Mordecai sat is the dark of his room. It was about 3 in the morning, and he hadn't slept yet. He stared blankly out the window, waiting for his thoughts to collect themselves. He and Rigby had been together for a few months now, and he was head over heels for the brunette, but something seemed wrong. Not in the relationship, but within himself, which was the worst kind of "wrong". The kind of wrong that was hardest to fix, because you have to do it by yourself. But he would never leave Rigby . . . no . . . he would never forgive himself for that. This was something they had to get through together. 100% together.

Morning rolled around and Mordecai had watched the sun rise. He didn't sleep at all, and his thoughts were still racing, a jumble of confusion and mixed feelings. He heard Rigby stir and groan, but didn't break his gaze. It was 9 am, and Rigby was about to get up. He sat up and stretched quite loudly. He looked over at his lover, and was amazed. Mordecai had his knees curled up to his chest, and was sitting on the windowsill, the morning sun making his cheeks glow pink and yellow. His hair was tussled a bit, but not from sleep, and he had deep bags under his eyes, but he had never been more beautiful. The sunlight made him look angelic in a way, like he could just sprout wings and fly away to some better place. But what Rigby didn't know was that Mordecai would have loved to do just that in that very moment. Rigby slowly crept over to Mordecai, and put a hand on his shoulder. Mordecai looked at his friend, and smiled with one side of his lips. Rigby then knew that something was wrong.

It's hard to be a man, but I'm doing all I can. I'm ready to give this all I have, I'm ready to be amazed. 'Cause I'm standing here alone, trying to make this life my own. And nothing will keep this heart from beating, I'm still breathing.

Rigby then noticed the bottle that sat idle in Mordecai's hand, empty.

"Oh, Mordecai . . . why didn't you . . ." Mordecai looked at Rigby with sorrow in his eyes. Rigby took the bottle from his friend, and embraced his lover. Rigby held the back of his head and stroked his hair softly. Mordecai nestled his face into the crook of Rigby's neck and sighed. "Mordecai, you know you could have woken me up . . . if you wanted to drink, you could have just talked about it . . ." Mordecai shook his head. Rigby broke his embrace and looked into his lovers eyes. "Why not?"

"Because I don't want to scare you." Mordecai said softly. "I don't want to hurt you."

"But this hurts me more! It hurts me more that you can't talk about it with me dude!" Mordecai buried his face back in Rigby's shoulder, and Rigby held him tight again. "Now, what's wrong?"

"It's not us, it's everyone else. Like all of our friends . . . don't you see it?!" Mordecai was getting angry now.

"Shhh, it's ok! Just calm down, what don't I see?" Rigby stroked his lovers hair again, and he settled down.

"They all look at me differently! Like I'm not who I was anymore, because I love a man! It's like I'm not a man anymore! I'm something else, something much worse! I don't know how to feel, because this hurts so much!" Mordecai took a deep breath. He pulled back and looked Rigby in the eyes. "Rigby, I want to give you all I have, all that I am! I'm trying to come out of my shell, and be comfortable in my own skin . . . a feeling I've never actually had . . . it's a lot easier now that I have you to guide me, but . . . with all of them, it's so hard! But I promise you one thing, as long as I'm still breathing, I will always love you Rigby, always!" Rigby held Mordecai close as he began to sob. He must still be intoxicated, because Mordecai never cries.

"Shh, I know dude, it'll be ok I promise. We'll get through it together."