Hi ya'll! Want to give a shout out to my bestie, Smush68 (AWESOME Tony-centric stories! Go read 'em!), and one of her besties, Mandielouluvsewe (even more awesome Tony-centric stories!), for letting me make their story idea my own. You guys ROCK! Thanks for allowing me to run with your baby.

A little about me - like my bud Smush68, I totally 'ship TABBY in any way, shape, or form. I may have Tony/OC, but you will NEVER see a Tiva romantic relationship in any of my stories. EVER. So if you don't have an open mind with regards to Tabby, my stuff may not be for you. Just warning you now! LOL

This is my first-ever published FF, so please bear that in mind when you REVIEW after reading! You ARE going to REVIEW, aren't you?

No recognized NCIS characters or brand names belong to me. Ok, just depressed myself….

DiNozzo's Theory of Relativity

Chapter 1

NCIS

"Grab you gear!" Gibbs strode through the bullpen to his desk, pulling out his gun, grabbing up his jacket. McGee and Ziva were already half-way to the elevator when Gibbs noticed Tony on the phone. Seeing his boss glaring at him, Tony held up one finger, telling him to wait a minute.

"That's great, dad, we'll catch up later. Right now we got a case, I have to go…..listen, I'll meet you there, in the restaurant. I gotta' go!…What time are you leaving? … I'll try to be there before that, but I can't promise…just tell me what it is, dad…look, if I'm not there when you have to leave, just leave whatever it is at the front desk and I'll pick it up there, ok? As long as it's not the room bill. I gotta go…..hanging up now, dad…..hanging up….." Tony slammed the receiver down and pulled his gun out of his desk drawer and swept up his gear bag as he ran for the elevator next to Gibbs. "Sorry, boss. Apparently my father's in town for the day, says he's got something important to give me."

Gibbs gave him a hard glare. "Hope it's a job, if you make us late to another crime scene."

Tony gulped. "Gotcha', boss."

0800, The Next Morning

NCIS Bullpen

The case was a tough one - seaman's wife and two children were missing, feared kidnapped. Or worse. The house had been in shambles when the team had arrived, and there were no obvious pieces of evidence to help them out. Apparently, before entering the Navy, the seaman had made some enemies, very nasty enemies. Since he'd been in the Navy, though, he'd straightened up his act, become not only a respectable citizen but a model sailor. Could this be related to the poor man's past? The team had worked late into the night looking for leads and following dead ends. One by one, they all eventually fell asleep at their desks.

This was how forensic specialist extraordinaire (she'd added that last bit to her title herself) Abby Sciuto found her friends when she came in just before 0800 (8:00 AM). "Awwwww, they're so cute when they're asleep…."

"So are babies, Abbs, 'til you wake them up," said Gibbs, magically appearing out of nowhere as usual, looking rested and with a fresh cup of coffee. Abby giggled as she checked on each of her friends. Ziva had her head face-planted on her folded arms, dark hair spread all around, so you couldn't even tell she had a face. McGee - he looked like such an innocent, young boy, head resting on the one arm holding it up. And then…there was DiNozzo.

Tony was leaning all the way back in his chair, zonked out, feet propped on his desk. Abby just couldn't resist. She smiled devilishly at Gibbs, who came over to stand beside her, grinning. Abby leaned down next to Tony's ear, caressing the outer shell of it with a gentle finger. "Oh, To-nyyyyyy," she said with a sexy whisper. Even in sleep, you could see awareness on Tony's face. He grumbled low, found Abby's arm and ran his hand gently up and down, slowly. "Ohhhh, Tony, yessss," she cooed. Tony's hand dropped from Abby's arm down to her thigh closest to him, tickled his fingers up and down, back up, sliding tentatively up under her short skirt. Giggling seductively, Abby blew in his ear. "Mmmmm, more, Tony, please. I want it so bad!"

With a sexy smirk, and still asleep, Tony trailed his questing fingers higher. Gibbs glared, keeping a close eye on how high those fingers were going. He'd hate to have to rip his SFA's hands off. Watching the younger man squirm in his sleep, he decided he didn't like where Tony's dream was going. "Mmmmmm, spread your legs, little girl. Let me see you….." Tony growled. He smiled that roguish smile. "You're so fucking beautiful, Abbs…." he groaned. That's it! Gibbs had heard enough! He didn't hear Abby gasp when DiNozzo called her name. Pushing a shocked (yet flattered and rather turned on) Abby to the side, Gibbs stepped into her place and bent over his agent.

"Ohhhh Toooooo-nnnnnnyyyyyyyyyyy," he whispered softly, chuckling when DiNozzo's face wrinkled in confusion. "Wake up, Tonnnnnnnyyyyyyyyyyy." Gibbs tapped him gently on the cheek. Seeing his eyelids begin to flutter, Gibbs put his face right square in front of Tony's.

"Mmmmmmm, Abby, need to make lo-AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Tony opened his eyes, expecting to see his little Mistress of the Dark curled up next to him. He yelled upon seeing Gibbs, the shock knocking him right out of his chair. His scream woke his other sleeping partners, both of whom jolted awake with weapons raised. Abby giggled a few feet away, hand over her mouth.

Gibbs glared down at Tony. "You need to what with Abby, DiNozzo?"

Tony always considered thinking fast on his feet one of his character strengths. But he feared that strength was eluding him today. "Uh….make….make…..um….lunch! Need to make lunch for Abby….lunch."

"Awwwww, that's so sweet!" Abby crooned from behind Gibbs, who continued to stare down at his fallen agent.

"Make sure that's all it is," he threatened with a glare and walked back to his desk, paying no attention when Abby hurried over to help Tony up.

"I'm sorry, Tony." She fidgeted as she watched him straighten his clothes. "Sssooooo…are you really going to make me lunch?" she asked shyly.

Tony gave her that sly grin. "Well, that all depends…."

Abby was confused. "On what?"

He moved in closer to Abby and bent his head to whisper (not so quietly) in her ear. "Are you wearing a black lace thong today, by any chance?"

Abby gulped, shocked. "H-how did you know?"

With a smirk, Tony sat back at his desk and opened his computer. "It's what you had on in my dream….." He winked lasciviously at Abby, wiggled his eyebrows, while she stared open-mouthed at him.

"Abby!" Gibbs' yell pulled her back.

"Going to my lab, boss-man." She flew out of the bullpen, never looking back.

Less than an hour later, the three younger agents had been to the locker rooms to shower and change clothes. Once back in the bullpen, they returned all their attention back to their missing family case. As usual, Tony was trying to keep things light by harassing his co-workers. As the twentieth ball of paper bounced off his head and into his trash can (yes, he'd kept count), McGee was thinking of ways to distract Tony for awhile. Then he remembered. "Hey Tony - weren't you supposed to meet your father last night at his hotel?"

Tony grimaced, and for a moment thought about not calling the old man, then changed his mind. He tried Senior's cell several times, but got no answer.

"Your father said he had something for you, did he not?" questioned Ziva, eyes never leaving her computer screen. She too, was hoping for a few minutes of peace and quiet. "You asked him to leave it at the front desk for you if you could not make it to dinner."

McGee's eyes lit up and he joined Ziva's idea. "Right! You should probably go pick it up. Don't want anyone to lose it or anything, sitting there so long…."

Tony eyed his team mates suspiciously. "I'm sensing that you two are trying to get rid of me."

Ziva and McGee shared a look. And at the same time answered, "yes!"

With a sarcastic smile, Tony grabbed his gun and badge from the desk drawer and headed for the elevator. "Ok, ok, I'm going. But if we get a case, I'm blaming it all on you if I'm late to the scene." He hopped on the elevator and was gone.

The Hotel Washington

Downtown Washington, D.C.

Tony made his way through the elegant lobby of the Hotel Washington, stopping at the front desk. He took out his badge and identification and showed it to the clerk. "Tony DiNozzo, Jr. My father, Anthony DiNozzo, Sr. was going to leave something for me here last night….?"

The young woman paled. "Um, let me get my manager….he'll be able to tell you more."

Confused, and not a little put by the wait, Tony sighed. 'What the hell did you leave me, ol' man,' he thought to himself, leaning on the counter.

"Mr. DiNozzo?" Tony turned to see an older, stuffy-looking gentleman looking down his nose at him. "If I might see some identification, to prove you are who you say you are?"

With another sigh, Tony drew out his badge and identification. "Special Agent, NCIS, Anthony D. DiNozzo, Jr."

The manager sniffed haughtily. "We were just about to call the authorities….."

Tony waved his badge again. "I am the authorities. So can you just give me the envelope, package, whatever it is, now? Please?"

"If you would kindly follow me, please….." the older gentleman led Tony to a sitting area just across from the front desk. "All yours, Mr. DiNozzo. Have a good day." With a snide smirk, the manager walked back to the desk.

Tony stood in the sitting area, turning in circles, looking for a package or an envelope. When he didn't spot anything, he went back to the front desk. "Where is it?"

"It is there in the sitting area waiting for you."

He was barely hanging on to his temper. Between the missing family case and the bad night's sleep at his desk, Tony's patience was almost nil. "Well then, someone must have stolen it, because I'm not seeing anything." Just his luck - his phone rang. Checking the number, he saw it was Gibbs. He took the call. "One second, boss." He turned to the older gentleman again. "Just show me where the damn thing is, so I can get back to work…."

The manager and the desk clerk looked at each other, trying to decide if this guy was for real. The manager shook his head slowly. "I should have just called the authorities," he mumbled under his breath, coming back around the front desk to lead Tony back to the sitting area.

"Yeah, boss, sorry. I'm down picking up whatever it is my dad left for me…that is if no one has stolen it," he emphasized for the manager. "I'll be there soon as I pick it up…..hang on a second." Back in the sitting area, Tony made a show of looking around. "Well? I don't see anything, do you?"

With a sigh, the manager pointed to the loveseat. "Right there."

Tony looked, but didn't see anything, except a young kid curled up, asleep. "Yeah, so….where is it?" The manager just pointed again. "What, the loveseat? My father left me a couch?"

"Not the loveseat, sir. What's on the loveseat."

"What's on….there's just a kid…..?" The manager gave him a 'duh!' look. "The kid?" He put his phone back to his ear. "Hey boss, you'll love this one - this guy is trying to tell me my father left me a kid…"

"Mr. DiNozzo, I suggest you get in contact with your father if you have questions." With a sneer that said the man didn't think much of him, the manager strode back to the front desk.

Tony talked with Gibbs a minute more, then tried calling his father again. "Finally! Where have you been, dad? I'm here at the hotel….what? Are you crazy? You left me a…dad….dad….don't you hang up on me! Don't you….!" He slammed his phone shut. "Damn it!" Looking over, he saw the young kid had startled awake when he yelled. "Hey…" he said uncomfortably. "Sorry…about that. Didn't mean to wake…wake you…." The kid just shrugged. "I'm, uh, I'm Tony. My father, Anthony Sr., left you here?" The kid nodded again and held up a picture of Tony. "Ah! So you knew who you were waiting for…." A short nod. The kid held out a thick envelope with Tony's name on it. As he took it, Tony noticed pink nail polish on the kid's fingers. A girl. She picked her backpack up off the floor and hugged it to her chest. Tony was in way over his head, and he knew it. Pulling out his phone, he held up a finger to the girl. "Hang on…just…one second, ok?" She nodded as the phone was answered on the other end. "Yeah, boss…uh….I think I've got a problem…."