Clint will not pretend to be eaten alive during any of Hagrid's classes. This is not funny. Not even during the Flobberworm class.
Clint will not sell pure-bloods pot brownies under the guise that they are 'Muggle brownies with that special twist'.
Clint will not make innuendos out of people's names when he is commentating on the Quidditch matches. This includes players, other students, other students' pets and professors.
Clint is not allowed to try and create 'his own special breed of hell' by combining a Blast-Ended Skrewt with a Chimera.
Clint will not keep a Chimera for a pet.
Clint will not keep a Blast-Ended Skrewt for a pet.
Clint will wear clothes at all times when in a public place. The excuse 'I'm wearing an Invisibility Thong, can't you tell?' is not a valid one.
Clint will not take out life insurance on the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher.
Clint will not ask Professor Snape if he can make lube from Polyjuice Potion
Barney is not an acceptable replacement for a Bludger.
'Voldemort is Coming To Town' is not a suitable Christmas carol
Clint will not steal Bucky's eyeliner. Bucky is very attached to his eyeliner.
Clint will not ask Peeves if he should call the ghostbusters.
Clint is not allowed to spend any unsupervised time with Peeves.
Thor's half-brother is Loki Laufeyson not 'the greasy reindeer'
Clint will not bet on the number of accidents that will happen in Potions nor will he bet on how many students cry because of Professor Snape.
Clint will not start a betting pool on the number of accidents and tears in Potions.
Clint will stop jumping off the Astronomy Tower because it's bloody terrifying and nobody can work out how he survives.
If Clint is a hawk Animagus, he will register.
Clint will not tell Tony and Bruce to get a room when they fight.
Bruce Banner does not want a flea collar. Or a Taser.
Clint will not supply Darcy with Tasers.
Clint will stop jumping into Natasha's arms every time he gets frightened.
Clint will not change any of the passwords to 'Clint Barton is a hot guy'.
Clint will stop pretending people are calling him 'Hot Guy' when he knows full well they said 'Hawkeye'
Dumbledore did not guide Hobbits through Middle-Earth.
The house-elves are not Hobbits.
Clint will stop singing 'Everybody Wants To Be A Cat' during Transfiguration before he gets turned into a cat.
Clint will not offer to buy Professor Fury a parrot to match his eyepatch.
Clint will not offer to buy Professor Fury a lightsaber.
Clint will not refer to Mad-Eye Moody as Long John Silver because he will be bounced around the Great Hall as a mouse. Again.
Clint will not tell Thor that Draco Malfoy ate the last of the Poptarts because last time he did Malfoy was in the hospital wing for three weeks.
Clint will stop referencing Loki's adoption when speaking to Loki.
Clint will stop offering to sell Barney to Loki as a 'better older brother'.
Clint will stop singing 'Jailhouse Rock' when he is in detention.
If any of these rules are broken then all 53 photographs Steve took of Clint while he was drunk will be sent to every person he has ever had a crush on, including his Muggle kindergarten teacher.
Signed by: Clint Barton. But come on guys! I'm brilliant.
No you're really not. T.S.