Noumi: I've thought of typing this one-shot for a long time. To be exact, a couple of days after I heard the saying, "In a game called 'love', the first one who falls in love, is the loser." Though, I first intended this to come out as multiple chapters but let's just see how it goes.
Warning: Swears are absolutely present. OOC-ness may be also present.
Disclaimer: I do not own GinTama. All rights belong to Sorachi Hideaki-sama.

The Game Called—Love

The obvious hint of summer clouded over Edo. The streets were steaming hot as if you could literally fry your breakfast on it, which a certain cardboard box MADAO would undoubtedly do if he only had something to fry. The heat and sticky feeling irritated almost everyone in Kabuki-chou. Most kids had ice creams in hand trying to fight of heat stroke which had already been a problem in the hospitals lately. Yes, it brought no good especially to the infamous everyday tussle of the two sadists.

"Like I said, stop kidnapping the princess everyday so I could stop wasting my time chasing after your crap smeared face, China!" the sadistic light brown-haired First Division Captain of the Shinsengumi yelled while chasing after his rival with a bazooka resting on his shoulder.

"Why blame it on me? You're the one at fault for chasing after us and wasting your useless time, you demonic shit-devouring, piss-drinking sadist," the orange-haired Yato responded with a few gunshots coming from her purple umbrella aimed at their pursuer. "You should even thank us since you're getting the exercise you need so you won't get overly obese like that Prince Dumbass!"

The passers-by just quietly observed whatever non-sense was happening in front of their eyes. Those two getting into a fight has always been an expected sight to see everyday. Nothing was ever expected to change from this normal confrontation except that some days an entire establishment gets destroyed or on other days a bunch of innocent people gets a one-way trip to the hospital.

"Oh, Kagura-chan, is he the sadistic low-life trash of society, who does nothing but infect everyone else with his permanent brain damage matched up with his disgusting figure, you mentioned some days ago?" Soyo Hime who was Kagura's partner-in-crime asked looking at Sougo with pitiful eyes. "He definitely fits your description."

"Oi, China, what the hell are you teaching the Shogun's younger sister? I'm placing you under arrest for unlawfully impersonating a teacher and spreading your Sadism all over Edo," Sougo declared as he stopped and aimed his bazooka at the two getting ready to fire.

"Shut up! You should place yourself under arrest too for being a carrier of the M-virus and turning almost every female into one of your dogs!" Kagura turned to where Sougo was getting ready to fire and tried to shoot him in the face while Soyo Hime stayed behind her enjoying herself.

A familiar police car was sneaking up behind Sougo with the intent to run over him. Sougo, noticing this with his inhuman instincts, quickly turned and fired his bazooka at the car with the words, "Die, Hijikata, you bastard!"

The dreadful loudness of the explosion resounded all over Kabuki-chou. Sougo was obviously pleased of the scene while the two sadistic sisters anticipated for something to happen with a smirk on their faces. The dark smoke coming from the vehicle slowly cleared up revealing the half-dead, anpan-obsessed Shinsengumi member fried up in front of the vehicle.

Suddenly, a nicotine freak appeared, slicing through the air with his sword from above Sougo. Although, by the time his sword reached the ground, Sougo had already dodged and skipped backwards.

"Sougo, What the hell do you think you're doing firing your bazooka at us!?" he asked as anger flowed through his veins. "Do you want to commit seppuku!?"

"Huh? Hijikata-san you're in the car? I didn't notice."

"The hell you didn't notice!? You just screamed out 'Die, Hijikata, you bastard'!"

"I was referring to the mosquito named Hijikata sneaking up behind me. You know how they bring all sorts of diseases so I took part in taking out the problem. Coincidentally, it happens to be right in front of your patrol car."

"What the hell! Who the hell would kill a mosquito using a bazooka?!"

"I would," Sougo bluntly spoke out with his usual demonic smile.

Hijikata just gave him an irritated smile and turned to face Kagura and Soyo Hime who were whispering about how stupid Hijikata and Sougo were. "Oi, you two, Ue-sama allowed both of you to play so he said to enjoy yourselves," he said with his usual expressionless face. He, bringing Sougo along and assigning him another task, left peacefully.

Kagura and Soyo Hime looked at each other with a big smile on their faces. They hopped joyfully to a sukonbu store and sat down at a bench park.

Although they were left alone without anyone tailing them, Soyo Hime felt bored. She thought it was a lot more fun when they were being chased down adding up the intense verbal arguments between her friend and the low-life. It would be fun once in a while to use the two rivals as tools for her beloved personal entertainment. Moreover, she is a sadist.

"Say, Kagura-chan," she called out to the girl sitting beside her who was munching on sukonbu with a contented smile drawn across her face. "Do you want that low-life rival of yours to bow down to you with his face touching the ground admitting his defeat and would do anything for you even eating your crap?"

Kagura turned to her a bit surprised but the obvious thought of sadism lingered along her face. "The answer has always been so obvious," she said getting fired up.

"According to the rules of this game I saw while watching a soap opera, all you have to do is to make your rival fall in love with you first rather than you falling for him first, then you win," she explained in a proud tone.

"So, basically, all I have to do is to make him fall in love with me then I'll win and that trash would kneel, and become my slave? Heh, why didn't you say so earlier? This is going to be an easy win," Kagura grinned devilishly while looking at Soyo Hime who was getting excited of the event which was about to take place.

"Yup, but remember, he should be the one to fall in love first and not you, okay?" Soyo Hime reminded as they prepared for the upcoming not-so-serious match.

In the middle of Sougo's patrol around the park or rather a meaningless trip to the park, the two appeared before him with big grins. "Remember what we talked about, Kagura-chan. Follow all those and I'm sure you'll win," Soyo Hime whispered into Kagura's ear as she took a step back and brought a video camera out of nowhere to record the entire thing.

Sougo stared at Kagura who had smeared her face with a hundred metre thick make-up and wore a piece of rag-trying-hard-to-be-a-dress which looked like something they just picked up from some dumpster. "Yare yare, who let this whore out of jail?" he asked particularly no one with his dead-panned tone.

Kagura smirked at him and said in a failed seductive tone, "So Sadist, how cute do I look? Have you fallen in love with me yet?"

Sougo tried to stop himself from laughing but failed to do so. He burst out in laughter and even almost pissing his pants. "The only thing I can see is a reincarnation of the word 'monster'. I'm sure they'll gladly accept you at a freak show," he exclaimed still laughing at her.

Kagura was already at the peak of her anger but she remembered Soyo Hime advising her to always be calm whatever the situation may be and that if Plan A didn't work move immediately to Plan B.

She tried to smirk once more but the hint of madness was now embedded on her expression. She moved closer to the sadist who was then currently anticipating her next foolish move. She continued to walk over to him until the distance between them was about a centimetre.

Kagura tried to calm down to make her act as realistic as possible. She stared into his warm reddish-brown eyes and in return he stared into her cool ocean blue ones. Sougo's expectant smile disappeared and was replaced by seriousness. They both could differentiate the heat from the sun and the heat coming from the other's body.

She gulped and looked at him with sparkling blue eyes. Her blushing face penetrated through the extraordinary thick make-up and she asked him in a calm, confused tone, "D-Do you want a kiss?"

Sougo's eyes widened at her question. He never expected her to be this bold. He felt uncomfortable and unsure of what she meant by it at first but later gave in. He leaned closer to her face and slowly—

"GLUAAAAHHHHHHHH!" he threw up right on her face. In the end, he couldn't hold himself back from being disgusted while staring at her face or rather he didn't want to hold back from vomiting on her face. Sougo took a step back while wiping off the remaining vomit dripping from his mouth with the back of his hand.

Kagura, on the other hand, used her rag-trying-hard-to-be-a-dress to wipe of the censored thing which Sougo threw up from her face. Immediately, after removing the substance, she kicked him in the face and squeezed it hard on the ground. "You bastard! Embarrassing me in public and wasting the effort I put into acting and dressing up! You'll pay for this! I'll make sure you'll fall for me and win this game consequently making you my slave! And when it happens, I'll make sure you live the rest of your life in hell! Remember, I'll make sure you fall for me." Kagura was obviously in rage. Well, who wouldn't after someone intentionally vomited right at your face? She called out to Soyo Hime, who was pretty entertained of what she just witnessed and planned to treasure the film, and asked her to prepare a Plan C. They urgently headed back to the Edo Palace in order to cool off Kagura's head.

Sougo realizing what everything was all about sat up with a sigh. "Moron… Like hell that would ever happen," he whispered to himself as he went back on patrol with a faint smirk crossing his face, "I've already lost the freaking game, a long time ago."

Noumi: So how was it? Good enough, terrible or ultimately terrible? I'm not sure if I placed them right in character especially with Sougo's last line. I'm sorry for any grammatical or spelling mistakes. Reviews please.