~Chapter 26~
(Mabel's POV)
I almost leapt out of the chair when I heard that voice.
"Mabel," Wendy said. "Is all this true?"
I bit my lip and glanced over at my paling brother. Something told me…he didn't plan any of this. I didn't either, obviously. So hopefully… Hopefully… Agh! I didn't even know what to hope for at this point! But, again, no matter which way this went and no matter how much Wendy did or didn't know, habit took over and I smiled as she walked around the chair to face me.
"Is it?" she asked again.
I tried to laugh but once more, pain got the best of my clenched abdominal muscles and I settled for a simple, "Nah." Albeit through gritted teeth…
"Are you…lying?" she pressed, her eyes seeming to examine my soul.
"What? Of course not. Josh is—"
"—not a violent psychopath?" she finished.
I suppressed a gulp and subtly looked to Dipper for backup, hoping that he would do what he said he would and help me out here.
"Josh is…fine," Dipper muttered, spitting the last word out like venom.
"I overheard the whole thing and now I'm even more concerned about you lying to Dipper—still—when it looks like he knows what's up anyway."
"I'm fine," I said softly, trying to mimic the assuring voice I doubted I really had.
She only stared at me.
"I'm fine," I repeated.
"Why are you lying? Even now, even when Dipper knows, even when I know, no matter who knows, why do you keep lying?" she asked.
It really wasn't like Wendy to get involved in other peoples' business but considering that this was a rather…"heavy" topic, maybe this wasn't so out of character for her after all.
"I'm n—"
"Yes you are," she interrupted.
Normally I'd fight tooth and claw against such accusations, despite being true, but I was tired, still a little cold, and in pain. I had been cuffed, punched, and kicked last night. I only came back because I was forced to, otherwise by this time I would be dead in my snow coffin. I. Was. Exhausted. I didn't have it in me to put up the usual fights.
"Fine. I'm lying," I mumbled.
"Why?"
The real question was why people even asked!
"Stuff," was all I said, not eager to reiterate an entire conversation to Wendy as I had with Dipper originally…many times, in fact.
"Mabel…" Wendy took a deep breath. "Mabel, we can help y—"
"No," I growled. "And no again for the next comment. And no again for the one after that."
"We want to help you, not hurt you."
Off to the side, I saw Dipper nodding his head.
"If you really want to help, you can leave things alone," I combated. "You can just pretend to know absolutely nothing. Why is this concept so hard for everyone?"
"Maybe because we don't want you in constant pain," she answered.
"And you think going to Josh will ever help that?"
I knew her answer the moment she paused. They thought it was hard to leave Josh alone? To stay out of this? Now would be an excellent time for them to think about it for what it really was—from my point of view. It could be hard for them but it was impossible for me. I knew that even though he kept away from Josh, Dipper was struggling hard. And now maybe Wendy would too. I did feel kind of bad for making them feel this way, so helpless. But…sometimes hurt and help came hand in hand.
"Look," I mumbled in an attempt to relieve the atmosphere. "I know you guys want to help. You want to get involved thinking it'll be better off that way. But this isn't a fairytale. There is no white knight here. If Josh knows anything about this—about you finding out—I don't even want to know what he'll do. If you know what's good for you, and if you know what's good for me, just leave it alone. I can take it, guys, I promise."
"But you can't talk about it even to someone who already knows, even to someone you promised to keep updated," Dipper growled. "How do you expect us to believe you when you say you can 'take it'?"
"Okay! Fine! You want to know what really happened? Whatever Pacifica might've left out?" I snapped back. "I was doing just fine outside. Yes, I was cuffed, and yes, I was absolutely freezing, but it was way better than being in pain, don't you think? Well my luck ran out fast when Pacifica tried to chat me up, trying to be her stuck-up self. I told her a million times to get away because I knew if Josh saw her there, reeaalllyyyy bad things would happen. But did she go? No. I tried to be mean and all sassy hoping it would drive her away but did it? No. She stupidly stayed right there! I heard locks being undone, knew Josh was about to open the door, and shoved her into a bush so she could go hide, and I thought she did when she got all huffy and stomped away. One problem down when I finally managed to get Pacifica out of the way, and one more problem to go when Josh said he heard me talking to someone. I tried to lie my way out, get him to believe Pacifica had never been there, but he didn't believe a word I said. I backed up as far as the chain would let me and yes, he did beat me to the ground. I don't think I broke my ankle from him. The bush I pushed Pacifica into was out of my reach so the chain caught my ankle and I think that's how it broke. But yeah, that's what happened. Happy now? Satisfied now that you know the truth coming from me and not her?"
Okay so maybe I was using the same level of sass that Pacifica normally used, but I wanted to get them away just as much as I'd wanted to get Pacifica away, because in my eyes every one of them was in just as much danger. The more people found out the truth, the harder life would get for me, and it was already hard enough. But I guess even Wendy didn't realize it…
"I lie," I added, "because if I tell you the truth, you'll do something everyone will regret… It's easier to let you think there's nothing wrong."
"Is it really easier, Mabel? Is that what you call it?" Dipper said. "Tell me how easy you think it is pretending to love Josh when you know for a fact that he's been beating your sister for years, and as if that wasn't a hard enough blow, she never said a word about it. I know you're going through a much harder time than Wendy and I are, but it is not easier on anybody to let you go off to Josh while we just hang back all safe and sound."
Okay. He did have a bit of a point there. I had to admit that much.
"I know what I'm doing," I muttered.
My brother threw his hands up in frustration. "You sure do! That's why you can hardly move. Way to go, Mabel! But, there's a different way to go that involves peace and you not getting hurt anymore. It's called 'leaving Josh'."
I scowled in response. "I already told you, it's not that simple! I can't just 'leave Josh'. Don't you think I would've done that by now if it was possible?"
"Mabel, Mabel…calm down," Wendy said. "Nobody's attacking you here. And yeah, you know, I've heard stories like this, about abusive relationships. I think we can all agree you're in one with Josh. Right?"
I rested my head on my shoulder and closed my eyes, somewhat hoping to just pass out right here and be done with this conversation…
"Let it be…" I groaned.
I heard both of them sigh heavily. It only made me feel worse for acting like Pacifica—or, who we all thought she was anyway—but whatever it took to get them out of my hair, and in doing so, out of Josh's business.
My luck could not possibly have gotten any better when the door clicked. My first fear? Josh.
But when I peeked to see who it was, I didn't know whether to relax or worry. Pacifica did have a soft spot for me now, I assumed, but it was as she said—her emotional abuse to me was habitual. But who was I to say? She'd found out my deepest secret, just like eeeeeveryone else was starting to. Only difference was that Pacifica had witnessed an abusive relationship firsthand, twice! Allie died in hers, and I of all people knew what a horrific death that was. In Pacifica's eyes, I was already on the same road Allie walked. In my eyes I was walking a better one.
Everyone simply watched as she walked up to me, hands behind her back. That alone made me a bit uncomfortable. I couldn't help but associate that with pain in one form or another. And although I highly doubted she was here to strike me, or ever once intended to, I still had somewhat of a negative mental reaction.
"Mabel," she said.
I dared to stare at her. Telepathically I tried to send her a message—she was to say nothing of the incident with Josh. I kept telling people to stay out of it but the way they continuously brought it up, I knew they wouldn't. They would pressure me as hard as they could one day, thinking they were being helpful when in reality they were only making things ten times harder.
Wendy and Dipper moved out of the way, giving Pacifica plenty of room to invade my personal space. Whatever she had to say or do, I wanted no part of it right now. Me crying and confessing in front of her didn't mean I was ready to "talk about it" with anyone, not even her.
She brought her hands from behind her back and held out a fake daffodil.
"Here. Not sure about you but I know Allie loved them," she said. "This one won't wilt and I sprayed it with perfume so it'll smell like a real flower."
I took it and she was right, it did smell like a real flower. But why did she give it to me? Why was she even here? I figured she had gone home. And I thought I reminded her of her deceased cousin so why come back? It made more sense to avoid me than let bad memories resurface. Especially through me, of all people…
"She loved daffodils because it reminded her of the sunshine. She liked looking on the bright side of things."
Daffodils did have that sunny look to them… But like Allie, I knew there was no bright side to look for in relationships like this. No metaphorical daffodils. And this one "wouldn't wilt" but in my eyes it already had. It was like a rock, and if anything it symbolized Allie and me—it couldn't die but it couldn't live, either. You couldn't take anything away, but you couldn't take anything offered. And all you did was stand there being a plastic flower but looking just as real.
Pacifica had good intentions but this flower was depressing…
"Thanks," I said, not knowing what else to tell her. I wondered if Allie had these thoughts too, and this problem with realistic plastic items. I mean, nobody else looked at something beautiful and realized that if it was alive, it would die, and if it wasn't alive, it was no different than Allie and me.
"What are you doing here?" Wendy asked her. "And how much do you know?"
I already explained the story but obviously she needed to hear it from Pacifica…
It was Dipper who spoke in her place. "Unlike you and me she's actually seen…'things'…happen. She was even there when Mabel broke her ankle and—" He shot me a quick glare. "—if not for Pacifica, I wouldn't know anything that happened and Mabel would still be outside freezing to death."
Wendy looked back at Pacifica. "You brought her home?"
"I was in over my head and Mabel knew it. She sacrificed herself to keep me safe. After I saw Josh beat her down I figured it was the least I could do for her."
"It wasn't as bad as it sounds," I interjected.
But nobody even bothered to look at me, probably because they already expected me to say something like that.
"Didn't you say something about Mabel being unable to get up because Josh hit her so hard?" Dipper said, for the sole reason of letting me know that he already knew everything—including what happened after I was hit.
Thanks, Pacifica.
"Wait, she couldn't even get up?"
"I was doing fine on my own, for the record," I muttered despite knowing that, while this wasn't the biggest lie I'd told, I was halfway expecting everyone to roll their eyes and groan anyway.
"She was in pretty bad shape," she said.
"She passed out before she even got inside. I had to carry her," Dipper added.
"I was being lazy and my ankle hurt."
Dipper pointed an accusing finger at me. "Your skin was ice, Mabel!"
"That's an exaggeration!" I huffed.
"Actually I gave her my coat, so she was warmer when you got her. She could barely talk before," Pacifica said, nullifying my own accusation.
Alright, that was true. Completely. I was capable of talking, yes, but I was too cold to hold an actual conversation, which was one reason it took me longer to play tug-of-war with Pacifica. And in the end, I still wasn't sure if I could call that a win on my part. After all, my intent was for her to get away before Josh saw her. Josh didn't see her but she didn't actually leave either. And I was so focused on Josh that it didn't even cross my mind to try to see if Pacifica was truly gone. The plan hadn't gone accordingly so in a way it was a loss, but I did reach my main goal so in another way it was a win.
I tried to summon a bit of sass but I was starting to run a little low in the whole attitude department. This sucked…
"What happened was, Pacifica helped me up because I was cold and hurting and didn't ever want to move again. I couldn't walk because my ankle was broken. She gave me her coat to help me warm up. I may or may not have puked along the way… She helped me get home and gave me to Dipper. Dipper carried me upstairs and put me to bed. The end," I explained.
Finally I did have everyone's attention, and hopefully this conversation about me—while I was right here—would die.
And hopefully so would their constant ideas that I could simply leave Josh and nothing would happen after that…
A/N
First, I fell for a scam. Twice. Don't judge me. -_- And now I'm in the process of going through my computer and ummmm somehow working my new security program, and also idk if I uninstalled the old one completely...? Errrr so yeah. My computer is, in other words, undergoing some deep maintenance.
Secondly, I can't seem to upload any changes made to certain documents in Mic Word due to a "problem logging in" to my account, always logs me out then boots the new guys. And the strangest thing is that it says I'm logged in already, and it'll give me permission on any device to edit, copy, upload, etc. I just have to do it through my PC. It takes longer that way.
Also, it'll take longer because of the maintenance to work on ANY chapters to ANY story. So yay, right when I think I have no more excuses...BOOM. Scammers. But that's all my fault guys, sorry about that.
And lastly I am sooooo happy to be able to update this severely neglected story! It took two years so I'm fully prepared to die once this story is done. :D But seriously, I'm sorry and even though this chapter wasn't a full chapter...blame the freaking "expired software" that placed "malicious files". I'm not tech-savvy, I don't get how these things work... Anyway this chapter was about the best I could do for now. I plan to update the story again once Mic Word gets its act together and my computer is done with its maintenance.
*Nova and Whispering Lies have almost-finished chapters but cannot be updated until my computer is all better. I may also work on another Sixth Sense chapter and maybe a Thorns Unseen chapter.
*Thorns Unseen is written by me (someone thought it might've been another author who ripped off the idea) and is literally ARWP but in Dipper's POV.