I did it for you. Always for you. You'll always be in my heart Roza...

These thoughts swirled around in my mind, never ceasing to torment me, whether I was awake or asleep I just couldn't get him off my mind or out of my heart, no matter how hard I would try. He didn't deserve it, he left me! He left me when I needed him most.

"mummy, mummy! Look at meeeee!"

I was bought out of my internal torment by the happy squeals of the most important person in my world. My gorgeous little girl, her shoulder length light brown hair waving around as she swung by her tiny legs on the monkey bars. Her grin, which reminded me so much of him, was wide on her cute little face and her dazzling brown eyes sparkled with mischief.

"wow baby! Look at you." I laughed, clapping my hands for her.

She jumped down and sprinted over to the mini climbing wall. It never ceased to amaze me how much energy my little girl had, at 3 years old she was a little bundle of terror, always getting into some sort of trouble when my back was turned. She was definitly a little Hathaway... I sighed, every time I thought i was ok something else would remind me of what my life should be like right now. Or at least what I would have loved for it to be like. She should have a different last name, his last name. But 3 years ago he ruined it, he chose wrong. It bought tears to my eyes every time I thought of it.

*flashback 3years ago*

Im so Late! I can't believe I overslept again! I'm going to have to invest in an alarm clock that doesn't have a snooze button and that I can glue to my desk, I've had too many thrown against the wall.

Although I knew it was more due to my lack of sleep after what I learned last night. It had taken me hours to get to sleep. I'd received the call from the doctor last night with my test results, After being sick for the last week and a half I'd had enough and decided to go see her. What she had told me was shocking but I was so happy. Scared to death, but so sooo happy. I couldn't wait to tell dimitri, he would be thrilled, I knew he always wanted kids and I was ecstatic that i could give that to him, I just hoped he would believe me even though I had no idea how we had managed to conceive, both being dhampirs and all, but he was my first and only so I knew without a doubt that this child was his.

I reached the gym doors just as someone pushed out through them, I was going too fast and before I could stop myself I crashed full force into a hard chest. The intoxicating smell of His aftershave hit me straight away.

"I'm soooooo sorry!" I panted "I'll never be late again, I swear!" I stood with my hands on my thighs, trying to catch my breathe. I looked up to see him just watching me, there was a hint of something in his beautiful brown eyes... Was it Pain? Sadness? Then it was gone, his guardian mask slipping into place.

"Roza...Rose, there wont be practice today." he started

"really?" I cut him off. I raised my eyebrows, he never cancelled our training sessions. He looked down, and let out a breath. Oh no, this would not be good, I just knew it.

"I'm leaving. Today. I've been given a guarding position and I've accepted it." he stated.

"what...no...why? Youre leaving? You're leaving me..." I whispered, I couldn't trust my voice. In that one sentence he managed to shatter my world, my heart felt like it broke into tiny little unfixable pieces.

"I'm sorry rose, it's just something I need to do." I looked into his eyes, trying to find the answers, I saw what looked like pain flash across his face. No, he was doing this to me, he was leaving me, he wasn't allowed to feel pain.

"who are you guarding?" I asked, keeping my voice flat, I knew who he was going to say before he said it.

"Tasha Ozera" He said.

That was enough to break what was left of me. I closed my eyes trying to fight the tears that were welling up, but I couldn't hold it back, a sob escaped my throat. I looked up at him as the tears spilled down my cheeks, "fine. Have a nice life Guardian Belikov." I spat at him. He visibly flinched at my use of his formal name, I turned to leave when he reached out and grabbed my arm.

"Roza, I'm sorry..." he sighed.

I ripped my arm out of his grip and with a final glare at him, I spun around and sprinted back to my room. Slamming the door shut behind me, I crumpled onto the floor and cried, the pain was unbearable, I cried for hours on the floor.

*end flashback*

"lexie, come on baby time to go" I called out to my daughter, who was now swinging on the swings. She looked at me but made no move to get off.

"Alecksa Marya B Hathaway you get you're butt over here now" I said more forcefully, crossing my arms to make me look serious.

She still made no move to stop so I stalked over to her, "alright, you want to play it that way?" I grinned Evily at her putting my hands on my hips. She stopped swinging when she saw the looK on my face. She knew what was going to happen.

"mummy noooooo" she squealed, giggling as I attacked her with tickles. She was rolling around on the ground now, trying to get away from my hands. I scooped her up swiftly and headed back home.

As we approached the royal housing I checked in with lissa to see if she was home, since I was her guardian and best friend I was given an apartment close to her, and since she was queen we had to be in the royal palace. My apartment wasn't anywhere near as big as Lissa's but it was more than enough for me and lexie. It was two bedrooms and had a large living room, the kitchen was only separated by the granite island counter top.

Much to my surprise I found lissa waiting outside my door. I could tell through the bond that something was up, she was nervous and afraid? But she had her blocks up so I couldn't tell why.

"hey liss, how long have you been waiting?" I asked her as I moved to open the front door.

"not long, I pretty much just arrived" she smiled nervously as she plopped herself down on the couch. "I need to talk to you..." she said, trailing off hesitantly.

"ok... Lexie baby go play in your room, I'll call you when dinners ready" I grabbed some items to make pasta from the fridge as I spoke. lissa came over and sat at the counter as lexie sauntered off to her room.

Lissa cleared her throat uncomfortably as she looked down at her hands.

"oh spit it out already" I huffed at her, surely it couldn't be that bad?!

She looked up at me. Indesicion crossing her features untill she finally spoke. "please, please don't be mad. I had nothing to do with it, I didn't even know untill an hour ago..." she started.

Id finished putting all the ingredients together and turned to her, I raised my eyebrows at her waiting for her to carry on, but she didn't. Instead she went back to looking at her hands.

"and..." I prompted her.

"tashas here. To stay. Permanently." she blurted out.

I froze. My eyes widened. I suddenly couldn't breathe, I placed my hands flat on the counter and focused on breathing. She was here. Which meant...

So was he...