There's something wrong with Dean, Sam thought to himself. The two brothers were sitting at a diner waiting for their orders, and Sam had time to study Dean while he was too preoccupied to notice. Dean was trying to look for a case in the local newspaper.

It has to have something to do with Cas. Sam thought back to when Castiel first disappeared three weeks ago. There was no warning, no reason for Cas to just leave- no reason Sam knew about, anyways. That was when Dean started being moody and dickish- even more than usual. Obviously he's bothered by Cas' disappearance… or maybe because of the reason he left.

"Hey, Sam, look at this." Dean handed him the paper, and he skimmed over the article. "2 reported homicides in the last week- both 20 year old blonde girls."

"So you think this could be one of ours?" Sam asked. They were silent when the waitress brought over their food. She was young and attractive with curves in all the right places- definitely Dean's type, but he didn't even notice her. Damn, what the hell is going on with him?

"Maybe. There's also a new missing persons report."

"Let me guess: 20 year old blonde woman?" Sam asked. Dean nodded. "It's worth looking into."

Sam wanted to ask Dean what was eating him, but he knew his brother would get pissy or ignore the subject altogether. He decided to wait until later to bring it up.

The Impala was too quiet on the way to the motel. Dean seemed to be deep in thought; he didn't even notice the lack of music. Sam knew he needed to have the talk when they got inside.

Dean gruffed as he turned on the TV and flopped down in the chair. He threw his legs over the coffee table and stared at the TV as he flipped grumpily through the channels.

"Hey, Sammy, get me a beer." Sam rolled his eyes.

"I'll make you a deal-" he started. Dean groaned. "I'll get you a beer if you tell me what's eating you lately." Dean pursed his lips and didn't say anything for a few moments. He was obviously uncomfortable.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Dean said bitterly.

"Don't give me that crap. You've been in a pissy mood for a month now. Hell, since Cas left-" Before he could finish, Dean shot up out of the chair and threw on his jacket.

"Dean, come on- where are you going?"

"Out," he snapped and slammed the door behind him.

What the hell does he know? Sam doesn't know shit about what I think. Dean's thoughts were shooting all over the place. He was furious and not paying attention to the speed limit. I don't care how I'm acting. He doesn't need to know every detail of my life. Why the hell would he bring up Cas like that? He has nothing to do with my moods, he lied to himself. Maybe if he keeps telling himself that, he'll eventually believe it.

He didn't know where he was going, but he didn't care. He just had to get away from Sam. Maybe he'll go to the bar and get hammered. Maybe pick up a hot but naive girl and go home with her. No thinking, no feelings, no promises, just mindless sex with someone he didn't have to bother trying to remember the name of.

When he got to the bar, he immediately ordered a shot of whiskey. The warmth covered him and he already felt a little better. He ordered another. And another. Dean's head was light and warm. He didn't have to think here. He ordered a beer and stared at the wall. How could he be so full of thoughts and so empty at the same time?

I need a woman. He turned around to stare at the prospects. It was like looking at a menu where everything looked delicious, but he was only in the mood for something specific.

Then his eyes landed on a slim girl with dark hair and fair skin. He immediately knew who he was taking home tonight. It was weird since he usually went after loose women with blonde hair and a 3 drink minimum, but something was different.

As he approached her from behind, he was confident and already ready to get out of there with her. He tapped the girl on the shoulder and put on his best "How you doin'?" grin. She turned around and revealed eyes that were bright blue. His mouth immediately went dry and he was frozen in place, the grin slipped off of his face.

"Cas?" He whispered. She looked confused and asked him to repeat what he said. Dean knew it wasn't him, but he couldn't talk, couldn't move; he was trapped in those eyes and his memories.

His mind flashed to every time he and Cas made eye contact, or when he could feel the electricity flow through him just knowing Cas was staring at him. He remembered back to three weeks ago, when the angel left. He could feel the hurt in those big, pale blue eyes- the hurt he caused.

"I'm… sorry. I- I thought you were… someone else," Dean stumbled out. He turned sharply and walked straight out the door and into the Impala. All he could do was stare at the steering wheel. His mind was racing at what seemed like 50,000 miles an hour.

"Well go ahead and leave! I don't care what the hell you do!" Dean could hear his own words all over again. That was the last thing he barked at the angel before he flew away.

He'd still be here if you weren't such a goddamn idiot, Dean. He cursed himself. It was his choice to leave, you didn't make him. The two sides of his brain were arguing back and forth and he couldn't control his thoughts. He couldn't control his emotions. All he could do was punch the steering wheel.

The clock said 3:56 am. Maybe Sam won't be awake. Dean started the car and drove back to the motel. Sure enough, Sam was asleep and Dean snuck in quietly. He didn't even want to undress, so he slipped into bed fully dressed and let his thoughts run until they got tired and he could fall asleep.