"Sasuke…. No…. please…."

The words she had whispered deep in sleep, back then, on that long ago night. The words that haunt my dreams, alongside the images of the suffering and death I've witnessed. The words that reminded me she could never be mine. Not really.

It had been six years ago since that night. And it had been five years, ten months, six days since I last saw her. I know exactly how long it has been because I count every day that goes by without hearing her voice, or seeing her face in my mind. I still don't really know why she had left.

I was 19 then. Now, at 24, I still can't bring myself to let go.

My alarm clock started beeping. Time for another mission. Another mission without her.

As I make myself a breakfast of toast and instant ramen, I think that should probably be grateful that at least it hadn't been like it was with Sasuke. She didn't run off and become a rogue ninja or anything.

She told the hokage that she was resigning, packed her things, and said goodbye to everyone. Well, everyone but me. The only goodbye I got was in the form of a letter that she gave to Sai to deliver to me after she was gone.

So now, Kakashi Sensei and are the only remaining members of the original team seven. Sasuke died and Sakura left. Somehow I managed to lose both of them.

What plagues my thoughts even more often than Sakura's words That Night, or the image of Sasuke lying dead in my arms, was what would have happened if I had succeeded in bringing Sasuke home. If I had won that fight at the Valley of the End all those years ago, then Sasuke would never have stayed with Orochimaru, he would still be alive. That Night never would have occurred. Sakura would still be here. We'd all be together. The way they we're supposed to be.

Some days I deal with the guilt fine. Other days it's a chore to even go through the motions. Today is going to be one of those days.

I step outside into the blinding light of the day, and begin heading over to the usual meeting place Sai, Kakashi sensei and I use. Not that I'll see Kakashi for a while yet. Whatever else has changed, sensei's tardiness hasn't. "Kakashi sensei, you're late!"

"Sorry you guys, I got lost on the path of life."

I smile slightly, and gave a small chuckle. It was always one excuse or another with Kakashi sensei. An old lady needed help, a cat was stuck in a tree, or the old standby he got "lost on the path of life". Naruto had long since learned that sensei really spent hours every morning at the KIA memorial stone, where the names of his team mates and sensei are carved. Obito Uchiha, Rin, and Minato Namikaze. His sensei was the yellow flash of Konoha, the fourth hokage, but also my father. I still don't know why Kakashi sensei and Pervy Sage kept my parents identity from me for so long, but it doesn't bother me. I'm glad I got to briefly meet my parents at all.

"What's funny, Naruto?"

I turn "Oh. Hey Sai. Just thinking of Kakashi's dumb excuses. How are you?"

"Fine. Yourself?"

"Eh, so so." I grin. Though my cheerfulness is completely fake, it's more believable than the pasted on smile Sai used when we first met.

"Not too long, probably." Sai replied "I ran into him on the way here, and he said he would try not to be too late."

"Yeah right. I've heard that before." Another fake grin. Just keep smiling. Just keep pretending you don't want to die.

"Naruto. I need you."

"Naruto?"

"Buh?" I zap back to reality.

"Are you okay" Sai says, looking concerned.

"Yeah. Just spaced out there for a second." I say, blowing it off.

"Hello you guys." A voice said from behind me.

"Kakashi sensei, you're late!" I yell, more out of habit than annoyance. "So what's today's mission?"

"Guarding a precious artifact while it's on display in a museum in the land of Mountains. Shouldn't be too hard." He answered "We'll only be gone a few days while the item is on display."

"Alright, let's go." Sai says.

As we start out of the village gates, I stop.

"Naruto, this…. is the request of a life time…."

"Naruto. Hey Naruto!"

I snap back to reality. Kakashi is shaking my shoulder, and Sai is once again looking at me with a concerned expression in his eyes.

"Are you sure you're okay? You keep spacing out", says Sai.

"I'm fine, really. Just tired."

The trip to the land of mountains is a long one, so we decide to camp out once the sun starts setting. We find a small cave in the side of a cliff face. Kakashi and Sai fall asleep pretty quickly, but I can't stop tossing and turning.

"Naruto…. Is he…. Dead?"

Sigh.

Eventually I just give up and go sit by the fire, staring into the flames. For what seems like the ten thousandth time, I take the letter out of my pocket. It's the letter Sakura gave to Sai to deliver to me.

"Dear Naruto…."

I fold it back up, deciding reading it again is pointless. It won't help me understand why she left me like she did, and every time I read it again it just brings on a fresh round of pain.

"Can't sleep?" I hear Kakashi sensei's voice behind me.

"Huh? Oh, no…."

I see him staring at the letter, not saying anything. Only Sai and I know about the letter, I never told anyone else. I stuff it in my pocket.

"Naruto, how many times are you going to read that? It's not going to change anything."

I start. "Holy crap Sai, don't sneak up on me like that."

"I was walking normally. You must be really spaced out today if you didn't notice." He replies, taking a seat by the fire with us. "It's been almost 6 years Naruto. Sakura isn't coming back."

"I know that." I snap. "Sorry, I just…."

"Then are you ever going to tell us?" Kakashi asks.

"Tell you what?" I say, confused.

He and Sai exchange a look, and finally Sai says

"Naruto, are you ever going to tell us what happened between you two before she left?"