She looked at the bottle in front of her as if it was her savior, her dead brown eyes for once, filled with happiness. So happy, that a wide smile came across her lips, and her greedy phalanges of the hand wrapped around the mid-section of the bottle. Her pink lips slightly parted and the rim touched her lips slightly, some of her Happy Juice caressed them and down the throat the slick liquid burned in her throat as it traveled down. "Down my esophagus and entering my stomach, ultimately affecting my liver…somehow," said the girl. She was a genius, it was well known for that, and every action she did nowadays she explained it to herself.

She was not the same. It was as she woke up one day, a completely new person.

Actually, that's what happened, pretty much.

It was when she was drowning in her and her teammate's blood when she had the epiphany that life is nothing. Life is suffering in all ways possible just to die. Life was false hope. Life was a beautiful lie. She was sick of this lie and wanted the truth, no matter how scary it was. They wouldn't let her though. They claimed they care—but they didn't understand.

They didn't understand how her bones were so tired, from her cranium, fibula and all her phalanges are just sick and tired of moving. They want to rest, and eventually decay and turn to ash.

Apparently that was too much to ask for.

She was the only survivor. The rest of them, the ones closest to her heart died away. At that same mission, at the same place where she died. Maybe not physically, but she's not really alive at the moment. She was a mere reflection of who she was, not even that. Her mirror cracked the moment the five landed on the ground.

The blood was everywhere, the cried and grunts of pain. The hope, the hope was draining as their lives were whisked away under the ruthless night sky she once adored.

"It's okay… …we're….going to be….okay," were Erza's last word.

Gray was next. He looked up and wondered, "Will…..it rain soon….?" In other words, would Juvia be with him? Lucky for Gray, it did start to rain. Juvia saw from above the bloodied mass of the mages.

"I….wish I had a …..Fish," were Happy's last word.

"Lucy…..I love…..you" were Natsu's last word.

"I love…..you, too…." Were the last words Lucy muttered out.

But she awoke in the hospital a few weeks later. She was the sole survivor of the S-class mission. Somehow, the self-proclaimed weakest member survived. It had to be a sick joke, but Lucy proved to herself it was in fact real when she used her glass cup to bang her head with.

The stellar mage decided that her last words were going to be what she intended Natsu to hear. She never spoke since she woke up, she wrote things down, yes, but never spoke. Another change was her drinking.

She became worse than Cana.

Lucy fell into the depths of her own despair, and no-one could save her. They were all distant voices in a sick daydream that she wanted to leave. 'Let me leave' she begged every day. Every attempt she made, she was saved, lectured and watched like a hawk.

'Not this time though,' though the genius with a wry smile. She swallowed her pain killers and downed the vodka some more. Since the effect wasn't immediate, she wobbled over to her desk and started her last paragraph of the novel. The story was about her adventures with Fairy Tail, and the adventure is now over.

Giggling, Lucy put down the pen once the story was done and found the strength to wobble to her bed. The effects still didn't kick in; it seemed as she was fully aware of her surrounding when she closed her eyes and mumbled, "I love you, Natsu."

She finally got her wish. She was going to meet the inviting, yet horrid truth.

"In the darkness I will meet my creators, and they will agree that I'm a…suffocater."

-Daughter;Smother

A/N: In a depressing mood. Not much really.