I've been working on all my stories on the side and have written about three chapters for this particular story. Since it's a matter of copying and pasting for a couple weeks, I'm adding this to the list of my current stories and will be updating once a week.
People say she's only in my head
It's gonna take time but I'll forget
They say I need to get on with my life
The judge ruled in their favor. It wasn't intentional, the child just had a curious mind. Rachel sat on the bed as her mother packed up the jeans, sweaters, and long sleeved dresses. Knee socks were matched and rolled, tucked gently along the edges of the suitcase. Shelby's arm often swiped across her face, wiping away the tears she cried. She knew Rachel being found wandering the streets at one in the morning wasn't because the four year old was curious. Hiram and Leroy had left the girl on the porch. In the two months Rachel had been with her, Shelby had never experienced Rachel just walking off on her own. She wasn't the girl Hiram and Leroy had described in the courtroom. Of course the judge didn't listen to her, she had only known the girl for the two months and now the little girl was being removed from her care and returning to the Berry home. Rachel watched as Shelby pulled open the velcroed belly of her stuffed puppy and listened as Shelby told her not to tell her dads it was there and to call her if she needed help.
Rachel didn't understand. Why was her mommy crying? Why were the police taking her to her dad's house? She waved goodbye to the woman on the porch and gave her a bright smile. That smile faded the moment she got home. Clutching her puppy, Rachel tried to figure out why her daddies were telling her to not go anywhere near her mommy. She'd be in a lot of trouble if she was caught. Mommy was a bad woman. But what did she do? Her mommy was so nice during her stay. She tried to tell them the fun stories of her mommy but they shushed her and told her to forget about her mommy. She'd never see her again anyway.
But Rachel couldn't forget.
What they don't realize
Is when you're dialing six numbers just to hang up the phone
Driving 'cross town just to see if she's home
Waking a friend in the dead of night
Just to hear him say, "It's gonna be all right"
When you find the things to do not to fall asleep
'Cause you know she'll be there in your dreams
That's when she's more than a memory
Seven years later, the closet door opened. Hiram pulled Rachel up by her arm and told her to get ready for bed. The bedroom door closed and the tears streamed down her face once more. She used that word again. The word she was banned from using. Mommy. She threatened to run away to her mom's house and that was a mistake. She was placed in the dark closet until she cried over and over that she was sorry and wouldn't run away. She cried until she had no more tears to cry and sleep swept thickly over her eyes. Her pink dress was tossed on the floor and her pajamas took it's place. She climbed into bed and quickly fell asleep, clutching her puppy and thinking about her mom's face.
She woke up with a start and held her stuffed animal close. Her dream was perfect. Her mom had saved her. She wanted her mom. Her tiny feet tapped just slightly against the wood stairs as she crept to the kitchen. She didn't need to open the puppy's belly for the number; she had it memorized since she was five when she learned to read her numbers. The phone was picked up from the base and six numbers were dialed but a noise from upstairs startled Rachel and she slammed the phone down, grabbing a juice box and scurrying up to her room, telling her daddy she was thirsty as he walked down to his office to do some late night work. Leroy gave the girl a slight, uninterested nod and sent her to her room.
The next morning, Rachel got on her bike and began to peddle her way to school. But two blocks from her house instead of taking a right, Rachel took a left and went three blocks to the park and took a right. Another block passed and she crossed the railroad tracks, checking for a train first. The first street after the railroad tracks, Rachel turned to the right and peddled up the slight hill. Holding her legs out to the sides, Rachel road down the hill, marveled by her no feet talent. The familiar tennis courts were on her left and Rachel crossed throw the attached parking lot, coming to the street she wanted. The rather large white house was at the end of the block and Rachel slowly rode past.
She was too late. The red car was gone and the lights were off. Her mom had already left for work, wherever she worked. Crossing the tennis court parking lot, she rode up and down the hill, crossed the train tracks, passed the park and continued to school.
Took a match to everything she ever wrote
Watched her words go up in smoke
Tore all the pictures off the wall
But that ain't helping me at all
Two years passed and the thirteen year old sat on her bedroom floor. Pictures, a Halloween card, a ticket stub to a local play, and drawing of Rachel and Shelby were scattered in front of her. She had managed to keep the items hidden since she returned to her dads' house years before and she often went through the shoe box when she was sad. The garage door below her room rumbled open an hour and a half earlier than expected and the memories were abandoned on the floor until they could be safely tucked back in their secret hiding spot. Rachel ran down the stairs, greeting her dads in the kitchen and helped set the table for dinner.
The items on the floor were forgotten about until she heard Hiram yelling from the second floor. Her eyes widened and her bottom lip was caught between her teeth as she nervously chewed. Hiram and Leroy's yelling went unnoticed by the girl as she watched the match was struck and her mother's face turned to ash and the drawing disappeared quickly with the card right behind it.
What they didn't realize is it didn't make her forget. Her mother's smile and the way Shelby tucked her in at night, would always be in the back of her mind.
'Cause when you're talking out loud and nobody's there
You look like hell and you just don't care
Drinking more than you ever drank
Sinking down lower than you ever sank
When you find yourself falling down upon your knees
Praying to God and begging Him please
That's when she's more than a memory
Shaky legs, blurry eyes, a red Solo cup in hand. Her fourth of the night. She tripped over her own feet, her face crashing into the muddy grass but she made no move to get up. Hands grabbed her instantly, getting her to her feet. She leaned her tear and now dirt stained face on Kurt's expensively clothed shoulder, crying. She had never reached this point before. She had never allowed herself to hit rock bottom. Tonight, she gave in. He tried to take her back to his place to let her sleep it off but she wanted more, so much more that she'd finally forget.
But the next morning, her killer headache only reminded her of the reason for feeling so sick. She still couldn't forget.
She's more
She's more
'Cause when you're dialing her number just to hang up the phone
Driving 'cross town just to see if she's home
Waking a friend in the dead of night
Just to hear him say, "It's gonna be all right"
When you find the things to do not to fall asleep
'Cause you know she's waiting in your dreams
That's when she's more than a memory
She begged her boyfriend for three days. She just wanted to go by once. It had been four long months of grounding having been caught drunk by her fathers and six months since the last time she biked past Shelby's. She needed to see it just once to know her mom was still there. Finn's car pulled into the tennis court parking lot as instructed. She pointed to the house, telling him to take his time. Her breath caught, her mom was in front of the house. Her eyes stayed glued to the woman as the truck rolled by.
Shelby heard the car and turned her head to the street. Brown and green eyes locked. Something was familiar with the fifteen year old girl in the passenger seat but Shelby couldn't place it. No, she could place it but she didn't want to believe it. This was normal. The mom spent every waking moment searching for her face. She'd believed many girls to be her daughter but she never found her. The truck turned the corner and Shelby went back to her work, wiping the disappointed tears away.
She couldn't forget either.
People say she's only in my head
It's gonna take time but I'll forget
The crowd roared with applause but Rachel didn't move. Heels clicked from the right side of the stage, gently taking her hand and helping her off the stool. Her blank eyes blinked hard and found herself on the stage. A gentle hand laid on the middle of her back and Santana's softened eyes offered her sympathy as they walked of the stage together.
"Go on." Will said, motioning for Santana to join the rest of New Directions on stage to sing their final number. "Take as much time as you need, Rachel."
"Sorry." She whispered, smoothing the skirt of her dress. Not another word was stated and Rachel plastered on her best show face, entering the stage to join in the final performance for the invitational Will had set up between New Directions and Vocal Adrenaline.
The music stopped moments later, Rachel's eyes trained on her feet. The crowd applauded the group one last time and Rachel raised her head. The team stood still, waiting as the host gave them their final introduction. Rachel's eyes darted around the auditorium, unable to focus on one thing for more than a few seconds. That was until her eyes fell on the woman in the third row, dead center. Her dry lips parted and her breathing sped up. Her eyes never left Shelby's, even as she walked off the stage.
Shelby got up from her seat during the break after New Direction's performance and she headed off to find Rachel. She knew it was risky but she had to take the chance. This moment may never come again.
Rachel had the same thoughts and she rushed through the long hallway that poured into the lobby. Her eyes scanned the room in search of Shelby, hoping the woman was still around. A rough hand grabbed her arm and spun her around. Hiram's angry eyes bore into her and Rachel winced in pain as Hiram's grasp tightened.
"Why is she here?" Hiram asked. "How did she know you were performing tonight?"
"Who?" Rachel asked.
"You know damn well who I am talking about." Hiram gritted, trying to keep his voice down. "Why is Shelby here?"
"I don't know." Rachel truthfully told him. Shelby hadn't been sitting there during her duet with Finn or her solo and Rachel didn't know she was the coach of Vocal Adrenaline.
The weekend had been hell for Rachel. Her dads made her leave the invitational without even being able to tell anyone she had to leave, Rachel's absence worried Shelby but she had no idea where the Berry's lived as they had moved after Rachel had been returned to them when she was four. The men had gone through every nook and cranny of her bedroom, searching for anything that might possibly be Shelby related. They didn't find anything as there was nothing to find, except for her phone number and Rachel was thankful they had over looked the puppy sitting on her bed. On top of losing the privilege to attend driver's ed, she was now being taken to and from school either by her dads or her elderly neighbor, Rachel's phone was taken away and she was banned from being apart of glee.
Rachel walked into school Monday morning and went directly to her locker. She was suppose to tell Mr. Shue that she was going to have to quit but she planned to tell him later in the day, at the beginning of glee club. Santana and Quinn came around the corner, spotting their friend. Rachel closed her locker and turned to go to her class when she spotted the pair.
"Hey, midget you're alive." Santana teased.
"Yeah, what happened to you Saturday night? And why didn't you answer your phone at all?"
"Family emergency." Rachel shrugged, fixing the strap of her backpack to rest more comfortably on her shoulder. "And I'm grounded from my phone for awhile for smarting off to my dads."
"Damn." Santana pouted. "Our late night text sessions are gonna suck without you."
"Sorry." Rachel replied.
"Do you know when you'll get it back?" Quinn asked.
"Two weeks or so." Rachel said, unsure if she'll ever get it back. "But, look, I better get to class. I have a test first hour."
Rachel left the girls and went up to the third floor to her first class. The day went by faster than Rachel wanted it too. The glee kids were gathered in the choir room, surprised that Rachel was the last one to arrive. Will was stapling the last few packets of sheet music for the day's assignment and Rachel asked to speak to him privately.
"What's going on?" Will asked, already seeing the misery on Rachel's face.
Her bottom lip quivered as she began to speak. "I regret to inform you that I can no longer be a member of the New Directions."
"What? Why?" Will asked. Surly he had heard her wrong.
"My dads just think it takes up too much of my time." Rachel lied. "I'm sorry but I have to go, my dads are picking me up and are probably waiting for me."
"Maybe I can talk to them?"
"It's fine. Don't worry about it." Rachel brushed him off. "Tell everyone, that I'm sorry and if they need help with glee assignments, I'm willing to help. Please?"
"Of course." Will nodded as Rachel left the room, ducking her head to avoid the looks that were thrown her way.
Rachel wiped her tears away as she went outside to see if her dads had arrived. The parking lot was nearly empty and the rain was soaking Rachel's jacket. She stepped back a few feet to be underneath the over hang and out of the rain. Her dads said if they weren't at McKinley by 3:45 to walk home. She didn't check the weather before hand and wasn't expecting it to rain, leaving Rachel without an umbrella. Five minutes to four, Rachel sighed, knowing it was time for her to start walking. The rain had settled into a light sprinkle and Rachel hoped she would be able to get home without it pouring.
Just two blocks from school, Rachel stood on the street corner, waiting for her turn to cross the sorta busy street. As she stepped into the road, a car honked at her and she jumped back onto the sidewalk. The black SUV came to a stop along the curb and Rachel knew who the car belonged too. She took a few steps into the road but walked over to the car as the door opened on the driver's side. Shelby stepped out of the car, hugging her arms close to her body as the steady rain pelted her face.
"Rachel?" Shelby half whispered out.
"I can't be seen with you." Rachel said. "I'm sorry, Mama."
"I just wanna talk to you for a few minutes." Shelby begged,moving closer to Rachel. "Please, I promise they won't know."
Rachel looked around, just in case her dads might be around to pick her up and when she didn't see them, she looked at Shelby and shook her head. It was too risky. Her dads could be anywhere, watching her every move. She bit her lip and tried to find a steady voice. Most of all she was holding back from running into her mother's arms.
"I have to go." Rachel said.
"I love you, Rachel." Shelby said.
"I love you too, Mama." Rachel responded and slowly crossed the street
The SUV didn't move an inch as Rachel continued to her house and stayed in it's spot until Rachel was out of sight. Her dads' cars were in the drive when Rachel got home and she walked into the house, making sure to keep her wet shoes off the carpet and hung up her jacket.
"I'm home!" Rachel called out.
"Keep your voice down." Leroy hushed her as he came out of the office. "We're trying to work. You need to get started on your chores and homework."
"Yes, Sir."
Rachel grabbed a quick snack from the kitchen and went up to her room. Most of her homework was done but she opened her Spanish book to study for the quiz at the end of the week. She continued to study as she did her chores, finishing before dinner was ready. Rachel set the table and poured three glasses of water. Hiram and Leroy came in, each grabbing their plates and scooping the contents of the crock-pot onto their plate. Two cans of soda were grabbed from the fridge and the men slipped back into the office, shutting the door. Rachel got up and peered into the meat filled pot, making a noise of disgust. She made her own dinner and sat down by herself to eat. After dinner, she washed up all the dishes and retreated up to her room. Well, what was left of her room.
At one time the walls were completely filled with posters, Playbills, and magazine clippings of her favorite Broadway shows and Broadway legends. The walls had been so filled that hardly any yellow paint could be seen. She got up from her bed and sat down on the overstuffed chair in the corner of her room. The bookshelf to her right was empty, except a few non-musical or Streisand related DVDs. All of her CDs, DVDs, and sheet music was in the outside trash can with her posters and other wall decor. She missed the way her room looked before but after her dads had done some research on Shelby, they learned she was the coach of New Direction's rival, Vocal Adrenaline and had once done some off Broadway work. This was the reason for her dads removing everything Broadway and banning her from glee.
Tuesday morning, Rachel was bombarded by over half the glee club.
"What the hell Berry?" Puck asked.
"Your dads can't be serious about making you quit glee." Kurt said.
"I'm sorry." Rachel whispered, her voice cracking just slightly.
"Why didn't you tell us?" Santana asked.
"Everyone was so excited from winning the invitational, I didn't want to ruin it. I figured it would be better to wait." Rachel explained.
"Will you be able to come back?"
"I don't think so Artie." Rachel shook her head.
Slowly the group dispersed, leaving Rachel, Quinn, and Santana. The two cheerleaders followed Rachel to her locker.
"I don't get it." Santana said. "I mean you get all your school work done during the day and glee only runs until five. I know you're constantly trying to come up with creative ideas but its not like you're unable to do other things, like chores."
"Something's up with you." Quinn said. "Rach, the three of us have been friends for three years. Three long and secretive years. Now you're acting stranger than usual."
"It's nothing. I'm just upset about having to leave glee."
"You're lying." Santana said and Rachel let out a deep sigh.
"It doesn't matter anyway, they've mad their decision and it's final. I can't be in glee anymore."
Quinn looked at her friend with worry. The blonde knew about Rachel's home life but both her and Santana had promised not to say a thing to anyone. Now that Rachel knew Shelby was the coach of Vocal Adrenaline, she really didn't want to tell her friends more about her mother. They didn't even know Shelby was at the invitational and she wanted to keep it that way for the time being.
"Well if you can't be in glee anymore." Quinn said, spotting Sue down the hall with handfuls of freshly dry cleaned uniforms in her hand. "Who says you can't join the Cheerios?"
"What?" Rachel asked, confused. She glanced over at Santana, who wore the same smirk as Quinn.
"Hey coach!" Santana called, dragging Rachel up to Sue.
A/N: Thanks for reading!
The song used is called More Than a Memory by Garth Brooks.