I completely ripped off a line from Supernatural in this chapter. Fans of the show will know it the second they read it, but in my defense that line was gold and Crowley is freaking awesome.

Warning: Language, Harry has a dirty mouth

Thanks for the reviews!

Harry stared down at the opened package in his lap. There was no fucking way. Dumbledore could imperio his ass and it still wasn't going to happen.

"So…I am going to kill him with love right," Harry asked slightly hysterical, looking up at the old man sitting across from him.

Dumbledore looked up from the letter on his desk with a confused look on his face, "Kill him?" Dumbledore chuckled for a moment and Harry felt a piece of his metaphorical soul die. "No, no my boy, you are going to stop him with love. After all I'm sure if dear Tom was to develop a deeper emotional attachment to you, he would be unable to continue on his current path."

"I'm pretty sure hate is a pretty freaking deep attachment and no other form of attachment is going to be made," Harry said in outrage. Dumbledore could try all he wanted,this was one instance when Harry refused to budge.

"But my dear boy a marriage contract between you and Tom would put an end to all of this silly war nonsense. After all one cannot rage war against one's spouse. Can they?" It was amazing how reasonable Dumbledore could make a completely ludicrous idea sound.

"Uh, yes. Yes, actually they can," Harry slumped back into his chair still trembling with fury.

Dumbledore frowned at Harry, "Now Harry I understand this is a lot to ask from someone as young as you-"

"Damn right it is,"

"-But you are not just any teenager. More is expected of you whether or not it is fair. People place their lives, their children's lives in your hands, praying that you'll protect them." Dumbledore paused to drive his point home before he pushed on, "You have to do this. You see that don't you?"

Harry looked at Dumbledore and opened his mouth to respond when the headmaster's door opened. Professor Snape had finally decided to grace them with his presence. Harry glared at the man who had left him in the headmaster's clutches alone all afternoon and then glared down at the frilly wedding dress robes, the frilly female dress robes, in the package in his lap. He hated his life. He might as well be getting married to Snape. Harry's eyes widened. Snape! After all, if Harry had to endure this hell why shouldn't he drag his potions professor down with him?

"I can't do it," Harry announced with calm and resolute determination, looking at Dumbledore with a hard stare.

"Give me one reason, my boy, why you can't do this," Dumbledore challenged.

Harry looked Snape directly in his eyes, trying desperately to keep his shit-eating grin off his face as he lied through his teeth, "I can't because me and Snape are lovers in league against Voldemort."

….silence

"Potter, even for you this is pushing the realm of sheer unbelievable a-"Snape began obviously gearing up for a thorough telling off.

Harry quickly stood up and cut him off, "Now Love don't be shy. The headmaster had to find out sometime." Harry positively cooed at Severus Snape, cupping the professor's face with his hand and rubbing a thumb gently across the older man's cheek.

Harry began to shepherd Snape to the door with surprising success. Snape appeared shell shocked, perhaps by the pet name or the hand of his student riding low on his back. Harry called back over his shoulder at the still speechless headmaster, "Please excuse us headmaster, Severus and I need a moment alone. I'm sure you understand."

As the doors shut behind them, Harry stole a glance up at his Professor. Oh Merlin. Maybe he shouldn't have done that. The look on Snape's face promised death. Harry didn't dare glance up again. He figured he had twelve seconds before the shit hit the fan and Snape began dishing out crucios.

"You have to understand professor; he was talking about making me marry Voldemort. I had to do something. He had a contract already drawn up. He is my magical guardian and he was going to sign my life away!" Harry rushed to explain the situation to Snape, while he still had all of his appendages in working order.

Snape finally opened his mouth to speak. Harry winced in preparation for the end of his existence, "Potter…if this backlashes on me in any way I swear I will use your organs as potion ingredients," Snape said softly before he turned and began to make his way back to the dungeons.

Harry looked after him in confusion. That was all? What the crap? Maybe Snape was going soft…or more likely had a soft spot in his head. It was strange though, for a moment Harry could have sworn he saw a slight blush on the older man's cheeks, but that had to of been a mistake of course.

The line I lifted from Supernatural was "Lovers in league against Voldemort" which was originally "Lovers in league against Satan". It is a hilarious little scene and one of my favorite Crowley moments.