Even in the midst of his emotional turmoil, Tsuruga Ren was an immaculate actor. In fact, his desire to lose himself in the role of Cain Heel superseded the normal issues he had with assuming the role. The irony of his ability to keep his personal issues at bay in light of her absence was not lost on him, and his mood was so dark between takes that even Murasame caught the hint and kept his distance.

Actually, that parameter was drawn at the beginning of the shoot-two hours after he had left Kyoko in tears. He was so shell-shocked that it took him much longer to find Jelly than he thought it would take; because of what had happened, the make-up session started later than planned. By the time 'Cain Heel' made his appearance on the sound stage, it was thirty minutes past schedule and Murasame was ready to blow.

"Too busy being a spoiled Westerner and making everyone wait on you?" When he was unable to elicit any kind of response, he tried pushing more buttons. "What, too busy murdering people out in the streets for your amusement? That kind of foreign violence is what will be the end of Japan someday!" Again, he detected no reaction. Murasame clenched his fists as if to strike Cain as he walked by, then blinked and took a step back. "Wait... where's that creepy sister of yours?"

Cain paused in his steps to glower at Murasame with enough menace to make him uneasy, then continued to walk in the direction of the set. Something in Murasame-probably his long-forgotten sense of preservation-told him that pursuing the subject of Cain's sister was definitely not the best course of action at this point in time. But despite the warning signs, he couldn't resist the opportunity to twist the knife.

"Let me guess, you gross siblings probably had some kind of lovers' spat or something." He made a gagging noise and pretended to shudder. "That's totally disgusting, you know. At least she has an excuse because she's young and impressionable-you're older and you should know better, don't you think? Flaunting your incestuous relationship in front of everyone here, it's sickening-"

Cain made a hard stop and-glaring seemed too benign a word to describe the fury in his expression when he turned around and their eyes met. Murasame's voice faded as he felt the room grow colder.

"Fuck. Off."

His voice was quiet, but the raw anger behind them reminded Murasame of the bruises on his neck; he couldn't meet Cain's bloodshot stare and instead blinked at the floor with wide eyes. He maintained a wide berth after that little confrontation, and Ren was almost disappointed. He was really in the mood to kick the shit out of someone tonight.

He completed every take without complaint from the director and even earned some faint, murmured praise for the particular ferocity of his performance-but he derived no pleasure from the acting or the positive feedback. All he could think of were Kyoko's eyes, filling with tears at the sight of his face. Then the self-hatred would kick in, and his despair would compound on itself again...

The scenes went by too quickly-perhaps, or he was in too dark a cloud to watch the minutes go by. Before he could even comprehend the passing of time, it was already midnight and he was back at the Heel siblings' apartment. He walked into the bathroom and locked the door out of habit, then took out the blood-red contacts. Blue stared into mirrored blue for a quick moment before Ren looked down at the sink, his mind and thoughts hazy with pain.

This apartment is so lonely without her. The white noise was deafening. The idea of him even needing to lock the bathroom door at this hour was a joke. He put on his brown contacts without glancing at the mirror once, then leaned his forehead against the door, his hand on the knob. I hate being here without her.

The kiss mark-no, more of a bite mark, really-had almost faded away, and he reached his other hand to the base of his neck. As long as I'm alive, I'll live as 'your me.'Even remembering the feel of her lips on his skin brought him no reprieve. Well, at least I didn't lie to her. This isn't Cain, or Kuon, or whatever else she thinks of me.

I'm just me, Mogami Kyoko... me, in love with you. Ren pinched the skin on his neck until it hurt. Just me, being an irrational bastard. Well, Lory had warned him that love was a raging beast at some point; Ren had waved him off at the time, saying that he was not the type to be distracted from what he was trying to accomplish. He was grateful from the bottom of his over-wrought heart that Lory was not around to see him in such a pathetic state.

He would do nothing but crow for days about how he deserved all the credit for showing my cold, unfeeling heart how to love. Ren shuddered at the thought. He couldn't deny that he had shamelessly used Lory's 'Heel Siblings' act as a ploy to spend more time with Kyoko. But in the end, the President always had more insight into his psyche than anyone ever could. He had never anticipated the resurgence of his guilt-ridden feelings as Kuon; thankfully, Lory knew better.

He already knew how much he loved her-how happy he was whenever he spent any time with her. But after the events of the past week, he recognized how much he really needed her in his life. And what had he done to show her his appreciation? Ren unlocked the door, shaking his head, and tried to put his mind at ease. It was far too late in the night to fix things immediately-he should rest. At least, he thought with a rueful expression, that is what Yashiro would tell me without question. But everywhere he turned was a memory of her-cooking breakfast, pulling more scandalous clothes out of her drawer with a slight blush she couldn't quite hide, her body in his arms as she stroked his hair...

A few minutes later, Ren had changed into street clothes and was out the front door. He needed to think, and being in that apartment was an infinite loop of increasing misery.

He wanted to fix things, but there was nothing to fix in the first place. There was nothing between them other than her admiration of him as an 'mentor' of sorts. She would be on her guard around him again-the loss of emotional proximity was already putting tiny cracks in his heart. He would need to start all over again, to be the faultless and kind Tsuruga Ren to his 'student', and keep a professional distance. Over the days, weeks, months if necessary-he would prove to her that he was worth trusting again. And then, maybe... if they were able to spend more time together, once he gained her trust...

But how would he ever convince her to spend more time with him again, after his verbal lashing against her? And yet, for that idiot musician...

It's so easy for Fuwa to walk in and out of her life as he pleases, yet I have to contrive reasons and situations that allow me the same kind of access to her, he realized with wide eyes. The truth of the statement left his knees weak. When I see how easily he is able to be near her and therefore affect her, it leaves me seeing red.

For the umpteenth time, he cursed his stupidity-his infernal jealousy. Yes, now that he was wandering around the streets of Tokyo at 2am like some delusional salaryman... yes, he was finally ready to drop his pretenses and admit it.

I'm jealous of Fuwa. Even the thought repulsed him. How petty could he possibly be? Her mind, her heart-they're all filled with him. Even if it's solely hatred, he still occupies a larger place in her life than I ever could. Ren reeled his arm back as if to punch the wall, but thought better of it and covered his face with his hand instead. His cheeks were burning with shame. He would never want the raw anger and bitterness she focused on Fuwa, but he...

I'm jealous of how he can drop in and see her on a whim, even if she hates every second of it. I hate the fact that they have history together, things shared that I can never be a part of.

I hate that she loved him with all of her heart.

But most of all-I hate the fact that I might not ever know what that feels like.

Ren was exhausted, as if the late hour had finally taken its effect on his body. The sudden realizations had robbed him of his ability to walk any further, and he sat on the curb in despair with his hands tangled in his hair.

How am I going to fix this?

He stared at the empty streets before him, his expression blank with concentration. When the solution finally hit him, he was annoyed by the simplicity of it.

I have to tell her the truth. Ren had been worried about scaring her off in the past, but this was not the time for subtlety. Kyoko would never understand why he had been so vehement about Fuwa unless he admitted how much he cared about her. Any other excuse would be an obvious lie. And even if he did scare her away, and she wanted nothing to do with him again...

No. He couldn't allow his thoughts to take that dark turn, not tonight at least. He'd done enough self-loathing for a lifetime, and now was not the time to jump-start that bad habit of his.

Ren stood up and stretched, eyes burning with determination. He needed rest... and after that, a plan. He would call LME tomorrow and ask for her schedule-on the pretense of work of course-

Wait, he thought with a frown, looking around him in confusion. Where am I, anyway?

He had been so lost in his own thoughts earlier that he had wandered far from the apartment-his eyes scanned the nearby shops and residences, looking for a landmark he recognized. This neighborhood felt familiar, but he couldn't quite place it in his weariness...

Suddenly a door opened to his left; Ren placed his arms at his sides, ready to bow in apology for his late-night disturbance.

His apologies, plans and whatever else he had in his head to do went up in smoke as his eyes met Mogami Kyoko's red-rimmed ones in the dim streetlight.

AN: The end! Just kidding.