A/N: Ah, election time is upon us once again, that blessed period every two years when we get bombarded night and day with those annoying political ads that all contradict each other and try to scare us more than The Black Eyed Peas' and Cher Lloyd's musical careers combined. What better way to celebrate the zaniest time of the year than with a politically-themed fanfic? Come on, you can forget about those annoying ads for a few minutes and not have to think about how Candidate X likes to eat babies and wants to kick Granny off a cliff and how special interest groups want to outsource you to China and use the Constitution as a hankie. Whaddaya say?

Pointless Legal Disclaimer Time! I don't own Smash Brothers (Special interest groups do), America (The Koch Brothers do) or the world (Mitt Romney does).

A winter morning in Washington, D.C.; snow's falling in fine flakes like diamond dust. People are standing on the street corners, watching as a fat man and a blue duckish-penguin thing, both clad in trenchcoats, make their way down Pennsylvania Avenue. The birdman's wife and son walk alongside him; they are also birdfolk. Some Secret Service agents follow behind the four. Behind the agents, a motorcade of black cars packed full of cronies and Secret Service agents crawl along the blacktop.

The new president, the vice president and his family wave at the smiling crowds. The president flashes several Nixonesque peace signs. A brass band on the street corner plays a patriotic tune. Yes, it is Inauguration Day in America once again: that day when everyone is celebrating the prospect of a new leader, pretending that the country is about to have a fresh start while ignoring the possibilities of how they will be screwed over for the next four to eight years.

What a historic day this is: for the first time in American history, a third party candidate has been elected president! This same third party holds control of the House of Representatives, as well as a sizeable number of seats in the Senate (though not enough to be declared a majority). A new day is dawning in the United States, the day of the Federalist Party. The old order of the long established two-party system has come to a devastating end. Only the next four years can tell if at long last the hope and change Americans have long asked for shall come to pass.

This is story of a man who climbed the ladder of destiny; the story of a man who forever changed history.

This is the story of Barack Obam—

Oh, hold on a minute, I'm looking at the wrong script.

This is the story of Wario Wario.