Hi lovelies ! So here is Square One, that I had promised to publsih this weekend.

Now about this story, I wanted to do something that was Blair-centric, because I need to remind myself that she is a part of Dair and I feel like I sometime neglect my little Blair Bear. Also, I wanted to put Dair in a place where they would have never been put in the show, because AUs are unfortunately the only thing that can salvage them after season 6. Sigh.

This is rated M, because this fic is serious smut material. I'm sure you'll agree with me.

Hope you'll enjoy it, have a good reading. :)

The truth is, he was there, when no one else was.

Staring at her reflection in the mirror, Blair browses in her memories for all of the steps, the decisions she took in her life, all of the unexpected circumstances that led her to this point, in this room, waiting for the make-up artist from Vogue.

After graduation, Chuck and her didn't last very long. He started building this project, with hotels and private clubs, and a lot of matter that Blair didn't really get. The only thing she understood, at that time, was that Chuck didn't have time for her he didn't have time for a young romance, and she was unable to give him what he actually wanted.

They separated, and then Blair was alone. Serena was at Brown, and her old minions did not care anymore about being in her good graces. NYU was not her territory, she felt lost; she simply didn't fit.

Freshman year of college passed and she transferred to Columbia. The city emptied out. Everyone she knew from high school was busy trying to find themselves, and they all thought that staying in New York would only block their journey to self-discovery. London, Japan, Thailand; Blair eventually lost track of who went where.

Except him. He stayed in New York because he knew, just like she did, that being born in New York, one can never truly be themselves anywhere but there.

They reconnected at a charity gala at Columbia. They hadn't really been in touch before, because Blair was too busy being miserable without Chuck and she didn't even care about what he had been up to during their entire freshman year.

But reconnecting with him was good. One thing was certain, they had both grown up, they were different. They laughed over flutes of champagne, shared childhood memories, high school memories and the morning after, she woke up against his naked body, his arm around her, protecting, caring.

Back to square one, she thinks.

Everything after that went pretty fast. They started dating, she was smiling again, she didn't care about Chuck anymore. She could only see him, the boy turned man who was so good to her, and so loving, and who treated her like a princess. Then she slowly moved into his place, bringing over things every time she slept over and never taking them back.

She completely stopped hearing from Serena, as if they both grew up and out of their friendship simultaneously.

One night, he knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring. Blair didn't hesitate for a second before answering.

"Yes! Yes! Oh God, yes!"

They kissed, he spun her around. They called their families, who acted like they are not unhinged by the news. After all, they were only twenty. Then Blair and her mother started looking for a dress, and she knew he was working on his vows; he wanted to write them himself.

And so she is there. Looking at her reflection in the mirror, waiting for the make-up artist from Vogue.

She feels like everything happens, and she isn't even aware of it. Like she is watching the happy life of someone else. When she puts on her veil, her fingers are trembling. She can feel the excitement in her whole body. Nothing is ever going to compare to that feeling, she is sure of it.

When she walks down the aisle, holding nervously Harold's arm, she doesn't stop looking at him. He smiles, and she can't help smiling back, because he is everything she's ever wanted; he is everything she's ever known.

They exchange vows, his bring tears to her eyes, and then minister gives her the cue. She is ready. She knows how to do this. She has been practicing this sentence ever since she was twelve years old.

"I, Blair Waldorf, take thee Nathaniel Archibald, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; and I promise to be faithful to you until death do us part"

As she says the sentence specifically designed for those kinds of moments, she can't help thinking; the death of what? The other one, who she is from now on forming a symbolic entity with, or the death of love?

When the bells ring, it channels to her heart. She doesn't even care for the rice beans that get stuck in her hair-do. Everything is perfect and will never stop to be.

They move in an apartment in Lily and Rufus' building. They invite them to brunch, and it's strange to stand there, as two married couples, instead of with their good friends' parents.

Chuck is the first one to come back to New York, bankrupt. He seeks for Nate's help and actually crashes on their couch for two weeks. During his whole staying there, Blair doesn't come home from college during the day. Chuck was invited to their wedding, but chose not to come, like each one of their old friends, and she doesn't want to bother with him.

Of course, because he is Chuck Bass, he gets quickly back up on his feet, but Blair isn't entirely sure he managed it in a completely legal, and moral way. She doesn't really care, though, from the moment when he isn't on her couch.

Into the first year of her marriage with Nate, they grow habits. On Sunday, they have church with his mother; every two months, they visit hers in Paris. They don't see each other often at college, him being in business major and her in art history. However, they always find the time, during lunch for a fifteen minutes talk over coffee.

Whoever gets home first in the evening have to take care of dinner, and afterward, they both do their homework or watch a movie.

They've been married for two years when they graduate. Nate wants to go into politics, on his grandfather's advice, and starts working for the mayor's office. Blair is a consultant at the Met, and throws exhibits that people come from all around the world to see.

They've got the people magazines buzzing. Young, in love, successful, it's a portrait everyone wants to break. Countless imaginative articles about Nate's infidelity or Blair's mental instability come out every month, but they don't really care, as long as they can rely on each other.

They've been married for three years, when Blair gets pregnant. At first, Nate is shocked, confused, because he thought they were being careful and because he is not sure he is ready. Blair is hurt by his reaction, it's not like it was the result of a one-night-stand. They are married, and this is what married people do. So they start fighting over little things, and accuse the other of not understanding. But soon, none of this really matter because Blair loses the baby.

She can see that Nate is truly sorry, but it doesn't decrease the pain. Afterwards, he takes great care of her, takes days off, plans weekends to the Hamptons, but Blair doesn't really care. She doesn't say anything, because he is trying really hard, and she doesn't want to hurt his feelings.

They've been married for four years when Serena comes back to New York. She insists of having them over at her new apartment on the Fifth. They go, expecting to see a whole bunch of people they don't know, and don't care about, but it's just them. Serena didn't want to see anyone else but them.

She has, as per usual, great stories about all of the places she's been to, and Nate listens very religiously. Blair doesn't like the little spark he has in his eyes, when he looks at her.

Soon it's like high school all over again. Blair did not imagine fighting about Serena, at twenty four years old, but she can't help it. Nate calls her immature, excuses himself right after, and takes her in his arms, tells her she has nothing to worry about.

She wants to believe him, so she does. Serena becomes a regular part of their lives. They go out to dinner with her and her latest conquest, and sometimes she drops by their place with a bottle of wine.

On the night of their fifth anniversary, Blair has everything ready for the event. She bought a new dress, got a haircut, and made a reservation to the opening of a French restaurant in the Upper West Side. Nate should appreciate, because things are getting tense at the office and he always comes home cranky. That night is no different. He steps inside the apartment, and when he sees her, holds a breath.

She can see he forgot. He apologizes several times, and takes a quick shower before putting on a clean suit. When they sit at their table, Blair eyes him carefully. She can see that he is exhausted, but he does seem glad to be there, with her. She reaches out to take his hand in hers, and he gives her a light smile, before taking back his hand to look at the menu.

He doesn't usually do this.

Blair clears her throat, and tells him she already took care of their order. Nate looks at her, thanks her and stands up, saying he has to go to the bathroom. He gets up so quickly that his chair collides with someone's knees.

Nate starts mumbling apologies and the man stands, laughing out loud.

"Nate Archibald! What has it been, six years?"

Blair doesn't recognize right away Dan Humphrey. He looks different. He is wearing a simple shirt, with a jacket, and impeccable Italian shoes. His hair is longer, she didn't even know it was naturally curly.

"Wow, Dan! How are you, man?"

Nate shakes his hand and they smile at each other. Then Dan turns to Blair and gives her a little smile, like he is happy to see her, but would have never thought he would be.

"Blair Waldorf" he says.

He takes her hand and bows to place a kiss on it. Blair is surprised, he has changed so much.

"Actually, it's Blair Archibald, now"

"Right!" Dan says "I remember not being invited to the wedding"

Blair raises a condescending eyebrow and Nate coughs awkwardly.

"Sorry, I didn't think you would…"

"Don't worry" Dan laughs "I'm glad to see you guys are doing fine. I'm here with my agent, do you want to join?"

"It's our anniversary" Blair says, looking at Nate with intent.

Nate opens his mouth, then closes it and smiles at Dan.

"Congratulations" Dan says "Well, I'll let you celebrate. I'm back in New York, so perhaps we'll bump into each other again."

He smiles at them both before going to his table, where his agent awaits him. Blair looks at Nate, who is watching Dan go.

"Didn't you have to go to the bathroom?" she asks.

"What? Oh, right. I'll be right back"

He stays in the bathroom at least ten minutes. Blair is anxious. Something is wrong, she can feel it. Their entrées and wine arrive, and Nate still isn't there. Blair tries to shut down the humiliation by looking around. Her eyes fall on Dan, sitting not very far, with a tall woman.

He said she is his agent, but Blair doesn't even know what he does for a living. She has never been interested in Dan Humphrey in high school, she certainly wasn't after. Still, just by looking at him, his style; the way he sits a little sideways on his chair, legs crossed, the way his hand wrap loosely around his glass of wine, she knows. He is a writer.

She sees Dan leaning forward and kissing the woman on the lips. She instantly feels out of place, and looks back in front of her to see that Nate is making his way toward her. He sits down with a smile.

"I'm sorry" he says "I just have this terrible headache"

"If you want, we can go home"

"No, of course not. You put a lot of effort in this, and I'm just the asshole who forgot" Nate chuckles apologetically "The least I could do is enjoy the food, with you"

Blair smiles back in appreciation. The rest of the night goes well, Nate seems relaxed. At one point, from the corner of her eyes, Blair sees Dan Humphrey stand up, and putting a hand on the woman's back, as if to urge her outside. It's the sign of a couple infatuated with each other, that wants nothing more than to find a private place to relieve their want.

She remembers when she and Nate were this way. Now spontaneous sex only happens once or twice a month, when he isn't too stressed from work and visits her for lunch at The Met. Still, Blair is grateful for those moments, when she is sitting on her desk, her skirt around the hips, and Nate between her legs, kissing her, laughing with her and making her feel so young.

Right before leaving, Dan Humphrey stops by their table and gives Nate his number, asking him to call to catch up.

When it's their turn to leave, Blair is dizzy from the wine, and the champagne, and the celebration. She's been married for five years to Nate Archibald, and it's even more perfect that she had ever dreamed it would be. She loves him, so much. And she wants him, too.

They get to the apartment, and Blair doesn't waste time before undoing his tie and pulling him to their bedrooms.

"Blair, wait" he pushes her back gently

"Wait what?"

"I have something for you"

Nate goes to take his briefcase, and takes out of it tickets. He hands them to Blair.

"Abu Dhabi?" she says, smiling "When do we leave?"

"I took next week off" Nate answers, putting his hands around her waist "And also, I was thinking that, if it isn't too early for you…we should try again, for a baby"

Blair isn't quite sure of what she heard.

"You want to have a baby?"

Nate nods "I do. I think we're ready for it, and that it would give us…direction"

The answer makes Blair's smile falter a little. She doesn't know what he means by "direction", and she isn't sure it's a good thing for their marriage. But he is smiling at her, and his eyes are sparkly. So she puts away the tickets and kisses him, with all of her heart.

When they come back from their vacation, Blair finds that Serena left a voicemail. She is inviting them for dinner, the very night of their return, and Blair is eager to go. She for once has amazing stories to share, and she can't wait to see Serena beaming in admiration for once.

Nate is another matter. As soon as they stepped on American ground, he was back to being New York Nate, stressed by his job, and his grandfather. When Blair mentions the dinner, he cringes, says he doesn't have time, that he has work to catch up on.

So Blair goes alone, with a bottle of wine, figures that a girl night would actually do her good.

When Serena opens the door, she is surprised to see Blair alone.

"Where is Nate?" she asks, as Blair gets inside.

"He was being cranky, I had to leave him behind"

"Uh oh" Serena bites her lip, and leads Blair to the living room "Well, Dan, I am afraid you are in for a lot of shoe talk tonight"

Blair's eyes stretch when she sees Dan Humphrey sitting on Serena's couch. He smiles at her.

"It's alright" he says "I happen to like shoes. Good to see you, Blair"

"Hi" she answers dryly, then turns to Serena "You didn't tell me he was invited"

"I wanted you and Nate to be surprised!" Serena shrugged.

"Mission accomplished"

Blair takes a seat on a chair, eyes suspiciously Dan looking at her.

"So, Blair, when's your next exhibit?" he asks, popping peanuts in his mouth "I really wanted to go to the Crime and Punishment one, but I was on a book tour"

"Can you believe that Dan is a best-selling author?" Serena asks, pouring them wine.

"Hardly. The next exhibit is in January. Homage to La belle époque" she says.

Dan nods "Very interesting"

The rest of the evening is about listening to Blair telling about her anniversary vacation. She feels good when Dan and Serena laugh at her stories, and stretch their eyes in awe, trying to imagine what she is describing. Then they start talking about their respective lives, and Blair learns that Dan is divorced to a British woman, and that his first book is currently being turned into a movie, directed by Vanessa Abrams. Blair is somehow amazed by how much he's lived, even though he is only twenty-five, like her.

At one point, they move to the dining room to eat, and Blair learns that Dan is the one who cooked dinner. She doesn't want to admit it, but she had never really liked Bolognese before that night.

At two in the morning, after three bottles of wine and a quite delicious soufflé, Blair calls the night. Dan stands up, agreeing with her.

Serena who's a little tipsy passes her arms around Dan's neck, and asks "You're not staying?"

Blair rolls her eyes in front of the behavior. It's like they are seventeen again.

Dan laughs a little "I'm not sure it'll be a good idea, I have an important meeting tomorrow" he puts his hands on her waist and kisses her on the cheek "I'll see you soon, though"

Serena hugs Blair, waves them goodnight from the door. The elevator ride is silent, and when Blair looks over at Dan, he looks back at her with a smile.

"Does your girlfriend knows where you are, tonight?" she asks, hoping it would wipe that smile off his face.

"I don't have a girlfriend" Dan frowns, but still smiles anyway.

"So you're just sleeping with your agent? Classy"

They get out of the building, and Dan holds the door open for her.

"How do you know about us?" Dan asks, waving for a cab.

"Please, you couldn't keep your hands off her, the other night"

A taxi stops in front of her, and Dan opens the door for her.

"Take it" he says "I'll catch the next one"

Blair rolls her eyes "We can share, Humphrey"

She expects him to force her to insist, but Dan simply hops in beside her. Blair gives the driver her address, and she is surprised to hear him give an Upper West Side address.

"You live in the UWS?"

"Not me, Alessandra"

"Who's Alessandra?"

"My agent"

Blair raises her eyebrows "So you couldn't stay with Serena tonight, because you had already planned to stuff your agent"

"You keep up pretty well"

Blair can't help laughing a little. She likes this Humphrey. He is funny. The taxi stops in front of her building, and Dan puts a hand on hers when she reaches inside her purse.

"I'll take care of it" he says "Go home to your husband. See you tomorrow, at brunch"

Of course he would be at brunch at Rufus and Lily's. Blair purses her lips, but thanks his chivalry anyway. She watches the cab driving away before getting into her building. Nate is sound asleep when she gets in their room, and once she is in pajamas, she nestles against his back, content of feeling him react and putting his hand over hers on his chest.

Blair is awoken a few hours later by a furious whispering. She sits up in bed, to see that it is barely morning, and that Nate isn't next to her anymore. There is light in the bathroom, so Blair gets out of bed, and walks to put her ear against the door. She is about to ask if everything is okay, when she hears him talk.

"I really can't deal with it, right now. What happened was a mistake. I am with Blair now, and we're going to try for a baby. I'm sorry"

Blair jolts away from the door as if it shocked her. She feels her breath getting stuck in her lungs, and an unpleasant tickling goes through the tip of her fingers. When she hears Nate hang up, she quickly goes back on the bed, covering herself up the head with the sheets. She feels Nate lying back next to her, and putting a hand around her waist, and she holds her breath, while the tears burn her cheek.

She knows that if she goes through his calls list, she'll see that this morning at 5:16, he had a phone conversation with Serena. It can only be her.

Blair feels like she has been dumped from a cliff. This is her life now, and nothing has ever really changed.

So, you want to read more of it? I have to warn you, this fic is going to be my biggest drama piece. But there will still be romance. Anyway, tell me how you feel about it, and I'll see you guys in two weeks for the next chapter.

Looooooooove you !

xo