I got you guys a new story! I am currently reading a TVD-fic about Elena traveling back to 1864, and I was listening to Parachute - All That I am (hence the title). That combo inspired me to write one of my own. The 'modern day' part of this story occurs right after 4x05, where Elena kills Connor. I have to say the beginning of seasons 4 wasn't all that thrilling to me, but ''The Killer'' brought back all the reasons why I loved this show in the first place. It also helped a little when she told off Stefan in front of Damon *insert evil laugh here*

I know that there are tons of stories like these out there, but I loved the concept so much I wanted to make my own version. I really hope you like it, review and tell me what you think.

Disclaimer: I don't own this story or it's characters. All rights go to their respective owners.

2012

When Elena went to sleep that night, or at least in her case laid down and stared at the ceiling, she felt numb inside. When Klaus had 'died' she had at least felt a little lighter before going to bed, she could smile and drink tequila with her friends to celebrate their freedom without feeling guilty about doing so.

Instead of doing that, she watched her friends all joke around about the new agreement they had come across with Klaus, who had revealed that her blood as a vampire was't entirely useless. She tuned out when he started explaining the semantics of it, though, and let Damon and Stefan take the reins on that one. As long as she kept his blood supply up, he'd leave her and everyone she cared about alone. She knew that deal had plenty of loopholes and question marks, but her friends didn't dare to argue with her when she told them that she was done with the drama. It was either that, or they would have to fight for their lives for the rest of the time they still had left, which wouldn't be a lot if trying to continuously trying to provoke the original hybrid.

It had been peaceful ever since she had killed Connor. She put that incident so far back in her mind that she couldn't think about it anymore. She had broken up with Stefan, the sudden trust issues and hurt at what he did piling up on top of the already mounting problems they were having. He had confessed his worry about going back into the deep end with her, and that had been the last straw for her. They were really done this time. Strangely enough, that was the only thing that had sunk in with her, out of everything that had happened and changed the last couple of days.

Connor's death, the college applications on her desk, the homework in her backpack, finished and graded, even her timetable tucked in the corner of her mirror and the genuine smiles on everybody's faces that she had witnessed today did nothing for her. the normalcy of everything, for some reason that pained her more than anything.

And op top of that, Damon freaking Salvatore, seemed to be the only one out of every one of her friends who had noticed her distress, but hadn't called her on it. She supposed she shouldn't be surprised about that, either. He just knew. From the very first day, he always knew.

Sleep couldn't come to her, and so she did what she had been doing almost every time since Stefan left with Klaus. She stood up, dressed in the clothes she had worn that day. Before grabbing her diary however, she turned to the window, seeing a pitch black crow resting against her window sill. Instead of shooing it away like she would have normally done if it were just any bird, she opened the window and smiled.

''I'm fine, I promise. It just needs to sink in,'' were the first words she had spoken that night that weren't noncommittal sounds or movements of her head.

The crow didn't make a sound, but instead cocked his head to the side, staring at her in such a human way it sent shivers up her spine. Not shivers of fear, though, they were far past that point. Without sound she could just imagine him raising his brows, silently telling her was doubting every word coming out of her mouth.

Elena chuckled dryly before walking towards the window and she leaned forward, resting her forearms next to the crow. ''I'll be fine someday. That day is just not today, Damon. Everything is back to normal again with everybody else. Things just need to get back to normal in my head. But I will be fine,'' she told the crow, smiling genuinely now. That seemed to placate him, though, and the crow flew away. She sighed gratefully when she followed the bird, who flew past Jeremy's window, making her let out a small smile before she headed out of the door and she started walking to wherever her feet would lead her.

When the lights go down in Brooklyn
As she's walking out the door
Oh and they're lining up like soldiers
Going off to fight the war
And all the colors look like fireworks
In skies she knew before

She wrapped her leather jacket tightly around her as she kept walking. Before she knew it, she found herself in the woods.

She sighed with frustration. Of course. How come she always ended up here? So many things happened here to contribute to the place where she was now, so many bad things. This was the place where the tomb was opened, the place where Caroline had found Vicki's body, the place where she had given Stefan his first taste of human blood in so many years. Above all it was the predator's home base, the place where all the party-goers, hikers and obvious victims went, like food especially served for them on a silver platter.

Oh irony, she thought wryly as the tears silently started falling from her eyes. How stupid was it that this was the safest she felt had in months, safer than in her own damn home? Maybe because she was one of them now? It still was a concept she wasn't used to. She still didn't see herself as Elena the Vampire. But, she didn't see herself as Elena the Human either. Honestly she had no idea what to see herself as, and that was what hurt the most.

A calm went over her as she kept walking through the woods, pretending like she wasn't hearing the sounds of a crow in the distance. Instead of being annoyed, she was grateful that he was watching over her while still maintaining a respectful distance. That of course was the main reason she felt so safe now, but she knew that was a general feeling whenever her blue-eyed protector was around, something so comforting and familiar she welcomed instead of distancing from it, as she has been doing to most people lately.

The wind in her hair, the serenity that accompanied the silence when Damon had left and the bird's cries had ceased made her close her eyes for a moment, relishing in the quietness of the moment.

She had needed this, she had realized then, and the tears started falling in quick succession, although no sound came from her throat. She turned her head to the sky, and let the tears flow freely. It felt liberating, the way all the pain flowed through the veins, to the tips of her fingers and toes, so it could disappear together with the wind, far away from her, far away from Mystic Falls.

But the nights can't hide the days
That the tears roll down her face
And the light hits those eyes
And she's dying to say
Just take me away

She kept walking, and the tears kept falling. She didn't feel any despair or crippling pain however, which seemed an ever present emotion in everything she did ever since she had turned against her will. No, this time there was only a gaping emptiness that was crying for everyone that she had lost, a hole in her chest that sucked all the energy right out of her, making her drop to her knees with her eyes closed, her cheeks wet, and a small smile on her face.

She laid down on the slightly dew grass and stared out at the starry night, one of the only benefits that Mystic Falls beheld. She had found herself in a small meadow and slowly closed her eyes again. She had needed this closure, she had to give the pain a place and learn to live with it. The last thing she saw when she let the darkness took over, was a pair of brown eyes looking down at her with almost…pity…in their eyes, it seemed. But Elena was too tired to notice that. She was too tired to think of it as strange as the stranger crouched down next to her, and she wasn't even alarmed when that person started touching her daylight ring and started whispering to him/herself.

But the fog that sits like blankets
And it's drowning out the glow
You can hear voices loud and singing out
A song nobody knows
But to her it sounds like home

All Elena felt was a numbness, a calmness take over her entire body that she relished in. She never wanted to leave this place, where her smothering emotions didn't dictate her every move in life, where her bloodlust wasn't an everyday concern and didn't stand in the way of everything she did. No, she was just Elena. She had forgotten how to be just Elena, and the last thing on her mind before it succumbed to the darkness was I wish I could find a way to become me again, find freedom and a peace of mind that could let me live out my eternity as me; not as a shadow or empty copy of me.

But the nights can't hide the days
That the tears roll down her face
And the light hits those eyes
And she's dying to say
Just take me away
from all that I am

Just take me away, from all that I am

1863

Elena had woken up with a start, feeling a little lightheaded. Confusion clouded her mind when she felt a mattress under her. It felt more like a couple of sheets stacked with feathers, but the confusion was too consuming to dwell on that for too long. Opening her eyes took great effort, and she was half expecting to wake up in a hospital bed, knowing from thorough experience that those were also far from comfortable. She was surprised when she wasn't attacked by a harsh light that hurt her eyes like she had expected it to. Instead she was surprised by the dim light of an oil lamp next to her head, whose effect was more calming than anything. Her brain was still too fuzzy to register the hustle and bustle around her in the poorly lit room. Pretty, she thought dumbly when she saw the pinks and purples along the horizon that surrounded the surprisingly clear sunset. The throbbing in her head was too distinct to make her concentrate on anything else, but after what she assumed were a couple of minutes she seemed to be regaining her bearings and could open her eyes to their full extent. She could make out the voices now and the clicking of heels on the wooden floors.

''Ah, she's awake. Welcome back to the world, Miss. My name is Madeline, but everybody calls me Mimi,'' a girly voice told her cheerily, a stab occurring in her chest when it made her think of Caroline. The pain along her body was still too distinct to let her speak, though. The girl whom had introduced herself as Mimi, was young, probably around the same age as Elena, although Elena knew she looked older than she was. Mimi however, with her big green colored Bambi eyes, flaxen hair and petit body, looked truly the way a teenager was supposed to look. Her smile was sincere, but that wasn't why Elena had decided she was worthy of a response. Elena smiled at her, not because she seemed real, but because of the innocence in her eyes. She didn't know of the horrors that were living among them, walking around this earth this very second. Her life wasn't anywhere near as destroyed and hadn't ripped into pieces like it had with Elena. No, this girl was completely untouched by the horrors of reality, and Elena knew she would contribute in whichever way she could to keep it that way for however long that was possible.

''Hi,'' she croaked, to which Mimi immediately stood up to fetch her a glass of water. She supported Elena's neck so she could take a few sips before leaning back against the surprisingly feathery pillow. She sighed when she felt the liquid coat her throat, and she cleared her throat before smiling back at Mimi, holding back a frown when she saw Mimi walk around in a simple peasant dress that could have easily belonged in the time of the Salvatore's…she quickly put them in the back of her head before she started panicking and sobbing and thinking and she was enjoying the numbness, even though it was accompanied some by pain, which she endured wordlessly. She had been through worse.

''Where am I?'' she brought out.

''At the Salvatore Mansion in Mystic Falls, Miss. One of the stable boys had found you unconscious in the woods and had brought you back to the plantation. Master Salvatore has been informed of your arrival and offered you to stay for as long as you wished for. I am to be your handmaid. Would it be presumptuous of me to ask of your name, Miss?'' she asked with a polite curtsey.

Elena's eyes were wide as saucers, all the new information that had been thrown at her all swirling around in her head at a dizzying pace. Master Salvatore? Mansion, not Boarding House? Handmaid? And that dress, Jesus, what the hell was happening to her?

''Elena,'' she said softly, ''Elena Pierce.'' Did she seriously just say that? Oh, god, the panic was slowly settling in, but almost as soon as it had appeared, it disappeared as Alaric's voice sounded in her mind. Remember what I taught you, Elena, always stay calm. It doesn't matter in what situation you are or what problem you need to face, always keep your chin up and pretend like you have everything under control.

So that's what she did when Mimi explained to her she had taken the liberty to take off those 'horrid and strange' clothes of hers and put her in a long night gown they still had lying around somewhere. She didn't panic when she felt the corset straining against her ribs, and she tried not to cry when Mimi explained that Giuseppe Salvatore was willing to have her stay in their household until she deemed herself ready to go. Her tone was quiet and tired as she fed Mimi lie after lie, feeling immense remorse when she told her that her parents had died in house fire, and how her brother had gone missing a week after. She hadn't had a home on months ever since tragedy struck the Pierce family, and after hearing this, Giuseppe was more than happy to make her stay. She even was able to keep her bloodlust at bay, which was a feat in itself.

When everything was said and done, when she was lying down in her night gown, when she'd had a bath – after waiting for countless minutes as Mimi came in with buckets and buckets of lukewarm water – and she had made some small talk with her new handmaid, she found herself tossing and turning in her sleep in worry. Just when she thought things were dying down she reached the absolute climax of all the dramatic twists and turns in her life. She resigned herself to get some sleep and deal with the aftermath of this in the morning, her dreams filled with possible scenario's and things she could find out when she thought:

I'm in 1863. Before Katherine showed up.

Suddenly, the prospect of this new revelation left her with a giddy feeling in the pit of her stomach. Besides the dread of not knowing what the hell had happened to her and the fear of not knowing how to get herself out of this mess, she couldn't help but feel that she wanted the daybreak to come as soon as possible. There were only a few words that echoed in her head when sleep took over, and the panic made place for a strange mix of nervousness and elation.

You should have met me in 1864. You would have liked me.

Well, there you have the first chapter! I hope you guys liked it, and next chapter Elena will be introduced to this new life. Spoilers: she'll meet the Salvatore's, and a surprising ally that will be willing to help her (I always here the words''surprising ally'' in summaries in stuff, grabbed the first chance I got to use it myself for once, lol.

Anyway, I am quite nervous about this, and please review to tell me what you think and if you think I should continue. Ideas are always more than welcome :D

xoxo,

Layla