Very, very strange. Despite its strangeness, I hope you enjoy it somewhat. Full author's notes at the bottom! - Luna

This could not be happening.

He, the infamous Kaitou Kid, the Magician Under the Moonlight, the Heisei Lupin, awesome person, etc., could not be sick on a heist day.

Kuroba Kaito smothered his face in his pillow for half a second before realizing that was an extremely bad idea. He pulled away and rolled onto his back, hacking violently.

Why today, of all days?! He hadn't even been the slightest bit sick yesterday!

(Granted, Kaito had noticed he'd been sneezing a lot, and his head had been aching for days now, but he'd chalked it up to a certain detective thinking about him quite a bit and simply not drinking enough water.)

But that wasn't the point. His next heist was scheduled to commence in approximately seven hours, and Kaito was on major bed rest. Jii was on a well-earned vacation to England or Spain, and Kuroba Chikage was off in God knows where.

Kaito was on his own, drinking liters of tea and changing the damp cloths on his forehead while taking Tylenol in hopes of combating his hopefully low-grade fever and managing to make the heist.

His regimen wasn't working, to the say the least.

Kaito cursed, rubbing back his mess of bangs and starting as his hand brushed against his sweltering forehead. My God, I'm hot, he thought hazily, a delirious half-smile curling his lips as he thought of the other possible meaning for the phrase.

He pulled his blankets higher up and exhaled softly, the noise sounding loud in the still room. What am I going to do about the heist? Kaito wondered, his vision swaying near the edges.

Suddenly Kaito was startled from his reverie when he heard the sound of the front door being knocked on. There was a faraway click as the lock opened, and Kaito frowned, concerned. Who would break into his house at one in the afternoon?

The magician struggled to get out of bed, but the exertion caused his motions to become sluggish, like he was moving through sand. The world pirouetted before his eyes, and Kaito collapsed with a dull thump, half on the bed and half on the carpeted floor.

"Oh my God, Kaito, are you okay?" The next thing Kaito knew was that a pair of strong arms was gently, almost lovingly, lifting him back onto the bed.

What a considerate robber, Kaito's mind blearily thought as he closed his eyes in an attempt to force his sight to stop spinning.

"Seriously, Kaito, are you okay?"

A smile ghosted over Kaito's lips. A robber whose voice sounds exactly like Shinichi's. Not like Shinichi would care check up on me at one o'clock in the afternoon, during school hours, and would lift me onto my bed when I've collapsed.

"Kuroba Kaito, I swear to God, if you don't answer me within the next four seconds I am going to shorten your life span very, very drastically."

...Shinichi?

"...Shinichi?" Kaito squeaked. He opened his eyes weakly to find a bright, sapphire blue pair hovering over him, an anxious glaze settling over them.

Kudou Shinichi stepped back, fingertips pressed to a temple. "Clearly."

Kaito, wide-eyed, took in his lookalike's appearance. He was clad in Ekoda's dark blue gakuran, his hair an undecided combination of messy and neat, and he had grown a bit, so that he was slightly taller than Kaito himself. He could clearly be quite sarcastic and snide, but it was always somehow attractive in Kaito's opinion. Shinichi's skin was pale, but not in a sickly way, more of a porcelain doll sort of way. The features were expressive and near-perfect, the motions unintentionally smooth and seductive.

Basically, Shinichi was the sexiest person in the universe, and Kaito could totally understand how he'd fallen for him.

Back at the beginning of the school year, when Shinichi first transferred to Ekoda High School, Kaito had been shocked to see him of all people. After all, the last time Kaito had seen Shinichi, he'd been six years old. Not to mention that he had always been a Teitan student.

Thus, Kaito had befriended the serious and antisocial detective, discovering both his dry sense of humor and that he had transferred to Ekoda since things were insanely awkward between him and Ran. "I just don't love her," Shinichi had admitted, and in that moment, when Shinichi had been looking so somber yet so sure, Kaito had decided he was head over heels for Kudou Shinichi.

It was hard to keep the secret of Kid away from Shinichi. The detective was smart enough to have suspicions, but Kaito was sure to keep every bit of evidence (and Hakuba Saguru, who was prone to start spitting out his Kid theories to anyone) away from him. As much as he was in love with Shinichi, Kaito accepted that Shinichi most likely wasn't in love with him, and if Kaito did tell him about Kid, Shinichi would probably haul him off to jail. It was the heartbreaking truth.

"I came here to check up on you," Shinichi was saying, and Kaito was dragged to the present, "and this is the response I get. I had to cut class, and you know Yonehara-sensei isn't going to be happy about that."

"I know, I know," Kaito said, his words sounding slurred even to his ears. "You didn't have to come."

"Um, I hate to break it to you, but you kind of look like you're about to die," Shinichi scoffed. He glanced around for a moment before locating the thermometer. "Okay, open up," Shinichi commanded, tapping the glass against Kaito's lips almost teasingly, a gesture that made Kaito shiver.

Kaito dutifully opened his mouth, and Shinichi promptly stuck the thermometer in. He extracted it a moment later and read it. An eyebrow crept upwards. "Kaito, you do realize you have a fever of 39.5 ºC?"

"Ngh."

Shinichi sighed. He looked over at the nightstand, which was scattered with stray Tylenol and a half-full mug of tea. "Looks like I've got my work cut out for me."

And Kaito drifted into sleep as Shinichi stripped off his gakuran top.

Kaito woke up. He didn't know how long he'd been sleeping, but he did know he was feeling quite desperate. What if the heist time had already passed?

The door creaked open as Shinichi strolled in, carrying a medicine bottle and a new washcloth. He started upon realizing that Kaito was conscious. "You're awake?"

"Quick, what time is it?" Kaito croaked, sitting up fast enough that his head began to spin. A warm, wet cloth dropped off his forehead and into his lap, but he ignored it.

Shinichi blinked at him. "It's seven o'clock in the evening, why?"

"Dammit!" Kaito swore, trying to get out of bed, but Shinichi quickly set down the medicine and cloth and forced him back down.

"I'm going to be late," groaned Kaito as Shinichi held down his shoulders.

"For what?" snapped Shinichi.

"He..." Kaito's vision grew blurry. "Hei..."

The last thing he heard before he blacked out was the cool undertone in Shinichi's voice as he said, "Heist?"

When Kaito woke up again, he could feel a gnawing in the pit of his stomach that had nothing to do with hunger. It was clear, once he had given his bedside clock a cursory glance, that it was a few minutes past eight o'clock, and that he, the great, powerful, amazing Kaitou Kid...

...had actually missed a heist.

Kaito moaned, pressing his face into his palm. Undoubtedly he felt a million times better – he could actually moved normally without making his eyesight go all kaleidoscope-y – but the fact that he had actually missed a heist was completely insane. Not to mention he had the vaguest feeling that he, in his feverish state, might have let something slip to Shinichi.

Come to think of it, where was Shinichi? Kaito looked around his room to find it empty. The portrait of his father across the room from him looked undisturbed, which he thanked God for, but Shinichi was nowhere to be seen.

He probably doesn't want anything to do with me, Kaito decided with a grimace. Might as well check on the heist. Wonder what they're saying about me...

He donned a jacket and stumbled out of his room, using the walls as extra support, and into the living room. Half falling onto the couch, Kaito flicked on the TV – and nearly died of shock.

"Kaitou Kid's heist!" was the top story, and Kaito watched in disbelief as the screen displayed a person clad in a white top hat, suit, cape, boots, monocle, red tie, and blue dress shirt dexterously standing on thin air above an astounded task force. It seemed like the not-Kid and the force were in a large, domed display room, probably of the Nagasaki Museum, where Kaito's heist had been scheduled.

"Looks like the Amethyst Dream is mine!" the not-Kid shouted in a very triumphant and very Kid-esque voice, gripping the brilliant purple gem in one hand and a card gun in the other. Winking one eye shut, the not-Kid grinned and fired the card gun directly at the light fixture dangling over the empty display case, and the lights went out.

The darkness was accompanied by a loud boom that echoed throughout the room, and suddenly the TV screen was flooded with a cloud of pink smoke.

Kaito, frozen, could barely move.

The Amethyst Dream heist might not be remembered as the best or most amazing Kid heist, but it had been executed in a neat, clean, and very Kid manner, despite being done by someone who was most definitely not Kaitou Kid.

Kaito finally unfroze. Peeking down at the corner of the screen, he was relieved to find that the news report was being recorded live.

"That 'Kid' and I are having a little talk," Kaito growled, grinding his teeth as he ran for his front door.

Ten minutes of painful running later, Kaito found himself panting in front of the Nagasaki Museum. He stood at the rear of the crowd of Kid supporters, who were all cheering.

"How the hell am I supposed to get through all these people?" he bemoaned aloud.

Suddenly, the sight of a girl stepping out of the crowd, looking frantically from side to side, drew Kaito's attention.

It wasn't the franticness that intrigued Kaito, it was that the girl, simply speaking, was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. She had long brown hair tucked up in a bun, a few unruly cowlicks sticking up, and a strikingly long neck. A scandalously short blue collared dress clung to her tall, slender figure, bringing out the blue of her eyes, and the legs that arced out from underneath the dress were refined and shapely, leading down to a pair of white boots. She wore a white blazer and carried a large, most likely designer bag.

What was most surprising about her was that she looked vaguely familiar.

Kaito blinked. Wow. Without a second thought, he hurried over and stopped directly in her path. "Um..."

The girl stared at him. "Hell."

Hm? Kaito cocked an eyebrow, realizing that the girl's voice was a bit low for a teenage girl. "Have I met you before?"

She shrugged noncommittally, a liquid action that caused the bottom of her dress to rise slightly.

He stared. Something about her porcelain-like skin and fluid movements...

And then it hit.

"AH!" Kaito screeched, turning bright red. "Shin –"

Eyes widening, "she" lunged at him, hissing, "Don't –"

Unfortunately (or very fortunately, depending on your perspective), the "girl" had very bad aim, and somehow, "she" managed to tackle Kaito in a way where they both fell backwards, the "girl" on top. And somehow, due to the impact, the thief and the "girl" ended up with their lips pressed together.

It would be hard to describe what transpired after the two fell as chaste; Kaito decided to take full advantage of the position and turned the accidental pressing of lips into some kind of war between the...er... appendages located inside the mouths of human beings.

They finally broke apart, Kaito blushing radioactive red and the "girl" looking breathless.

Leaning down, Kaito whispered, "Thanks for doing my heist, Shinichi," into the panting "girl's" ear.

"No problem, Kaito," Shinichi/the not-girl replied, regulating his breathing. "Although I kind of got cornered near the end."

"Clearly, otherwise you probably wouldn't have resorted to taking off the pants, cape, and tie on the Kid suit, stuffing them into a bag, putting on a hair extension, and pretending to be a girl."

Shinichi groaned. "This is humiliating." He gestured at the getup.

"Not at all. I'll be the first to tell you that you look pretty damn hot as a girl. I'd definitely take you home."

"..."

"It's a compliment."

"...Right." Shinichi rolled his eyes before grinning a seductive grin that had Kaito's heart beating twenty times faster. "Well, you're welcome to do so."

"Hm?"

Shinichi's grin grew. "Take me home."

Kaito blinked in slight surprise for a moment before smirking a distinctly Kid smirk. He stood up, pulling Shinichi to his feet. "I suppose I will."

*awkward silence*

(coughs) Well, this was a very very very strange one-shot. I felt like I haven't been writing enough recently, so I decided to whip up something, and for some reason I got the ridiculously kinky idea to have Shinichi crossdress.

This is probably the strangest and most awkward fan fiction I've ever written. Apologies.

Anyway, hope you liked it. I know I didn't and that this is probably going to be really horrible. I'm too scared to read it over and check for spelling errors due to the horror of it having a crossdressing Shinichi, so, erm, yeah.

About that project of mine (mentioned in Luna's Drabbles): Might be finished. I'm not really sure that I'm going to; I've got the feeling it's a bit too cliché at the moment.

- Luna