WTH?! What is this random angsty crap? Where did it come from?! I can't even, I can't, I... It's midnight, and it was swimming around in my head. Figured I might as well type it out and post it up. Enjoy?
Warnings! Implied ZADR and dark/suicidal emo stuff. Haters, guess what? I DONT CARE. :P
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Memorized numbers were punched in roughly by clumsy, pale fingers, while the opposite hand clutched the phone hard enough to break it, knuckles jutting out, having gone white with the pressure. The human's thin legs were drawn up to his chest protectively as he sat on his bed.
Holding the phone up to his ear, Dib tried to calm his breathing but he couldn't.
His skin was paler then usual. He was thinner then usual. His raven-black hair was messy, like it hadn't been combed in days. He hadn't showered in days. He hadn't slept in days. His eyes were bloodshot.
Please.
Please.
Please.
He heard the dial tone. He heard the ringing.
Pick up. Be there. Be there this time.
Please.
One fist clenched ever harder on the communication device, the other fisting on his bed sheets as he waited.
He knew deep down he'd get the same response he always did. But for those few seconds that the ringing lasted, his hope still lived.
For those last few seconds, his life still had a glimmer of hope, and Dib clung to it with ferocity, even as it danced on the edge of a knife. If only those few undecided seconds could last on forever.
But they didn't. The seconds passed.
"Please leave a message at the sound of the tone."
Dib felt like he'd died inside one too many times. He had a sensation like a dagger twisting into his gut, and for a moment, he thought he'd be sick. The message was standard, robotic. He couldn't even be given the grace to hear a recording of the voice he hadn't heard in so long.
How long had it been anyway? Long enough to give him an extreme reaction. Long enough for him to realize how much that one being effected him. Long enough to suck out his will.
The facts were, Zim wasn't home. He still wasn't home.
He would never come home.
The once young boy, full of life energy, was now a mid-teen, who had never mentally gotten past those few best years of his life that had been cut short without anyone even explaining why.
Now Dib had only one thing left to do with himself. One thing left to write into the story of his life. One last time to pour out everything within his aching, skewered heart, like he had every day, for more days then he could count, onto a dust covered messaging machine in old, disproportioned greenish blue house that was falling apart.
Zim wasn't home.
He'd told himself he'd try just one more time.
But Zim wasn't home.
"Please leave a message at the sound of the tone."
It was the only thing left for him to do.
A long pause followed after the beep noise, filled only with the sound of poorly controlled, laborious human breathing, then a horribly broken, soft voice.
"Hey Zim."
Another long pause followed as the earthling tried to gather his words and some shaky breaths.
"I-I really hope that someday you'll come back, and hear this. It probably won't make any difference to anything, and I don't know if you'll ever come back at all, b-but I need to at least say this, and hope that it might get to you, somehow, even if it's hundreds of years before you hear it. It would, make me feel better somehow, to know you got this.
...
I wonder if you'd still remember me by then.
You still remember me now right? I-It's me, Dib."
The human's voice shook.
"We did a lot of stuff together, here on earth.
...
Do you remember? All our battles? The school? The w-woods with the lake in the park? The Swollen Eyeballs? My sister Gaz? My dad, Professor Membrane? Halloween? ...Valentine's day?
Do you remember Zim? By the time you get this?
...
I ... I remember everything. I think about it everyday, I think about you everyday and I can't stop thinking about it ever.
I could never forget you. You were everything to me for years. I never had anyone like you. I don't mean because you're an alien, I mean because you CARED Zim.
You were the only one who ever gave me that. No one else at school, not even my own family ever cared about me -but you did! And that meant everything to me.
I miss you Zim. You're still the only one who's ever cared, and now you're gone."
Dib's voice was breaking more and more. He had to pause to get control himself.
"Where ARE you Zim?
Where did you go?
Why did you leave?
You left me alone here. There's no one who could ever take your place. No one cares... No one cares. You cared, no one else... And I can't TAKE it anymore.
I miss you. It HURTS. I can't think about anything else, I don't care about anything else, I just want you back. I'd do anything. I've already done everything I could.
I came to your house every day, several times a day even. I've called every day when I couldn't go, you're never there.
Where did you go?
I miss you Zim.
...
I never realized it until you left, but without you I have nothing.
I have nothing left.
I just don't care anymore!
I can't take it anymore!
At school they tease me, beat me up, and my dad doesn't even come get me and take me to the hospital with a concussion. Supposedly I'm lucky to be alive, but I'm NOT 'lucky'. If I were lucky, either you'd be here, or I'd be dead.
I can't take it!
I've tried. I've tried everything. For you, for myself, nothing... There's nothing for me anymore.
I can't feel anything but pain, this aching in my chest, my entire body, and it never stops. There's nothing I can even think about that doesn't hurt.
You gave me everything I could ever need, I was HAPPY around you. You gave me things I've never felt before, Zim, I LOVED you.
...
I loved you.
Everything could have been perfect. We could have had everything and then you left.
...
You didn't even say goodbye.
...
You just left.
...
...
Was it me?
I swear, I promise Zim, if I did something wrong I'll fix it, I'll do anything! I've already done everything I possibly can think of! I'm sorry! PLEASE, come back. I NEED you Zim."
The boy broke down sobbing, clutching the phone, he bed squeaking as he rocked back and forth in time with the throbbing in his head, spawned from ever growing mental instability.
"I-I don't care, how primitive, or pathetic you think I am. I'd do anything, be anything, for you. I don't care what you'd do to me, I just need you back.
When you left you took something away from me, and now I just can't even get up in the morning.
I can't feel anymore.
I just miss you.
I called, I've searched, I've done everything I can.
You're not coming back, are you?
I've had dreams that you did, and then I'd wake up, and find out you were still gone.
It hurts... Worse then anything I'd ever imagined before now.
..."
There was more sniffling, and soft sobbing, as Dib fought for control over his voice.
"But, anyway, I just... I just wanted you to know all that. I needed... I needed to tell you how I felt, before... It's all over.
...
I can't take it anymore Zim.
I miss you so much.
I've waited and waited and you never came back.
No one else cares.
Nothing can make me happy anymore.
I've tried everything, I've tried so hard but I just can't do anything anymore. I just can't put up with what's left of my life after you left; you took my spirit.
...
If you get this, by the time you do, I-I probably won't be here anymore.
I told myself I'd call one last time.
...
But you still weren't there.
So I guess this is goodbye.
...
I love you Zim. Everyone's right, I'm mentally unstable, crazy, and everything else. My mind doesn't work right I guess, and I obsessed over you too much, for too long. Now I... I can't...
You were my life, and now I can't live without you.
...
I haven't really made up my mind yet, and not on how I'm going to do it either.
I just want the pain to stop.
If you're already gone, if that's why you didn't come back, maybe I'll see you once I go through with it too.
I don't... I don't want to die. I want to live to see you come back and to... To hold you again, l-like that one-one time you let me, r-remember? You even let me k-k-kiss y-you..."
Dib broke down sobbing harder then ever, the phone slipping from his hand along with his will.
It was several long, tear-filled minutes before he could pick up the phone again and attempt to finish.
"I... I loved you Zim. And you acted like... You might have even loved me back. You let me get close to you, and hold you, and I'd never been happier in all my life. I could never have dreamed... You made me so happy... You were everything to me.
I'll always love you Zim.
...
...
...
I... I should probably finish this...
I've said everything I can think of, even if I can't say it enough.
...
I tried before, but I think, after this message, I might actually go through with it.
I just need to find something quick, easy, and painless.
I don't want to die Zim, but I can't live without you. You were everything.
I wish you'd have come back. But you haven't.
It's been... So long. I don't think you're coming back.
...
So...
...
I guess... I guess that's it.
...
Goodbye Zim.
I miss you
I love you...
...
I'll always love you.
...
Goodbye Zim."