The first few hours back at the Hawthorne's house feel both too familiar and something all their own. They frantically shake Rory awake and ask him questions as Prim moves a lantern in front of his eyes. He vomits twice as they try to ascertain the extent of his head injury, but he answers questions coherently. Eventually, it's clear that he has a concussion, but he's not disoriented enough to indicate he's suffering from anything more serious.
Katniss would have expected the good news to change the atmosphere, but instead a new kind of tension sets in. Hazelle is looking at Gale with a quiet fury and lacing venom into every word she says to him. Katniss expects Gale to be cowed, or to respond with a short burst of temper that's over almost as soon as it starts. Instead, Gale doesn't say a word, just exudes a bitterness that Katniss finds far more disconcerting than his temper.
They take turns staying up with Rory, though no one seems able to sleep anyway. When the sun rises, Gale grabs his mining gear and leaves the house without a word. Katniss puts on her father's hunting jacket and leaves for the woods. She's more than glad to leave Hazelle and Prim in the bedroom with Rory. Prim is too concerned with Rory to notice, but Katniss finds Hazelle's anger terrifying.
But the fence is on and she's forced to return to the house. She's barely been home long enough to set water to boiling when Gale comes through the door.
"The mines are closed," he says, hanging his hat near the door. "I asked when they were going to open again and the peacekeepers wouldn't say a word to me."
"You're lucky they didn't remember you brawling last night and decide to arrest you," Hazelle snaps. She has walked out of the bedroom and plants herself in the middle of the room, hands on her hips.
Gale goes stills and his eyes narrow. Without turning to look at his mother he says,
"So we're finally going to have this out now?"
His voice is cold and he stiffly takes off his coat, carrying tension in every movement. Hazelle snorts.
"Well, we couldn't very well talk while your brother vomited his way through the night, now could we?"
Katniss winces, but Gale clenches his fists and storms across the room to stand in front of Hazelle.
"Just say it," he hisses. "You want to put this on me, then come right out and do it. "
"I didn't say that-
"Well you've been implying it for the last twelve hours! Glaring at me like I'm the one who knocked him out-
"He shouldn't have even been in that crowd!"
"Of course not, and I didn't ask him to be!"
"Well, what did you expect him to do when we realized you weren't following us?" Hazelle asked. "Did you think he would just leave you behind? That any of us would? Did you even think at all? Did you even give our family one second of thought before-
"Don't fucking tell me I don't think about this family!" Gale shouts so loudly Katniss flinches and even Hazelle looks stunned.
"Do you have any idea how-how insane that is? That I don't think about our family? What do you think is on my mind when I'm in the mines so long I never see the sun? Or when I force myself to stay awake after work even though I'm so tired I can barely see straight? Or when I eat the same damn portion size as Rory? If I'm not thinking about our family then what the hell else do you think I'm thinking about?"
"Well, you weren't thinking about us when you went into that crowd."
"So I lose my head for a few minutes and that undoes everything else? Everything I do for this family is gone because of one mistake?"
"If Rory had died, isn't that exactly how it would have been?" Hazelle shouts back, her voice thick. "If something had happened to him, do you think all those other things would have made a bit of difference?"
The remark stings so much that Katniss starts to move towards Gale as though she ought to stand in front of him and protect him from injury. But he just shakes his head.
"You want to know what I think?" he asks coldly. "I think it doesn't make a difference anyway. "Even if I keep my head down and never screw up, it won't make a damn bit of difference if one of the kids gets reaped, or there's another epidemic, or I get smothered to death in the next mining accident. So you want me to think about this family? Well I do. And I think I'm going to kill myself taking care of this family and it still won't be enough."
Without another word, he walks out of the house, slamming the door shut behind him. Hazelle brings a hand to her mouth and stifles a sob. Katniss remains rooted to the spot, not sure who she ought to comfort. Her initial instinct is to follow Gale, but she's never seen Hazelle in this much pain. Eventually she decides that if Gale were in his right mind, he'd want her to look after his family. So, she makes her way slowly to the kitchen where Hazelle is bracing herself against the cabinet, tears steaming down her face.
Tentatively, Katniss reaches out and puts an arm around Hazelle.
"It's okay," she says quietly. "He's just angry because he thought you were saying he didn't care about you guys and-and that's like…"
Katniss fumbles to explain why that infuriated Gale the way it did. She knows why, just like she knows she would go crazy if someone said she wasn't thinking about Prim enough. Still, she struggles to articulate it.
"He-he does care about you guys. It's everything to him. Everything. So if you say he doesn't think of you, it's like…it's like nothing he does matters."
Hazelle takes a choky breath and Katniss rushes on, trying to say something- anything -to make one of the strongest people she knows stop crying.
"But it's okay," she says. "You didn't mean it like that, and he'll realize that as soon as he cools off. And-and he was just angry. He didn't mean what he was saying either."
"Didn't he?" Hazelle wipes a tear away. "And if he didn't mean it, he should have. Because it's probably true. He's done everything he can for us, and it could kill him any day. What kind of mother am I letting that happen? How can I -"
She starts to sob again.
"You're the best mother in this whole district!" Katniss says. And she means it. "It's not your fault! He would have to go to the mines no matter what. Almost everyone does."
"But the hunting? He was only fourteen and risking death on his own. And did I ever try and stop him?"
"He had to! And that's not your fault either. It's the Capitol's fault! It's their fault things are like this, that we don't have any other options."
She surprises herself with how much she sounds like Gale just then. And her stomach drops as she realizes that maybe he's right. That maybe as long as the Capitol is in power there's really nothing they can do to protect their families.
"You're right," Hazelle lets out a heavy sigh. "Unfortunately, that's not much comfort. It just makes me wonder if all his talk of rebellion is less crazy than I'd like it to be."
Hazelle stares at the wall, lost in thought for a moment, before she shakes her head and says,
"I should go check in on Posy and Vick. They get upset if Gale and I argue, and I have to find something to say about everything last night. Not that I have any idea how to explain that," she grimaces. "I'm sorry you had to listen to us argue. I was…I was scared and I lost my temper, then Gale lost his too. Neither of us should have spoken like that, so I'm sorry."
"It's okay," Katniss says quietly.
"Thank you, dear."
She stands, gives Katniss's shoulder a squeeze, and heads toward the bedrooms.
Katniss feels some relief seeing Hazelle act more like herself. She's still anxious about Gale's well-being, but she knows better than chase him down. He needs to cool off, but he'll come home when he does. Still, the previous night's events leave a nagging worry in the back of her mind. It's not a like a normal day when he can disappear into the woods. She isn't sure what to expect from the peacekeepers after last night and she's equally unsure about Gale's judgment at the moment.
To keep her worries at bay, Katniss sets to work on the laundry Hazelle had been doing. She takes clothes down from the clothesline and folds them neatly. Then she washes a load of sheets and hangs up to dry. When she's finished, Hazelle is still talking quietly with Vick, Posy, and Prim as Rory continues to sleep. Katniss looks for other household tasks to occupy herself and winds up straightening the living room and scrubbing the kitchen counter. Then, she tiptoes into her mother's room with a plate of dried jerky and tesserae bread.
"We could have used your help last night," she says, before looking at her mother's expressionless face and stopping herself. "Never mind, you don't care."
Katniss shakes her head, exasperated that she even started trying to have a conversation with her mother. She shuts the door and walks back into the living room, pushing unpleasant thoughts out of her mind by trying to find another task to complete. She's sweeping the living room floor when Gale appears in the doorway.
He shuts the door quietly and looks up at Katniss.
"Hey, Catnip."
"Hey," she studies his face carefully. His eyes look bloodshot before he drops them to the floor and the creases in his forehead are more pronounced.
"I'm sorry I lost my temper."
"Gale, stop."
Katniss shoves the broom aside and crosses over to him.
"I'm not upset with you. I know you didn't mean it and I know…I know how hard everything is."
She fumbles for a moment, trying to think of a better way to explain that she understands perfectly the guilt, frustration, and helplessness he feels. But then she sees the look of relief on his face and realizes she doesn't need to bother with more explanations. Instead she just says,
"I'm glad you're back."
"Thanks, Catnip."
He's giving her a small smile when Hazelle comes out of the bedroom. The smile drops and he swallows, studying Hazelle. Katniss follows his gaze and sees Hazelle's chin quiver. Gale winces.
"Aw Mom, I'm really sorry. You were right. I was stupid. And I shouldn't have said any of that. I never meant-I-
His voice gets rough and he swallows.
"It's alright," Hazelle walks over and wraps her arms around his neck. She lets him hug her for a moment before she steps back and says,
"You know, I was wrong too."
"You weren't. It was all my fault and-
"It wasn't. You were just doing what every young man your age would have done. Because you're right, Gale. You're right."
Hazelle's voice catches and Gale opens his mouth to argue. But she shakes her head and keeps speaking.
"You're right to be angry. Because we're doing everything we can, and it still might not be enough. There's still the mining accidents, the reapings, the lack of food. I can't blame you for seeing all that. I can't blame you for being angry when they killed your friend."
Gale looks at the floor and swallows. Katniss feels like she was punched in the gut. With all the worrying and tension she had managed to forget the event that started all of this in the first place. The fact that Thom is dead, and that she didn't even think about it for hours, leaves her feeling sick. She struggles to focus on Hazelle's voice.
"But Gale, we still need you. We still need you to do everything you're doing, to not forget yourself, even if you have every reason to."
"I know; you're right," he bites his lower lip and nods. "I'll do better. I won't go after peacekeepers, talk about rebellions-
"That's not what I'm asking."
Katniss feels her jaw go slack.
"I can't ask you not to fight them," Hazelle says, her voice breaking. "I just-I need you to be smart about it, Gale. If you're going to resist them, you need to go to the meetings, plan with the others, and wait for the right time. You can't just lose your head and beat up peacekeepers. I can't lose you for nothing."
She lets out a sob, but Katniss and Gale are both too stunned to move.
"Meetings?" Gale stutters at last.
"Well, there was a resistance movement years ago. I'm sure it's still around," Hazelle sniffs and dabs her eyes. "I don't know who's involved anymore, but there's got to be some miners who know. Keep your ears open."
"You'd let me join?"
"You're a grown man, have been for some time," Hazelle sighs. "I can't stop you."
"No!" The word is out of Katniss's mouth before she can think twice about it. But it doesn't matter, because the more she thinks about the more right her instincts seem. The thought of Gale starting a rebellion is sending her into a panic. "Have you lost your mind? They'll catch you and when they do, you'll be lucky if all they do is kill you!"
"Katniss," Gale turns to her and meets her eyes. "I have to do this. They killed Thom. They killed him because he volunteered for me."
He looks away from her and swallows.
"I can't-I can't let it go anymore. I can't just keep waiting for the next disaster. What if it's Rory who gets reaped next year? Or you? What if there's another epidemic, or a mining accident, or they decide keep the fence on and we can't hunt? They could do anything. And in the mean time, we're just supposed to wait around until they decide how to kill us?"
She can see the desperation and pain in his eyes. It dawns on her that Gale may have had all he's willing to take.
"Katniss, do you really think we'll ever be safe living like this?"
"But if we rebel-
"Just answer the question. Are we ever going to be safe living this way?"
He waits for a moment and then says,
"If you can tell me honestly that there's a way to guarantee our safety - that if I stay out of trouble, we'll be protected -then, I'll do it."
Katniss swallows and looks away. She can't tell him that. Not with any semblance of honesty.
"Obeying the Capitol isn't going to save us, so if I'm going to be in danger then I want it to be for a reason, and for I reason I choose."
She meets Gale's eyes and she can see how much pain he's in, how helpless he feels, and how desperate he is for a way out. She wants to tell him that everything he's thinking and feeling is wrong, but she can't do that. Not anymore. Not after an epidemic nearly killed her, not after he was reaped, not after he went to work in the mines, not after Thom was killed.
"Okay," she says quietly. "I guess…I guess we don't have another choice."
"You don't have to be part of it."
"Someone has to make sure you're not going to do anything stupid."
He scowls and looks like he's on the verge of arguing against his stupidity. But then he looks at her again. .
"Thanks," he says. "I'm glad you've got my back."
She almost feels like smiling, but she's interrupted by someone pounding loudly on the door. Hazelle dabs her eyes, then goes to the front door. When she opens it, two peacekeepers are standing outside.