Disclaimer: The Big Bang Theory is an American Sitcom owned by Bill Prady, Chuck Lorre, and Steve Molaro. I, the writer of this fic, do not own any of the characters and am not profiting by my writing in any way.

A/N: Just a little plot bunny hopping around. Hope you enjoy it. :)

Alright Cooper, Sheldon thought, You can do this.

He simply couldn't let the girls win another round. He sighed internally at the fact that Penny had somehow managed to beat him at long division. It wasn't fair…ever since the Great Ear Infection of 1989 his equilibrium had been compromised. Naturally he would have been dizzier than Penny.

Well, if Penny could beat him at long division (sigh), then Sheldon could beat Penny at wrestling. He was taller than she was after all. He had a distinct advantage…even if she did have that Nebraska-born corn fed vigor about her. He simply could not lose again. Amy and Penny would never let him live it down.

Sheldon knelt on the floor, thankful that this was taking place on his own floor rather than Penny's, because who knew how long it had been since she'd run a mop through that place. Penny took her place beside him.

You've got this. You can do this.

"Ready, set, wrestle!"

Now- "AAAAH!" Before Sheldon even knew what was happening, he found himself flat on his back on the floor with Penny holding his arms down like some sort of freakish female pro-wrestler.

"One, two, three, PIN!" shouted Amy.

Sheldon tried as hard as he could to get out from under Penny, but her inhuman-like strength kept him pinned.

And then before he even knew what was happening, Penny kissed his nose.

What on earth? He couldn't believe she just did that! She knows how he feels about physical contact!

"Stop that!" He said firmly.

She kissed him on the cheek. "Amy, do something." Penny kissed his other cheek. Oh the humanity!

"Amy, help!"

Then Sheldon felt kisses on his forehead. This wasn't what he had meant!

"Amy! Stop that!"

But both women continued to assault his face with wet, germ-riddled kisses.

"Amy. Penny. Both of you stop it!"

The assault continued.

"Leonard! Help!"

Sheldon heard his supposed best friend chuckle.

"Are you kidding me? After all the crap I have to put up with? I'm not doing anything."

Sheldon could feel the air conditioning blowing all the wet places on his face. He was going to have to thoroughly wash his face after this, lest he risk contracting the plague.

"Penny is your girlfriend!" Sheldon shouted as both women continued their attack, now laughing with each other. "Control your woman!"

Penny lifted her head. "Watch it there, Moon Pie. Don't make me go all junior rodeo on your ass."

Sheldon rolled his eyes back at Amy, who was still peppering his forehead and temples with kisses. "Are you going to let her talk to me like that?"

Amy paused momentarily. "You did imply that Leonard owns her." Then she went back to kissing him on the forehead.

"I'm your boyfriend. Are you going to just sit there while another woman kisses my cheeks?"

Amy sat up. "You're right." She looked at Penny. "Switch places with me."

Amy got up quickly as Sheldon continued to struggle against Penny.

"What? No! That's not what I meant!"

Penny suddenly put her hands on Sheldon's chest and pushed herself up. Sheldon immediately tried to get up, only to find his arms shoved back down by Amy.

How on earth were these women so strong?

Suddenly Amy leaned down and restarted her assault, this time on his cheeks. Penny walked around and sat down, but just started laughing.

Sheldon felt his cheeks grow warm. At the embarrassment of losing yet another time, naturally…

"Leonard!" Sheldon yelled again. "Do something!"

"What? You want me to pull your own girlfriend off you? There are boundaries."

"Yes! Boundaries which she is currently violating."

Sheldon felt Penny ruffle his hair. "Oh, Sweetie. Amy's just using her boyfriend for what they're for."

Sheldon tried again to get up, but Amy had a vice grip on his shoulders as she continued peppering his cheeks with kisses. Perhaps he should "play possum". He sighed and stopped struggling, rolling his eyes at the insanity of the situation.

After a few long moments Amy suddenly kissed Sheldon on the mouth and then let go of his shoulders and stood up.

"I believe we won again, Bestie," Amy said, reaching over to give Penny a high five.

Sheldon sat up and looked indignantly at Amy. "I call foul. Nowhere in the rules of wrestling does it mention salivatory assault as a viable means of winning."

Amy shrugged. "Alls fair in love and war, Sheldon. Not to mention, Penny pinned you fair and square."

Sheldon frowned. "Alright. If this has become a war, then I say the next battle shall be one of the stomach."

"What?" Penny and Amy looked at each other.

"Sheldon," Leonard said, "What are you talking about?"

Sheldon looked at Leonard. "A pie eating contest, of course."

Penny snorted. "Are you kidding me? I grew up going to county fairs. We will own this."

Sheldon raised his eyebrows. "Oh really? Well, I grew up in Texas. AND I'm a man, and everyone knows that men can always out eat a woman."

"I don't know about that…" Leonard spoke up. "I've seen Penny put away a lot of food…"

"Leonard, please. It's simple biology." Sheldon looked over at Amy and stuck out his tongue. "Men have larger stomachs than women."

Penny rolled her eyes and then looked at Amy. "What do you say? Wanna own them again?"

Amy nodded. "Oh yes."

Sheldon rolled his eyes. Please. There is simply no way Leonard and I can lose a pie eating contest...