Dark Deeds

It was strangely anti-climactic when Helios stepped out of the room and faced them. The doors were open, and they could see that no one was left inside but Morgana, sitting on the throne. She watched with a detached amusement as her ally was stuck by a sword that hadn't even been directed at him, for he wasn't there seconds before.

Arthur just looked, taking a deep breath, before turning to Tristan and Isolde.

"You should go and help the others. We can deal with her."

Tristan seemed about to argue the point, but Isolde tugged on his sleeve and gave a meaningful look and they were gone. Arthur had to take a deep breath before walking inside the room, Gwen and Merlin close behind. This was not to be shared with people that had never know Morgana before all of it.

"Welcome, dear brother" she said, smirking. "It's been far too long."

Arthur put his sword away, showing he meant no harm, as she stood.

"I'm sorry if you had a difficult reception" she said, sounding light and fun, as all those years ago. "It's hard to know who to trust these days."

He didn't miss the way her voice grew dark with this words, or how she was looking at his friends behind him as she uttered the sentence.

In a few seconds, they were face to face, close to each other, and he felt his heart wrench as he looked at her.

"What happened to you, Morgana?" Arthur asked, honestly unable to understand.

They had been so close, and somehow, at some point, it all had become a mess and he lost her, and although it was hard for him to admit, it had hurt him far more than losing Agravaine or even Uther. This was the girl he had grown up with, the first woman he thought to marry, the sister he always had and never knew.

She had teased him and mocked him, yes, but she also had been honest and called him on his mistakes. She had made him the man he was today as much as Uther and Merlin and Gwen. Now she was a stranger, a sunken figure in the midst of rage and revenge, and he honestly had no idea how that had happened.

"I thought we were friends" he added, sadly.

"As did I" she answered promptly, her voice soft and low, just before her eyes hardened and her voice rose. "Alas, we were both wrong."

Once, maybe, he might have thought of Morgana as a porcelain doll that might be destroyed by falling but now he could see the steel underneath it. She had never been supple, and she would break before she bended. In that, she was just like their father. Yet, he had to try, for all the years she had been the most important woman in his life.

"You can't blame me for my father's sins" he said, trying to control the agony that he felt when he saw the unreachable distance between them.

That made her laugh, a high and half-crazed sound. He had no idea why she was doing it, and it made his very soul feel cold. He was being torn from inside as he saw that something essential about Morgana had vanished in the solitude and the pain she had passed in the last years, something that had been lost through seasons of schemes and betrayals.

"Oh, Arthur, this is not about Uther's sins – it is about yours."

Her gaze moved to encompass the three of them, and Arthur looked back for a split second, confused.

"What can we have done to you to deserve such hatred" asked Gwen, her voice pleading, behind him, stepping closer. "We were your friends!"

Morgana gave a tiny shake of head at that, and smiled cruelly before she answered.

"You have a fine way of showing it, then" she said, raising her eyebrow. "With secrets and lies, betrayals and poison"

"What are you talking about?" asked Arthur, and Merlin stepped closer.

"This is between us, Morgana, they have nothing to do with it."

She looked at his manservant, and there was a different kind of hatred in her eyes.

"Is it now, Merlin?" she smiled, devilishly. "You are very keen to assume you know all lies, aren't you? Should we tell them why is that?"

Arthur knew he was missing some important part of the conversation, but he felt Merlin moving even closer, yet, Morgana didn't even flinch.

"Sure, you lied to me, betrayed my trust and poisoned me" she went on, with a shrug. "But it isn't all about you. They both have done their share, haven't they?"

Morgana's eyes turned again to Arthur and Gwen, as she stepped closer to the maid.

"Dear Gwen… Who never once told me she knew why Arthur was moving away from me, who didn't voice her feelings until I found by myself, who went behind my back to seduce the prince of her dreams" she taunted, before turning back to Arthur, and touching his face lightly, with an affection that felt like a dagger. "And noble Arthur, who never once thought about telling me that all his promises had been for nothing."

She leaned closer, whispering in his ear.

"Do you remember it, Arthur? The first time you kissed me? And the day promised you'd never leave? Do you remember when you swore I'd be your queen?"

He closed his eyes, knowing that he should have said something earlier, and wondering how much she had actually loved him, and how much she hated him for falling for someone else.

"We were children" he said, stiffly. "You are my sister – my father would have never allowed it."

"I was already your sister when you decided to share my bed" she said, loud enough for the others to ear, and he felt the pain in Gwen's gasp. "And that's not something children do."

Arthur closed his eyes, wondering if he could ever make it right, for everything she said was true – he had betrayed her trust, even if it had been years since they had actually done anything apart from courtly flirting and teasing. He should have been gentle and should have talked to her, for she was still his friend, instead of waiting for her feelings to die naturally and hope that she'd figure it out for herself and understand he couldn't help it.

"You are right, I should have been more honest with you" he said, evenly. "But that is no excuse to inflict pain in innocent people…"

"You know what was worst?" she asked, cutting his speech. "It wasn't that you fell for someone else, it wasn't even that it was Gwen, although the Goddess only knows why you would pick her. It was that you left me alone – both of you" and then she turned again, staring at Merlin, and Arthur didn't dare to turn and see the expression on his friend's face. Her eyes moved back to focus on all of them before she went on. "All of you, when I needed the most. You knew I couldn't sleep – you knew that Aredian had come for me after incriminating Gaius, you knew how scared I was – and Merlin even knew I was guilty, that I had to fear for my life every day. And yet, none of you cared enough to stand by me."

"I didn't leave you" said Gwen, and Arthur could hear her voice cracking. "I never left your side."

"You had your head in the clouds and stopped talking to me unless you had to. You – all of you – started treating me as if I was crazy. Now, I am crazy, and you all have your share of guilt in that – you and the people that allowed Uther to rule over them, the knights that enforced his laws, the heir that made perfectly clear how he feels about me and my kind."

Her eyes were hard, and there was no forgiveness in them.

"You could have talked to me – to us" said Arthur, and she cackled.

"Before or after you pressed me against the wall wondering what I knew about the spell that made everyone asleep? Before or after your manservant poisoned me?"

Some wounds were just too deep to be healed, and yet, she softened a bit as she looked at Arthur, and he felt a glimmer of hope.

"I could forgive you" she said, her hand back in his face, looking straight into his eyes. "You could stand by me, and change the law. You could say them away, and we could rule Camelot together, as we were always meant to".

Arthur couldn't control the shudder that passed his body, and it was enough of an answer to Morgana.

"You made your choice, then" she said, taking a step back. "If you won't love me, by gods, you'll fear me. I will enjoy killing you, Arthur Pendragon."

He knew, then, that there would never be a way to right the wrongs that had been done, to gain her back, and if he was a lesser man, he would have fallen on his knees; for it hit him like a deathly blow. Yet, deep down, he knew it would come to this. He took the sword in his hand, and felt Merlin and Gwen get ready to fight.

That led Morgana to scoff at them.

"Your blades cannot stop me" she said, with a wicked grin. "Not even your pet sorcerer can defend you now" she said, looking to his right.

Arthur forgot all caution and turned to see Merlin's turn to a scowl and as Morgana begun to chant a spell, his friend's arm rose as if he could stop it with his bare hand, and it was too much, the world was spinning and he was falling forever as both Merlin and Morgana spoke strange words and Gwen screamed, his world turned upside down and his arm shaking too much to hold the sword.

Arthur could feel as his mind snapped, denying the evidence from his eyes, because all his life had been a lie and all his certainties had been broken, and all his decisions had been wrong. He fell and fell and fell, learning all the truths that he hadn't wanted to see and seeing all the mistakes he made.

There was no way back, for any of them, and he lay there, his mind shattered, lockdown inside his own misery.

Camelot had no king.