John knows loss, he still remembers what it was like to lose Ford but that cannot compare to what Lorne, Cadman and Reed are going through now. For him it would be like losing Ronon or Teyla or Rodney. John doesn't even want to imagine what it would be like.

There is no such thing as a routine mission in Pegasus but some missions come a bit closer to the term than others. Stackhouse and his team have taken Parrish to M3-866 more than ten times by now.

John watches Lorne, Reed and Cadman move more closely to each other with each word Stackhouse says: Wraith attack and Dr. Parrish...He sees Stackhouse's team coming closer as well as if they're afraid that Lorne, Reed or Cadman are going to leash out at him and want to protect him.

But none of them do any such thing. They don't even ask questions or argue against the odds that Parrish might have survived. Stackhouse's report was very detailed and made clear that there was no hope. John thinks that his team would have argued but they are not his team.

"Major Lorne, "John finally addresses him, "you and your team take as much time as you need and counselling with Dr. Heightmeyer." Lorne nods and John watches the three leave, arms so close around each other that they could be one person.

The three became inseparable over the next days. It's not only that but they keep apart from everyone else on Atlantis as well. No one dares to approach them not even to offer condolences since Parrish was a quite well-liked scientist but Cadman, Lorne and Reed wear their grief like a shield against the rest of the world.

John is half hoping that the burial will make it better, after all time heals all wounds and they have a one-month policy when it comes to missing people. Even in case of a culling Missed, presumed dead only became official after a month, Ford had taught them that.

He doesn't know if Lorne wants to tell Parrish's parents in person or if someone from the SGC should do that instead. He also needs Lorne to choose another scientist for his team. These things need to be addressed but seeing Lorne, Cadman and Reed; he decides that some things can wait for tomorrow or next week. Woolsey doesn't press the matter either which makes John's respect for the man grow.

John's in Woolsey's office to discuss some supply lists Lorne dropped by earlier, as usually highlighting the need for more coffee and chocolate in Atlantis. There used to be notes from Lorne on these lists, like "British expedition members will mutiny if there isn't some decent tea on the Daedalus next time" or "Don't ask the cultural anthropology department why they need so much honey, just don't" but not anymore. Heightmeyer hasn't cleared any of Lorne's team for off-world duty yet so Lorne buries himself in paperwork, Cadman has taken over the training schedule and Radek has told John that Miko told him that Reed is taking care of Parrish's private flower collection.

Still he's in Woolsey office when Chuck says, "Off-world gate activation," and then adds in a wondrous voice. "It's Dr. Parrish's code."

He doesn't even need to be told to drop the shield. John calls for Lorne, Cadman and Reed over the com-link and tells them to come to the gate room without explaining why.

And then Dr. Parrish steps though the gate, dirty and exhausted and generally worse to wear but definitely alive. John watches from the balcony how he's buried beneath Cadman, Lorne and Reed, how they don't stop touching, hugging, kissing him. Everyone else looks discreetly away.

It's love, John thinks with a smile.