing I could say the words I want to, wishing I could do something about this. But instead, I just keep my mouth shut, and sink deeper and deeper into this spiral of lies that I cannot seem to escape.

I stand up and make my way to the bathroom, turn on the water, splash my face with cold water.

"Maybe this will help.." I think. But it doesn't, nothing does, and nothing ever will.

It just replays in my head... The kiss, the hug, the way she looked at him.

I can't just keep this down forever, I can't keep pretending that she doesn't mean the world to me!

But why would anyone love me?

I grab my dark navy blue hoodie and step outside to take a short walk around my apartment complex.

It's cold, not bitterly cold, but still cold enough to make me uncomfortable.

She's like a cold day in February. As soon as you step out, it's a relief, your senses take over and you're immersed in the chill air, and the fresh scent, but after your out there for a while, your brain takes over, telling you that it's cold, you need to be inside, you need to be safe. The only problem is... I ignored that, stayed immersed in her freshness and disregarded all the chances I was taking.

I ignored trying to save myself...

I keep walking until I notice that I've gone about 4 blocks past my house. I turn to make my way back, but when I do, I hear my name called out.

"Ian" it calls

I whip my head around to see her, Melanie.

"Melanie?" I shout

She begins to run over to me,pulls me into a hug, and begins to sob.

Stunned, I stand still, until I think to ask her what's wrong.

"It's...it's...Cameron, we got into a fight and... Ian I'm so sorry!" she says more, but I can't understand her, due to her face being burried in my shoulder.

"Shhh, it's ok, come on, we can go back to my place."

I offer her my hand and lead her back to room.

"Thanks again for this Ian.."

"No problem Mel."

I turn around serving her coffee and ricekrispy treats I made yesterday.

We sit at my small round table, and she tells me the whole story. The fight, the hit... It all made me sick.

"So tell me again Mel, why are you with this guy?"

"I told you, he needs me, he needs love, that's all."

"Those bruises on your arm say different."

The expression on her face went stoic and she pulled down her jacket sleeve.

"I'm sorry, I know it's not my business but.."

"You're right it's not.." she cuts me off abruptly

I look down at my half empty coffee cup, and we sit in silence.

I stand up, and break the silence by asking her a question.

"Do you love him?" I ask

She looks at me startled, and starts to look down, likes she's thinking out every part of this answer.

"Yes of course, why else would I've stayed with him this long?" She drifts off when she says the last part, as if she's questioning her own reasoning.

She stands up, "You know, it's late, I can just stay with my parents... I jus-" I cut her off

"No, stay here.." I say in a hushed voice

Her eyes grew wide, like she wanted to fight, but she knew she had already fought her battle, so she agreed.

"I guess I'll just stay here, my parents are probably asleep anyways, I don't want to disturb them.." she says awkwardly

"ok" I say then walk to put away our dishes.

When I return to the living room, I see Melanie sitting the couch with a blank expression. She seems tired and lifeless. Shes not the same girl I knew once before.

She says that guy needs love,

But what about her?

I sit down next to her,her being silent still.

"Melanie, are you ok?" I ask

"no"

"what was that?"

"NO I'm not fine ok, everyone has been waiting for me to say that, they have been waiting for me to break! I'm not ok! Are you happy?!"

I jerk back at her yelling

"I want to be the way I was! Not how I am now, I want to be able to make a mistake and not get hit for it, I want to not have to walk on eggshells when I'm around Cameron! I'm just..."

"Tired?" I ask

"Yes.."

She buries her face in one of my pillows and begins to cry again, but this wasn't a sob. This wasn't a girl in hysterics like earlier tonight. This was a defeated type of cry, full of anguish and pain.

I push myself off of the couch and slam my fist into the wall.

"Ian, what are you doing!?" she shouts

"Melanie, LEAVE HIM! Look at you, you've changed! You're no longer my happy go luck friend, you're just some girl who isn't strong enough to stand up for her self!"

I pause, then look at Melanie's hazel eyes, filling up with tears, and know what I've done.

"Melanie, I... I'm sorry, I didnt mean it." I try to walk over to her

"No, it's fine, I know what I've become... I know I'm worthless, Cameron tells me that constantly.

"Shhhh, you are not worthless don't tell yourself that." I pull her into my arms.

We lay in the dim light together,her either slightly crying, or staying silent, and me, holding her close.

"Now is your chance" I think

"Shes right here!"

But there are too many things that can go wrong, to many variables

"... If you love her... That shouldn't matter..."

"Melanie?"

Her head shoots up

"Yes?"

"I just wanted to say..."

"What?"

"I uh... I'm glad you stayed."

I give her a weak smile and she smile back.

"Ian,I'll be right back." she stands up and walks through the hall, when she comes back.

"Wheres the bathroom?"

"To the right"

"thanks"

Then I hear the patter of her feet on my floor once again.

"Your so STUPID," I'm glad you stayed", what is that?!"

I rubbed my forehead when I hear the bathroom door close.

"Ian?"

"Yes?"

She walks into the room again

"I just..."

She stays silent, for what seems to be hours. Just standing there, staring at me.

I stand up, walk over to her and wrap my arms around her.

"You just what?" I ask

The she puts her hands on my face, brings me close, and kisses me.

We break and she's red, along with me.

"I...I... I'm so sorry, I'm just, oh my God.." she trips over every word she says as she tries to hurry up and grab her things.

"No"

She stops cold

"Don't go, please"

"I can't I have to, I mean, Cameron's gonna need his clothes washed for tomorrow, and-"

"Just STOP for one second!"

She stands shocked

"Mel, I.."

I walk over to her and pull her to me and kiss her again, this time, we were both relaxed.

"I love you Melanie"

"Me too.." she says softly

Once this is said, she throws down her bags and kisses me again, her hand on my chest, and mine on her hips

"I love you so much"

"I love you too.." I reply

Then we just stand in the hallway, with the radio playing.

~"Give me love like her,

'cause lately I've been waking up alone,

Paint splattered teardrops on my shirt,

Told you I'd let them go,

And that I'll fight my corner,

Maybe tonight I'll call ya,

After my blood turns into alcohol,

No, I just wanna hold ya."~

We sway to the beat, feeling each of the words of the songs.

~"Give a little time to me or burn this out,

We'll play hide and seek to turn this around,

All I want is the taste that your lips allow,

My, my, my, my, oh give me love"~

"This song is pretty accurate huh?" Melanie asked

"Ha,yea, it is..." I say

I look down at her face.

All of those worries have been washed away, she looks, happy for once...

~"Give me love like never before,

'cause lately I've been craving more,

And it's been a while but I still feel the same,

Maybe I should let you go,

You know I'll fight my corner,

And that tonight I'll call ya,

After my blood is drowning in alcohol,

No I just wanna hold ya."~

"Ian?"

"Ya?"

"I just want to say, I've never met a more amazing man than you."

I look at her, no longer smiling that weak, fake smile.

"You'll never know how much you mean to me.." she sets her head on my chest again

We break, and I go and ask her if she wants her coffee, even though it's probably cold now

"How much is left?" she asks

"Ehh, its about half full" I reply

~All I want is the taste that your lips allow~

"My, my, my, my, oh give me love,

My, my, my, my, oh give me love,

My, my, my, my, oh give me love,

My, my, my, my, oh give me love,

My my, my, my, oh give me love."