(Disclaimer: One Piece belongs to Eiichiro Oda, obviously.)

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I have always been this way. Most of the time it gave people something to criticize about me; they always made it their bussiness to tell me how "cold" and "aloof" I was, how this mask of indifference on my face drove each person that tried to coax me out of my shell away, how I would surely end up alone if I kept this up… Being surrounded by people always made me feel like I was drowning in a vast ocean; it was as bad as that horrible feeling of water swallowing you, filling your mouth and nose, then rapidly travelling into your lungs to take place of precious oxygen.

I can't really say it was consciously done, but it wasn't like I wasn't aware of my "unfortunate circumstances" either. One might think that all this medical knowledge, all those nights spent reading books about psychiatric diseases would at least evoke my curiousity enough to search for a possible "cure". But that was exactly it; I never believed there was something to "treat", something that was preventing me from being the real me. This was the real me; this realistic misanthrope that was absolutely sure that people and relationships were overrated. Later, it was proved that I had been right all along. Because I met you. And I finally realized I wasn't incapable of paying attention; it was simply the fact that all those people weren't worthy of it. Except for you.

It made no difference that it was always the same thing every time you were in my sight; to this day it still amazes me how everything and everyone else just seems to fade into the background and becomes a dull black and white movie whenever you're around. It's true that I wasn't the only one that couldn't take their eyes off your scary expression and unique sense of fashion, but I soon realized that my reason was entirely different. And realizing it was like a kick in the gut that knocked the wind out of me. But being left breathless like this was very different than the usual feeling of drowning that I got quite often when I was surrounded by people.

Right after I first became aware that there was something seriously wrong, I felt like a silly teenage girl that couldn't stop thinking about her crush. Except yours isn't exactly a crush; my mind supplied cynically. It did have a point; however using the l-word wasn't a favorable option at that point either. For a while after that, I did everything in my power to ignore this "unfortunate" situation. Ignorance was bliss, but I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that this was a cowardly way to handle it. And that was the one thing that I couldn't accept. I was many things; but a coward was not one of them. Get a grip, Law, I told myself. Get a fucking grip and face this.

And indeed; there it was, staring back at me so obviously when I actually let myself see it. Falling in love was just like everyone always said. It changed you irreversibly, confused you to the point of stupidity except you never knew something was wrong until you were in too deep; until your mind out of nowhere conjures up the image of that one person so clearly and it stays imprinted no matter how much you try to make it dissapear. It always reminded me of how people felt like it would be great to just get some sleep when they were about to die of hypothermia; never realizing they were walking right into the open arms of the grim reaper. The comparison may seem way too extreme and dramatic; but for someone like me it was pretty accurate. For someone like me; I couldn't think of anything more disastrous…

I remember how my eyes widened comically and I started hyperventilating; finally acknowledging that this foreign feeling of extreme interest wasn't something that would go away after a while. I had never felt more vulnerable in my life; knowing that somebody actually had the power to hurt me if they so choose was a hard concept for me to grasp and accept. I couldn't stop thinking about how they could, so easily, crash the walls that I had carefully erected around me down and I could do nothing but watch as they wreaked havoc.

The few times I allowed myself to think this over throughly; the part that always amazed me most was how someone like me could fall for someone like you. After I got to know you a little bit, it turned out you were the exact opposite of everything that defined me; "the isolated loner". Your straightforward attitude made my head spin. Your sudden boisterous laugh made my shoulders tense up. The fact that you had no respect for personal space made me want to punch you in the face. And yet, all those stuff also strangely acted like a magnet that drew me towards you as if I was in a trance. And that was the end of the world as I knew it.

It wasn't until we had a heated arguement that everything was revealed. Looking back, I can't even remember what started it. I only remember feeling the extreme anger and frustration with every fiber of my being. I remember how every single thing from your blood red hair to the stupid fucking black painted nails just got on my nerves so much that my hands were shaking uncontrollably. I wanted you to dissapear. I wanted you to just get the fuck out of my life and leave me be. I wanted everything to be the same as it always was before that cursed day I met you. Because this was draining me. I, who always kept everything to himself, for the first time in my life felt that trying to keep quiet and just learn to live with this was the hardest thing in the world to do. Naturally, that only made me panic even more. I felt like screaming, falling to my knees while clutching my head and just scream everything I felt about you along with the most vulgar curses in my vocabulary. What kept me from doing it was the simple fact that; it would change nothing. There was just no way out. I could go to the other end of the world and make sure I didn't run into one annoying bastard named Eustass Kid, but it wouldn't change a damn thing. There was no running away from this; as I learned the hard way.

You were so close. So very close that I felt like I was suffocating; your scent was the only thing I could focus on, tricking my already confused brain into thinking that oxygen wasn't necessary after all, as long as I had your raw essence surrounding me. The small part of my brain that was somehow still functioning was forming sentences like "Where do you get off making me fall in love with you, you asshole? Who the fuck do you think you are? Why can't you just dissapear off the face of the earth?" but they couldn't manage to find their way to my mouth. I suspected the reason for that probably was the fact that those were not the questions I really wanted to ask after all. No, the forbidden questions that I couldn't even confess to myself that I so desperately wanted to ask was more along the lines of "Do you even know how much I'm in love with you? What can I do to make you stay? Could you ever feel the same way?"

I stared at your face, the face that occupied my dreams so many times (at that point I insisted on calling them nightmares but who the fuck did I think I was kidding, really). Your defeated frown looked so out of place on your face. I was surprised to realize that I missed the sight of your ever-present smirk; because anything would be better than that damn sad frown marring your perfect features. The fact that it was directed at me made me want to smash things. Because so very clearly stated by that frown was the one thing that made my stomach drop down to the dirty ground; "I'm dissapointed." You might as well have been screaming it at me non-stop; in fact, that would have been more preferable. Seeing you quiet was one of the scariest things ever.

And then you opened your mouth; the mouth that I had tried to stop myself from dreaming about kissing many, many times. I was so focused on your lips that I almost missed what they were saying. Almost.

"What do you want from me, Law?"

It was whispered in that surprisingly soft voice of yours that always made me wonder how it could belong to someone like yourself. The effect of the whisper in my ears was as strong as a howl's would be. It continued to echo in my brain long after you stopped speaking, making me feel even more like I was losing my grip on sanity. So it was true; you had actually realized what my weird behaviour was all about and was uncomfortable with the burden it brought. I couldn't blame you… But I knew myself enough to recognize that I couldn't stop feeling like this, either. What did I want from you, eh? I knew what I wanted alright; but to actually voice it and leave the fate of my sanity in the hands of the one person who had the power to destroy it didn't seem like an acceptable option. Especially when said person was showing signs of exasperation at my blatant infatuation. I swallowed with difficulty and blinked a few times, feeling more drained with every passing second.

I was actually quite shocked to realize I had been holding your gaze all this time. It was nothing short of hypnotising, making me feel like if I turned my gaze elsewhere, the (more or less) serene atmosphere (which actually was quite the opposite of what was going on inside my head) would be destroyed. It was all too much. My mind was exhausted from trying to process everything that was happening. My barely coherent thoughts were forming around the possibilites your question made me think about; courtesy of my renegade mind. It was providing me with different scenarios; each sillier then the other and all of them seemingly impossible. I was about to go crazy. These ridiculously sappy thoughts couldn't possibly belong to me. This was not who I am. And yet, they were there; eating away at me and making me feel like I was losing it completely. It briefly crossed my mind that it was almost like I was being punished for thinking people in love were downright cheesy and ridiculous and laughing at their silliness many times in the past. I sighed tiredly. How very right I was when I thought it was best to stay away from people; because this was what happened when one of them finally managed to get past your defences.

As I averted my gaze, looked around the room then settled it back at your face, something inside me snapped. It was almost like I was seeing you for the first time that evening. Your question that was still echoing in my brain suddenly had a new meaning; but it was too much to hope for. It couldn't be… Surely it couldn't be what I thought it was; it was merely my twisted mind playing games again. You couldn't possibly have meant what I hoped for it to mean when you asked me what I wanted from you… But the look on your face that I finally recognized could only mean one thing. Because I realized that it was the same look I had whenever I had the guts to look in the mirror lately…

My breath hitched, my traitorous heart skipped a beat and then started pumping blood full blast as if trying to make up for it. My eyes widened and I stood frozen. I was still trying to be cautious; because there would be hell to pay if I was wrong about my "sudden enlightenment".

I heard you sigh and was again brought back to the present. Then I saw you lose the frown; which at first made me want heave a sigh of relief in turn, only to leave me quite alarmed as I saw it was only erased to be replaced with a look that could only be called "broken". Such an expression should never touch your face, I thought helplessly.

"I guess your silence is telling me all I need to know…" You swallowed and my eyes followed the movement of your adam's apple. "Sorry to have bothered you with… all this."

At this point, I was downright panicking. This is wrong, I thought helplessly. So very wrong… I was quite aware that I had to fix all this, and I had to do it fast. But my limbs and my mouth weren't obeying my brain. It was almost like the connection between them was cut; leaving me staring ahead hollowly without moving a muscle like a lifeless puppet.

You took a step back, then two, and then turned around completely. I saw you lower your head, push you hands in your pockets and hunch your back as your long legs started taking alarmingly fast steps away from me. It was painful to watch. I had wasted precious seconds having an inner turmoil; and now you were paying the price for my selfish actions…

"Y-you!" I heard myself shout, and afterwards I was left wondering how a three-letter, one syllable word could have such an enormous impact. I could almost feel the effect with every inch of my skin, as if powerful ocean waves were stroking it. But somehow; this time the seawater wasn't out to swallow and choke me.

You stopped so abruptly that if the situation wasn't so delicate and serious, I would have found it amusing. For a few moments you stood still like a statue, and I felt my heart sink. Had my initial assumption been the right one, after all? Was the epiphany I had something that I only created in my mind?

You turned slowly, eyes wide and disbelief etched across your face. You blinked a few times, then opened your mouth as if to say something, but nothing came out. For a few moments you looked like you were struggling to find the right words, but then settled for closing your mouth instead. Your eyes had a better way of asking all the questions your mouth couldn't; staring right at me and silently demanding answers.

"I want you, Kid!" My ears heard the words that had pierced the momentary silence (even though those streching seconds had felt like hours; they were still seconds nonetheless) that had been caused by your astonishment like a sharp knife; but I couldn't for the life of me believe it had been my own mouth that blurted them out.

Then the softest expression I had ever seen on your face overtook your features; leaving me astounded. I could do nothing but stare, mesmerized by the unusual sight. But enough with the staring, my mind intervened. You have more important things to do right now; namely fixing this fucked up situation.

Yes, I knew what I had to do alright. But I had no idea how I was gonna go about doing it; especially with the way you were looking at me, as if you couldn't decide if I was sincere or not. Or sane, for that matter. I swallowed, my tongue darting out to wet my chapped lips. Your eyes followed the movement and I saw you reflexively do the same.

"Law- wha…?" Your voice cracked and you stopped speaking. I opened my mouth with the intention of finally laying everything out in the open, explaining just how much I wanted you, how much I wanted this; us, and for God's sake, how I couldn't stand it anymore… But then you started speaking again, your struggle to keep your voice straight obvious.

"Law, if this is some fucking joke or whatever you are playing on me; I'm warning you, I won't-"

I had heard enough. Your somber expression, the way you looked like every word you had to say was putting you through immense pain, the way your voice was low on purpose so that it wouldn't crack again; all of them combined just made me snap. And before I knew what I was doing, I was closing the distance between us with a few long strides; making you abruptly stop speaking.

Now that I was so close to you, I realized with alarm that it was getting harder to breathe. Our gazes were locked, and both of us were out of breath as if we had been running. Then I was finally speaking.

"Could I ever joke about this? Do you even know how hard it was for me to come to terms with it, let alone reveal it to you?" Your eyes had a glassy look as they searched mine, as if looking for a sign of lie but hoping they won't find it. It encouraged me to continue.

"I- I tried running away from it because it scared me so fucking much, and you don't even know how horrible this is for someone like me and- and I just couldn't; no matter what I do it's still there, and I never wanted you to find out cause it would surely fuck things up and I just couldn't bear to see you hate me and-"

Euphoria; real, raw euphoria exploded inside me as you lips suddenly met mine. It was merely a feathery touch at first, but it was enough to make my lips tingle as if millions of little electric sparks tried to pass through all at once. He is kissing me, I thought with gleeful disbelief. Kid's lips are on mine, he is really kissing me.

I felt lightheaded. It was too much… There was no way all these stuff that I had been worrying about for a long while had somehow gone smoothly and we were both feeling the same way about each other. I had never been a lucky person, therefore I was absolutely convinced something so amazing could never happen to me. It was simple logic really; it was too good to be true, therefore, it wasn't.

As you hesitantly pulled your lips away from mine (the loss made me want to whine like a little child whose candy was taken away from him) because you weren't getting any response, my eyes just stared ahead almost unseeingly. Then I heard myself whisper, "This can't be true…"

You frowned a bit; as if trying to understand what exactly was going through my mind. "What… Can't be true?" You spoke each word slowly, looking like you were dreading the answer.

"How can it be possible that you feel the same way? It just… Doesn't work like that…" I was suddenly very melancholy again, even though your actions had been nothing short of reassuring that we were more or less on the same page.

Your frowned dissolved a bit, a small smile slowly lifting the corners of your lips. "…Really, Law? You don't believe it because it's not supposed to go smoothly like this? That's what's bothering you?" A laugh escaped your lips; a most welcome sound in this weird, awkward-but-not atmosphere. "You're… Really something else," you continued, and I could do nothing but stare at your hypnotizing soft smile.

"Though I can see why all this might be a bit too much to take in. I mean, I haven't exactly been open about it… So I guess it's time to come clean." You suddenly looked nervous, your eyes darting around then settling back at my face. You took a deep breath, and continued speaking.

"Law I.. I mean, I really… Damn, now that I'm actually doing this, it's harder than I thought it would be." This time your laugh wasn't humorous. You bit your lower lip, making my gaze momentarily shift from your eyes to your sinfully delicious looking lips. Focus, Law, damnit.

"I love you!"

You cried out those three words so suddenly that before it registered in my brain and caused a shock by their meaning alone; I was startled by the sheer force behind them. My mouth fell open and I was gawking like an idiot, which in turn made your eyes widen as you realized what you just blurted out.

"Fuck, I'm sorry! I mean, I'm not sorry that I said it, but I'm sorry that I just dropped it like a bomb so suddenly… I just… I don't know… Fuck, I don't know, Law. I get like this whenever you're around. Which is not to say I don't like having you around; on the contrary, I wish I got to see you more often and I-"

I burst out laughing. I couldn't help it; seeing the most confident and smartass person I've ever met reduced to a babbling mess because of me was one of the most unbelievable things I've ever witnessed. All of this was so surreal. Is this another ridiculous dream of mine, after all? But your lips had felt so real…

As I thought about the kiss, my laughter died out. A serious expression overtook my face, the abrupt switch no doubt making you believe I was more than slightly unhinged.

Then I replayed the moment you blurted out that you loved me in my head, and a flood of raw happiness hit me, leaving me lightheaded as if I tried a certain type of alcoholic beverage for the first time in an excessive amount. What I presume can only be described as a "silly grin" stretched my lips and gave my eyes a faraway look.

When my daydreaming came to an end, I focused on your face again. You looked wary, as if trying to determine if I had finally lost it or not.

Try as I might, I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. Aside from my usual sarcastic smirk; these particular muscles weren't used to being so active, as a result it felt alien and so very unusual.

"You… You love me?" At this point the only sound I was able to produce was a breathy whisper but under the influence of the fragile circumstance, it rang so loudly in my ears.

You looked somewhat relieved that I wasn't too far gone, and was still able to form coherent thoughts and ask understandable questions. A crooked smile that lifted one edge of your lips higher than the other settled on your face, turning your expression strangely heartbreaking. "That's what I said, isn't it? But what's with the unbelieving expression?.."

Was I imagining it, or did you actually look offended at the idea of me having to ask if you really loved me to confirm I had heard you right? But you couldn't have known that it wasn't about you at all; that it was all about me and my insecurities that reared their ugly heads once again…

"I-it's not that I don't believe you! I mean, maybe it is, but not for the reasons you think…" I looked down, feeling very ashamed all of a sudden. Why did it seem like I was only causing you pain and dissapointment? Maybe it was simply because I was incapable of rousing any other kind of feelings in another human being… But then again, you said that you loved me; the strongest, the most beautiful of all feelings - or so they say. But it was hard to uproot beliefs that had been my reality for many years, and the irrepressible need to reassure myself was only ending up hurting you with the wrong implications.

"It's not that I don't believe you, Kid, but I just can't understand how you could ever-" My eyes widened, and I shut my mouth instantly. What the hell was wrong with me?! Where was the calm and collected surgeon that kept everything to himself? I was horrified at what I nearly spilled; but as I watched comprehension dawn on your face, I realized I didn't need to finish the sentence for you to catch on what I had been about to say. So it really came to this; all the insecurity and fear I had buried so deep that I wasn't even consciously aware it was there anymore had surfaced. I had all but shouted it to the face of the one person who was never supposed to find out about it; the only person that mattered. I was so fucked up…

Your expression showed that -surprise, surprise- you didn't like what you heard at all. The cruel loner inside me was laughing at my stupidity. What did you expect, really, Law? Did you think you could make this work? Act like you were a normal person that could have normal feelings and relationships? You never ever learn…

"Don't you ever say that, ever!" This time, you really did bellow it out. I gasped at the unexpected exclamation, startled by the sudden change in your posture and expression. Your eyes softened a bit and your shoulders slumped as you saw the effect your sudden words had on me.

"How can you even think that, Law? Don't you know just how amazing you are? Don't you realize…" You trailed off, shaking your head slowly, looking like you gave up on talking simply because you thought that the words couldn't do justice on how intense your feelings about this are. I too, was rendered speechless, staring at you in awe. You fixed your gaze on a spot on the floor, and when you started speaking again, your voice was soft with an almost wounded quality to it.

"You know, before I decided to come here and actually do something about these feelings I had, I stopped myself many times. Do you know why? It was because I felt like you deserved someone better; someone more like yourself. I convinced myself that I should just keep silent and not burden you with it unnecessarily. I even thought about how I should react if I found out that you really did end up with someone else, so that it wouldn't seem suspicious…" You laughed as if you were throughly amused by it. You slowly lifted your head to stare right into my eyes.

"But then I realized that, even if you do deserve someone better than me, well, too bad because I couldn't give up on you. Sure, if you didn't want me, there wasn't anything I could do about that but still… I wasn't gonna go down without a fight. I felt like I was ready to do pretty much anything to convince you to at least give me a chance…" You ran your hand through your wild red locks, messing them even more. "But yeah… You saw that it didn't really work out as I planned… When I felt that you didn't want me, I just felt so crushed that I had to get out of here right then…"

"But I do!" What was wrong with me today? I ended up bellowing again, which made me feel like I had no control over my myself. Then again, that wasn't so far away from the truth…

"I do want you, Kid… I…" I took a deep breathe, thinking here I go.

"I love you…" Everything around was so serene, only sound that could be heard was the soft chirping of birds outside. You stared at me, a small grin appearing on your face, then slowly spreading to finally end up as a huge, absolutely breathtaking beautiful smile. I actually had to dig my nails into my palms to make sure this was real.

"You have no idea how great it is to hear you say it, Law…" You breathed out, your eyes shining as tears well up.

"I think I have a pretty accurate idea…" I couldn't stop smiling, finally allowing myself to freely indulge in the pure happiness that had been threatening to take over me since I heard you say those three words.

You closed the short distance between us to kiss me again; but this time you took your time, reaching out to cup my face in your hands and staring down at me lovingly, your thumbs stroking my cheeks. Slowly, you lowered your head until your breath mingled with mine. Just as I was about to run out of patience and press my lips against yours, I felt them touch mine. The kiss started out hesitantly; almost as if you were afraid to do something wrong, which was ridiculous because oh God, how could anything about this be wrong? On the contrary, it was as close to perfection as it could get.

I lifted my arms to wrap them around your neck, making your hands slowly let go of my face to trail down, first settling on either side of my hips, then your arms wrapping around my waist to embrace me tightly. The bliss was too intense, making me sigh into the kiss.

After what seemed like an eternity of just tasting your sweet lips without any rush, you finally broke the kiss, making me moan in protest. You chuckled and pressed your forehead against mine.

"Don't worry, we will definitely continue. But I figured we should go somewhere… More private first." Then you just smirked at me, making me wonder why it looked so mischievous when I suddenly felt you grab my ass to lift me up, which in turn made me cry out in surprise and tighten my hold on your neck. Without even realizing what I was doing, I wrapped my legs around your waist. I blushed as I became aware of our position.

"Y-you don't have to carry me, you know! I can walk just fine, wherever we'll be going!"

You chuckled again, a sound I was getting addicted to alarmingly fast, and merely said "Yes, I know, but I've been wanting to do this for a very long time so I guess you'll just have to endure…" You stole a quick kiss and gave me an adoring smile that melted my insides. I cleared my throat.

"Well, in that case, I guess I have no other choice…" I buried my face in your neck and smiled against your skin, knowing you could feel it. I felt you lay a kiss on my temple and suddenly my heart was beating faster.

"Yep, stuck with me!" I just gave a quiet chuckle and sighed.

You have no idea, Eustass-ya.