Chapter 21

Kurt didn't move, didn't do anything for the longest time, until he realized he was being stupid. Why was he just lying here? He had to go after Sebastian! He couldn't let him leave because… what if that was the end?

He was up and walking as fast as he could to leave the apartment only to see Blaine standing in front of him.

"Kurt? Don't worry, it'll be okay. I know this was a tough decision for you…"

"I didn't make a decision. He left. This is forcing me to… he's forcing me to…"

"Make up your mind?" Rachel asked from her spot in the kitchen.

"Look, I have to go after him, so either move out of my way, Blaine, or-"

"Or what?" Blaine asked. "You'll try to chase after the man who gave up on you? Who didn't think you were worth fighting for? I'm still here. I'm still here and I want you, and I love you, and I am still fighting and wanting to be with you. He clearly doesn't want to be with you enough."

"Blaine, that's not how it is. You don't understand. He's been hurt-"

"We've all been hurt. And I hurt you, and I'm trying to make up for that. Please, let me take care of you. I can do so much better for you than him. He's Sebastian and I thought you hated him, especially for all the stuff he did to us back in high school."

"He's changed, Blaine. He's not the same as he was back then and we never really got to know him. We got to know his external personality, the way he acted around others. Not who he really is. I got to know that."

"And is that worth it to throw everything we have together away? Because I thought we were forever. I thought we would work no matter what happened and… you're my soulmate."

Kurt sighed, looking at Blaine. All those things were true. He thought so too. Maybe he still did. Maybe he could be with Blaine and be done with all of this. He hadn't been with Sebastian for that long after all, and maybe his relationship with Blaine trumped that. He had forgiven him. He had gotten over everything he did to him. Maybe it was time to move forward.

"Kurt. I promise you. I will do everything in my power to make you happy. Whatever you need. Because that's what I care about the most. Making you happy. Then I'll be happy."

All these words from Blaine sunk into Kurt's head and he just wanted to fall into his arms and forget. Forget that he had ever split into two people. Forget that Blaine had ever cheated on him. And even… even forget about Sebastian because he had brought trouble. He had made him date two different people at once. Because he had made him love him, and that hurt, especially with him walking out after promising to fight for him.

Kurt still had half a mind to run out after him.

"Let me be here for you right now. See if Sebastian comes back. If he really loves you, he will."

Kurt turned the words over in his head. Maybe. Maybe Sebastian would realize it was a mistake and come back. But wasn't the saying the other way around? If you love something, set it free? Maybe Sebastian thought this was what was right for him. Maybe he was right. Maybe… Kurt had no idea, and Sebastian had to make the decision for him.

He was still unsure when Blaine wrapped his arms around him from behind, whispering into his ear. "It'll be okay, because we love each other, and I won't leave you, unless it's what you really want. I'm yours, for as long as you'll have me."

"I love you, Blaine," Kurt said, turning around in his arms to kiss him deeply.

"I love you, too," Blaine replied, and they held each other tight.

The guilt didn't set in until a few hours later. What if Sebastian expected him to run after him? What if he expected him to call? What if it was now Kurt's choice?

But everything seemed really anti-climactic now with just Blaine. It was… nice. And he did love him, like he said earlier, but it didn't feel the same as it used to with him.

He used to get so excited every time he got to talk to Blaine and hang out with him. He used to long to see him again or be held in his arms. But now, as he lay in Blaine's arms on the couch with him, watching a movie, it felt different.

There were no lingering looks and giggles when they noticed each other's gaze. There were no soft moments when they caught each other's hands in theirs and just held them, squeezing before they blushed and looked away.

Actually, the more Kurt lay there watching the movie, the more it felt like how it was before they were dating. When they would hang out in each other's room and watch a movie. Or study for a test at Dalton.

But that couldn't be right. He loved Blaine. He did. They had planned a future together and Kurt could see himself with him. Or he could in the past. Something was changing and he wasn't sure what it was.

They watched the rest of the movie and had lunch together. It was nice, and friendly, but Kurt didn't know why he still felt off.

After that, they went outside and took a walk together, Kurt showing Blaine more of the sights. Blaine happily talked about how great it would be next year when he moved to New York and they could explore all of this together all the time and experience it all. They walked by the coffee shop Kurt used to frequent with Sebastian and he couldn't help but glance inside.

"Do you want to go in? I could use some coffee," Blaine commented.

"No. It's okay. Not there… we can find some different place."

"What's wrong with that place?"

"Oh, um, nothing. It's just… where I used to go with Sebastian," he choked out.

Blaine was quiet for a moment before he nodded. "Okay. We can find somewhere else."

They continued on after that and Kurt couldn't shake the feeling that he was missing Sebastian. They were both right. He couldn't have both of them and now everything was settled.

He was with Blaine and Sebastian was…. somewhere else. Alone. Not with him.

So he spent the rest of the day with Blaine and they got dinner at a semi nice restaurant, for as Blaine said, they had to celebrate their official getting back together.

Kurt tried to remain as cheery as he could, and keep his head up, but there were little things that didn't seem right. Blaine didn't order them wine, like Sebastian did. Of course he didn't, though. Blaine was still in high school, and it wasn't like any of them were of legal age to order it. But Sebastian's fake ID didn't say he was thirty or Hawaiian, like the ones he got for them did.

Kurt shook his head. He had to try to stop comparing every little thing Blaine did with Sebastian. They were different people, and Kurt loved different things about both of them. He just had to forget about Sebastian and focus. It sounded easy, but it really wasn't at all.

He smiled back at Blaine as he asked him a question and really didn't know what he asked at all, but he ended up nodding and that seemed to be okay enough for Blaine as he continued talking.

They got to the end of the night, after sharing a slice of cheesecake and walked back to the apartment.

"I know this is hard for you, but I had a really great time tonight, Kurt."

"I had a great time too," Kurt said, willing himself to believe it.

Blaine leaned in and Kurt leaned in to meet him, kissing him lightly. Blaine pulled away after a moment, licking his lips and giving him a look.

"What is it?" Kurt asked softly.

"Oh, nothing. You just… you kiss differently."

"I do?" Kurt asked.

Blaine nodded.

"Is that bad?" Kurt asked.

"No. We'll get back into our rhythm."

Kurt nodded, leaning in and kissing him again. It took them a moment to get inside the apartment and make their way to the bedroom after that.

Blaine smiled at him. "Goodnight."

Kurt shook his head at him. "Come in, silly," he said, watching Blaine's face light up as he followed him inside, both of them getting ready for bed and cuddling together under the blankets.

It was nice, and familiar, and he could see himself happy with Blaine by his side. But even as he thought of that, he missed Sebastian snuggling into the bed first and then pulling Kurt toward him, claiming he needed both him and the bed to be comfy.

Maybe there really was something different between him and Blaine now.

Kurt had to figure this out once and for all.

The next day went pretty much the same as the last. Blaine was there with him and happy and Kurt was starting to wonder how long he could stay before he had to get back to Lima. He was probably going to get in trouble when he got back no matter what, but Kurt didn't want to be at fault for that.

Plus, Kurt had to get back to work soon.

But he figured he had to see if he and Blaine really were still compatible as boyfriends, or if this had somehow done irreparable damage to their relationship.

Blaine had caused him to split in two after he cheated. And now it was up to Kurt to see if he could get over that, and if they still had the passion to make it work.

It was later in the day, when Rachel left, that Kurt really had to try to figure this out. He knew he and Sebastian got closer by being together sexually. Maybe that was what he was missing from his relationship with Blaine. Since he'd gotten there, they hadn't really had much sexual contact. A couple kisses, sleeping in the same bed, but that was it. Blaine deserved to get a chance in this aspect as well.

So Kurt was onto a new mission. To seduce Blaine.

He started with getting closer to him, scooting up so their hips touched on the couch. Blaine gave him a smile and then settled back in to the television they were watching. Kurt pouted. He decided to just forget about trying to be subtle, because Blaine was likely to miss it anyway and he flung one of his legs over Blaine to straddle him, and pressed their lips together.

They kissed for a moment before Blaine pulled back. "What's that for?'

"I love you, and I want to be with you. Now, I'm going to go to the bedroom, and get naked. Are you going to follow me?" he asked.

Blaine's eyes glazed over a little and he nodded, getting up as soon as Kurt did and following him like a lost puppy.

Kurt walked to the bedroom and took his shirt off, throwing it at Blaine before he started working on his pants, wiggling out of them and tossing them to the side. His boxers went down next and then he stared at Blaine with a smile.

"I think you're overdressed."

Blaine was quick to discard his clothes, grabbing both his and Kurt's to fold on the side.

This was good. Kurt had a really good feeling about this. This would bring them closer together again and this had to be what was missing from their relationship. Sex would bring their spark back.

Kurt flopped back onto the bed, motioning for Blaine to join him and Blaine complied, crawling on top of him.

"What's gotten into you?" Blaine asked.

"Well, you're going to have to go back to Lima soon, and it's been so long since we've been together like this. And well... it didn't really work out the other day, so I think we should try again, just us."

"I am definitely not complaining."

Kurt smiled, pulling Blaine's face down to kiss him. They stayed like that for a while, just kissing and exploring each other's mouths with their tongues, and letting their hands wander to explore each other's bodies.

"I think you've gotten more muscular," Blaine let out between kisses.

"Probably," Kurt agreed.

"You taste so good," Blaine moaned, moving down more so they were pressed up against each other. Kurt could feel how hard Blaine was against him, and he was almost there, just not quite.

"Why don't you move more," Kurt suggested and Blaine nodded, kissing him more as he thrust lightly against him.

Kurt started to breathe a little harder and he watched as Blaine reached across to find some lube. This was fine. Good, even. He loved Blaine and he wanted this.

He felt the slick feel of Blaine's hand against his dick, before they were both thrusting against each other again. It felt good, and Kurt could almost relax to the feeling, if there wasn't something else bothering him. Something was still holding him back from getting completely hard.

"Come on, baby," Blaine said. "I want you so much, let me have you."

Kurt nodded, wanting this to happen so it would all feel better. "Yes, do it, okay," he said.

He felt Blaine's finger against his ass and he froze. No, wait, this was wrong. This wasn't what he wanted. He felt a tear slip down his face and he sucked in a breath, trying to stop the rest of them, hoping Blaine didn't see. What the hell? He's had sex with Blaine before. This was nothing new.

He felt another finger there and Blaine ask, "Okay?"

"Uh huh," Kurt let out, whimpering a little.

Blaine froze, his fingers moving away. "Kurt?"

"It's fine, just keep going. Ignore me."

"Kurt, you're crying."

"No, it's fine, it doesn't mean anything."

Blaine quickly pulled away, sitting up a little bit away from him.

"I'm sorry," Kurt sobbed.

"We should… we should stop. This isn't right… it's not working for you anymore, is it?"

"It is, Blaine. I swear. I love you, I want you, I want this to work," he said.

"Do you really want this to work?'

"I do, Blaine!"

"Tell me the truth. If I was the one who left, and Sebastian stayed, would you have been feeling like this?"

"Of course, I would, I mean, I want you both, I want to be with you both-"

"Kurt. You started crying in the middle of us trying to have sex. You clearly don't want this. You don't want me. You want him."

Kurt couldn't help it, choking out his sobs as he said, "I miss him."

It had barely been a couple days but he missed him so much and Blaine could tell and Kurt didn't know what to do. Maybe their relationship really was over

"I'm sorry I ruined us. I ruined what we could have been," Blaine said.

"Blaine, no-"

"I did. Why did I ever cheat on you? It was the worst decision of my life and I shouldn't have done that. You… despite what you say, you can't get over it. Or maybe you did. Maybe you don't want me anymore. Don't love me… like you love him."

"Blaine-"

"I'm right, aren't I? Just tell me. Because I can't do this if I'm not who you want."

Kurt took a moment to really think and Blaine was right. He was trying so hard to make it work with Blaine again, but the passion just wasn't there. He didn't have that spark with him anymore. Maybe he did still love him. Maybe he just wasn't in love with him anymore. "You're my best friend."

This time it was Blaine who was holding back his tears. "You're mine too."

"I'm sorry," Kurt said again.

"I know. Look, I've… probably overstayed my welcome here. And I really should get back to Lima. You'll be okay here, you know. I'll always be your friend and if you want him…. you should go for it."

Kurt's lip wobbled as his tears fell again. "But what if it's too late. He left, he doesn't want me. He didn't come back."

"Then you have to go get him," Blaine said.

They stared at each other and giggled, before it turned into full blown laughter. "Oh my god, we're really breaking up," Kurt said.

"We really are. I'm going to miss you so much, Kurt. I love you, even if you don't love me as much anymore."

"Maybe you don't love me as much anymore either. Maybe we both loved the idea of our first boyfriend. And that lasting forever. Maybe that was naïve. We're both growing and changing."

"Yeah, that's true. I just…. can't believe you're replacing me with Sebastian Smythe."

"I can't believe that either, really."

They both took a few deep breaths to calm down.

"So um…. I think I'll probably head back to Lima tomorrow, see if I can get a flight. I think it's time," Blaine said.

"Yeah, it is. I'll… um, call you," Kurt said.

"We'll keep in touch. You'll have to tell me how it goes with him."

"You want to know that?"

"I just want to know you're happy and that I didn't make a mistake here."

"Maybe I made the mistake," Kurt said. "I'm the one who couldn't decide and ended up losing both of you. He could be long gone by now."

"He could be, but I doubt it," Blaine said.

"I have no idea how I'll even convince him to talk to me again."

"I'm sure you'll find a way," Blaine said.

Kurt nodded, and lay back on the bed. Blaine lay back again too and wrapped his arm around him.

"You have a really nice bed," Blaine said after a while and Kurt couldn't help but choke out a laugh.

Blaine was gone the next day and Kurt had never felt so utterly alone. He had just lost two of the most important guys in his life in less than a week and he didn't know how to continue from there. But he felt a little better about it. Maybe his judgement had been clouded before due to being two people. His more dominant traits seemed to flow to Other Kurt and now as one, he was able to think better and figure this out.

His love for Blaine had waned, and he really did want Sebastian now. He just didn't know how to get him back.

He went to the coffee shop again but Sebastian wasn't there, so he bought Sebastian's usual coffee order and took it with him as he went to find him. He checked his dorm room but he wasn't there either. He finally worked up the nerve to call him, but it went straight to voicemail. His texts went unanswered as well, and finally, he took to strolling through the university to hopefully catch a glimpse of Sebastian.

He had a feeling he was being missed at work, but Isabelle had told him to take all the time off he needed to feel back to normal, and he was doing that.

Now, if only Sebastian would answer his calls.

He finally gave up, feeling utterly dejected. He was alone now, with no boyfriend, and he probably screwed up both relationships so badly he would be alone forever. Who would want to date someone that split into two people if you screwed up?

Kurt dragged himself back to his apartment, sighing as he got out his keys. Someone cleared their throat, and he looked up only to gasp in shock. There was Sebastian, leaning against the wall.

"Sebastian!" Kurt exclaimed, running over.

Sebastian looked at him with a slight smile.

"What are you doing here?" Kurt asked

He shrugged and then said, "Blaine came to see me. He said you weren't happy without me. He said that you wanted me."

"I do, I really do. I've missed you so much," Kurt said and he collapsed into him, pulling him into a kiss.

Sebastian kissed back passionately and quickly, like he was afraid Kurt would disappear.

"I love you, Sebastian. Please don't run away like that again."

Sebastian laughed softly. "I won't. I love you, too."

Finally, he worked up the courage to ask, "Did Blaine actually leave?"

Sebastian nodded. "He went back to Ohio. Said he needed to do some thinking. Did you two…. really break up?" he asked.

Kurt nodded as well. "We did. He… I did love him but not like... I love you. It's different. I think I'm actually over my relationship with him, if that makes any sense. I just want to be with you."

The resulting smile on Sebastian's face was all Kurt needed in response.

"Good. Because me leaving you… was the worst decision I've ever made. I know I'm not who you thought of when you thought of your future…"

"Shh," Kurt said. "You may not have been while I was in high school, but you are now."

Sebastian smiled and Kurt pulled him in to kiss him again.

"Now, you want to come in? You can relax on my bed instead of the standing in the hallway. I heard it's quite comfy."

"Now where would you have heard that from?" Sebastian asked with a laugh, following Kurt inside.

Epilogue

Kurt's leg bounced wildly as he sat. He felt a hand rest on his knee to stop it and he huffed. He finally stood and started pacing, unable to sit still any longer.

"What if it doesn't go well?" he asked.

"It'll go well. He's been preparing for this interview for weeks."

"But it's a really important one and if he doesn't get the response he wanted..."

"Kurt. Sit down."

"But Blaine," Kurt whined.

Blaine gave him an understanding look and Kurt ended up plopping himself down on the couch beside him, as Blaine turned to massage his shoulders.

"Sebastian is entirely qualified for this job, and you know it. Especially now that he's got his degree. He said lots of the other applicants haven't graduated yet, so he has a leg up on the competition."

"I know. I'm just nervous. This will be the difference between whether or not we can afford that apartment."

"You just have to wait for him to get back and..." Blaine trailed off as the door opened and Sebastian was standing there.

"How did it go?" Kurt asked, getting up immediately to greet him.

"Well, I think I might have messed up a few of the questions they asked me… but overall I think it went really well," Sebastian said.

"Really? Because I could go put in a few words of my own for you, some kind of recommendation if that would help and…"

"Kurt. I got it. I got the job."

Kurt's entire face lit up. "Really? You got it? Oh my god, congratulations, Sebastian!" He quickly pulled him in for a kiss to celebrate.

They pulled away and Sebastian was beaming. "So this means we can finally move in together. No more annoying roommates."

"No more annoying roommates indeed."

"Didn't know I was that annoying," Blaine said with a grin.

"Technically, you won't be my roommate for much longer, Blaine. You're Rachel's now."

"True," Blaine agreed. "But congratulations."

"Thank you," Sebastian said.

Kurt had thought it would be weird living with Blaine in their apartment after everything, but Blaine hadn't been there that long. He had lived in a dorm when he first got to New York and it was only the last year or so where he needed somewhere else to stay and ended up moving in. But by that point, Sebastian was over almost all the time anyway so it wasn't that much of an issue. And now, the apartment would be Rachel and Blaine's… at least until one of them decided to move out.

"We should celebrate," Kurt said.

"Please wait until I'm out of the apartment for that," Blaine piped in.

Kurt rolled his eyes at Blaine, and focused more on Sebastian. "I'm really proud of you."

"Me too," Sebastian said cheekily.

Kurt grinned and leaned in to kiss him again.

"I really need to get a boyfriend," Blaine moaned in the background.

"So go do something about that. Go out! Find a guy! Leave us to celebrate!" Sebastian exclaimed.

"Don't be rude," Kurt said.

"I'm not. That's what he wanted so he should go."

"You know what, I get the message. Congratulations again, Sebastian. I'll see you guys later," Blaine said, before he left them alone.

"Well, now what?" Kurt asked.

"Now, I think…. I'm starving."

"What?" Kurt asked.

"I skipped breakfast and lunch because I was so nervous about this interview so I want to eat and then relax and do nothing for the rest of the day. Because I am going to be a slave to my job after this, forget about free time!"

"Oh, come off it. You really wanted this job and you are going to love it."

Sebastian nodded. "Yeah, I know."

Kurt smiled fondly as Sebastian walked into the kitchen and started preparing himself something to eat, raising an eyebrow at Kurt who nodded, and Sebastian started making him something as well.

It really wasn't how he thought his life would have gone, but he had to say, watching Sebastian walk around the kitchen making him food, and then settling in with him on the couch to eat and relax, thinking about how it would be when they had their own place, made everything feel perfect.

The end.

So, it's over. I am both relieved and sad, but it's been a great journey. I know a lot of you may ask if there will be more, but this is it. This story was about me finding a way to deal with the break up, and seeing the different ways Kurt could feel about it. And in the end… this ending won.

I had a great time writing this and I hope you all enjoyed. Let me know what you think!

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