Sleep eludes Dean.

He stands just outside their hotel room, trying to block out the distant, phantom screams of the past year—hell, the past lifetime—that echo through his head. Sam is inside, asleep maybe, he hopes. And maybe this time it will stick.

Maybe. Hopefully. He utters a short, humorless laugh and looks up at the clear, cold night sky, dotted with stars. There are no answers there. He automatically locates the constellations he and Sam know, ticking through his mental checklist of familiar outlines and finding a strange comfort in the simple ritual. Maybe if he hangs out in front of the hotel all night, then Sam will sleep. At least one of them should.

He can't keep doing this.

"Dean."

He turns and sees Sam in the open doorway, shifting to tuck his arms around himself and pull his coat closed. Dean smiles grimly. "So, not sleeping." It's not a question.

Sam shrugs. "Not so much. What about you?"

"Tryin' to quit," he jokes lamely, and Sam humors him with a smile.

"Okay," Sam says, coming over to stand beside Dean. "I've been trying to figure out how to say this to you without getting the trademarked Dean Winchester eye-roll and brush-off, but there's just no way around it. So let's have it. Talk, man."

"Talk."

"Yeah, Dean. Come on. Tell me about the dreams.

"They're not dreams, they're flashb— And I don't 'talk,' Sam, so forget it. Thanks anyway."

"It can help. I can… I'm here for you, I just want you to know that."

"Oh, Jesus!" Dean flung a hand up in exasperation and stepped away, turning back to glare at Sam. "Are you kidding me with this? Just, don't. Seriously."

Sam clutched his arms tighter around himself. "So, what then? Go on like this, not sleeping? Or waking up screaming in the middle of the night?"

"I don't—"

"You do. Dean, do you think I don't hear you? Do you think you're fooling me when you go lock yourself in the bathroom and run the water for an hour? Because I can hear you crying—"

"Shut up." Dean's hands are balled into fists, and he's forgotten to breathe.

"—and yeah, I leave you alone because I know you, and you don't want me to see, but fuck this, Dean. Fuck all of it."

Dean is glaring at his feet because he can't look at Sam, because he's been inches from breaking down for weeks, maybe months, and he'll see the permission to go ahead and do it in Sam's eyes. Go ahead and be brought down by this coiled spring of acid brought on by so much fear and tension and killing, and scream, maybe never stop screaming. And then what will be left to hold either of them up anymore?

"You can't bury it," Sam says. "It comes out. It always comes out. I know."

He laughs then, bitterly, derisively. "Oh, I know you know. Trust me. I've been taking care of your crazy long enough to know that shit can't be buried."

Sam's head jerks back as if he's been slapped, and Dean's glad. He meant it to hurt, delivered it like a blow to drive his brother away, at least get him to shut the hell up and stop opening wounds that he was trying to let fester in peace. But Sam recovers quickly, his eyebrows drawing together and tilting his head to stare intensely at Dean.

"I know," he says too quietly, and that just makes Dean's chest ache in remorse.

"Sam, look…"

Sam shakes his head and swallows. "What about… can you talk to Benny?"

"What—Benny? What do you mean? About feelings and crap? Fuck no! Sam…"

"I want you to be able to talk to somebody. So if it's not me. If you… can't trust me, or if we… you know, if things have changed, if it's that different between us…"

Dean feels the edge of his anger suddenly go dull, and he looks up at his little brother, still with his arms tucked defensively around himself, his large hands digging into the armpits for warmth. Sam's not looking at him. His eyes are glassy, rimmed with tears that haven't fallen, and fixed on a point far above them, on the stars, the familiar constellations of a thousand night skies they once shared.

"It's important," Sam said. "You need something… someone… to hold on to, sometimes. You know?"

He closes his eyes for a second, a fraction of a second longer than a blink, and the tears fall. He turns his head quickly, bringing a hand up to brush them away, and Dean pretends he didn't see.

He thinks about how funny it is to hear Sam lecture him on being okay. And then something slams into him like a ton of bricks.

"Who do you have, Sam?"

Sam looks at him, confused. "You," he says. "I have you."

"That's not what I mean. When I was gone, who… ?"

"Oh." Sam looks down. "Dean, don't. This is about you."

"I want to know, Sam. You said there was a girl. Amelia. Were you close to her?"

"We…" Something like pain flickers in Sam's eyes. "We needed each other. For a while."

"And then?"

"Dean."

"You needed me and I wasn't here," he guesses.

"Not your fault," Sam says quickly.

"No. Right. I know. Still. Was it okay? Were you… okay?"

"I… kind of lost my mind a little," Sam admits, allowing a nervous half-smile that fades quickly, "thinking you were dead. Amelia got me through it."

"Yeah. Benny… he helped me, too. He saved my life, too many times to count."

Sam takes a breath and looks back up at the stars. "Amelia saved mine." Dean waits for him to elaborate further, but instead he says, "I guess what I'm saying is. I understand if it's not me you want to confide in anymore, I get that. If it's Benny , if he can… I don't know… fill that void for you, or…"

Dean takes hold of Sam's arm gently but firmly, pulling him around to face him. "There's no void."

Sam nods, tears brimming unacknowledged in his eyes again. "You sure?"

"I'm positive. Okay? You and me, we're good, Sam. It's been rough, I know that. But I'll get over it. Like I always do. Like we always do. Look at everything we've been through, you really think a year apart is gonna do us in?"

Without a word, Sam reaches an arm out and pulls Dean into an all-out hug, and Dean finds himself squeezing back, hard and reassuring.

It doesn't make the darkness disappear, but every new nightmare is just one more thing they face together, knowing that daylight is never more than a few hours behind.