Genesis
Ch. XX: Introduction

It had started with rain.

Once, Jim had liked the rain. It was like purification – the water would come in and wash the slate clean, and he would be able to start fresh tomorrow. The soft whisper of that wind that accompanied it told of love that he yearned to know, security that he craved, but most of all, it told of hope. Hope. Jim cherished that word, had done so since he was a Cadet in the Academy. He had hoped that this blissful new life he had found would last, but…

Jim stared down at the tombstone, mesmerized by the off-white color of the stone. He still didn't understand how it could have become so bad, so fast. First, the Enterprise had received a distress call from none other than Captain Pike. The next, he was dead. Tortured to death on a Romulan war craft, which shouldn't have even occurred because Pike was the best and loved Jim too much to just leave him like that. It didn't make sense.

Everyone had formed their own ideas about what kind of information they had wanted out of him. Jim distantly remembered that the abstract consensus had been that it was about him. His heart pounded in his chest at a dizzying rate as those words echoed in his head. It was about you. It was about you. He had known that that couldn't be true, because what would a Romulan want with him? Now, he knew better than that.

His world and another world, somewhere distant, forever intertwined, were bonded by common people, places, and even events. In this other world, the destruction of Romulan had lead to an irate Nero coming to their world and destroying Vulcan and attempting to kill the commanding crew of the Starship Enterprise, but namely Jim's first officer, Mr. Spock. The Enterprise had prevailed, true, but it still felt like a failure.

Jim kneeled before the tombstone, his knees sunk down into the earth, and he cradled his four-year-old in his arms. She's started to suck on her thumb again, Jim noted sadly. "Daddy?"

"What is it, Mandy?" Jim sniffled. He had to keep a strong façade for her, because she was young and naïve and didn't yet understand that death was truly an end.

Amanda Pike reached out and touched his tear-streaked face. "Don't be sad, Daddy. When Papa comes back from Heaven, he doesn't want us to be crying. That wouldn't be very nice, would it?"

Jim could barely repress a sob at her words, but he did his best. "No. Guess not, huh?"

Amanda offered him a small smile, before she tilted her head to the side in confusion. "Hey, Daddy?"

"What is it, Mandy?" Jim asked, almost afraid of another question.

"When Papa comes back from Heaven, do you think that he'll play pony with me? Like before he was in the chair?" Amanda inquired, her eyes wide with hope. She didn't understand what she had really asked.

"Yes, sweetie. I'm sure that he will." This time, Jim failed to choke back his sob. It was a horrible, guttural sound and it scared the small child seated on his lap.

"Daddy?" She asked.

"No more questions now, sweetie. Daddy's tired. Why don't we head back home and get ready for bed, huh?"

Amanda looked him over silently, before she nodded. "Okay."

Jim clambered to his feet, feeling the uncomfortable ache in his legs and lower back from maintaining one position for too long. He stretched out, feeling his back crackle with every movement. Reaching out, he touched a hand to the cool tombstone and silently wondered if he had never met Pike, would the man still be alive? But then he dismissed the thought. It was ludicrous, after all. If he had never met Pike, he would have never had Amanda.

And speaking of Amanda, the little child had climbed to her feet as well and was beaming at him through the raindrops. The rain seemed to magnify the wattage of her smile until it beamed like a light tower calling a ship to shore. Jim couldn't bear to look at it for long. Continually, he had to remind himself that she didn't know, didn't understand. But, in the end, that didn't make it any better.

Taking her into his arms, he felt her bury her all-too-human face into the crook of his neck. Human. One day, she would die too. She would die and he would be all alone, because life had never been kind to him and he knew, somehow, that she would die first. Fresh tears welled in his eyes at the idea of it, but he smothered them. Amanda didn't need to see him break down anymore than he already had.

Slowly, carefully, they made their way down the hill and out of the cemetery, casting one last look behind them at the man that had been lost. Burrowing deeper into her father's arms to ward off the chill, Amanda was eventually able to wade off into some form of fitful sleep. Jim carried her into downtown Metro Station, where he paid to have a ticket back to Starfleet HQ. But before he could make it onboard the shuttle, he heard a familiar voice.

"James? James Kirk!" First a question, then dawning realization flooded her voice. James flinched at the almost nasally sound of it. It was cold season, after all.

Jim felt his stomach twist uncomfortably. Only one person still insisted on calling him 'James'. "Hello, Winona." He tried to be civil, but that went out the window when he just couldn't call her 'Mom'.

Winona didn't seem to mind. "I see that you've been out for a day on the town. Getting your daughter soaked to the bone, nonetheless. What kind of father endorses hypothermia?" She hissed.

Jim tried to remind himself that she held no more power over him, but it was hard. "I'm taking her home now."

"By now, it could already be too late. She could be so cold, she can't even shiver to warm herself, and you would be none the wiser because your body temperature isn't much better than hers." Winona chastised.

"I don't want to hear a lecture from you." Jim shot back ruefully.

"Let me take her into the bathroom and dry her off, James." Winona said.

Jim recoiled violently, swinging the child like she was some toy he didn't want to share with his older brother. "No. And if all you have to say is how horrible a father I am, then I'll be on my way."

Winona brushed her blond curls away from her face. "That was not my intention at all."

"Coulda fooled me." Jim chuckled darkly.

"James, I'm actually here to talk to you about Pike. I know you don't want to hear it, but -,"

Before she could finish, the last call from Shuttle Car B back to San Francisco was called. Jim shot his mother one last look, before he decided that he didn't care for anything that she could have said. Knowing her, she would find some way to mutilate all of that man's hard work and make him into some kind of monster that was only out to steal Jim's innocence. Jim knew full-well that it wasn't like that at all.

Winona waited calmly for him to make his decision, but she had not expected him to just walk away. He stepped onto the Shuttle Car and seconds later, before she could follow suit, the doors closed and they were off. Jim wandered inside, picking a seat in the far back that was closed off from the view of fans and spectators. And then, he shifted Amanda on his lap and toyed with her wet blond curls.

"I won't let her take you away from me." Jim swore in a silent, almost reverent voice. Amanda was all that he had left, and his mother was a vindictive bitch who couldn't realize that he just couldn't love her.

Amanda only curled further into his arms and continued to sleep.

"You're mine, baby. We're in this together. And you deserve so much better than a half-assed father like me. But I'll do my best to make sure that you have all that you ever want and need. I swear it." Jim assured her.

Amanda stuck her thumb in her mouth and started to suck. A reversion, Jim reflected ruefully.

"Hush little baby, don't say a word…" Jim sang to her softly. It was well after her bedtime, he would reflect later. Long after it was time for little girls to be off in their dreamlands, as Pike would say.

Pike. Jim sniffled as he felt the tears renew themselves. Now that Amanda was unconscious, he didn't feel quite so bad about letting them fall. The truth was, he was weak. He never deserved Pike's love, even though he had had it from the start. That only made him feel ten times worse. But for Amanda, he would carry on. Amanda was now his reason to live. And if someone took that from him, well… it was best not to speculate too heavily on the future.