Sorry for the long break between updates! I'll try to be better about this! Enjoy!

Chapter 42

I lay in bed tangled up with him, staring into his eyes in dim light of the moon.

"Worth the wait." he murmurs with a grin. A question from earlier in the night surfaces in my mind.

"What is it?" he asks, noticing my change in expression.

"Was there anyone else when you were away?" I sheepishly ask him.

"Not one." he replies. My cheeks redden with embarrassment. I cannot say the same. "Hey, I knew I was coming back." he adds, trying to make me feel better.

"Then how come you told me to move on?"

"I wasn't sure how long it would take." he says. I'm quiet although my mind is racing. I thinking back to all the things he told me and how he pushed for me to be with Gale. He breaks my thoughts. "You know I never wanted you to be with him." he admits.

"But you said—" I start but am cut off by Merrick.

"I had to gauge your feelings for him. He's the only person I knew I had to worry about. Based on your reaction, I though I didn't have to worry about the two of you."

"You shouldn't have planted those ideas in my head." I reply. His expression changes and I can see the confusion on his face. "You could do a lot worse than Gale Hawthorne. Don't rule him out. Forget about me. Find someone else to love." I clarify, spewing lines he once told me. "If you didn't mean it, you never should have said it."

"What was I supposed to say?" he asks with hurt eyes.

"Wait for me. I'll come back to you." I whisper.

"Even if it was a lie?" he asks. I nod. We are both silent. My mind continues to race, analyzing our past and present conversations. He waits patiently for my response.

"When did you know you were coming back?"

"Hmm?" he asks.

"You said you knew you were coming back, but before you left you acted like that was the end." I state.

"I had no intention of coming back here." he admits, with guilt. "I thought I'd stay in Two and everything would fall back into place but it didn't. All these things scattered about in my everyday life reminded me of you. After about a month, I couldn't take it anymore. Becoming a Peacekeeper was a last resort. Every time I told you I didn't want to be one, I meant it." he softly tells me.

"But you still did." I whisper.

"We all have to make sacrifices, Katniss." he says, brushing his fingers through my hair. I notice his pensive expression and wait for him to speak. "You've stopped wearing that braid in your hair."

"It was a little childish." I comment.

"There's nothing wrong with that. I miss that stuff, tree-climbing, blanket forts, sleepovers. Everything is so serious now."

"We're having a sleepover now." I say, wrapping my arm around him.

"Last I remember, we were wearing quite a bit more clothes." he teases me. I unwrap myself from him and reach down to the floor, picking up his shirt and putting it on before returning to his arms. He lets out a laugh.

"Well I never had the kind of feelings I have for you now." He then corrects himself. "Maybe once or twice."

"Things used to be much less complicated. Growing up changes all of that."

"We all have to grow up, Katniss…and I'm glad we got to grow up with each other in our lives."

"So sentimental."

"Too much?" he asks. I shake my head.

"Let's get some sleep." I say cuddling close to him.

"I don't want to sleep." he protests. I laugh. "What?"

"The one time I suggest sleeping, you want to stay awake."

"Perhaps I still have things I want to talk about."

"Like what?" I inquire. He's silent. It takes him about a minute to muster the courage to say what's on his mind.

"I want to be with you."

"You are with me." I say gently kissing his lips.

"No, not like this. I don't want to hide anymore. Tonight opened my eyes about what it could be like. I don't want this to be a secret anymore."

"Merrick, I don't know if it's allowed."

"What if it was? I could ask my father. He would know."

"No!" I shout with worry.

"I wouldn't mention you. It would be generally speaking."

"You think he'd want you being with someone from this district?"

"He got to choose." he says. My brow raises after hearing his statement. "Come on, Katniss, you met her tonight. She can't be from District 2." he whispers.

"You're still holding onto that?"

"Yes."

"What makes you think that she's from somewhere else?"

"She has a gentleness that people in 2 don't have."

"So do you."

"Yes, because of her. I also grew up in different districts." he says. "And every time I ask her she always deflects the question. She's never given me a straight answer."

"Maybe she's trying to protect you."

"Protect me how?"

"You're an open book, Merrick." I say brushing his hair back. "Once you find something out, you're likely to tell someone about it."

"And?"

"Do you think the people you know could handle the fact that you're not purely a District 2 citizen?"

"But I am. I was born there."

"I'm sure you've figured out how District 12 is comprised: the merchants and the miners. We stick to our own kind." He nods. "My mother decided to defy the class system. She used to belong to the merchant side until she married a boy from the Seam. She couldn't live in town. Her friends stopped talking to her. Her whole life changed. Neither side was happy with what they did."

"Why?" he murmurs.

"The merchants were appalled she married below her class and the people from the Seam were upset he didn't marry one of their own."

"But at least they got to be with the person they loved."

"It was hard growing up with parents from different part of town. Parents would tell their children to stay away from me. You were the first friend I had."

"What about Gale?"

"He came after you…and I didn't start out as his friend. That was accidental."

"What about Madge?"

"People weren't too fond of her either…being the Mayor's daughter and all. We were kind of friends by default."

"How come you've never mentioned this before? You could have told me."

"I never thought about it around you. Being with you made me forget about all of that."

"What about all those times I wasn't there?" he asks.

"I'm not the type of person that needs a lot of friends. Having you and Gale was enough for me." I reassure him. "Now can we get some sleep?"

"Yes." he says. I move closer to him and rest my head on his chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat as he rubs my back. I think about our night together at his parent's house. It was nice being with him in public with other people, not worrying about getting caught for interacting with each other. To be honest, I want the same thing he does. I want to be with him with no restrictions or exceptions. I don't dare tell him this because I'm afraid this will never be allowed, even with Peeta being gone. The people in the Capitol are very nostalgic and they'd rather see me as a mournful widow than to be happy with someone new.

Even if I could be with someone new, I doubt that I would be allowed to marry someone from another district. Everything in this country is so segregated. Maybe Merrick is right. Maybe finding out the truth about his mother could allow us to have a future together. My visit to the Capitol might be more beneficial that I thought.

"Merrick?" I whisper, checking to see if he's awake. He doesn't respond. I move closer and whisper again, hoping he'll hear me.

"Hmm?" he hums.

"Are you awake?"

"I am now." he whispers back, his eyes still closed.

"Did your mother have any sisters?" I ask. He looks over at me with a discerning look, wondering why on Earth I would wake him up to ask him that. "I want to help you find out about your mother."

"Katniss, how would that help?" he asks, confused.

"Tonight at dinner she said something to me about saving Prim. She had a look in her eyes, like she related to my situation somehow."

"You think she had a sister in the Games?" he asks with interest.

"Yes." I reply. He shakes his head.

"No, she'd never let that happen." he said.

"What if she couldn't…if she didn't have that opportunity to do so?"

"You really think this could be plausible?"

"It could be a starting point to see if what you believe is true."

"Even it is was, how could you prove it?"

"I'm going to the one place that has all the answers. I'm sure they have records for everybody." I say with a smirk.

"Don't do anything that could get you into trouble. It's not worth it."

"If I can prove this then there shouldn't be a reason we can't be together." I tell him.

"Be careful." he says with concern in his eyes as he touches my cheek.

"I will. I'll try not to do anything illegal."

"That's very reassuring." he says with a laugh as he wraps his arms around me.

"You know what I mean." I tease him, before kissing his lips.

"How do you plan on finding out where my mother's from?" he asks with curiosity

"Find out who her sister is. She's has to be in some sort of Hunger Games database or something. Do you know your mother's last name…before she was married?" I ask.

"No." he tells me

"This isn't going to be easy." I say with a sigh. "Is there anything else you can think of?" We lay in silence and I wait for him to think of something that might help.

"I remember something. I don't know if it will help but when I was growing up my mom had this necklace she'd wear. She said it was to remind her of home. I thought she meant District 2 but maybe she was talking about somewhere else."

I get a pad of paper and a pencil and he sketches the design. It's a circle with some lines inside.

"What do you think it's supposed to be?" I ask, turning the drawing to observe it from different angles.

"I don't know if the design has any significance. Maybe it means nothing." he says looking down.

"You never know. I"ll take it with me." I reassure him, taking his hand.

"I don't want to be wrong about this."

"I know. Let's not worry about this any more tonight." I murmur as I lay down. He follows and we hold onto each other as we drift off to get some much needed sleep.

Any requests from which District Merrick's mom is from? Let me know in the comments ;)