This Is A Pen 2.0: Chapter

Parody of a Percy Jackson quote

"She wanted you to have this," Percy said. He took out of his pocket the little god figurine from his pocket and handed it to Nico.

Nico just held it in his palm, staring at it. Nico looked up at Percy and than back down at the figurine. Percy didn't recognize the symptoms in Nico, but it was true. Nico had come down with the diva. "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Nico exclaimed. "Are you trying to tell me that my sister died in a desert, and all you have to say is sorry?"

Percy sighed. "Listen, Nico, when you do a diva rant, you need to use some bad words to spice it up. Using caps lock and referencing pop culture help too."

Nico nodded. "Okay, let me restart."

Percy agreed. "And… go!"

Nico glared ferociously at Percy. "Whoa, whoa, WHOA!"

"Nice touch on the third 'whoa'."

"Thanks."

"Please continue."

"DOUCHE, are you freaking trying to tell me that MY SISTER died in a DAMN DESERT, and ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY is SORRY?"

"Listen, Nico -"

"No! You freaking IDIOT, listen to ME! You are an ASSHOLE for BREAKING YOUR PROMISE! How the HELL could you let her just CLIMB INTO THAT THING? You MAY be ADHD AN DYSLEXIC, but let me tell you a secret: the word that LOOKS like DANGER actually IS DANGER!"

Percy sighed. He had help create this little diva. Crap. "Hey, Nico – can I call you Nick?"

"FU*K NO, DUMBASS!"

"Cool, Nick. Now, hear me out, man! I didn't ASK her to!"

"Well, you didn't FREAKING STOP HER! Anything else OBVIOUS you want to point out, ADHDYSLEXIC?"

"Did you just combine those two words?"

"SHUT UP! Now, here's how it's going to work: I AM STILL FU*KING PISSED AND WILL NOT TELL YOU HOW IT WORKS!"

"Hey, Nick, lay it easy on the F-bombs, why don't you?"

"NO! My SISTER is FREAKING DEAD! And you know what else? HER NAME WAS BIANCA! That means WHITE! But her skin was FREAKING OLIVE! OLIVE, MAN! THAT IS MESSED UP! And ANOTHER thing! You let her die for some MOTHERFREAKING DOLL? NOT COOL!"

"I thought they were action figures."

"Ah, who gives a fu*k what the hell they are?"

"Whoa, little Mel Gibson, don't be getting all bitchy with me!"

"NO! You stop OBSESSING over FRED, THE LITTLE MERMAID. And JUSTIN BEIBER!"

"I do NOT like Justin Beiber!"

"Freaking LIAR! I SAW that 'Beiber Fever' t-shirt you have!"

"When the HELL did you see that? I mean, what t-shirt?"

"When I was in your cabin, looking to steal some magical items! But BESIDES THE POINT! You are a MOTHERF***ING FAIL, MAN! You needed the FREAKING GODDESS OF LOVE to get you on that damn quest! You ran away from skeletons and fed astronaut food to a LION! You rode on the back of a DAMN PIG! And than you LET MY SISTER DIE! WHAT IS YOUR DAMN PROBLEM? Hell, than you even GOT a DAM PROBLEM! And you named a monster BESSIE? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? You wrestled a HOMELESS SANTA CLAUSE, needed DIONYSUIS to help you, nearly GOT KILLED BY A DRAGON WITH BAD BREATH, and totally FAILED fighting a Titan! They damn straight should've killed you on Olympus!"

"What the HELL is wrong with -"

"NO, PRISSY! MY RANT!"

"You were probably born the same way as those skeletons!"

In his fury at Nico, Percy hadn't noticed the ACTUAL skeletons appear behind him. And he also didn't notice when they killed him.

Nico grinned at the skeletons. "Yo, dudes, BADASS! Mad cool! Since you guys are skeletons and dead and all, let's go party with the ghosts of Billy Mays, MILEY CYRUS' CAREER, and JUSTIN BEIBER'S VIRGINITY!"

The skeletons looked at him curiously as he said the last one.

Nico shrugged as he walked away, and the skeletons followed. "Didn't you hear? Beiber is GAY! Yeah, he secretly had a fling when he went to Never Land… long story, not enough time for a rant. Bottom line? Percy is dead, BITCHES! Who's going to kiss your feet NOW, BITCH! Let's go buy us some INSTA SWORDS and PLAY PAC-MAN!"

Not one of my personal favorites, but due to popular demand, here's the Nico learning to rant chapter! Starting with the next chapter we'll be entering into fresh, new territory, so stay tuned for that!

Thanks for reading and supporting this story guys. You're all awesome. Well, all but one of you.

Whoa, Whoa, Whoa - T.D.