...Okay, go ahead. I deserve it for everything I've done. So as my gift to you, for all the shit I put you guys through; I'm giving you 10 minutes to completely destroy me; however, whenever. It's all free game; I'll just give you the signal when time is up and...GO!...You done yet? You want a few extra minutes? Okay 2 more...Okay and stop. So It's been a while hasn't it? I'm super sorry about that; not that an apology can really make you forgive me. I really don't have much to say in this top part from all the shame I feel, so I guess I'll let you get right into it.

She's Such a Guy...

Lesson 3: What To Do When A "Clinger" Drops By

-Or-

How To Get Away With Not Watching A Chick Flick...Sorta

"Hey guys, what are you doing right now?" buzzed a familiar voice from the front door. Damn, why now? Why me? Talk about needing to be careful what I wish for.

We slowly turn toward the door to find if the person we think is there is actually there (but I think I speak for everyone when I say: I hope we're imaging the whole thing). Sure enough scurrying in through the front door came Ventus, our backup Roxas that we keep in the basement in case of Roxas-related emergencies. I wonder how he got out? Ha, seriously though Ven looks exactly like Roxas; down to the very last detail, even though Ven is three years older than him. Both of these guys have the same blonde hair in the same style, the same face and build, they're even the same height (which we mock Ventus for every chance we get). In fact, the only thing other than their personalities that would tell you who's who is their clothes. Roxas; in an attempt to seem moody and cool, wears all this darkish checker-board kinda clothes, kinda like a punk-rock skater thing, while Ven prefers a laid-back look, a black and white shirt that's totally not supposed to be a knock-off of Roxas', gray cargo shorts, and Roxas-like accessories to complete the clone outfit! Okay I know I sound kinda harsh on him, but he kinda deserves it for... y'know what, you'll see what I mean in a sec.

"Nothing Ven, we're just about to watch a movie." Yeah Kairi, because saying something in a tone that says "go away" is gonna work on Ven.

"Oooh, Really? Cool, so what movie are we watching?" see what I'm talking about yet?

"Just some chick flick, you prob-"

"Is someone already making some popcorn? 'Cause I can go make some." Uh-oh, he interrupted Kairi, this won't end well for him.

"Well, Roxas is alrea-"

"So, the weirdest thing happened to me on M.O.M. today..." Oh boy, is he gonna get it. You guys might wanna cover your ears for this next part, when Kairi gets loud it's a doozy.

"Ven, I really don't give a-"

"So I'm walking through town, ya know, relaxin' when this guy just-"

"OH MY GOD VEN! SHUT THE FUCK UP , SIT DOWN, AND WATCH THE MOVIE IF YOU'RE GONNA WATCH THE DAMN MOVIE!" And now my ears are ringing really bad, and I'm all the way in Roxas' room. Figured that'd be a safe enough distance from the ticking sound bomb.

I gotta say, even though he brought it on himself, I feel kinda bad for Ven. After the verbal beating (and yes it is a beating. A quick, powerful beating) Ven looked as if he was about to cry...or pee his pants...or both. I just hope that his mo-

"ALRIGHT, WHOSE HEAD AM I GONNA HAVE TO BUST OPEN HUH!?" Speak of the devil, here's Ven's mom. No, not my aunt, his second mom.

Just after that ear-shattering shout; a gorgeous, blue-haired, busty, and absolutely livid girl stomped into the house. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the lovely Aqua; a short-fused, bombshell babe that somehow landed right into Ventus' lap whilst he was fucking about as Roxas one day. Too bad for him, she just wants to coddle him and let him suckle for milk rather than for... okay got it too much for you guys. Anyway like I was saying; she's essentially his second mother; coddling, spoon-feeding (sometimes literally), and sugar-coating every little thing that she deems a threat to him in any way, shape, or form and Ventus just eats it up! He loves the attention and usually just plays along with the whole mother-son fantasy thing.

"Ventus, are you okay? Were they mean to you?" Ventus just nods like a five-year-old who just got pushed off the swing set by the neighborhood bully, I swear he's just a giant baby in a teenager's body. "Well, are you gonna apologize to him or am I gonna have to knock an apology outta ya Kairi?" Oh boy, here we go again.

"Hmm, how 'bout no to both of your requests?" Kairi please stop. We don't need a blood bath from you and Aqua again, it took us three months to clean it out of the carpet last time. "Besides, it's not like you're much of a threat, or did you forget how our last fight went down?"

"Oh-ho, I didn't but apparently you did. Sounds like you need a reminder." Okay this needs to stop, Kairi.

"Sounds to me like you think you can threaten me." Not helping, now stop it.

"Sounds to me like you think you can take me." Seriously, shut your mouths.

"Of course I can, all your mass is stored in your boobs, whereas mine is in my muscles." Gah, this is starting to irritate me. And trust me when I say, it takes a lot to actually make me mad.

"Mass ain't got nothin' to do with your strength, boy!"

"Yeah, well-"

"My god, will you two shut up? I'll never understand how two people who are so similar fight like cats and dogs." So he finally walked through the door huh? I was wondering when he was gonna show up.

We turned to see Ven's second father walk through the door carrying two brick-cases. This is my cousin Terra, my actual cousin; not just the kid of my dad's friend. He actually kinda looks like my dad; tall, muscular, and a hair style that'll make you say "what the fuck?" (not that I'm one to talk) But, he definitely has a different face than my dad. My dad has a happy-go-lucky kinda expression most of the time (must be where I get it from) while Terra has a no-nonsense serious look about him all the time. 'Course it suits him since he's always serious, that last bit he said was about the closest thing to humor that'll ever come out of his mouth.

"Sup cuz?" I should at least try to seem happy to see my cousin, he is family after all.

"Hey." Wow, can't ya just feel the familial bond in that 'hey'?

"Late as usual I see. Where were you when our Ven was being picked on by the she-male from the black lagoon over here, Terra?" heh-heh, okay that one was pretty good. Mean, but good. And by how red Kairi is, I'd say it got her good too!

"Walking to the house like a normal person would do. Besides," and boom goes the bricks he carried in. Hope you can pay for the damage you just did to the floors Terra. "You stuck me with carrying your shit, and you know your suitcases are generally so heavy that it slows the person carrying them down tenfold." He's not exaggerating, it actually makes you ten times as slow when carrying her shit. We timed it and everything.

"Quit your whining Terra, your bitching can wait until after," Gay, Ven has got to be gay, 'cause there's no way you can get pulled into Aqua's chest and still be fucking crying over someone shouting at you. Gay. "I take care of Roxas' problems."

"Why can't you just let Ven take care of his own problems? He's not a child anymore Aqua, you should stop treating him like one." Um...hmm..anybody else feel like this is going to a bad place?

"I'm not treating him like a child, I'm just protecting him from things he can't handle on his own!" Ooooooooooooookie doke, I think this our cue to get the hell outta here, how about you guys? Lemme just grab the movie and-

"He's 20 years old Aqua, he should be able to handle problems like people yelling at him!" Or just fuck getting the movie and haul ass outta here as fast as possible.

"Oh, so I should just let Kairi beat on him, IS THAT IT? IS THAT GONNA HELP HIM ANY, TO BE BEATEN UP BY SOMEBODY?" Hey guys you wanna get the fuck outta here? Why don't we just go to Roxas' room and break dance? Let's just go to the room now. Can we just go to the room now please? PLEASE?!

"HEY DON'T TURN THIS ON ME! YOU'RE-" Aaaaaand we're outta there, at least out of the living room. There was a long silence between everyone before someone spoke up.

"Sooo, that happened." Yeah, no shit Roxas.

"Yeah, no shit Roxas." Seriously, stop with this mind reading business Kairi, it's starting to creep me out!

"So now what do we do?"

"Good question Nami, it's not like we can leave anytime soon with those psychos going at it." They seriously need to work on their attitudes.

"And I'm not climbing out that tiny window to just to drive off like some unwanted skank. Unlike that stupid bitch, I was actually invited here." To be fair, she probably was too Kairi.

Just as Roxas was going to say something, we heard a loud crash come from outside the room followed by some loud sounds and a few... "choice words" I guess you would put it? After that little uproar, we all just sat there silently; trying to tune out the angry sounds coming from right outside the door

[LB]

Ugh, those kicks to the ribs from earlier are starting to kick in. Man, if I feel this sore in just a few hours after those body shots, then it's gonna be worse tomor...wait a sec, she kicked me on the right side so why does my left side-? I opened my eyes and looked toward the soreness, and their was Kairi; sleeping with her head resting on my side.

"Okay, she's seriously gotta move now." My ribs might crack under the pressure if she doesn't!

I cautiously picked up her head; not wanting to wake her up ('cause dammit if I don't like living so much!), and moved her onto my lap. I looked at my phone; almost ten o'clock, should probably start heading back home now. With a bit of a stretch, I looked around the room for the tangled twosome (Ha! Bet you thought I forgot about that nickname huh?). They were huddled close together against Roxas' bed, with their heads resting on one another. I feel sorry for their unborn kids. If they're this corny as teenagers while sleeping; it's only gonna get worse.

I turned back toward the sleeping beast on my lap, preparing for the most brutal beating for waking up her highness. I was about to just tap or shake her awake, when I got a good glimpse of her face from the moonlight. She looked so peaceful and angelic that I just knew; no matter how badly I was gonna pay for it, I had to wake her up in the funniest way I could think of. So I sat up and started to sweet-talk her awake! (Ain't I so smart?)

"Hey beautiful," I gently whispered "I know it's a sin to wake a sleeping angel, but I just couldn't control myself. I saw you lying there and I knew that if I didn't tell you how gorgeous you were I wouldn't be able to liahh!" My sweet talking got cut short by a dainty, vigorous, and rage-filled hand shooting into my mouth and squeezing my bottom jaw; holding it firmly open!

"Sora, you have about twelve seconds to give me a logical reason as to why; on god's green earth, you decided to wake me up. So I'm gonna let go of your jaw, and when I do the next thing you're going to tell me is why you woke me, anything else will result in you eating through a straw for a month, alright?!" She moved my head for me for the response she wanted "good now talk!"

Luckily for me I don't even need to talk for this one. (cause if I had to my voice would suddenly sound mysteriously like my testicles were removed with a pair of wire cutters without anesthesia!) So I pulled out my phone, lit up the screen, and turned it toward the monster in my lap...heh, unintentional penis joke.

"Oh, ten already? Geez, why didn't you wake me up sooner ya nimrod!" Oh, I dunno maybe because I felt like staying here tonight, maybe because I too was asleep, or maybe it's because I knew this exact thing would happen! By the way, she never even bothered to take her hand outta my mouth. It's still in there; slowly squeezing my teeth until they eventually shatter. As much as I enjoy the taste of Kairi's skin (tastes just like chicken! Or strawberries.) I'm kinda in a lot of pain so...

"Did you just fucking lick my hand?" Now, normally I would have responded with a sarcastic come back, as I'm sure you know. However, Kairi did not give me time to make any remark. For as soon as the question left her mouth, so did her hand from mine which went straight across my cheek for the wettest slap I've ever had the pleasure of having come into contact with my face. And by the way...

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" I yelled as loud as I possibly could without waking the tangled twosome. That of course got me another, slightly lighter, slap to the back of my head and a hand over my mouth. Kairi gave me the "SILENCE OR I KILL YOU!" look before dashing her eyes to the left to see if our friends were still sleeping, which is most likely the case seeing as they're harder to wake-up than Riku; provided that they're sleeping together. It's like they share the same dreams and are just to full of happy-fluff to be bothered by reality, it's actually pretty impressive. Creepy and gross, but Impressive.

After checking on the wake-status of our friends, Kairi gave me some strange hand signals to basically tell me to get the fuck up and leave quietly; which you figure would go without saying really, but ya know, Kairi's a weirdo. After escaping the lair of the tangle-heads we tip-toed our way through the hallway into the Living room. As I readied myself to bolt through the door; I felt a small pat on my back. I turned to my fellow soon-to-be-cat-burglar to see what goodie she spied to take...okay, I must be pretty tired; even I thought that was weird.

"Check it out" she whispered as she pointed to the couch while holding back a laugh. I turned to where she was gesturing, and there was the funniest thing I had seen all day! Ventus, Aqua, and Terra were sitting on the couch, sleeping under a blanket, and cuddling! Oh my god, I almost had to hit myself in the stomach to keep from laughing, it was so damn funny. I mean; we always tease and joke about how they act like a small family, but apparently it's not just acting!

I knew I wouldn't be able to hold it in much longer, there was no way! And I knew if they woke up my ass would be grass, Kairi's ass would be grass, and our parents would have a search party that would never be able to locate our bodies. So I covered my mouth, grabbed Kairi's arm and ran for the door as fast as I could without being too loud. We went out the door, across the driveway, and down to the street corner before we had to stop to break out laughing!

"OH...OH...HAHAHAHA DID YOU...SEE THAT AH-HAHAHAHA!" I half said.

"OKAY...Okay, whew, I knew they were close but never close ENOUGH TO CUDDLE!" Kairi chuckled out.

"That must've been their version of making-up!" Ew, now that I said that aloud it's not as funny as I originally thought. Still funny enough to keep Kairi laughing though, which got me back on the laugh-express. We kept on laughing until we were calm enough for Kairi to drive home. I swear, driving drunk is nowhere near as bad as driving under the influence of heavy laughter. I can't even count how many times we almost died because of a really funny joke or something like cuddle-time back there. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be here telling you guys this if I knew where Kairi's car was and decided to run for that.

The drive home was pretty quiet, which worked for us since it gave Kairi a chance to focus on driving and not on recalling that. O'course, that still didn't stop us from chuckling at it. After awhile I started looking out the window, trying to keep myself awake. I can already feel sleep com-

"Hey Sora?" Oh man, I was actually hoping I could sleep on the way back. What? I'm tired!

"Huh?" I questioned her back

"I gotta know, did you really pick that movie out tonight?" What? Why do you care?

"Why do you wanna know?" I could just answer no, but I guess I'm just a curious kinda guy.

"Well...I mean...you don't...you usually...I figured...um..." Great talk Kairi, isn't it me whose flunking English here?

"You gonna form a question there, or are you just gonna keep listing phrases." Seriously, you can't be that tired. I'm not even that tired.

"Shut up!" she bellowed "if I wanna start saying a bunch of random things, then that's what I'm gonna do goddammit!"

"Okay, but if that were the case you wouldn't have asked a question." HA! Eat it Kairi.

"And just how do you know that huh?" Really, that's your best defense?

"Oh I dunno, maybe because we've been friends since we were like four or so? Pretty sure after thirteen years I'd know you better than that." BOOM, argument countered! (Nailed it!)

"Yeah, I guess you would..." Oh look, my tension-o-meter has just gone from "None" to "Holy-Shit-It's-Visible" in three seconds flat! Did I say something dumb? "...anyway, I guess I just figured you didn't like those kinda movies; so you can understand why I think it's weird for you to pick out that movie, right?" Oh, okay I got it. She just feels bad about me missing a movie that I might've liked.

"Yeah I picked it out, but trust me I only picked that because it was the best looking movie they had. You'd figure with as big of a movie buff Roxas is, he'd have a better selection." There, maybe that'll lift her guilty conscience.

"Oh, okay. I guess that makes sense." Or maybe not. I would've pressed further, but Kairi's the sort who doesn't like to share how she's feeling, if I were to try and get her to talk more she would've just punched me in the ar-

"OOOOW! What was that for Kairi?" She punched me! What the Hell!?

"For waking me up of course. Even if it was for a good reason, rules are rules." Jeez, I'm gonna have a rough time sleeping tonight.

And there you have it my Hearts (I like this better than lovlies, cause, ya know, of how I love you guys and how this is...a Kingdom Hearts fic) Chapter 3. Probably the best chapter I've written so far! And by that I mean: I'm really not happy with how the ending worked out; I kinda wrote myself into a hole there and...well whatever. So first I'd like to make a clear apology to all you guys, I'm so very sorry that this came out so late. I had what was originally going to be half of this done and the I wrote myself one hole after another. I know it's no excuse and I'm not trying to make one either, I should've been working on this more diligently than I was, and that is all on me. So I promise that this next chapter will be made to the best of my abilities and we'll finally be starting on the main course in this plot buffet, so yay for that! :D

Thanks for reading, you're all beautiful, I love you all, will you marry me. XD Have a terrific day slash night slash morning slash afternoon slash evening! HERE'S TO CHAPTER 4 BEING OUT SOMETIME! AND ALSO BETTER THAN THIS!