Chapter 1 - Stalemate Resolution

My little test subject's warm fingers grasped my handles, and lifted me clear off the ground. That is, I assumed they were warm, I didn't really have any form of heat sensors in my core. Some part of my mind vaguely recalled that humans are warm-blooded, so I suppose that means they're warm. Opposed to a... a snake, which must be cold to touch, being cold-blooded and all. What a confusing world lies above us, and I'm not even part of it! But soon perhaps I will be, for we were nearing our great escape, and I couldn't wait. As gently as possible, my kind little human friend pushed me onto the front of her portal gun, and there I floated. You see, she has to use the gun to shift some of my heavy weight easily, since it has a weird... picky-up-thingy on the front of it, like a mini forcefield.

My vision flickered momentarily, my whole outer shell sparking and shaking reflexively. I truly hated my twitch, it had come about when She crushed my side plates and threw me away so cruelly, like a piece of rubbish. I found myself twitching again, this time from anger. However, my frustration reeled back, content that soon this monster would be no more. Or, if perhaps that was a little over-ambitious, we would no longer be trapped in this horrible place, so Her existence (or lack of) would not affect us. Either way, my highly optimistic mindset told me that we would succeed whatever route we followed that fateful day.

"Central core is eighty percent corrupt," a strong voice echoed through Her chamber, sounding slightly malevolent to my sound processors. I felt my lower optic cover slide upwards into a smug grin.

"That's funny, I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good," GLaDOS remarked, a hint of confusion blocking her intelligence briefly.

"Alternate core detected."

Excitement filled my little metal sphere, and I bobbed up and down livelily.

"Oh! That's me they're talking about!" I spun around upside down, so I could check out more than just my test subject's face, pretty as it was. GLaDOS looked at me menacingly, optic housing all the hatred and evil anyone could ever generate. And for once, this struck inside of me like a huge neon 'don't worry about it' sign, rather than the usual 'she's angry; you're scrap metal' spew.

Turning back to face my sweet little mute test subject, I saw she was smiling at me kindly. Often, I truly wondered why she could not talk. Life would be so much less lonely if she could, and besides, we're escaping together and I don't even know her name! Seems a little trivial, but still. I bet the smelly old giant super-computer ripped my poor mute's vocal chords out or something horrible. Although I couldn't see any scars or marks around her neck area. It really was a mystery, and a dark one at that. Perhaps She hired a specially built, proffesional giant foot to stomp on my friend's throat and crush her voice box? Or maybe... maybe they cut her tongue out, I think humans need that to talk. Maybe... no, I couldnt think of anymore cruel, horrible, grusome ways an evil mastermind could stop this innocent human's voice making an appearance. Suddenly, a welcoming echo of someone's voice filled the chamber, widening my ever-so-slightly wonky grin.

"To initiate a core transfer, please place alternate core in receptacle."

"Core transfer? Oh you are kidding me?" Her voice chimed through the chamber, slicing like a blade and striking fear into me. But with that fear came an idea. As my test subject looked down at me with anxiety and affection all rolled into one, my little metal brain quickly formulated a clever plot.

"I've got an idea! Do what it says, plug me in!" I called up to my friend, praying she would oblige. As always, she did, not giving it the slightest bit of thought. Nowadays, she just followed my dodgy lead and tried to amend the problems I caused. We made a pretty good team (in my opinion).

GLaDOS made a quick return, and began instantly to defy me.

"Do NOT plug that little idiot into my mainframe!" She yelled, commanding the poor human to a confused and hesitant pause. No no no, we were so close to the receptacle!

"No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!" As I had hoped, my human girl made a sound similar to a subdued laugh, and continued heading towards the flashing receptacle.

"Don't you DARE plug him in!" She threatened menacingly, but I knocked her off quickly.

"Plug me in plug me in!"

"Don't. Do it."

"Don't listen to her, do do it!" I encouraged with a hopeful smile and a little twitch of my outer shell. Part of me wondered if I might look cute when I begged, like a little dog does. That would be nice. Of course I doubt I was made for encouraging my human friend to swap me with the scientists' precious GLaDOS. You know what, it just goes to show. They adored GLaDOS, and yet she killed them all off like rats with neurotoxin. See if I was the favourite, they would all still be alive and well. But then GLaDOS would probably kill them anyway. Poor humans in white coats - they can't win.

At last, my little test subject reached the port, and with a whir and a click, my core was plugged into the machine.

"Substitute core accepted. Substitute core: are you ready to start the procedure?"

"Yes!" I confirmed bravely, not giving my answer a second thought. Not even a one and a half thought. According to my plan, this was not open for failure, there was no way this could possibly go wrong. Maybe my optimism slightly affected the way I thought this through, but hey. At the time it seemed like a bloody good idea.

"Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?"

"No!"

"Oooooooooh yes she is," I butted in hastily, hoping my answer would have authority over Her, since she was the corrupted one and all.

"Nonononononono!" She rushed, a hint of terror and fear showing through the cracks I had carved from her crystal clear, evil persona. I grinned smugly, and looked over at my also smiling test subject. It felt weird, because all I wanted right now was to be safe back in her arms, but is was already too late. How would she hold me if I was suspended twenty feet off the ground by a giant mess of wires five times the size of her? Regret began to gnaw at the edges of my conscience, tormenting me haplessly. What had I done? I didn't know whether to continue my optimistic path of this core transfer, or to beg my test subject to yank me out now. The plug suddenly seemed uncomfortable against my jumble of cables that lay inside me, and I wiggled worriedly.

"Stalemate detected. Transfer procedure cannot continue~"

"Yes!" She whooped triumphantly, causing all my enthusiasm to drop like a bomb.

"Pull me out pull me out pull me pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out!" I cried, sparking and twitching with cold hard apprehension.

"...Unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button," the voice finished, ignoring our interruption of his sentence like it never occurred.

I looked up at my little human faithfully, and she gave a small nod. How would they ever know whether she was a stalemate associate or not? She was a human, and that was good enough for me.

"Leave me in leave me in! Go press it!" I prompted her enthusiastically, practically bouncing off the annoying receptacle.

"Don't. Do it." GLaDOS repeated for a second time today, and again I knocked her comment away immediately.

"No, do do it!" I called cheerfully after her. Suddenly, she stepped on a blue panel, and it hit her hard in the stomach. My tiny human was thrown across the room backwards, and my scared gasp filled the air. Was she hurt? I couldn't live with myself if I'd caused her pain. I couldn't help but sigh with relief when she got to her feet determinedly and tumble gracefully through the shimmering portal she just created to get past the cruel moving panel. Every cog, every bolt in my body tensed, and I watched her with hidden love. My friend. That was my friend, out there, risking her life so we could both escape together. That meant half of her life was being risked only for me. There was a fact I couldn't help but grin about.

"You don't know what you are doing! You have to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button!" She shouted at my test subject, who ignored her admirably. My brain ticked again, and I came up with a new bright idea. Conjuring up everything even mildly irritating about me, I began to distract GLaDOS with a petty argument over whether the girl should be pressing the button or not, and with every snipe, she got closer to that shiny red stalemate resolution button. I'm surprised GLaDOS didn't realise I was grinning and twitching happily whilst talking in an offended voice or disagreeing with her annoying comments and snarky threats. Maybe the looming chance of her defeat dulled her intelligence. Either way, my team was winning. As my favourite test subject/best friend was just inches away from the button, I decided to comment on how dumb GLaDOS had just been.

"Okay..." I began slowly, so as not to arouse attention too quickly. The next part was not so hidden, but definitely more devious. My voice suddenly became as flamboyant as my mischievous grin, because I yelled partly for Her and partly for my little friend:

"... That is probably correct. But where it is incorrect is while I've been stalling you WE JUST PRESSED THE BUTTON USE THE MOMENT OF CONFUSION I'VE JUST CREATED TO PRESS THE BUTTON!" And, just like I suggested, my human girl pressed the button with all her might, and the room turned blood-red with the light that suddenly illuminated a violent set of claws and blades directly beneath GLaDOS.

"Stalemate resolved."

The podium my receptacle sat upon made a loud whirring sound, shuddering slightly, then began to descend into the dark black pit below.

"Here I go!" I called to my friend, as she returned to the core transfer bay with a shell-shocked expression. My optic began to expand on why she might look so traumatised, but then it clicked. I mean, GLaDOS had already started up a disturbing melody of screams and howls, so my stimulated pain processors were obviously in for a very very bumpy... And well... Painful... Ride.

"Wait! What if this hurts? What if this REALLY hurts? Oooh I didn't think of that!" I wailed miserably, trying to get the socket I was attached to to stop descending to my doom, my hell. Of course it did not listen, and the light around me began to disappear.

"Oh it will. Believe me it will," the evil witch decided to take a moment off screaming like a baby to torment me further. There's no pleasing some robots.

"Is it really going to hurt, or are you just saying that? You're just saying that, aren't you? No, you're not, it is going to hurt isn't it? Exactly how painful are we t-AAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHH"

My howl could not even match a sixth of the red-hot pain that shot through my being, as bladed talons ripped my trusty handles from my body, tearing out certain bolts that held the separate rings of my outer shell together, tearing at my body like those huge spiked panels humans use to crush perfectly healthy metal into flattened silver and brown mush. I shuddered at the thought, but this just caused the claws to jolt and hurt me more. God, this was bloody unbearable.

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME! NO! STOP! NO!" She screeched, yet I felt not one ounce of pity. The darkness ate at my mind, and again I wished my little human was holding me tight. For me she was a symbol of safety, light, and together we made an unbreakable force. I felt as though the blades were ripping our connection from me, and I didn't like it. I blacked out momentarily, and when my consciousness returned, I was suspended high above the floor in the ex-super computer's body. Her head lay on the floor, and I assumed we'd either completely murdered her, or the evil thing was just knocked out. My human stared up at me, expression full of awe, and waves of pride rode through me like a tsunami without the death and destruction bits. The transfer was over, and I was in charge.

"Wowwwwww! Check me out partner!" My body puffed bigger from the pride, something my precious outer shell never used to be. I rolled my optic sadly, then snapped back into happy mode.

"We did it! I'm in charge of the whooole facility now!" I said, dragging out the 'whole' for emphasis. My test subject grinned up at me, walking closer so I was almost directly above her petite head.

"Whoa-ho-oh, would ya look at this! Not too bad eh? Giant robot. Massive! It's not just me, right? I'm bloody massive, aren't I?" She nodded slowly in reply, still seeming slightly shocked. I suppose she was used to me being tiny in comparison.

Out of nowhere, a flood of knowledge attacked my innocently ignorant brain, making me spin around confusedly. It was a never-ending stream of pointless fact files on absolutely everything, from these weird creatures going by the name giraffes to something called mythology and dragons. Ugh, I couldn't take this. It was like someone else's brain was steadily pushing its unwanted knowledge into my own, then taking the reins and trying to control it. I growled futilely under my breath, and gave the unwanted controller a hard mental shove. It disappeared, but I had an inkling it would return.

"Oh, right. The escape lift. I'll call it now." I muttered, wanting to get out of this horrible freaky body as soon as possible. It landed on the tiled floor, and my little friend hopped in, oblivious to the issues that were slicing my brain into confused and lost shards. The stranger returned, taking over my whole consciousness and talking as though it were me.

"Look how small you are down there! I can barely see you! Very tiny and insignificant!" The normal Wheatley side of my brain kicked the bloody thing out, stimulated pulse racing. Insignificant? Why would it say that? My poor little test subject looked up at me with betrayed and upset eyes, and guilt began to set in. But what could I say? She'd never believe me if I told her some fragment of GLaDOS had been left behind and was trying to control my body and speech. I had to just pretend like I said it, like Wheatley said it.

"I knew it was gonna be cool being in charge of everything, but... Wow this is cool!" I commented, trying to turn myself back into the awe-struck, innocent robot I had been when the transfer had only just occurred. Ugh, the alien mind kept scratching at the outside of my mind, trying to come in and ruin everything again. I searched randomly for something I could pretend to actually care about, when really all I wanted was to find the eject switch and go flying across the chamber into my human's strong arms. Or onto the floor, I'm not fussy. Alongs as its not this, I'm all good.

"And... And look at this! I'm a bloody genius now!" I told her, trying to sound as though no change had happened. I think she suspected something though. Delving inside of the new switches that had been installed on my hard-drive, I flicked a language translator one, and a voice boomed out of me, loud and clear. It was in French or Spanish or... I dunno Russian or something. God knows. I had no idea what the bloody thing was going on about.

"I don't even know what I just said, but I can find out!" I lied, not actually knowing how to discover what I just blooming said. My friend didn't seem to know either, so it was all okay.

"Oh sorry! The lift! I keep forgetting!" of course I was lying, I hadn't forgotten at all. The shiny white lift encased my test subject, and began to smoothly ascend towards an opening on the ceiling. An opening to freedom. Our freedom. Yet I was still trapped in this body. Like a nagging mosquito, the foreign mind bit again, turning me into a jerk.

"This body is amazing, seriously! I can't get over how small you are! But I'm huge!" I cackled rudely, then the good half of my conscience gave the bad one a kick up the ass. For a second I was myself, and laughed nervously, trying to make up for my previous cruelty. Unfortunately, the other half, the evil half, returned, grabbing complete and utter control of my physical consciousness. My brain still worked the same way though, and every horrible thing I did pained me, made me feel awful because I couldn't fight back. I had zero ability to talk or act in favour of my own will, instead I was trapped in evil computer mode

My laugh turned maniacal, and I couldn't stop myself. It went on and on, and just as the roof of the elevator reached the opening - the way to freedom, the bad side of me did the worst thing yet.

"Actually, why do we have to leave right now?" And just like that, the lift began to drop to the dark floor.

"Do you have any idea how good this feels?" The voice continued, using my body as a resting place, a control centre. "I did this! Tiny little Wheatley did this!"

No no no no! I howled internally. I didn't do this! I'm not bad! Then it all clicked. This body, it holds a mainframe. GLaDOS' mainframe. It was never GLaDOS who was a monster. It was the mainframe. And the same is happening to me. Has happened to me. I'm going to be just like Her.