[A/N: Hey hey! Before we get into this next chapter, I think you can probably tell at this point that I am weaving in information/events from the show into this story. Once we reach Helga's age in the show (9), the pacing of the story will slow down and I intend to provide Olga's POV for most, if not all, of the show so, that should be fun, right?

Anyway, I hope you guys like where this is going so far! Your feedback is much appreciated :)]

Thursday, November 26th
10:25 am

Good morning Diary,

It's Thanksgiving which means I have a long weekend to get a little bit of rest. Of course, I will need to continue to practice my concertos on Saturday and Sunday. Oh, and of course, work on my college applications. I have a funny feeling my senior year is going to fly by… So many things are happening at once that I can barely keep track.

Let me catch you up a little bit, Diary. High school has gone by in a flash – which, I can't say I'm disappointed because it's been kind of lonely, honestly. If my schedule has changed at all, I'd say it's only gotten better. Daddy enters me in just about any city-wide contest he hears about and on top of that, I have grades to maintain, piano lessons, I picked up French again… you get the idea, I suppose. Out of everything I have entered, my only failure has been the All-City Academic Tournament. I still can't believe I missed it. It was a few weeks ago and I'd been studying relentlessly. Daddy has been collecting all of my trophies and ribbons and certificates… He's been so proud of my accomplishments and of course, I just want to keep him happy. My parents' happiness means everything to me which is why I was absolutely devastated when I lost the competition. I'll never forget the final question: "What is the state bird of Maine?" Of course, I know now that it is the Chickadee… Daddy still has an empty space on one of the shelves where he was going to put the trophy. Hopefully I can fill that space with another award of some sort but I don't know if that will be enough to assuage his disappointment…

This past week it must have all gotten to me because I fainted in the cafeteria. I was going through the lunchline and I don't know what happened – one moment I'm next in line to pay for my lunch and the next thing I remember is being on the floor with a small plastic tray of fruit crushed under my side. Everyone was staring and a couple of the lunch ladies helped me up, insisting I see the nurse. I heard one of them whisper about hoping I'm not pregnant. Oh, that couldn't be the furthest thing from possible for me right now. Not only would that destroy my family but you have to actually have a relationship with a boy to get pregnant. You have to have someone actually spend time with you, be interested… I don't exactly have time for such things. Not that I haven't thought about it, of course… I know many of my peers are having relationships but that isn't my priority right now. There are a few girls I chat with in my classes but I mostly keep to myself. There's always something to study or practice or otherwise prepare for that I'm afraid I never really have the opportunity to hang out with my classmates outside of school. I don't think anyone dislikes me, though some of my peers do call me a "Know-It-All" or "Brown-Noser" but I try not to let them bother me.

Mom's drinking has gotten a little worse. Last week I found her throwing up in the bathroom when I came home from school. I knew she'd been drinking all night so it honestly wasn't a surprise. I wish I understood why she did this. She seems so sad most of the time and it breaks my heart because I just want her to be okay. I held her hair away from her face and put her glasses up on top of the sink so they wouldn't fall into the toilet but I don't think she even remembers I was with her that afternoon.

Thank goodness Helga wasn't there to see it. She's 5 years old and in kindergarten now so she stays at school all day and was still there when I got home that day. Even when I'm stressed from school and helping my parents, my pride for Helga helps me to get through. She is doing so well and learning to read and write quite quickly. She doesn't want to spend as much time with me as she used to but I still try to encourage her to join me whenever I do things I know she can participate in. I got her a bunch of books before her first day of school and she seems to have really taken a liking to the book of poetry for kids. I'm thinking of getting her a book of classics for Christmas. With how quickly she is picking up reading, I'm sure she would be breezing through it in no time. And if not, of course I can help her. I've been tutoring kids her age for a few years now so I know plenty of techniques.

Ms. Vandergift has been encouraging me to learn proper singing techniques for the past couple of weeks. She overheard me singing a song to myself in the hallway and immediately became so excited. Singing while playing the piano is not only an impressive artistic talent but also makes me a more dynamic musician.

I don't know if I want to do it, though. I do like to sing when I'm alone and I suppose it sounds good but… I feel so guilty saying this but I'd like to keep this to myself. Does that make me selfish, Diary? It's just… between all of my rehearsals and studying and volunteering… I just don't think I can handle another responsibility. My parents would be so disappointed if they knew this was how I was feeling but… perhaps I can have a secret. That's actually a little exciting…

11:13 pm

I don't know what I would do without you, Diary. This Thanksgiving was positively awful and I have no one but you to talk to.

Mummy was drinking this morning, as she usually does, and she burnt the stuffing… as she usually does. But Daddy completely went crazy! They were fighting and screaming and Helga ran into her room and slammed the door, crying! It breaks my heart to see my family so upset. I love them all so much, I just wish they could love each other. When I went downstairs earlier this afternoon, almost nothing was prepared. The turkey was still thawing but Mummy had yet to prepare any of the other foods. Thanksgiving is usually just the four of us so I suppose the silver lining to this unfortunate situation was the fact that no one else had to see such a mess. Still, I wish it wouldn't happen at all.

I took it upon myself to make things right and decided that I would prepare dinner for us all. After my parents had settled down and left the kitchen, I reviewed all of Mummy's cookbooks and put together a grocery list. I thought it would be nice to bring Helga along so I called her down from her room and we went to the store together. She seemed excited to be going somewhere and we had a good time, I think. I pushed the cart around the produce aisles as we collected onions and potatoes and vegetables and Helga stood on the outside of the front of the cart, giggling as I pushed her around. We don't spend as much time together as we used to but oh, how I treasure those moments when she is happy and laughing with me.

When we got back to the house, I told her she would be my "little helper" and together we got everything ready! We washed the vegetables together and I even taught her how to peel potatoes – only with the potato peeler because a knife would be much too dangerous at her age. For such a stressful day, the last thing I would want is my baby sister to get hurt.

We ate dinner much later than usual but everything came out delicious! I made a new batch of stuffing as well as mashed potatoes, candied yams, succotash, green bean casserole, buttered rolls (lightly toasted!), a pumpkin pie and apple pie, and of course, the turkey. Mummy and Daddy were quiet during dinner but when I asked what they thought of the food, they simply gushed over how good they thought it was! To see the delight on their faces almost completely wiped away the disappointment of their fighting earlier in the day. However, it didn't last very long which is why I'm writing to you now.

Helga fell asleep on the couch after we had dinner and the rest of us were also relaxing with full, happy bellies. Unfortunately, Helga sometimes has trouble with… well, bed-wetting and she had an accident in her sleep… on the couch. Daddy was yelling and cursing because well… Helga woke up and I guess she was too embarrassed to say anything about it and Daddy accidentally… sat in it. I completely understand why he was so upset. I would be pretty disgusted myself but it still seemed so wrong for him to yell and curse at her the way he did… She's only a child, after all. I heard the yelling from the kitchen and came in to find Daddy fuming with anger and Helga crying pitifully in the middle of the living room, her little pink shorts still soaking wet.

I told Daddy I would take care of everything – Mummy was asleep in their bedroom. That seemed to settle him down and he went upstairs to change, still obviously very angry.

Then I told Helga that everything was okay. That I knew it was an accident. Her thick little eyebrow was scrunched up and her little bottom lip stuck out in the most pitiful frown I've ever seen. She looked mad as well but she was the most unintimidating little girl with teardrops clinging to her eyelashes and her face bright red. I pulled her into a big hug and that seemed to settle her down. Then I took her upstairs to take a bath and change into new clothes. I told her she would grow out of this and that accidents happen to everyone. She seemed comforted by that promise and I read her a couple of poems from the book I bought her. She fell asleep quickly and I tiptoed out of her room.

As I was quietly making my way down the hall to my room, I could hear my parents arguing again behind their closed bedroom door.

"When are you going to do something about it, Miriam?"

"Kids have accidents, B. I can't do anything about that,"

"You never do anything about any of it! Criminy, I didn't even want another kid but you insisted it would be easy. Just like Olga,"

"She's only five!"

"And she's supposed to be trained by now! Ain't that a requirement at the school? Do we need to go back to diapers?"

"I don't know! Maybe?"

"I don't have the money for this shit…"

"Well, maybe you should have thought about that, B,"

"… We're back at that, huh? This is my fault?"

"I didn't mean –"

"You said you couldn't get pregnant again! We thought you were dried up! I'll be damned if you –"

"Goddammit, that's enough, Bob!"

"No, I'll tell you when it's enough! What are you even doing to raise this brat anyway, hmm? Where were you when she was pissing on my couch? Up here, passed out again…"

I didn't stay to hear anymore because I was crying and I didn't want them to hear me. Oh, poor Helga… I can't believe what they said… Helga was an accident? Surely that can't be true. People say all kinds of hurtful things when they're upset. I'm sure Daddy didn't mean to be so harsh… But oh… gosh… just hearing them broke my heart. I don't know what to do, Diary. Sometimes I feel like they're just falling apart and I try and I try so hard to keep everyone together but how? How can I do it? I'm so exhausted and I just don't know how much I can take anymore. I feel like my heart has shattered into so many little pieces and I can't even think. I'll probably stop writing though because I keep dripping tears on the paper and I don't want to ruin the pages… So long, Diary.