"Ugh, Caroline! I'm telling you if there is one ounce of you that actually cares about me you will not make me go to this party!" For weeks now all I've heard about was the fantastic birthday party Caroline was throwing for her boyfriend Stefan. Now don't get me wrong I have nothing against Stefan, in fact he was one of the first people to befriend me at NYU. No my problem with this party went much deeper than that.

"you have to go! Stefan knows why you always act weird him, but what would he think if you missed his birthday party, that's just mean. He shouldn't be punished for your history with Damon, the only person dragging this out and making these gatherings awkward is you. It's been four years Elena, don't you think it's time to grow up and move past all this nonsense" and she was right; A little harsh, but right and I needed to hear it. Stefan should not be punished for my childish behavior towards his brother; although I was sure to hear it from his brother when we finally see each other again.

"you know what, you're right. It has been like what? Four years?" it had been. I had no idea why I was acting as if I wasn't sure of it. "I can do this, we're both adults, and we've both moved on" I wasn't sure if I was just stating a fact or trying to convince myself of it.

"Exactly!" Caroline responded with way too much enthusiasm which was only to be expected from my bubbly best friend.

"alright, well I'm gonna go get ready before I talk myself out of this again" and with that we hugged and said are goodbyes, I paused just outside her front door and took a deep breath and thought I'm finally going to face the huge mistake I made four years go head on, the mistake with eyes as blue as the ocean that could see into the depth of my very soul.

"I'm screwed"

I stopped and took in my appearance in the full length mirror, once I deemed myself suitable and made my way to my car and headed towards the restaurant. I kept telling myself that the buildup of nerves was just telling me this was going to be a bigger disaster that it really was but I knew better. If anyone could hold a grudge it was Damon Salvatore, when you where on his good side, or even better on the small list of people he loved he really had your back and would do anything for you, but heaven help you if you were on the receiving end of things, and somehow I had gotten myself just there.

How had this happened? How had we gotten here? How had we been so close and in love for two years only to have me standing outside a restaurant that I had been to over a hundred times pacing back forth trying not to break out into a full on panic attack. Although I didn't really need to keep asking myself these questions because I already knew exactly how we had gotten here; I had gotten here all an my own, I had ruined my own chance at happiness with one simple emotion…

…Fear.