A/N: Sorry it's been forever since I've updated. *Insert 'it's been 84 years' gif*

My Chapter titles are turning into what sound more like episode titles of Orphan Black. I'm not mad about it. Also, just a reminder that this story is AU. I keep a lot from the show but which things from canon happened and didn't happen should become clearer as the story goes on. Two more things: I don't have any experience with the Foster system/adoption so if any detail is inaccurate let me know, also Brittany is definitely a vital part of this story never fear. I was absorbing Buffy-verse media while writing Brittany's parts so she kinda speaks like Willow at times but it oddly fits for a grown up Brittany… idk. Let me know what ya think.

Disclaimer: I own nada. Also a warning for references to trauma/abuse.

Chapter 5: Stress Due to External Stimuli

Early the next morning Santana returned to her temporary home to get a few hours of sleep before Brittany was due to arrive with Jake. She wasn't sure how much sleep she'd get on account of how anxious she was. Between everything that happened last night and what she was expecting today she'd be lucky to sleep at all.

Neither her nor Tina had been able to go in and talk to Beth. They were afraid they would say something wrong, or that they would freak the girl out.

Santana came into the house slowly and made her way to the bathroom and as she passed the master bedroom she saw Quinn and Rachel still laying comfortably together on top of the covers, wrapped in each other's arms. She decided to make a pot of coffee for when they woke up. Falling asleep like that wasn't unusual for them necessarily, but Santana had a feeling that Rachel had told Quinn.

Life had never been easy for any of them, that is to say, that none of them had what you would call a typical or wholly happy childhood. Santana had dealt with homophobic parents and Rachel and Brittany had both been bullied for different reasons, yet Santana was still stopped in her tracks when she thought about how much Quinn had been through. It's in human nature to compare oneself to others and Santana wasn't sure if she would have had the strength that Quinn must have. Quinn never believed she was strong, but had learned to start believing in herself. By encouraging Quinn in her endeavors, and never faltering in that support, Rachel had helped Quinn to discover her strengths.

Quinn was rebuilding herself from the rubble of a mentally abusive father and a passive mother, being kicked out while pregnant at 16, and from hiding who she really was from everyone in her life for far too long.

Santana had almost been kicked out. Her own parents were staunchly Catholic and had had a very difficult time accepting Santana but her Aunt Valerie, her mother's sister, had been on her side and eventually Maribel and Santiago Lopez had started coming around. She had spent much of that time afterward walking on eggshells and trying to pretend it wasn't extremely awkward whenever Brittany came over. Quinn still wasn't talking to her family. She couldn't imagine that.

Over the years Quinn and Santana's tentative friendship had evolved from archenemies, to friends, and eventually to the close relationship they had today. She laughed her ass off every time she remembered their short-lived affair in college. They had spent one night together. It was fun but in the end they were better off as friends. They cared deeply for each other and had a unique bond that Santana couldn't imagine her life without.

Santana realized that she had been in the bathroom for a long time simply thinking through all the things that made life extremely complicated. She was going down a dark road and so she finished washing her hands, set the alarm on her phone for noon, and headed to the couch to finally get some rest.

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Santana opened her eyes and immediately slammed them shut again to curse the name of whoever interrupted her nap. She had woken up because there was shuffling from the kitchen. She could just make out Quinn and Rachel's muffled voices and was glad she knew who she was going to have to murder.

"She needs to get up anyway, Rach. Brittany will be here with Jake in about an hour."

"She probably didn't get very much sleep last night, and besides, she looks so cute when she's sleeping."

"You calling Santana Lopez cute and not getting maimed after. If only high school us could see us now."

Santana rolled off the couch and made her way to the kitchen rubbing her eyes and yawning the entire way. "You both suck at being quiet." She stated as she reached for a coffee cup from the cabinet. She turned around and caught Quinn's eyes. They looked tired, and heavy with burden. Rachel had definitely told her. No one knew what to say in light of the previous night's events. Santana decided to let being woken up go since there was coffee involved. She offered Quinn a small sympathetic smile and turned around to pour herself some.

"Hey Rach, Can I have a moment alone with Santana?"

Rachel was well aware of how important Quinn and Santana were to each other so she nodded her head and gave Quinn a kiss on the cheek and Santana a grateful smile as she left the kitchen. It was quiet, but not uncomfortable. Santana knew Quinn might be mad at her about telling Rachel knowing she would be told, or might be grateful for letting Rachel be the one to relay the information. Most of all she knew Quinn would have questions.

In truth, Quinn was grateful. She could remind herself as many times as she wanted that she did a good thing for Beth, that she hadn't been in a place to raise a child, and that Beth was better off, but those reminders were at most hopes; hopes she had had to believe in when she made that decision so long ago. Quinn had learned that nothing in life was guaranteed, even a parent's love. She knew it wasn't guaranteed that those things would be true for Beth and it had plagued her every day that passed. She'd woken Rachel many nights because of nightmare-ish dreams or thoughts about how Beth was doing.

Her relationship with Santana was strong but it would have been very hard for Quinn to forgive her if she had found out that Beth had showed up and Santana had hidden it from her. Rachel was right last night; she had no clue what this meant. She hadn't thought about legalities because she had been too busy processing the fact that Beth was older, ad real, and not the haunting ghost of a baby girl that Quinn often felt her as. She was also here: in New York, and Quinn had no idea what to do with that information. She was a lawyer, so technically she should know, but she hadn't even worked through what she wanted or what she thought was best.

As expected the first words were Quinn's and they were indeed a question. "Is she okay?" Her eyes were locked on Santana's as she spoke and her voice was calm and even in the exact way that tells you how not calm and even someone is feeling. Santana hesitated so Quinn continued.

"Rachel told me it was appendicitis and physically she's fine, but Rachel didn't actually see her like you did and that's not -" Quinn paused to fight the tears that were forming at the corners of her eyes and to formulate her next words "you and I both know scalpel incisions or even accidental cuts aren't the only type of wounds that can scar a person for life, so is she okay?"

Quinn's voice echoed from the staccato emphasis she had placed on the last three words. Santana knew she had to choose her words carefully.

"She laughed at some probably lame joke Dr. Nazir told her when he was examining her. Smiled at the nurses that came by and was content just to sit and watch the grainy version of the Disney channel the hospital gets. There were no psychological concerns or psychiatrists listed in her file. Your kid seemed a little shy and nerdy, but otherwise perfectly fine, Q." Santana hoped her being her typical self wouldn't backfire on her.

All sorts of things had been going through Quinn's head since the previous night, and all sorts of emotions. Relief rushed over her like a wave collapsing on a sandy shore and receded in the tears that fell in the following moments. The questions she'd been asking for years finally had answers. Quinn calmed herself enough to ask again,

"She's okay?"

"Yeah" Santana replied, this time through a wide grin and her own fresh, very happy, tears. After a few moments a smile began to form on Quinn's face and she shed fresh tears. Santana wrapped her in a hug and let Quinn get out whatever feelings needed to escape. Santana heard the doorbell ring and was thankful when she heard Rachel walk past saying she would get it. Quinn realized that Brittany must have just arrived and broke their hug. When she glanced up Santana was looking at her with half relief and half concern. Quinn waved her off.

"Go. Spend some time with Jake. I'm fine I promise."

With the knowledge that Quinn couldn't and shouldn't be pushed, especially after showing so much emotion, and excitement about getting to spend some time with her beautiful baby Santana walked out with a nod.

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Rachel opened the door and was greeted by Jake who immediately recognized her and reached out for her. Rachel happily grabbed him, gave him a quick kiss on the top of his head and positioned him in her arms. When she finally got around to taking her eyes off the adorable kid she shifted her gaze up to his mother. The Brittany that stood in the doorway was smiling, but it was for show and to be polite. It wasn't the genuine inviting smile she had worn for as long as Rachel had known her. Sympathy caused a pang in her heart and she added extra strength to the hug she was giving. She pulled away leaving a comforting arm on Brittany's.

"Hey."

"Hi, Rach."

"I hate to ask such a trite question but; how are you doing?"

Brittany's tight smile faded into a more appreciative one. She placed one of her hands over the one that Rachel was resting on hers arm.

"I'm okay", she responded confidently.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Well Santana is in the living room."

Brittany tensed up and a troubled look crossed her features. "Why don't you bring him in to her and I'll go say hi to Quinn and the kids." Rachel raised her eyebrows so she continued, "I think it's for the best."

"Alright. She's in her office. The kids are in their rooms and I'm sure they'd love to see their Auntie Brittany."

Brittany perked up as she stepped farther into the house. "I'd love that too."

She was ready to go say hello to the kids but the solemn look on Rachel's face stopped her. "You look kinda sad. You okay?" she asked.

Rachel paused and a brief smile crossed her face knowing that the kind and compassionate reader of people she knew was still there.

"I could ask you the same thing. But yes, I'm fine, it's just, Santana brought Quinn and I some news last night from the hospital. Beth was admitted last night with appendicitis."

"Beth? As in Beth Beth!? That Beth?"

"Yes! Shhh!" Rachel said running up to Brittany and covering her mouth. "Yes, that Beth. Quinn is understandably quite shaken this morning."

Brittany's face was heavy with concern for Quinn. She had a different relationship with Quinn than Santana did, but they had all grown up together and Brittany cared for Quinn just as much. "I'll go say Hi to Grace and Lydia then I'll go talk to Quinn." With a very Brittany spin on her heels she was off and up the stairs.

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When Brittany stepped into the hallway she could hear laughing and stood in the doorway of Grace's room to see Lydia using one of Grace's Barbies to destroy a lego city like Godzilla. A genuine smile grew on her face at the girls she had grown to love. The way she played with her Barbies was less with the violence and more with the Barbies pulling a Thelma and Louise on Ken, but she could appreciate the creativity.

"What did the Legos ever do to Barbie?" Brittany asked to announce her presence.

"Auntie Brittany!" both girls yelled and ran to hug her having not seen her in a while.

"Hi girls. Are you having fun with Barbzilla there?" Garbie? Godbie? Barbilla? No, Barbzilla was good she decided.

"What?" Grace asked with a giggle.

"You know" – Brittany began waving her hand – "Barbzilla, Barbie and Godzilla put together."

"Like Brangelina!" Lydia exclaimed.

"Exactly! Except more - city destroying."

After a short bought of laughter Grace realized that if Brittany was here that probably meant that her honorary cousin Jake was too. Her Aunts were fighting and she didn't like it but they obviously loved each other so she wasn't too worried.

"Auntie Brit is Jakey here?" Grace asked excitedly.

"He is. He's downstairs with San."

"Yay! Can I go play with him?"

"Of course." Part of her thought that she should stop her so Santana could have some one-on-one time with her son, but the hopeful look on the girl's face made her change her mind. Grace ran off to find Jake and Santana, which left Brittany and Lydia in the room.

"Are you up here because Auntie San is down there?"

"No! I wanted to say hi to you two."

"Uh huh."

"I did!" Brittany paused and then flinched under Lydia's gaze. "Okay, so there might have been some avoiding. But I –" seemingly remembering she was talking with a thirteen year old she gazed back up pointing a finger at Lydia. "I'm not talking about this with you."

"I'm almost in high school, you know. And it's not like I can't handle you guys fighting" she finished with both defiance and maturity in her voice. Brittany took it in and was hit with the reality of what the adults knew about Lydia's life before her introduction into theirs. The girl still sometimes flinched when touched or approached too quickly.

"I- I know that sweetie, but this is between your aunt and I. You shouldn't have to worry about this."

"It still affects me." With a slow nod Brittany reluctantly agreed. She wanted to protest but she couldn't. It was a simple truth.

Brittany always loved life. Life was good. Life was feeding animals, watching her son be born and holding Santana's hand; but life was also losing her grandmother and feeling the love of your life slipping away from you. She thought about why it was so easy to dwell on the bad. All the fun stopped once you left the amusement park so why hadn't all the hurt stopped when Santana had walked out the door? She was trying to learn how to stop the bad from lingering but no matter how hard you try to protect yourself or the ones you love, you can't stop life from happening and you can't help the way you feel even if you don't want to feel it.

Downstairs Santana had set up a mat and some blocks for Jake on the floor of the living room. Grace came in and Santana looked from the tower her son was making.

"How ya doin' Gracie."

"Lyd made Barbie attack a city, but then Auntie Brit came in and I wanted to say hi to Jakey."

Santana's heart lurched at the reminder that Brittany was just upstairs but she smiled and playfully picked up her son and pointed him towards Grace.

"Jake, can you wave to Grace?"

Jake had one thumb in his mouth and open and closed his other raised hand a few times. Santana slowly lifted her free arm and winked at Gracie as she started bringing it down to reach Jake's belly and began tickling him. Jake and Grace started laughing. When she stopped she placed a kiss on his forehead and waited for him to calm. She placed him back down and watched as Grace helped him make a small castle out of the blocks. Yeah, she definitely missed her son; her wife too, but she could only handle one type of heartache at a time.

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"Brittany! You scared the crap out of me! Jesus." Quinn exclaimed as she sat back down in her office chair after jumping up in a panic. Brittany had silently walked in and Quinn had heard the slam of the door as she entered. She had stayed and talked to Lydia for a bit about school and her friends as they cleaned up the toys. It was nice to spend time with her adopted niece but she was eager to talk to Quinn and see how she was doing.

"That's what I'm here for actually. You looked a little constipated. Thought you could use a good scare."

"Well, in that case you owe me a new chair." She deadpanned as her heart rate returned to normal.

Brittany chuckled and sat down on the small sofa. She patted the other side and Quinn moved to sit next to her, flopping back with a sigh. "That happy to see me huh?" Brittany commented, and half of Quinn's mouth quirked up at Brittany's attempt at humor.

"No, I, uh, I've just got a lot on my mind."

"I bet." At Quinn's questioning look she continued. "Rachel filled me in."

"Oh. She did." Quinn rubbed her eyes and moved to sit with one leg underneath her while the other hung off the couch. "Yeah, it's kind of thrown me for a loop."

"How long is she going to be there?"

"Not much longer. Her appendectomy went fine but she's young so Santana said they were going to keep her a few days." Throwing herself back again Quinn shut her eyes and placed a hand on her forehead. "God, there's just so much. So many feelings, and so many questions."

"I usually just take a nap when I feel like that."

"I wish I could sleep. I'm still processing everything and my mind is running like Coach Sylvester is yelling at it through a megaphone."

"Oh that is bad. She was the worst." Brittany wasn't sure what else to say and they sat in silence for a few moments until Quinn decided to try thinking about something else.

"Did you see Santana?" She asked tentatively. Brittany shook her head.

"No. I had Rachel bring Jake into the living room and ran upstairs to say hi to the girls." She noticed the look Quinn was giving her. "I know I know. Lydia called me out on it too. I can't help it. I still need time to think and seeing her – it makes my head go all loopy."

"You still love her." It wasn't a question. Quinn knew it was a statement of fact, just as it was for Santana.

"Of course I do."

"And you know Santana loves you. And Jake."

"I never doubted that, Quinn. I just, I need her to realize that, and to realize that what we have is bigger than us now. I've never wanted her to give up her dream either, that's not what I want. I wasn't happy like I should have been happy. I could tell Santana wasn't either, not really. And neither of us was doing anything to change that so I did. I don't know that it was the right thing but I did it. And now, I don't know."

Brittany was sitting facing her with her legs crossed and her head down. Quinn placed a reassuring hand on her knee. She was sure Santana would come to her senses and they would be fine eventually but they had some things to work out. In the meantime all she could do was be there for her friends and hope they wouldn't make it any worse. She tried to organize her feelings as Brittany changed topic again and asked another question.

"Are you going to go see her?"

Quinn took in a breath. She didn't need clarification on who they were talking about.

"I've been asking myself that question. A lot."

Brittany could tell Quinn wanted to say more so she waited until she was ready to go on. Quinn had gotten better at opening up over the years, and a lot of that had to do with Rachel, but she knew as well that you couldn't push.

"I want to. I want to see for myself that she's okay. I want to know if she has my eyes or Puck's nose. There's a whole bunch of questions I've been asking ever since she left the hospital. But I signed away my right to ever ask them. She might not even want to see me."

That worry made sense to Brittany and Quinn wasn't surprised when Brittany proved once again to be a voice of reason. "You could always have San find out." Legally Quinn knew that there was nothing preventing a relationship with Beth if Beth was willing to meet her. She was not going to jump ahead of herself envisioning other scenarios. She had to focus on one thing at a time to remain as rational as possible about this.

Quinn had always considered herself a rational person; assessing situations by the facts, using what she knew to make a decision, like say, whether or not to leave her stupid job and her stupid boss and his stupid bald head. Ahem. This though, she couldn't get a handle on it and it was giving her some serious headaches. She'd had a day to think about it and she knew she wanted to meet Beth. Anything beyond that was frankly overwhelming. She had to do what she thought was best for Beth, and that was for Beth to decide. So that's what she would do.

"I think I want to. I mean I know I want to meet her, and it 'll feel like a knife to the gut if she says no but I want to have someone ask her if she wants to meet her birth mom."