"Sometimes When I Say, "I'm Okay," I Want Someone To Look Me In The Eyes, Hug Me Tight And Say, "I Know Your Not."

-Unknown

"We honor the beloved memory of Trina Vega. She was a beloved sister, daughter, and friend who's determination and drive inspired us all too never give up and made her all the more lovable. Though her years on our Earth were brief she left a mark on all of our hearts that I'm sure we will never forget. May she rest in peace. Amen." The pastor finishes the sermon as he bows and gracefully leaves the stage.

Looking down, at least maintaining the façade of respect Jade whispers to me, "She left a mark on my ears too."

I jab her in the stomach as I continue to bow my head in mourning. "Jade!" I hiss.

"What?" She asks as though she were innocent.

"That's my sister!" Jade quiets down and a look of reproach fills her eyes. As if the seriousness of the situation was finally getting through to her thick skull. She takes her pale, rough hand and laces her fingers with mine. Despite its cold temperature the gesture filled me up with warmth as I give her a thankful look.

My mother shifts besides me. She puts a hand on my shoulder, tears streaming down her face, as she motions for me to get up. I walk down the aisle. It's scary and daunting and it makes me want to cry and hide all the more. I'm an actress and a singer; I want to be the center of attention, but not like this. I clear my throat as I approach the podium.

"Trina was the best sister I could ever ask for," I start off. I want to cry, but I don't. I can't. "Trina was strong-willed and never gave up. Sometimes she got on my nerves and I had wished she'd just shut up." I laugh bitterly. "At the time I hadn't known that those memories would become some of my most cherished." The sound of a crying baby interrupted me. I turn my head and watch as my newly wed Aunt Julie took her young son and hurriedly left the room as to not intrude even more on the sacred ceremony. "Now that she's gone all I can think is how happy she'd be we were making such a big… hoo-hah about her death. I only wish that it hadn't had to come to that. She was all I could ever ask for. Though she did have those moments where I wanted to strangle her, she made up for it every time in the most beautiful ways that only Trina could. Even though she's gone she will live on within us. I just hope that wherever you are Trina, your standing up on stage and singing your heart out, with a million cheers crying your name. That was your dream in life, so I hope it was granted to you in death. And I know that if you could you would insist on you singing, but you can't. Not anymore. So I'm going to do it for you."

I unhook the microphone from the miniature stand and bring it to my mouth. Putting on my brave face I brace myself for the emotions that I know are going to come.

Every night in my dreams

I see you, I feel you

That is how I know you go on

Far across the distance

And spaces between us

You have come to show you go on

Near, far, wherever you are

I believe that the heart does go on

Once more you open the door

And you're here in my heart

And my heart will go on and on

Love can touch us one time

And last for a lifetime

And never let go till we're gone

Love was when I loved you

One true time I hold to

In my life we'll always go on

Near, far, wherever you are

I believe that the heart does go on

Once more you open the door

And you're here in my heart

And my heart will go on and on

You're here, there's nothing I fear

And I know that my heart will go on

We'll stay forever this way

You are safe in my heart

And my heart will go on and on

I finish the song, just barely holding back a sob. I quickly bow my head and rush off the stage. The emotions are too much. I can't stay here. The memory of my dead sister, her beautiful picture brought back to many memories. This was our song. We didn't spend too much time together since she was pretty hard to tolerate most of the time. One of the few things we ever bonded over was Titanic. This song was our song. No matter how out of tune or how horribly upbeat Trina tried to make it as she sang along in the credits I never cared because we both sang and it was so much fun that I didn't even care. It felt so… wrong to sing the song without her.

I push the doors out to the lobby and as soon as I see a free wall I put my back against it and fall down. I finally understand what they mean when you have a wave of emotions.

Before I was strong. I had to be strong. My mother was a mess. Having lost one of her children was devastating. She was becoming nothing more than an empty shell of the joyous, pious woman she once was. My father had spiraled into depression as well. Lately he turned more and more to alcohol rather than face his true feelings or talk to mom and me. I had to be the strong one. I had to keep our family together despite the prominent absence of my sister. Nobody else was willing to take on the job and nobody else was ready to step up and do it. But this song, this song that held such a powerful memory, was my breaking point. After days—weeks—of not crying and keeping it all in and pretending to be okay I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't pretend anymore.

I am ready to fall into that pit of depression, just like the rest of my family did, and I am ready to never return. I just want to be enveloped by sadness, so I never have to feel happiness again. When you feel happy it's like you're on a never-ending high. The happier you are the higher you get. The higher you get the bigger the fall. I didn't want to fall anymore. I don't think I can take it. So I'm ready. I'm ready to embrace the darkness. I'm ready to lose myself in the tears and the heartbreak. I am ready to fall apart. So I do.

I fall apart.

Right there, in the middle of the church halls I fall apart. I sob my heart out. I cry for everything that she never got to do and for everything I missed out on with her. I cry for the fact that she won't be around to find the love of her life like I have. I cry for the fact that she will never get to celebrate the twenty-first birth-week she's been planning ever since she had her sixteenth. I cry for her and I cry for how our family has been torn apart and I cry for just about everything under the sun. I cry so much it feels like I may never stop. Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll just drown in my tears. It wouldn't be so bad…

"Tori," a voice calls out. The voice brings me back from my suicidal thoughts. The voice brings me back from that place where I fell. The voice is my anchor to this world. The voice is what keeps me from leaving. It reminds me why I must stay, despite all the pain and the hurt. I could never leave this voice.

I look up into her glistening blue eyes, alight with tears just like mine. Hers are beautiful though. Mine must look all read and puffy but hers are immaculate. Even when she cries she is beautiful. "Jade," I reply.

I stand up hastily, wiping away the tears. I sniffle my nose to keep it from going off again and I put on my best smile. "I'm okay." I'm just about to walk past her as if nothing had ever happened, as if I wasn't just ready to fall permanently, but she stops me. She grabs my naked arm as I walk away. She pulls me close.

"I know your not," she states clearly. With that statement she brings me into her thin, muscular arms and holds me tight. She holds me so tight I'm afraid she might cut off my circulation. I don't care though. When she's holding me I don't care. It takes me awhile but I snake my arms around her waist and return the hug. My head falls into her shoulder as I begin to cry again. She stands there, the perfect girlfriend, and rubs my back in soothing circles. She whispers sweet nothings in my ear and that's all I need. She's what I need. The feeling of her warm breath on my neck and her arms holding me close are all I need to know that I never want to fall again. All I need is her. As long as she is with me I know I will make it through.

"I love you, Jade," I murmur.

"I love you too, Tori. I love you too."

First chapter completed you guys! I am happy. So what do you guys think? Yes, no, maybe so? Was I too repetitive? Did I capture the correct image? Did I choose the right song? Did you guys like the quote? Whatever! Also, if you have a favorite quote (love or not) that you would like to see let me know!

-Spezria26!

P.S: First reviewer gets a metaphorical cookie and a dedicated chapter (for what it's worth).