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Author's Notes:
To everyone who has read this chapter before:
I've made some major changes to this. Well, it's not like you will be able to recognize them because it's probably been so long since you've read the last one. As always, enjoy!
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Everything is a blur – it always has been – and then all of a sudden, he's right in front of me.
I can't find the right words. I don't know how to explain myself, or if I should even bother. Fortunately, Natsume doesn't force me. Instead, he takes the vacant space beside me and we sit quietly together.
My mind is actually still in shock. I don't know how to process this. I am more distraught right now than when we have a surprise graded recitation or exam. I feel so tongue-tied whenever he's this close to me.
As silence continues to envelope us, I feel my heart calming a little. Natsume doesn't initiate a conversation, and even though I feel the extreme need to do it, I still don't. He's leaning back, his left arm lounging on the arm rest while his eyes are fixated on the plants. He looks as if sitting on a bench with me is the most natural thing.
I wonder what he's thinking...
It suddenly occurs to me that his right knee is slightly brushing against mine and I instantly feel my cheeks blush hotly. My mind still refuses to acknowledge any romantic inclination towards him. Even though we're already sharing this peaceful morning alone, surrounded by beautiful flowers and plants, I still can't wrap my head around the idea of me liking him or him liking me.
I... I should go. It doesn't feel right anymore. Well, it didn't feel right from the beginning anyway.
Killing the awkward yet rather wonderful silence that we are sharing, I stand up and face him.
"Again, thank you for taking the time to water my plants," I say hurriedly, slightly bowing. Without waiting another second for him to respond, I sprint my way back to our classroom. His eyes actually grew a little wider, as if he wasn't expecting me to go yet, but I had to. I needed to.
On my way, the hopeless romantic inside of me realizes just how much she likes what happened... It's true that I was totally tense and uncomfortable knowing that Natsume came to me and stayed beside me, but all the more... I feel my lips curl into a smile. I am thankful that he stayed there after I left him because I wouldn't want him to see me like this... grinning like a school girl who just saw her crush.
The thought abruptly stops me from walking.
Crush? No way! He doesn't like you, Mikan, and you don't like him! He's way out of your league. Come on, you shouldn't give in to his petty gestures. It was all nothing! Nothing!
I raise my palm and position to slap myself when I feel somebody tap my shoulder.
"Let's go. Naru's already there," I hear as I jerk my head only to be faced with the guy who's been causing this commotion in my head. He walks past me while I lie frozen there, watching him. To worsen my agony, he turns around and walks back to me.
I don't immediately realize that I've been holding my breath, so now I'm coughing relentlessly.
"Are you okay?" he asks, his voice deep with concern.
Oh my god. His face is too close. Too close!
"I... I'm fine," I try to say along coughs. This is so embarrassing!
Cough... Cough...
He looks alarmed, and suddenly his hands are reaching for my chest.
I try to ask him what he is trying to do and I back off a little bit, but I couldn't stop coughing.
"Let me just loosen up your tie, so you can breathe properly," he says to reassure me. He leans his body down to me and I quickly stretch my back to give distance to our faces. He undoes my tie completely and for some reason, my coughs have started to subside. I take a deep breath as he begins to tie it again. While I know that he's trying to be careful not to brush against my chest, I still feel the movement of his fingers and my face is beginning to turn hot again.
"There," he says once he is finished fixing it. With that, I heave a long, deep sigh of relief and he stays there staring in bewilderment.
"Something wrong?" he asks innocently.
What's with him? Doesn't he have the slightest clue of what he does to me?
"Nothing. Oh, it's past eight! We should hurry!" I almost scream to pop away the anxiety building up inside me. I gear my feet and run for my dear life. Again.
I hate it! Why am I acting so stupid whenever he's around?
The door to our room is already closed when I arrive. My heart sinks and I feel cold sweat pouring off my palms. I hate being late. More than anything, I hate interrupting class and having everyone's eyes on me. Natsume approaches casually behind me.
I tug at the door knob.
Crap. It's locked.
Natsume gently pushes me aside to face the door and knocks three times.
No answer.
He knocks again and now more impatiently.
"No! Please! Don't knock like that! We'll make a scene here!" I mentally scold him.
After a few seconds, the door is opened by an amused Mr. Narumi.
"Oh, Mikan! It's the first time I see you late!" he exclaims animatedly as if he's so happy to have me breaking a rule.
I sigh and search around only to find that my acquaintance is gone.
How does he even manage to disappear like that, seriously? Anyway, at least the class won't see me with him.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Narumi," I bow and he nods, gesturing me to go to my seat. I help myself into the room. Surprisingly, I do not find myself fretting from the unwanted attention that I am getting. Maybe it's because I've been receiving far worse unwanted attention from a certain someone.
I don't want our classmates to see both of us being late together, but I still feel bad that he has to skip class.
I wonder where he went. I wonder what's he's doing. Oh damn. It's not like I care anyway.
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It's lunch break. Two subjects passed and Natsume hasn't gone back to class. He must have already gone home. Maybe he wasn't feeling well? Anna did not attend school today, so I eat alone at the cafeteria and try to busy myself mulling over senseless things as I chew. We have two major cafeterias here and I always choose the one with fewer people, but it offers sucky meals unfortunately.
"You mind sharing the table?"
"No, please help yourself," I instinctively answer as I continue to play with my food, not even bothering to check out the person invading my space. Good thing the guy's alone. I sometimes encounter jerks who will force you to leave by calling all their friends and occupying all the seats – yes, even yours.
When I raise the spoon to my mouth, I catch him staring at me. I automatically jolt from my seat, dropping my spoon and hearing a loud clank as it hits the floor. He also jumps a little, surprised at how stunned I am.
"What the hell? Am I that scary?" he says, sitting upright again.
I bend down to pick up the spoon from the floor and then look at him incredulously. "You always pop up out of nowhere!" I reply. Finally, I'm able to blurt out a naked truth!
He gives me a wry half smile, as if taunting me. I stare at him then down to his tray. I thought he would already start eating, but he doesn't budge. Before the awkward atmosphere start creeping between us again, I stand up to walk away.
He looks up at me and his body twitches as if he wants to stop me.
"Where are you going?" he asks with irritation apparent in his voice.
"I'm going to get a spoon." I glance back at him and walk towards the utensils area which is located at the far end of the cafeteria.
"I'll get it," he says as he walks past me. I didn't even have the chance to insist on getting it myself.
Defeated, I slump back to my chair. I feel it again – that particular churning in my stomach. A part of me is relieved to get a second away from him while another – well – wanted to squeal.
He's here with me again. He is even gentlemanly enough to get me the spoon that I accidentally tossed because of him. I look around the cafeteria – there are actually a lot of unoccupied tables but he chooses to share with me.
Mikan, fight it, please. Don't let it get to you. You're classmates. It's natural for him to join you. It wouldn't be nice to see classmates eating separately at the same place when they could just share a table, right?
Heart, you too, please calm down.
"Here," I hear him, pulling me out of my secret conversation with myself. I reach for the spoon and start picking on my food again, not giving him another glance.
He's looking at me, I can sense it. I can't eat properly! I'm becoming more and more self-conscious as the seconds tick.
"Aren't you going to eat?" I ask, breaking the ice.
Instead of getting an answer, I receive a smirk - a playful, it-gets-on-my-nerves smirk, then he grabs his huge sandwich and begins munching on it.
At last, something to get his eyes off me.
I finish my meal in silence and as swiftly as I can, planning on getting out of here soon. However, I can see that he's only halfway with his, so I decide to stay. I think it will be rude to just leave him. I still have my manners, you know.
"Aren't you going to leave now?" he asks, as if reading my mind.
I don't know came after me, but I just find myself flashing him a smirk, the very same way that he did earlier. He snorts while I try hard to not kick myself.
I am screaming so loudly in my head, but I still try to hold myself together so as not to break the facade.
Then I hear him chuckle, which slowly builds up 'til he is laughing like crazy. I giggle on instinct and shortly join him, laughing away all the tension between us.
After that, he smiles, and a familiar silence envelopes us again. This time, a comfortable one.
I bring out my phone and play games while he eats; none of us wanting to initiate an awkward conversation. When he's done, I immediately shove my phone back to my pocket. I take a peek at my watch; we still got fifteen minutes to spare.
"I'm going back to the classroom now," I tell him as I stand from my seat.
"Me, too," he instantaneously replies back.
I wait for him to get off his seat, as though hearing the hidden 'let's go back together' in his answer. We stroll out of the cafeteria with me being five steps ahead of him. I can never ever get used to his presence – his presence that has been bugging me and giving me all sorts of feelings.
I am about to enter the room when I hear a high-pitched voice.
"Natsume!" a girl calls.
I don't really want to check who it is, but my head instinctively turns on its own to find out the source of that voice.
Luna Koizumi?
I stare at both of them for a good ten seconds. Natsume stops on his tracks as Luna approaches him. She seems to be asking him about something. They appear to be really close, seeing that she's smiling so widely at him like that. I can't perfectly view Natsume's facial expression from here, but talking to her must feel natural for him since he doesn't always look that approachable when it comes to other people. He nods at her and then walks towards the opposite direction, with Luna following behind.
I almost forget how to breathe.
I walk mindlessly towards my seat, feeling suddenly numb all over.
Luna… Natsume… This makes sense. This makes total sense.
Luna Koizumi is our school's muse. She even beat our seniors in the recent extravagant beauty pageant event at our school. I wasn't there when she did, but I've seen countless posters of her face. Natsume must be going out with her. He should be! They look so good together it hurts. Not only is she so beautiful, but she's also an honor student. I've also heard about how kind she is to everyone.
Ah. Mikan, keep yourself together.
I try hard. I try so hard to fight this. I don't want to feel jealous. I don't want to hate Luna – I can't. But what is this? Why am I so upset?
I feel the butterflies in my stomach turn into wild bees, stinging every part of me, poking holes at my heart.
"Don't cry," I remind myself. How can I even think of that? Natsume and I – there is nothing, NOTHING going on between us. We've barely even talked to each other. Stop your delusions, Mikan.
I feel my eyes starting to sting. Sigh.
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I've kept my phone off for the rest of the day. I just want to be alone to punish myself for feeling this attached to Natsume in such a short period of time.
I realize that I need to check if there are any important reminders or announcements from our class president, Yuu. He usually sends a group text to everyone in class if anything is up – that's just how responsible he is.
I open my phone to four messages and a missed call. Still, I don't get too excited. I've been out wallowing in gloom the whole day to be excited or to worry about anything now.
Just imagine my shock when I see that three of them are from Natsume – I literally fall from the bed! My fingers tap on my phone like crazy, wanting to see what he's been up to.
"Got caught up in club activities. They won't let me escape."
"Mikan, have you gone home already?"
One missed call.
"Stupid bulbasaur hair, why is your phone unreachable?" This one actually made my eye twitch. Is he referring to my regular top knot bun hairstyle? It's not my fault it's the easiest to make that would keep my hair in place!
There is also a message from Yuu reminding all interested parties that tomorrow is the last day for signing up for the upcoming Math club tournaments.
I don't feel myself getting sleepy even though it's past my bedtime. Things would be a lot easier for me if Natsume would just ignore me, but no, he just has to always remind me of his presence.
I don't know if I should reply to him.
My fingers remain frozen, hovering over the keypad of my phone as I try to resolve the internal conflict that is going on in my brain.
Should I? I probably shouldn't. Oh Mikan, make up your mind!
I start typing.
"Natsume, please stop texting me. Good night."
And hit send.
Suddenly, everything is a blur again.
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Author's Notes:
Whew this chapter is long! I got a bit carried away.
When will Mikan just embrace the fact that she likes our Natume? Haha
Nope, she doesn't wear pigtails here. :D Would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter, so please leave a review. :)