*crying and sniffling* This fic doesn't get half the reviews per chapter that it used to! *Blows into a hanky* Is it because of the terrible updates and or because of the side story issue?!

Or is my story just getting boring…

I'm Sorry! So please review not only for me, but for Sasuke! Lol…

,,, But seriously, REVIEW!

Chapter Eleven

Rated S for Shit Just Got Serious

"So your first executioner- I mean examiner will be…" Hanabi dragged on and Kiba did some admittedly good drum roll like beat boxing but was halted when Shino used his elbow to deliver a quick jab to Kiba's side.

"Dude!" Kiba exclaimed rubbing the now sore spot but was pointedly ignored by Shino.

Hanabi continued on, "Neji-nii-san!"

'Great. Start with the guy who wants to try ripping poor skeleton whole from me in one swoop.'

But Sasuke hid his irritation under a smug face. "So I'm guessing your test is 'Strips'? And I'm also guessing it has nothing to do with the shedding of clothes since there is also a test called 'Strippers'?"

"That would be my department!" Hanabi excitedly exclaimed shooting up a hand in the air.

You know how Sasuke makes mega facial expressions of mortification one out of a hundred times? Yeah, this was one of those times.

"Fear not Uchiha, it I not her that will do the- "And then Neji realized how awkward of a conversation including his little cousin and everybody else picked up on it and decided to relieve him.

"So do we start now?" Sasuke asked.

"Yes," Neji replied. "But the test doesn't take place here."

"Where then?" Sasuke inquired.

"The candy store." Neji replied doing little to hide his devious and sadistic smirk.

It was official. Hinata is affiliated with too many sadistic bastards. Himself included.

. . .

It was not just any candy store. This candy store was like Toys 'R Us and Barney the Dinosaur having a child and then Barney cheats on Toys 'R Us with Disney Junior and has an illicit child. Then those two children commit incest and had the candy store right in front of him.

It was that…. That… There really was no word for this nightmare.

Ah, that's a good one! A nightmare.

Never in Sasuke's life did he imagine there could be so much pink and gingerbread men and cotton candy and bubbles and pink and ribbons and toys and pink and children and pink. Did he mention he had never seen so much pink?

There was only thing in his thoughts that was almost like a mantra to get him through this:

'This is for Hinata. You're doing this for Hinata. For Hinata. For Hinata. For Hina-'

His personal mantra was broken as Neji slapped a mocking and not at all reassuring hand on his back. "Scared?"

"Tch," Sasuke clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes. "If I survived being babysat by Madara at the age of three, I doubt this would scare me. Induce a horrible gag reflex, yes. But scare me? Who do you think I am?"

"Yes yes Uchiha." Neji said dismissively. "Now let's get your nightmare and my dream started."

As they walked through the pink tinted glass double doors of the candy store the sickly sweet smell of apples, cotton candy and strawberries filled the air. Ugh, how could a responsible parent bring their child to such a place? The smell alone could send a child to the dentist three times over.

. . .

Funny. It really was laughable. That all the tiny feet kicking into his sides and miniature palms and nails slapping and clawing at him and the skinny elbows jabbing him in all the wrong places. He was sure that he was going to like any poor soul who dared to abuse cute animals in front of Rock Lee.

"CANNON BALL!" Sasuke heard a boy yell and he felt the boy's statement proven when the probable equivalent of ten year old Chouji –no offense- pounded on the other kids and onto him. Now he was sure that when he got out of this he would look like the result of a gay guy trying to jump Gaara with glossy cherry chapstick lips.

Hell. That's what this was: Hell.

Apparently, when Hinata was frail, small and six years old –and let's not forget incredibly cute- there was this awesome candy that she loved so very much called Jumbo Mega Munchy Strips. They were strips of a concoction of cinnamon, jelly, wafers and all that was unhealthy and made Sasuke want to vomit.

One Saturday rush little Hinata got the last one on sale and was pounded and pinched into releasing it. Being her favourite candy she put up a fight… For about six seconds until she let go crying. And after the boy who stole it ran off, everybody else trampled her just to get to him.

It was a nightmare.

So obviously Neji was trying to make the equivalent but through Hyuuga influence get only one left and anybody ten years or younger who could really pack a punch.

And thus there were a whole troop of Sarutobi children here with a Hyuuga-expense paid trip to the sweetest candy store around.

So back to our suffocating hero…

Sasuke had a death grip on the pack of Jumbo whatchamacallit strips that only tightened when some child with a set of milk teeth and a lot of gaps gnawed at his palm. If he wanted to get out of here he would, but he couldn't just harm the children.

Wow, Sasuke had a whole new level of respect for Hinata now knowing that somebody frail and timid like her went through such an ordeal. Or maybe she just looked so much better to him right now because his dignity was plummeting fast.

He couldn't harm the children so what now?

"Hey let's pee on him! He hasn't got any dignity anyway to be fighting over candy with kids!" One boy suggested with glee.

There was a chorus of agreement and the sound of multiple zippers sliding followed.

. . .

"NOOO!" Hinata yelled with despair, pity love and sadness. "Stop being so horrible to Inuyasha, Sesshomaru! He's your little brother! Don't beat him up and flaunt who got the better apple of the family tree! Wait- I've seen this before…"

A/N: Get it? XD

And our poor Sasuke's misfortune was momentarily forgotten due to Lord Sesshomaru's fabulousness.

. . .

Once Sasuke had heard the zippers come down he had sprang like Gai in a race with Kakashi. Child safety be damned the only salty bodily fluid he didn't mind on his body was his own –or Hinata's- sweat and that wasn't about to change now.

He was halfway to the checkout when two shopping carts filled with glucose driven animaniacs –That's Sasuke for hyper kid- rushed for him. With the ease of an Uchiha he jumped over them but was tripped when a pudgy arm grabbed his DC sneakers and made him stumble on his feet –he'd be damned if he actually fell-. Damn brats, they were pretty good. Must be nice to run on sugar.

In the moment he stumbled about two dozen glucose animaniacs surrounded him. He really didn't want to do this but it looks like he had no choice. It was time to bring out…

…The wallet.

He packed hundreds of yen from his wallet and let it rain. The children instantly forgot him and he made a sprint for the counter when he was just a dash away a cute little five year old girl hugged his ankle and halted his movement.

"I will not be bribed!" She said defiantly.

Sasuke knelt on his free leg to look at her. He gave her a charming smile and such a handsome gaze that would put Avan Jogia and Brad Pitt to shame.

The toddler immediately stated blushing. Sasuke gave her a peck on her forehead before extracting his ankles from her arms and let his hands linger on her skin before standing slowly.

"Thank you for letting me buy this." He winked at her and she nodded enthusiastically.

As Sasuke finished up at the counter Neji was waiting for him. "You're a man whore, you know that?"

"Hot people have to do what it takes when they want something." Sasuke said. "Isn't that right Neji?" Sasuke said swinging his head in a way that would swish long hair if he had any.

There was a time when Sasuke and Naruto escorted Neji (well met up with him by chance at the mall) to get a gift for Tenten's birthday. Her favourite Shampoo had sold out and the last one was in the hands of an elderly woman. Neji had let the woman caress his long hair for the bottle.

Neji growled at the memory Sasuke was bringing up with a mixture of rage and shame on his face.

"Shut it Uchiha. You pass."

They got into Neji's slick ash coloured BMW –they were holding his jaguar hostage in case he decided to wuss out. Pfffft, like he would. He'd sooner kiss Karin's feet than wuss out of a challenge- and Neji drove to the next destination without even bothering to tell him where they would meet Shino and Kiba.

"So where are we meeting the creature whisperers?" Sasuke asked patting the candy in his pocket through his navy blue denim jeans to make sure that it was still there.

"The park." Neji replied without taking his attention off the road.

Sasuke was trying to piece together stripes and parks when he felt the car come to a halt. He and Neji unbuckled their belts –Safety first!- and made their way to a tree where Shino stood looking bored beside Kiba who was playing with Akamaru's pup –dogs like to get busy as we all know- Koakamaru*. Koakamaru was the same size as Akamaru when Kiba was twelve.

*Ko literally means child but is also used the way English uses little. So Koakamaru means Little Akamaru. But I'm sure hardcore Otaku's know that :D

Kiba sniffed the air like a hound –'Yup. He's definitely an anomaly.' Sasuke thought- and made a grin as he ruffled the pup's tummy. "I smell blood and refined sugar." He looked up at the approaching Neji and Sasuke still grinning. "How'd 'Strips' go?"

Sasuke remained straight faced as he pulled up a pant leg of his jeans to show Kiba a bite mark showing at least eight teeth indentations and two of them made red crescent moons.

Kiba laughed and wiped a mock tear from his eye. "You've got to love whoever created candy." Sasuke promptly glared at him.

"Can we start now?" Sasuke asked trying to reign in his impatience and just a teeny weeny widdle bit of anxiety.

"Please." Shino said trying to cut short any other taunts that Kiba undoubtedly had in store.

It was then Sasuke noticed that Shino was holding a briefcase. And considering the ordeal he went through at the candy he could practically see the black chakra seeping out of the briefcase.

Shino saw Sasuke's discomfort at the briefcase and a smirk tipped over his ever present turtle neck. "This," He held up the briefcase, "is your next phase in hell."

Sasuke had too much damn pride to gulp.

And simultaneously as Shino undid the lock of the briefcase, Kiba brought out a boom box and a CD.

Sasuke swore a decade was taken off his life when he saw Shino bring out a black and white striped long sleeved shirt, a red scarf, a beret, black leggings and face paint.

"Aw hell no."

A mime.

"Hell yes." Kiba grinned. "And guess what your background music is?"

"… "

"Mary Poppins' Supercalifradgalisticespialidoceas!"

I'm sure I spelled that wrong.

To Edidiong: Review this and CALL me!

RomanticKissez gets the prize (I was serious!) and that prize is to pic an 'S' theme for Sasuke and Hinata's FIRST DATE!

Yes, yes, feel free to hate me for I am such a horrible person to depend on. I have to try and wrap up this fic in the next three or two weeks which means devotion and commitment. I only want about twenty chapters when this story is complete. Twenty-two max.

But how do you conclude a romcom (Emphasis on the COM, if I have the right to say my fic is funny) like this?

Sorry for the short chapter!

REVIEW!