An: So… that took far longer than expected. Like what the hell? I started writing this really fast, but all the music I listen to to help me get inspired fit Link and Zelda more and I got depressed that they were dead… and then drama happened in my life, and I got a social life and was busy all the time… And I can't write short things!

This really should be its only little short story because that's how freaking long it is. I'm afraid to compare the word count to the rest of the chapters. It may be the longest. But I didn't want to make it its own one shot because then people would read it with out reading this story, even if I warn them in an author's note, and nothing would makes sense to them. This whole thing is basically only OC characters since the only non OCs are all dead.

But maybe you'll like it anyway? Because it's got Lance in it…? The funny thing is, I was writing about how Lance hadn't been laid in 10 years, but then later I remembered he said that about 10 years ago, earlier in the story, so it now has been 20 years, and I had to change that in the epilogue. Haha… Wow 20 years….

Lance: "Yea… you fucking bitch"

ANYWAY. So this is finally the end…! A lot of people have given me other story ideas for new fanfics, but I can't really promise that. Now that I'm an adult I'm supposed to be doing adult things, yet I still have a small attention span so I don't know if I'll get around to starting something new, let alone finishing it. I have my fanfic "Slave" about Nabooru and Ganondorf. Maybe I'll finish that some day. Maybe. Or maybe I'll just write Zelink fluff in spurts as one shots. Who knows. I do plan on editing all of these chapters more, but I doubt you guys will notice, because you're not going to reread the entire story again to see my fix a period.

I want to thank all my reviewers again, as well as the reviewers I wasn't able to personally thank. This is my favorite and most popular fan fiction I've ever written. You guys made me feel so much love. I love you all.

Epilogue

-Lance

I'm a pretty tolerant guy. I'm sure every guy says that about themselves but I definitely am. The shit I go through and not complain about...

Okay maybe I do complain. But I don't complain often. I would like to think.

Anyway, I'm about to complain now, so fucking deal with it.

There's a list of things that I simply do not tolerate. As in, I hates these things but kind of have to tolerate them because I can't do fucking shit about 'em. The first thing on that list are fucking raccoons.

Stay with me here.

Some people are like, "Oh, it's a fucking raccoon! They're so cute with their little masked faces and fur and shitty freaky human hands!" NO! Raccoons have rabies, man. They give your dog rabies. And then people get hurt or sick and bad things happen and you family gets taking away. Rabies is a serious issue.

The second thing on that list, is magic, or anything to do with magic. You might think, "Awe man, magic is fucking awesome! I'm gonna do some awesome shit with my fucking magic!" MAGIC MAKES YOU DEAD! Don't believe me?! Need the proof?! Everyone I knew that had anything to do with magic, is dead. Proof. Well, except for the Mage, who's just old. But I don't really think he's a person. I think he might be some species of turtle, that stumbled upon magic and learned how to talk. He probably has rabies, too. Stay away from him.

Third thing. Incompetent people. There are a lot of them in the castle. Sometimes I think, all of them in the castle. Incompetent people are stupid and useless, and useless people are not needed. They are our accidents and shouldn't reproduce. They should just all die so that the species can evolve and prosper. In fact, they should be executed or something. Because people have one main job, one main purpose. Like bodyguards for instance, they have one job to do. Keep their subject alive. They shouldn't just go yappering on with their backs turned, let themselves get knocked out, and totally lose their charge so that she dies! Really, those are the worst types of people. And I would totally have them all executed like they always used to do back in the day where I'm from.

Fuckers.

Those things are all bad but that's not even the worst. No, I've saved the worst for last. Children, specifically babies but I'm not ruling all children out. Babies are just the worst. I think they're the loudest things in the world and I've heard some pretty loud shit. Just recently, I was in an explosion. No really I was. I was actually in it. Well first I was falling off the top of the castle, which I don't recommend anyone to do, unless I don't like you, and then a bomb went off and exploded me through a fucking window for the second time that day. But I don't want to talk about that. I'm talking about babies, and about how one specifically was screaming in my ear as I was trying to escape said castle, filled with monsters.

Monsters weren't originally on the 'my list of things I hate' but they probably should be, now that I realize there are such things. I'm not talking about animals but real humanoid like monsters, though some of them do look like the horrible product of beastialty. Others just look like things from horror stories.

All things that I totally do not want to notice me when I'm trying to sneak out of an enemy infested castle carrying a freaking screaming monster magnet. Part of me kind of just wanted to throw the little shit at 'em and run. It would have been the perfect distraction. But no, I had to somehow fight all these things one handed. I had put the baby sort of inside my shirt, though I still needed one arm to support him. I was kind of hoping the clothing would muffle out the sound some, or suffocate him. On the way in, I have to admit, I let Link do all of the work while I just kind of followed behind. There's no need to put extra effort in something that doesn't need it. But now I was on my own.

I can't remember how many monsters I came across. Too many. I almost dropped the baby several times. I shouldn't have made it out of there. Not one handed, with a screaming baby and my lack of knowledge on how to truly handle the enemy. I just got lucky. They seemed to have stopped trying so hard. I almost felt like they let me go.

I found the horse that had originally taken Link and I to the castle. I think I had to chase that fucking thing for a good 20 minutes before I could climb on. I rushed back to the camp as fast as possible. I was thinking the sooner I could get rid of this kid, the sooner I could go back and help Link.

I would give the kid to the King, and go back. Simple as that. I didn't slow down until I found the retarded bastard. No one gave me any hassle in seeing him. I could always go mostly where I pleased. I just normally had to be by Zelda's side constantly.

As soon as I was in eyesight, the King had looked at me with tearful, hopeful eyes before asking, "Did you find her?"

I didn't know what the fuck he was talking about at first. I hadn't even been thinking about her. Not at all. "Yes," I answered. Because we did find her.

"Where is she?!"

"She's still in the castle. Link's with her." I couldn't tell him what had happened. "They haven't gotten out. I had to come back with this," I presented the baby to him. "Your son. I'm-shit." The baby was covered in blood from me killing things right above his head. I quickly tried to wipe as much blood off of him as possible.

The King didn't seem to care for my actions and took the baby right out of my arms, holding him close.

"I-I'm sorry," I stuttered. "I have to go."

And I left instantly. I went straight back to the castle.

It didn't matter.

I hadn't giving much information and I guess that sent the King into a panic because he gave the order for the armies to go out and take back the castle. He didn't have to. The monsters and everything there where already gone by the time I went back. They just disappeared, leaving only their mess behind.

It took me a moment to find the two. They hadn't been where I had left them.

I knew Zelda had been dead when I first saw her. When you've seen as many dead people as I have you begin to recognize them. She was too pale and I could see that the wound hadn't stopped bleeding just because he had bandaged her up. It was because her heart wasn't beating anymore. But even though I knew, there was still some hope that maybe I was wrong. Maybe Link was right and knew what he was doing but I really doubted so. She was gone. And then so was Link.

The way I found them...

Link had been embracing the body of Zelda when he too had died, obsessed over a dead person. At first I wasn't sure. I pulled Link away from her, checking his vital signs. I couldn't see any obvious wounds on him. Maybe he was still alive. When I realized he wasn't, I felt sorry that I had separated him from Zelda. I tried to put him back how he was but that was just making things awkward.

I left the bodies alone not knowing what to do. I think I walked in retarded circles for a few moments, totally at a loss. I had no orders, no one to direct me. I almost started to hyperventilate.

Right before I totally started to freak out, something blue caught my eye. I didn't know what it was. It was near one of the walls in the room. It was kind of shaped like a potato with a spout and some holes in it. I don't know what possessed me to pick it up but I did. I held it and it calmed me down. The color was kind of pretty and it fit into one of my inside pockets.

I don't know how long I stayed in that room. It seemed like forever. I kept staring at the bodies, wondering why, why were the both of them so stupid?! Eventually I got the nerve to move them. I didn't want to leave one behind without the other, so I flung Link over my back, and cradled Zelda in my arms.

Thankfully I didn't actually have to travel long because the Hylian Army had arrived along with the dumb ass King who thought he was going to join the fight. What a stupid idea. Let's just make the Prince an orphan. But there was no fighting for the King.

And when I presented the bodies before him, he took me in his arms and cried. He cried for hours while I just let him hold me not even having the voice to tell him to let me go. I stayed there until he told me I could leave.

At first, the King had the fucked up idea that I had saved his son's life. No I didn't. Link did. Link found Zelda. Link birthed the baby. I knew. I knew when he handed the infant to me it had only been an hour old. All I did was transport him back to camp. I couldn't even bring back Zelda. I couldn't even help Link.

I told the King it was all Link. That Link had tried so hard to save the Queen's life and revive her. He tried until his last breath. I had basically done nothing.

Of course all this shit just made the King start crying again. I don't think I've ever seen a man cry so much. Not a full grown man anyway. It was starting to bother me. I wanted to tell him to shut the fuck up and get over it. But I didn't. I had been uncharacteristically quite for a while now.

The funeral took place the next day. I almost didn't go. Actually I had planned on staying in my room the whole day to see how fast I could give myself cancer. I wasn't supposed to be smoking in the castle but I had the cracks between the door and the floor sealed up with some dirty clothes. Annabell found me anyway, somehow knowing me too well. I tried to ignore her annoying voice and pounding on my door but a man can only take so much. I let her in and she forced me to clean myself up and get dressed in nice clothes.

At the ceremony I stood next to her the entire time. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to be anywhere in particular, if I was like an important friend or family member that was supposed to be up front, or something. I scolded myself for really thinking that way. I was only an employee. Most likely a fired employee.

But the King looked lonely up there standing near the front holding his son.

I almost did. Yet the King wasn't alone. Link's wife was up there along with the daughter. The wife was sobbing, using the King's shoulder as a napkin. The King was also crying, surprise, and took no notice. The girl wasn't crying. Not at the moment anyway. It look like she might have been. Her face was harder to look at than the other two.

The King thought it important to have both Zelda's and Link's funerals together. He even knighted Link, given him some fancy title. They would be buried together, to insure Zelda had someone looking after her in the afterlife. Link would be buried on her right. When the King eventually died, he would be on the left.

I should have been the one to be buried in the ground next to her. I should have been the one that died.

The King's decision was not liked by any of the advisors. The royal cemetery was meant only for the royal family. Besides, there was already suspicions on Zelda's and Link's affair. Others still didn't forgive Link for his supposed rape. It was a real mess. But the King wouldn't hear to any of it.

He had claimed to have lost his best, and only true friend, and he was going to make damn sure he had a funeral that was worthy of him.

A worthy funeral that was fucking damn too long.

Zelda was probably my best friend too but I don't think I could talk about her for more than three hours.

I tried to entertain myself by making fun of the getups the nobles came in, matching people together in accordance of ridiculousness. I pointed out a few to Annabell who would slap my arm and tell me to shut up. It made me feel a little better. I was feeling sick all day. Probably from all the smoking and not eating anything.

I shut up when they brought the bodies out. Zelda's came out first. Annabell and me were standing in the isle so I could see her clearly as they passed. As I watched Zelda go by, a sudden wave of guilt hit me, and then solidified inside my stomach. They had decked her out until she was beautiful. Zelda was always beautiful but last time I saw her she had been caked in blood. They cleaned her up good, washed and brushed her hair and put her in an over the top ceremonial gown that flowed off the edges of her casket. They had done everything so perfectly. Zelda had always done things perfectly. She made herself up perfect, she pronounced all her words percisely, she was always on time… Sometimes I wondered if she was even human, the way that she was.

She was almost too beautiful to be real sometimes. I always thought she was attractive but a lot of people did. In fact, that's actually why I picked the assignment. Solely on her looks alone. Hey, I was a 17 year old boy back then and I wasn't the mature charming man I was now.

I had a bit of a reputation at the academy I was trained at. I was originally sent there at a very young age, eight I think, because my father thought I needed discipline and my mother thought I was possessed by devils. Now I may be slightly bias but I don't think I was that bad of a kid. I just had a lot of energy. I didn't really start acting up until I was older and already been in the academy for years now.

The academy sucked ass by the way. It was a very revered school and produced very highly skilled bodyguards but actually being a student there was like licking someone else's ass crack. As I got older, realized I was good at what I did, that was when I started to arguer with authority too much. I never really did get the hang of shutting up when I was supposed to.

Boy could I talk. I could charm my way into any lady's bed that I wanted to. And I lost my virginity way too young to someone much older than me. Shit happens sometimes. And because of that, my reputation of being a lady killer just went around like wild fire. I soaked all that shit up, like I was the coolest kid around. In reality, I was using it as a distraction during the time my family all got bit by our dog and had to be sent to quarantine where I never saw them again but enough about this topic. Back to my point.

I had picked Zelda because she had been hot. It was frowned on by every adult in the institute because everyone knew why I had picked the princess. But picking my life long charge was my choice. The only choice I was ever allowed to have in the academy and the most they could do was warn me about trying to get up Zelda's skirt and the dangers of such a crime would be. Then I was taught Hylian and shipped to the island of Hyrule.

It's pretty obvious to say that my charms did not seduce the Princess of Hyrule. The fact that I had been hired at all was because the Princess had been recently kidnapped, and with both her parents already dead, the country was very concerned over her safety. Zelda had been rescued by a young man, Link, and he had almost been chosen to be Zelda's bodyguard. But the nobles and Zelda's uncle thought it be better to hire someone older and who had much more training than just some random stranger that happened to rescue the Princess.

They sure weren't expecting me. I was way younger than they wanted but it wasn't like they specified the age of their bodyguard. Only the skill level which I had met all requirements for. And of course, Zelda was very upset that I was to be her bodyguard rather than Link for she had quite a fondness for him already. I was a little disappointed with that but I got over it pretty quickly. Besides I had only been looking for a quick fuck, not Zelda's undying love, and I preferred my woman older than me anyway.

It didn't really occur to me that once I was actually working, I couldn't use sex to distract me from my problems anymore. I certainly tried to in the beginning but taking care of Zelda took all of my effort and time. So much so that I realized I didn't need the sex anymore. I had something else that was much more successful on keeping me busy.

Zelda and her fucking issues...

I couldn't help but find her interesting. If she had been a normal princess with a normal spoiled privileged life, I don't think I could have stood her for a second. It helped that her parents were dead. It's a nasty thing to say but it made me like her a little more and put up with her nasty ruddiness towards me. I was just as nasty and rude back, because my parents were just as dead. I also used to have sisters. Maybe that had something to do with it, why I had cared so much. Or maybe I just needed to care about something to keep me occupied. I had to be constantly occupied. I could never really sleep at night, so I just spent as much time as possible with Zelda.

The whole idea of wondering, 'shit, what was I going to do now?' visited my mind every time I looked at her, so I stopped looking at the dead Queen.

Link came out right after. He was dressed in a showy gold chest plate and cape. It looked good on him but I didn't recognize him at first. I had seen him so many times in a dirty tunic. Sometimes I wondered if he only had one set of clothes. He wasn't wearing his stupid hat. No, Lana had been clutching it from where she stood up in the front.

When it was time for people to go up to the casket, I didn't move. I didn't think I was supposed to. I was kind of a disgrace. I failed at my one, single job. I shouldn't even be here but Annabell slapped me and pushed me all the way up there.

There was basically two lines of very different people. All the nobles and rich were here to see the Queen. All the commoners where basically here just to see Link.

I stood in between the two caskets of the two beautiful people. I never understood either of them very much. Zelda was always so crazy. I accepted she was partly born that way. Born to care too much about everything, when she should have just let some things go. Just relaxed.

I think I understood Link even less. The way he loved Zelda was strange and yet precious. I didn't know anyone that was in love like they were. Maybe it was because they had never truly been together, they couldn't grow to hate each other. Maybe. Or maybe it was just true love. I kind of hoped so. It would give me a little piece of mind.

I saw that Link had still been wearing the acorn pendant that I had restole from Dark Link. That made me smile. That was something that looked more right on him than the flashy armor. I lifted my hand to touch it, move it so it was a little more in view. I caught the eye of the girl, standing back a little with her mom so that other people could get a chance to look at the casket. Otherwise Mary would have still been over here, crying over her dead husband. The girl glared at me slightly, disapproving of me touching her last gift to her father. I pulled my hand away. I wonder if she knew him being dead was my fault.

I looked at the two of them. Both of their hands were crossed over their chests. Both of them were in their own little space. I touched both of their arms, having a strange desire to take both of their hands and clasp them together.

"Lance, what are you doing!?" Annabell snapped. "Stop messing with the bodies."

I let go and left. I straight up left. I didn't want to see the two of them buried in the ground, covered in dirt. I didn't want to see the two of them in separate graves, being separated forever like they always had been. So I went back to my room in the castle.

The day after, it suddenly dawned on me that I was most likely fired from working at the castle and being fired meant I probably wasn't supposed to be living here anymore. Was I banished? Did I get sent back home? Did I get executed for essentially being the cause of the Queen's death. Link almost did for loving her. I should be for killing her.

I went to go find the King. It was a lot harder to find him than usual. Now that Zelda couldn't be running around fixing things, the duties fell to him.

When I did finally find him, I stopped right in my tracks. He was busy discussing repairs on the castle, at the same time cradling his son, feeding him with a bottle. He was way too busy to be bothered with me and my stupid questions. I was about to leave when he spotted me.

"Lance! Oh thank goodness you're here! Here, please take him."

"Wait, wait what?!" He handed the baby over to me. Of course the first thing the Prince did in my arms was cry and scream.

"I have a million and one things to do, and I think I'd be needing both my arms. But of course, there must be some reason why you've come. What is it?"

I paused for a second, trying to find the best words to explain that I had basically come down here to ask of the date of my execution. "Uh, listen… about me being the Queen's bodyguard. Am I like, fired? Should I be leaving?"

The King looked at me with wide uncomprehending eyes. "What do you mean?"

I took a deep breath, realizing I was going to have to explain this when I really shouldn't have to. "I was hired to protect Zelda. She's dead now."

"Oh, yes. Well. I'm sure we can find something else for you to do at the castle-"

"I killed your wife," I said darkly, interrupting whatever stupid thing the King was about to say. He looked at me with his eyes even wider than before. I shook my head. "I let her get killed," I corrected. "Which is the exact opposite of what I promised to do. I should be fired. You actually literally have to, since it's impossible for me to continue to protect Zelda. Unless you want me to stand by her grave forever, or at least until my body turns into dust, which honestly, you can make me do. It would be fitting."

"Oh, Lance!" he put a hand on my arm. I took a step back. "Please. Please stay with us. Everyone here would miss you."

I let out a very humorless laugh. "No. I'm sure-"

"You could be my son's bodyguard!"

"Hold up. Do you not remember how I had let your wife get killed?!"

"Pft! Stop blaming yourself! You're skills have always been excellent. I'm hiring you right now."

"I know nothing about kids. I'm not qualified to take care of a baby."

"Well I am to hire a nanny. That's next on my list of things to do! But I do have to go. If you could just… watch him. Give him more of the bottle. Change his diaper if he needs it."

"Change his-wait, wait I can't-" but the bastard scampered off faster than I could blink.

I didn't even try. The first thing I did when I realized the King was gone, was march all the way to Annabell's living quarters, intent on ditching the child there. And then maybe attempting to swim back to my home country, where I would eventually, of course, drown.

I moved the baby to only one of my arms, supporting him with my hip slightly as I used my other arm to ram as loudly as possible on Annabell's door. I had to do it loud, otherwise the sound would have been drowned out by the baby.

Unfortunately Annabell's husband answered the door instead of Annabell. "Hey, Red!" I greeted brightly to the large man. He growled back, clenching up his fists and scrunching his nose. "Before you hit me, I just want to let you know, that I will totally use His Majesty as a shield without any shame. So if you don't want to kill the Prince of Hyrule… I'd take a few deep breaths and calm down." Red never liked me. Maybe it has something to do with me fucking his wife right before they got married.

He let out a roar (he wasn't a man of many words) before taking a step back and shouting behind him. "Annabell!"

Annabell poked her head around him, looking smaller than normal behind the giant man. She frowned as soon as she saw me but then her eyes widened. "What are you doing with the Prince?!"

"Yea that's my question as well. Make it stop."

She went around her husband. "Why anyone would trust you with a newborn baby is beyond me." She gloriously took the screaming shit out of my arm.

"Well… the King is kind of retarded… So, you'll take him?"

"What? No! I don't have time to take care of the Prince of Hyrule! I already have three kids of my own, and with the castle a mess, all of us maids have our work cut out in cleaning. You've got nothing to do. You have all the time."

"But I'm the worst person! It doesn't matter how much time I have!" Suddenly Annabel disappeared behind her husband with the baby. Could it be? I hoped against hope that she had just suddenly and randomly changed her mind. I should best be going before she came back.

Before I could leave Red grabbed my arm. I gave him a death glare. He should have known better than to touch me. He may have weighed more than me but I could easily kill him. "Wait," he told me.

Annabell came back rolling a baby crib.

"What the hell's that?"

"The last one's grown out of it so I can spare to lend it to you. You can put it in your room."

"What?"

"Unless you want to sleep in the babie's room." I didn't. It was too close to Zelda's room.

"I think we're moving way too fast to be sleeping with each other already." Annabell ignored me as she began wheeling the crib and taking the baby in the direction that I was afraid was my room. I went after her, not sure if I had remembered to lock my door. Normally I wouldn't care who stumbled upon it. If things were stolen, it would make my apartment cleaner. I just wasn't expecting anything being left in there instead.

"You better not upset her!" Red called after us. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not gonna do anything she didn't want in the first place!" I shouted over my shoulder.

Annabell hit me. "Would you stop?!"

"Would you get over me?"

"If the Prince of Hyrule's wellbeing wasn't at the balance here, I wouldn't be talking to you."

"You can make this all go away. Just take him from me."

We reached my door. "Lance. For some reason, the King intrusted you with his son. You can growl and grumble all you want but I know you'd protect Zelda's child as well as you protected Zelda."

"Which wasn't very well," I butt in.

"And for the God's sakes, Lance, shut up! You need something to do! If I leave you alone you're going to continue to smoke and mope around in here..." She opened my door and scrunched up her nose. "Gods it stinks!" She opened my one window. "…blaming yourself for things that aren't your fault, being miserable…"

"I'm not miserable. It's so much more peaceful now that I'm fired. I don't actually give that much of a shit."

"…pretending you don't give a shit." She turned back to me, presenting the baby. I took a step back. "Take the baby, Lance."

"Don't make me…"

"Come on. Love the baby!"

"I don't have any love in my tiny crusted heart!"

"Oh yes you do!"

"No I don't! I have no feelings! I sold my soul to the devil!"

"For the love of-!" She sighed exasperated.

"You know they're looking for a nanny."

"No."

"Aw, come on! I'll be the bodyguard. You be the nanny. We'll raise the kid together. Like we're parents. Like we're married."

Annabell was glaring at me, not finding the idea as humorous as I did. "That's precisely why I'm saying no."

"Yea, Red probably wouldn't like that. Are you still liking that? That giant hunk of…. something."

"Yes I am."

"'Cause he's starting to get old. They should probably start calling him 'Gray' or 'Silver' or 'Peppered Red'."

"Lance." Annabell put a hand on my arm. It made me flinch slightly. "I'll take the baby."

"Like I said!?"

"But only for tonight. Tomorrow you go right back to being responsible."

"You say 'back', like I was ever responsible to begin with…" Annabell was basically ignoring me now.

"Get out of here. You've been in this room for too long. Go out. Do something fun."

I stared at her for a long moment. "You mean like get drunk and bang a lot of bitches?"

"I was thinking more like fishing or taking a long walk."

"It's getting kinda late for fishing."

"Take a walk! Take a long walk! Gods I don't care, I'm very busy and now I have this little munchkin. Stop bothering me."

"Thanks Annabell!" I shouted as she rolled the crib right back to her living quarters. Score. Now I just had to leave town and never come back.

And that was when I made a very poor decision, though I thought it should have been quite obvious if I had a choice between "getting drunk and banging a lot of bitches," and going on for a "long walk", which one do you really think I'd choose? And I didn't really have the energy for skipping town, since that involved, you know, long walking.

So I went to a bar, which wasn't nearly as fun as it first sounded. Drinking alone is never fun. People only do it when they wanted to feel miserable and maybe I did. I sat in the back corner, hiding, a little afraid people would recognize me. No one did. I wasn't nearly as well know as I thought.

I sat there and mostly peopled watched but they weren't very entertaining either. Everyone was awfully happy considering their Queen had just died. I knew it wasn't fair to judge them. We just regained the town. Of course people would be celebrating.

It was getting to the point where I was finding the noise bothersome. Either I was getting old, or spending so much time with that bitch had rubbed off on me. I wasn't even interested in any of the girls in here. I kind of just wanted to go to bed. There was a particularly loud group of people up front, close to the door. I'd have to get closer to them in order to leave. They were mostly men, only one woman and when I saw her I was appalled I didn't recognize her when she first came in.

Link's wife.

I quickly pulled up the collar of my coat, trying to hide from her, though if she was going to see me she would have already by now.

Zelda may have been crazy but she had also been predictable. Very predictable. I could practically foresee every blink she did before it happened.

Mary was probably the most unpredictable woman I've ever met. Not too many people have the balls to slap the Queen of Hyrule.

She was all smiles now, though I could tell it was most likely from being drunk. Her nose and cheeks were too red and she swayed with every movement she did. It appeared that there was some playful banter with another man that I didn't recognize. I decide to watch that happen. The way she laughed, desperately, and the way she was flirting with him, I knew was all bad news. I had experienced that first hand before. It went on quite awhile until it didn't seem like Mary was finding him funny anymore. The more she yelled at the doofus the more he seemed to laugh. And then she picked up a cup and smacked him in the face.

I didn't expect his reaction, otherwise I would have been quicker. The big retard stood up and slammed Mary into the wall. Then reeled back his huge arm and punched her in the face. He made to do it again but he didn't make it. I ripped him off, spinning him and pushing him face down on the table they were eating at, while my other arm was holding Mary back. She was hiding her face and didn't seem like she'd be more of a threat but I wasn't sure she wouldn't just start attacking the man again.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" I cried to the guy. He tried to push himself up but I pulled on his shirt and then slammed him back onto the table so that his head's momentum met the wood. "I DON'T CARE IF SHE HIT YOU FIRST, YOU NEVER, EVER HIT A WOMAN! ESPECIALLY ONE THAT'S HALF THE SIZE OF YOU! LOOK AT HER! YOU THINK A SMALL SLAP IS GOING TO DO ANYTHING COMPARED TO YOU PUNCHING HER FACE IN?!" The man seemed to turn his face to look at her but I stop him, clunking him again with the table. "NO DON'T LOOK AT HER! YOU DON'T DESERVE IT!" I looked at the other men around me. "You guys know this fucker?"

"Hey, let him go," said one of them as they all began to stand up, preparing for a fight.

I let him go and the first thing the shithead tried to do was nail me in the mouth. I caught his fist and twisted it before I shoved him into one of his buddies. Grabbing a dish, I slammed another in the head with it before kicking him in the teeth. I flipped over two more that came after me and knocked out the other guy by hitting him in the throat. Then I just flipped the whole god forsaken table because I was so mad.

"Hey, hey, hey! You need to get out of here!" the bar owner cried at us, though keeping a safe distance I noticed.

"We are!" I grabbed Mary's hand and started marching out in a random direction.

"We need to get you home. Are you okay?" I suddenly stopped dragging her. She was half heartily trying to pull her arm away while her other hand was still covering her face. "Let me see." I moved her hand and grabbed her chin, tilting her head more into the light that came from the tavern. "Ah shit, that's going to bruise." I was looking in her eye. It didn't seem there was any blood vessels that had burst but it had already swollen and it was going to form colors in the skin.

She pulled away from me before wiping her nose with the back of her hand with a short laugh. "I'm going to have a time explaining that to Lana."

"Where is she?"

"She's with Horus. Uh, thank you, for what you did back there."

"Who was that guy?"

She shrugged shaking her head. "Just someone I used to do business with. It was kind of my fault. He just said something about Link that I really didn't like."

I heaved a sigh. "You want me to walk you home?"

"No, no." She shook her head. "No, I don't want Lana to see me like this."

"Well that bruise is not just going to go away in a few hours."

She put her hands on her hips as she stared out at nothing. "I know. I'll cover it up with something. The night's still young though." She turned to me smiling.

"Are you sure you don't want to go home?"

She nodded.

"Okay, well I'm going home."

"Oh you are?"

"Yep. Um, I guess bye." And I left her there. Ignoring all her hints that she wanted to come home with me. That was not going to happen. I was not messing myself with that train wreck.

I went home, opened a bottle of whisky, lit a cigarette and started reading through my notebook, the one I kept on Zelda. I wasn't really one for photographs, and the notebook was the closest thing I had. It brought back memories of one disaster after another, carefully documented and studied by me to make sure such an incident would not happen again. Many of them actually made me laugh, thinking about it, how mad Zelda got when things got serious, when assassination attempts were carried out, or smaller littler disasters happened around the castle. All of it seemed petty to me. Nothing was serious. I had always protected her and it was easy. My job had been easy for me. Too easy. I had let my guard down.

No one ever really thought I had taken my job seriously. I guess I hadn't been. I hadn't taken anything in my life seriously. Nothing mattered.

Someone knocked on my door. It startled me actually. I jumped and knocked over my whisky bottle. I swore at myself for being so skittish.

I glimpse at my clock and saw that it was three in the morning. I prayed it wasn't Annabell giving up on taking care of the screaming shit producer but who else would be at my door at this hour? I didn't have any friends. I put the cigarette in my mouth and brought the bottle with me, hoping once Annabell saw me, she remembered about my immaturity and not give me the baby.

I opened the door to a horror far worse than Annabell and Prince Shits. Worse than Moblins and monsters. Worse than a zombie Zelda.

Mary was standing at my door, leaning on the door frame so that her apple shaped hips tilted in a very pleasing, asymmetric way, a wine bottle hanging from her fingertips as her other arm was what was holding her up. She was using her red hair to cover half her face so that her black eye wasn't noticeable, and I wasn't sure if she was just drunk or doing it on purpose but she was leaning forward so I could see all the way down her loose fitting blouse.

I mentioned her cleavage last but it really was the first thing I noticed. Then I noticed the rest of her. And then went back to the cleavage. I knew time was going by and words should be being exchanged but that wasn't happening. Finally I got my blood deprived legs to move, took a step back, and slammed the door closed on all that crazy.

How the fuck did she even get here?!

I took a deep breath, trying to calm down. The knocking at my door continued. I shouldn't answer that door but my conscious was telling me I should at least see what she wanted.

I opened the door again but not all the way. "H-hello?"

She laughed. "What's wrong with you? I brought you something." She held up the wine bottle. "A thank you present for what you did for me."

"I got one. Thank you." I held up the whisky bottle that I was still holding.

"That one's empty," she commented.

Right. I had spilled it. "How did you even find me?!" I asked exasperated.

"It's kind of hard to not know where the castle is. And when I asked for you, everyone pointed me in your direction until I found your door."

"What?! Who-?! Fucking assholes…" I was going to find out who these people were. And then I was going to kill them.

"Did you want some company?"

"No."

She took a step forward and I immediately took a step back, not trusting myself being closer to her. She laughed and seemed to take that as an invitation to come in.

She walked over to my small table, moving some papers out of the way to set her bottle down. "Don't try lying to me. I'm good at telling out liars. You can't tell me that you're not lonely now that the Queen is gone."

"Bitch," I let the door close and put my hands on my hips. "I'm glad that the stupid crazy cunt is gone."

"And I'm glad that my cheatin' bastard husband is gone!"

I let out a big sigh, letting my arms hang. "Don't you have anywhere to be? Just go home. Just go to bed."

She slunk down to the floor with the help of the wall, being careful not to touch the many papers that were tacked on. "I don't think I'll make it. I walked here."

"So you're just gonna sleep here?!"

"We don't have to sleep."

"Oh, I bet!"

She laughed at me. "I mean we can just talk. What the hell did you think I meant?"

"What?! You just came here, all seductive like, so you could jump my bones!"

"Excuse me?"

"Well just look at you!"

"I'm drunk. I look like shit. I have a black eye for crying out loud! I have no idea what I look like but I do know it can't be appealing."

"Well you do!" I said, throwing my hands up in the air. "You're a very pretty woman, and I don't appreciate pretty women, drunk, looking like they're in need, at my front door, because it makes me want to take advantage of the situation, in the most disgusting way possible!"

Mary blinked up at me. "Thank you, I guess. And I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I'll leave." She attempted to get up.

"You're not going anywhere!" I said as I marched to the door, locking it, even though she could easily unlock it she wanted to. "Stay here."

She slouched back down to the floor. "Okay thanks."

"Yep." I bent down and grabbed my wine opener, which was on the floor underneath the table. Because that's were I kept it, like all my things, on the floor. "What did you want to talk about?"

"I don't know. Anything. It's cozy in here."

I opened the bottle and took a taste. It was sweet, some sort of flavored wine… Watermelon? Not something I would have bought for myself but a gift is a gift.

"Is this your family?" She pointed to an old photograph that was party covered by something else on the wall. She moved the other paper. "Is that you? The boy in the center?"

I walked over to her to stare at the photo, pressing the bottom of the bottle to my hip. "Yep that's them. And that's me."

"I didn't know you had sisters! Where are they now?"

"Oh, they're all dead." I took another drink of the wine that was way too sweet. I could feel Mary's eyes on me but I didn't look at her. My eyes didn't feel like moving from the photograph. "Yep, everyone in that photo is dead except me." Even the dog. I tore my gaze from it looking around the apartment. "Did you want a chair? Instead of sitting on the ground like that? I should go find you a chair." I found one and tipped it so whatever was on it fell to the ground and then brought it closer to Mary.

She sat on it and I fell on my bed, lounging against the wall and concentrating on my cigarette. My window was opened a crack but I opened it more, trying to blow the smoke in that direction. "So, you wanna talk about why you hit Dumb Ass with a ceramic cup tonight?"

She pushed her lips together, looking away. "Not really."

"Awe, come on! Yes you do!"

She looked at me. "Do you think I'm a fool for marrying Link?"

"Yes. Yes you most definitely are."

She frowned at me.

"Anyone who would marry Link is a fool. Link's not the marrying type."

"Then why did he even-"

"He thought he had to or something stupid."

Mary was very unhappy with my answer. "Well, I should have guessed. Someone would only marry me because they thought they had to."

"What? Just because you got unlucky once you can't just blame it on yourself somehow."

"Link was the first person to ever take any interest in me seriously. And I've been around the block. How old do you think I am?"

"I'm not going to answer that question. That's a trick question and I never answer that question. But regardless of how old you may or may not be, you're still a very beautiful woman, and if you ever came across a decent man, he'd drop everything for you in a heartbeat. The problem is that you are pretty, so you attract all the creeps too. And that includes Link, who is not the marrying kind but had to chose someone. He did choose you."

"You're a very kind man, Lance."

I laughed. "No I'm not. I just say truths."

"That's nice."

"Not when, you know, no one wants to hear it."

We were silent for a few moments. "What are you going to do now?"

I heaved a huge sigh. "Smoke this cigarette." And then I sighed again when I remembered the little shit. "The King wants me to bodyguard his son."

"Oh, that would be great for you!"

I glared at her. "That's horrible for me!"

"Why is that? He's only a little baby."

"I hate babies."

"Babies are precious."

"Babies are useless until they become adults and that's not going to be for another 20 years. I'll be close to 60 then!"

More silence. I smoked. "Do you blame the baby for Zelda's death?"

I coughed. "No. No, not at all." No, Zelda's death was definitely my fault.

"Do you blame yourself?" she asked as if reading my mind.

"I mean, it is my fault."

"It wasn't your fault."

"Actually it was." I said coldly. "I screwed up. I failed. But so what? Nothing I can do about it now. No use in worrying about it." Then there was a very long silence. I almost thought Mary had fallen asleep on the chair.

"I can tell that it kills you, thinking it was your fault." I was going to snap at her but she continued. "Did you love her, too?"

I closed my mouth. "No," I said defensively. "Not really. Not like Link did anyway."

"But you cared about her?"

I sighed and turned to glare are Mary. "Listen, Zelda was my best friend. And yea, I let you smack her that one time, because frankly she deserved it but in the end, I'm always going to be on her side."

"I wish I could have been as good a friend to Link."

"I'm sure you were." I assured her. "He did care for you. Somewhat. But my number one rule is, never sleep with your friends. That's where you two screwed up."

"So you never slept with Zelda?"

"What the fu-No! Why would I ever want to do that?!"

"You spent so much time with her. The rumors-"

"I don't know how Link ever did it but opening that cold, frozen bitch's legs is pretty much impossible! Besides she was way out of my league. There's probably a very good reason why my ugly face hasn't been laid in over 20 years."

"What?" Mary actually stood up from the chair to gape at me.

"I mean… 20 days?"

"You haven't had sex for 20 years?"

"We're not all lucky and attractive!"

She blew air from her lips. "What's not attractive about you?"

"Seriously? Should I start with the many little cuts on my face from being in an explosion, or the purple welt in my wounded arm?"

"That's not something you've had for 20 years!"

"Okay, Okay. My nose is cricked," I admitted.

"It is?" Mary tried to study my face harder but I turned away as I continued. "I'm lanky, my body never grew into any of my limbs. My face makes me look like I'm 18 but I can't grow a beard to look older because then people will see the gray in it and I'll be too old looking! And let's not even get started on my hair-" She was suddenly touching my it.

"Is this gray I see on your head as well?"

"Seriously?!" I didn't think it had started on my head yet.

She laughed, falling on the bed where she landed on my thigh and her hand that was supporting her fell in between my legs. "I'm just kidding."

Fuck. I could feel my clothes and sheets begin to stick to my skin as I started to sweat. I stared at her hand, praying it wouldn't, yet begging it to move all at the same time.

"You're just a little beat up right now, Lance."

She had slender, white fingers. Her fingernails were short and it made me wonder if the lack of nail would make her fingertips seem ever softer. She went on yammering but I didn't care to listen anymore.

"You'll heal up and be as good as new."

I suddenly jumped when I felt something warm and softer than fingertips touch my cheek. "What the hell are you doing?!"

"What? Your mother never kissed your cuts to make them feel better?"

"No!" I glared at her. "My mother didn't lie to me like that."

She pushed out her bottom lip, which was full and of course enticing. "Well I'm a mother, and I never lie. It works if you believe."

I laughed but the air through my lungs was cut short as she kissed another one of the cuts that were on my face. I stayed still as she delicately went to each cut and grazed them with her lips. I didn't wait for her to do each one. I grabbed her chin, rubbing my thumb over that fleshy bottom lip roughly, before I began to kiss her in a disgusting, messy, unpracticed manner. I immediately felt guilty but it wasn't enough to stop my assault. I new this would be the inevitable. Maybe I even knew this would happen as soon as I spotted her at the bar talking to a stranger. It wasn't what I had wanted. Sex was just like alcohol and cigarettes to me, a distraction, except I tended to hurt other people rather than just myself with it.

Her breath smelled like the watermelon wine she had given me, and I briefly thought about how it must have been a different bottle since mine had been unopened. She may have been way more drunk that I originally thought. Of course I didn't really care anymore when she took my hand and placed it on one of her breasts.

Dear Gods and Goddesses everywhere...

Boobs.

Boobs that I haven't felt for in twenty years, and on top of that, her's were especially magnificent, with just a single one already filling up my hand. Her shirt had been thin, but when she pulled it off it was still way better. She wrapped her arms around my neck, kissing me hard. I let her, figuring she knew what she was doing more than me, because why wouldn't she? She seemed too confident with the way she just ripped that shirt off.

My mouth wasn't moving nearly as well as hers so when I attempted to talk I figured it was better than not moving my lips at all.

"Wait." She ignored me. It made me fall in love for a second. "Wait," I tried again, though it didn't come out as well as the first time since she had be sucking on my bottom lip. "I, I don't know if I remember how to do this."

She chuckled, a low sound that came deep within her throat. It almost made me jiz all over my fucking pants. "You remember." Her mouth went to my throat, and her hand went down my pants.

I let out a sound I hadn't made since I was 10 years old. "No, you don't understand. You're not going to enjoy this. I'm just going to make a mess before we even start.

"Then we'll make a mess."

With that, her head went south and any sort of half hearted attempted to make her stop finally came to a halt. I came to the conclusion that all of this was happen for a reason and it would be fruitless to try to stop it. Mary was a creation made solely for my perverted mind. I I could do what I wanted with her. Or rather, she could do what she wanted with me, as it became more clear with me screaming out like a baby.

Great Gods. Did Link enjoy this woman's mouth like this? If so, then why would he ever think of leaving her? How could he have not instantly fallen in love with this curvy, voluptuous red headed goddess.

"Sweet Din…" I finally breathed as the tremors of my body slowly subsided and watched her swallow the evidence of my rather quick embarrassment.

"Are you okay?" she asked. "You're bright red."

I couldn't answer since I was too busy breathing and trying to soak up her image with my eyes. "C-come 'ere," I managed as I reached out a hand and placed it on her ribs. "Come here," I repeated, pulling her onto my lap. Then I proceeded to kiss everywhere that was soft on her body, which was indeed, her entire body. We kept at it until we were both past out.

I woke early. I was used to it. I use to always wake up one minute before 6. I only needed one minute to get in front of her Majesty's door, normally wearing what I had slept in and skipping to pee so I'd have to make her wait for me in the bathroom. She hated that.

But recently I hadn't had the motivation to leave my bed. I still woke at 5:59. I just didn't get up. Besides, I had a pretty decent view of Mary's uncovered chest in front of my face right now. Her expression was peaceful and I liked how it complimented her body. I still had to think a way to get rid of her. But delicately. Women needed a very gentle touch when you were telling them to get the hell out of your life forever. I'd wait a few moments longer.

But I didn't have a few moments, because Annabell also got up early. Her obnoxious rapping on my door was accompanied with a voice I had once compared to a bokoblin jacking off. She didn't always sound like that, just at 6 in the morning when normal people's voices were still low with sleep.

Mary stirred but was determined not to get up, wrapping her arms around me which was a little too close for my "the morning after personal space bubble."

"Lance, you better not be hung over! You're time is up! It's time to grow up, and take responsibility for this child. Hang over or not, you are going to feed him, clean him, comfort him…"

"Shit," I whispered, trying to push Mary off of me. "Come one sweetheart, wake up."

Mary groaned. "Who the fuck is that woman…?"

"And if you don't open this door, I'm coming in anyway. I have the keys to every room in this castle. And I don't care if you're butt naked, in a puddle of your own vomit. It's not like I haven't seen it before."

Since being gentle with Mary wasn't working, I pushed her off me more forcefully and shot off the bed. "I'm up! I'm up! But I am also naked, so of you want to go carry out your threat, be my guest! But I can't promise you I'll keep this incident from Red. You know how I like to talk." That would keep the door shut for a little while longer.

"Lance, you really need to get over yourself. The past is the past. You need to find yourself something more meaningful in life than pining over a lost relationship-"

"Listen babe, I'm just saying if you really wanna fuck, let's fuck! Gods, you're the one that chose to be miserable!" I was pulling my clothes on while Mary was glaring at me the entire time like she could kill me with her gaze. I sort of forgot she was there.

She opened her mouth to say something that probably meant I was in trouble. Like I hadn't already been in deep shit way over my head. I waved my hands and gave a series of shushes with the movement. "You gotta leave," I whispered.

"And how am I gonna do that?! Just waltz out the door past your girlfriend?!"

I tried to get her to lower her voice. "She's not my girlfriend."

"Okay Lance, I'm going to give you a reasonable time to get yourself presentable, and then I'm opening this door. And if you are not in that state, I will tell my husband and claim sexual harassment."

"For breaking into my room?! When I clearly told you I was naked?! Is there anyone else out in the hallway? Anyone else who just happens to be walking by so that by chance they could hear the ridiculousness of this conversation? I would just like some proof that this is actually happening right now." Mary could have been my proof. If I wasn't pretending she wasn't here. I gave her a quick look, before looking at my window.

Mary saw my gaze and exclaimed in a huff of unhappiness. "I am not going out the window! You are on the eighth story!"

"I've got some rope…!" I shrugged.

"Three minutes have gone by," continued Annabell. "I will give you five more."

I found one of my shirts and slung it over Mary because I didn't have the patients to find her clothes. I did know exactly where my rope was though. In the far right hand corner next to the pile of dirty socks and knives that were in need of sharpening. That rope had done so many good things for me in the past.

"What are we going to do?" Mary asked in a whisper. "There's nothing to do but just face her." Oh she was so unaware of how serious I had been. How cute. I made a quick loop with the rope and swung it around her before pulling it tight. It sat right under her boobs, making them lift a little higher. She still seemed a little dumbfounded. "Wait, you're not serious, are you?"

I picked her up. I felt her start to struggle but I held her tighter. "Babe."

"Don't you babe me!"

"Shh…" I kissed her face before I climbed onto the bed…. You know because it was in front of the window. "I'm gonna protect you from this, no matter what." I felt her relax a little in my arms, even as I was opening up the window. "We'll jump out the window together."

"What?! We can't! This is insane!" We looked down to freedom, away from the castle walls and away from the terror of Annabell and her promise to get baby shit on me. There was a little moat down there, so incase something went wrong, it could prevent Mary from dying. Though, it would take some explaining for Mary to get out of all the courtyards, but it was always easy to get the guards to escort you out of the grounds rather than deeper in them. "Are you sure about this? We're just gonna run?"

"Well, no not really. I have to stay and become a responsible adult." The first step by throwing my one night stand out my window.

Before she could stop me I dropped her. She of course screamed, grabbing onto the rope tired around her. I began to lower her as fast as my arms could manage, and she immediately tried to climb up the rope. Thankfully it appeared that I was faster.

"You fucking asshole! You cowardly, fucking bastard! I'm going to fucking rip off your dick!" And other nice things were violently shouted at me. I could also hear Annabell counting down the last seconds of my five minute, which I could have sworn was only another three. I let go when Mary just had a few more feet left, and heard the splash of her landing. Her angry screams confirmed her survival.

"Okay! Okay!" I opened the door. "'Sup?"

Prince Shits was crying in her arms. I hadn't heard him before. He must have only started once he saw me. "What was all that racket?" Annabell asked suspiciously trying to look over my shoulder and into my room.

"Some ratchet drunk whore outside. She's been out there all night. I've hardly got any sleep." Annabell didn't care. She shoved the Prince into my arms before shoving the crib into the room.

"Now I'm going to stick around for a while to make sure you're taking care of him accordantly. I waited on feeding him so you could do it yourself."

"Now Annabell, I think I've gotten sick over the night, and we don't want the baby to catch it." She ignored me as she continued to talk about the special formula that was needed.`

I winded up getting 75 percent of it on myself, 50 percent of that had already been in the baby's stomach for a moment before hurled back into my face. Then what did make it all the way through, ended up on me from the other end. The entire time, he was crying. He cried all morning into the afternoon and evening too. He might have cried the entire night as well, but I slept for some hours after plugging my ears with some cotton balls. Annabell insisted that I hold him to make him stop, but it never did anything.

By the second day, Annabell abandoned me. I mean who wouldn't? The noise was becoming unbearable. Nobody wanted to be near me. On the third day, I began to wonder if a baby could actually die from crying too much. If there was no such thing, then I could die and then who would feed the little fucker? As much as I was liking that idea, I wasn't patient enough to have death by noise. Annabell had gotten real good at avoiding me, no doubt hearing the baby's cries from miles away, enough time to hide anywhere.

I came across hope only because when I found the old Mage, he was too slow with his cane to walk away from me fast enough. "You gotta help me!" I shouted over the noise, covered in a days worth of baby food, shit and other bodily functions. The Mage gave me a bewildered look, probably hoping not to have to speak to me at all, but realizing he had to when he couldn't get away.

"What ever is the matter?" He asked. Maybe the old man was deaf. I shoved the baby in his arms. Sometimes that worked, when the baby wasn't touching me, he seemed to be happier.

"I-I can't take him! I only have one arm!" He dropped his cane when he realized it was it or the baby at that point. I was experiencing the magnificent feeling of having both my arms free. I was waving them about like a conductor in an orchestra. The baby had not silenced with his new victim, but that was fine with me, since I could now dance. "Why is he so upset? Have you been feeding him?!"

"Of course I have! It's probably just because his mom's dead and her murder is attempting to raise him himself."

"Lance, you know he's too young to realize any of that!"

"So you do agree I'm a murder?"

The old Mage sighed. "Pick up my cane! Let's see what's wrong with this little one." The Mage started to walk. "Have you ever considered demons could be responsible?"

"I have considered he might be a demon."

"He's the only heir to the late Triforce of Wisdom carrier. Who knows what last attempt Demise has had planned."

"Wait…" I paused in following. "Where are we going?"

"To my work aria. I used to teach Zelda her magic here." He went through the door.

I stopped in the entry way. "This is where they died," I said flatly, not daring to set another foot into the room.

The Mage turned around with a tired expression on his face. "I know. It's taken me all week to purify it. It's still not done. I can feel the darkness still stubbornly clinging to the floor. It's okay though. We're going to my study. Nothing will hurt you. But if anything is inside this child, its going to stir in this place." He kept walking.

I stood still. Paralyzed. I had no desire to follow them, at first anyway. The noise was muffled and it was the quietest in what seemed like forever. It wasn't fear that made me not want to go into the room, but stubbornness and defiance. I didn't believe in magic. Then I could see on the floor the attempt to wash out the dark markings and blood stains, and it concluded to my brain that I was afraid. Cold and afraid.

I heard a particularly loud cry from the baby. I heaved a sigh. I wasn't going to abandoned him like I had his mother. I stepped into the room and saw that they had gone into a smaller adjacent room.

Inside that room were shelves of books, a table that Mage had placed the baby on, and papers about that all had suspicious writing on it. "Listen," I said when I had enough air in my lungs to speak again. "I'm just terrible with kids. This doesn't have anything to do with… magic."

The Mage was turning pages in a book. I didn't like the kid on the table like he was some sort or experiment, so I picked him up.

"Let me see him," The Mage said as he put down the book. I held the baby somewhat away from him, reluctant to hand him over. The Mage grabbed one of his hands anyway.

A sudden light enveloped the room and I let out a shout. "HEY! HEY! STOP IT!" The Mage was making it come from the baby and there was nothing I could do to pull the infant away from the cursed magic. Finally it went away, as I was clutching the screaming shit to my chest, hunched over as if I could shield him from the evil.

"He's got the Triforce mark!" The Mage said excitedly.

"Well get it off of him!"

"I can't!"

"You put it there!"

"No I didn't! It was always there. We just couldn't see it before. Let me see his hand again."

"Are you going to do that weird shit with the light again?"

The Mage frowned at me. "No. But I didn't do that before. The Triforce mark did it on its own."

"You have to promise it won't happen again!"

The Mage ignored me and made a grab for the baby's little hand. On it, was the symbol that looked just like his mother's before all this shit started. "Oh, no." The Mage shook his head disapprovingly. "Who's child is this?!"

I pulled the baby away from him. "Who do you think?! Zelda's! Or do you think Link just found another newborn baby in a monster infested castle?! Infants just wander there all the time! He must have gotten them mixed up."

"No you fool! Who's the father?!"

I paused for a second. And then a crazy laughter enveloped me as I remembered the dumb old bet I had made with Annabell. "Well…" I said in between my laughter. The Mage took back his cane that I had draped over my arm, and used it to smack me in the head which immediately stopped the crazed laughing. "Ow…"

"This is serious! Is there any possibility that Link is the father to this child?!"

"They were shacking up together for years…"

He slammed his cane onto the table. "I forbade it!"

I glared at his littler temper tantrum. "A lot of people forbade it. There's nothing you can do about it now. You can't even punish them because they're fucking dead." I said darkly. "Besides. Zelda broke it off years ago. She had been avoiding him all this time until fairly recently. It would have be impossible. And I know. I was there."

"It was nine months ago when Link had stormed the castle. I was sent for then. Nothing could have happened in that time, could it?"

"He was in the dungeon that entire time."

"There was no possible way?"

My eyes widened. "God fucking dammit!"

"Were they alone?!"

"That son of a bitch!" I held up the baby to look at better. "I never did think he looked liked the King, but all babies kind of look the same. This means I've won the bet!" I cradled the baby better. "Annabell owes me so much money!"

The Mage snatched the Prince away from me. "This is not the time. Obviously you don't realize the seriousness of this matter!"

I sighed. "Do you really think anyone's gonna care. I don't even think the King is going to give a fuck. Though I wouldn't recommend telling him anyway."

"You see that Triforce mark!"

I was trying not to look at it because it reminded me of Zelda.

"That's a sign that one of the chosen has been reincarnated through a decedent." I stared at him, at a complete loss of what he was saying. He rubbed his head hard. " Zelda and Link are the chosen ones. They are reincarnated spirits of heroes past."

"Yea, I might have heard something about that before."

"Since the Prince has the mark, he must be an incarnation."

"An incarnation of who?"

"I don't know. It would be impossible to tell now. He's too young to have any memories of his past lives and he bares the mark of both the Triforce of Wisdom and the Triforce of Courage."

"Wait, wait wait… How is that even possible? Let's just say, reincarnation is a real thing, how can he be a reincarnate of either of them? I know they weren't alive for long after he was born, but they were, for a little while. They existed all at the same time."

"This is the first time I've ever heard of this happening," the Mage murmured looking over the baby. "But I can't say it's not impossible. Both chosen ones have met previous existence of themselves before. My worst fears have happened though. The Triforce pieces have fused together. Keeping them separate made it harder for the forces of darkness to collect all three pieces. And who knows how this will effect the child's mentality, if he is indeed both spirits fused together as well. The unbalanced of power is sure to corrupt a faulty mind."

I took the baby back from the Mage. "Or maybe he's his own person and not evil."

The mage looked at me grimly. "That's not a chance we can take. The Tirforce needs to be expelled from him, and broken. After its broken it will stay hidden for some time. About the descendant line, things look more grim. We could hope after the Triforce is taken, The Triforce of courage will find Link's line once again, if it is still worthy, and the Triforce of Wisdom will return to Zelda's, but since it hasn't already done so willing, I suspect that there is something amiss with Link's line. Is the Lana girl truly his daughter?"

I was starting to get pretty peeved at the old man. "As far as I know. Maybe you should ask Mary that question yourself."

"We can not allow the two pieces to continue together. Zelda had once conveyed to me, if she or Link were ever to fail, that the three Goddesses may have to step in, and attempt to find new chosen ones. I'm fairly confident that this can be done. But in order to do it we need to stop the corrupt line."

"What the fuck do you mean?!"

"I do think killing him would only be last resort, if for some reason I cannot extract the Triforce and he becomes corrupt. The better alternative would to simply castrate him."

"What the fuck?! Are you out of your mind?!" Holding the baby with one arm, I drew a knife and pointed it at him.

"You must trust me on this! I've studied the legends my entire life. I know what I'm talking about."

"Uh-uh. Oh no. You're crazy. And that ain't happening." I started to leave with the Prince.

"Where are you going?" I walked faster. Stupid old man was too slow anyway. Zelda had always raved about the old Mage, even after all the times he had made her cry, told her she was being emotionally weak and set all his hard rules on her. She didn't care, because he was the only other one that seemed to believe in her silly religion and her silly stories. But for what purpose? All I could ever see it ever doing was making her life more difficult.

I was good at reading people, and my gut feeling was always that the Mage just liked the attention he got from it. He seemed to make up things on the spot sometimes. And besides, all logic was going against him. Nothing felt right about it. The baby was still whimpering in my arms. I could see the glint of the Triforce mark on his hand. Wasn't the Triforce supposed to be good? Didn't the mark mean that both Zelda and Link were good. They were good people.

I heard an uneven runner with a cane and realized the Mage was still attempting to go after me. It didn't matter. I would reach my destination with ease before he ever caught up to me.

Me holding the Prince got me through security just as easy as if Zelda was leading the way. Just like all the times before, I was surprised to see the King busy with someone else. It didn't change my mind though. This was important. I waited until he noticed me, which wasn't long because of the screaming infant. The King gave us one look before apologizing to the man he was talking to, and walked up to me.

"Oh dear. Oh dear. What is the matter?" He took the Prince from my arms and the baby quietened for the first time since he had been given to me. Maybe he knew that the King was supposed to be his father, even if it wasn't true.

"The Mage here," I cocked my head in his direction for he was still huffing after me. "Wants to kill your son."

"What?"

"That is not true..." The Mage heaved as he caught up. "But there is a serious matter to be held." The King waited for him to continue, worry still on his face. I stood there with my hands on my hips, uncomfortable now that they weren't doing anything. "There's a curse on the boy. You can see its mark on his hand right there! We must take careful measure in extracting it from him."

The King looked at the Prince's hand. "This is the mark of the Triforce. Zelda always said the Triforce was good."

"It is good, but it shouldn't be in him."

"Basically," I interrupted. "After he wants to rip the sacred relic out of your son, he then wants to castrate him."

"What?!"

"His blood is poisoned, your Majesty. We can't let him passing it on to anyone!"

"But he's Zelda's only heir."

"I am aware of that Sire. You will have to remarry to produce another one."

"I am not to remarry!"The King exclaimed, growing angry now. "And you will do nothing to my only son! You are dismissed!"

"But your Majesty-!"

"Dismissed! Guards!" And I had the insane pleasure of never seeing that old Mage again. "What a day it is today!" exclaimed the King. "Thank you Lance, for bringing this to my attention. I haven't got the time."

"Have you found a nanny yet?" I asked quickly as he already started handing the child back to me.

"I'm afraid not. I've been so busy. But I assure you it's next on my list. If you could think of any takers it would be a great help."

"I've been keeping my eyes open."

He looked down at his son. He was his son, by blood or not I realized. And it didn't matter that he was Link's bastard child. He was still Prince of Hyrule and needed my protection. "He really needs a woman's touch, I think," said the King. "I'm sure that's the problem."

No matter how much begging I gave Annabell, she refused to be the Prince's nanny. She was simply too busy. It didn't help that every time I did find her, she was actually in the middle of doing something. Annabell was the only woman I really knew.

Besides the one that I threw out my window. I was trying not to think about her. Normally, me not thinking about certain people was easy for me. Especially if they didn't bother me or I didn't have to see them on a regular basis. Mary made no move to see me again, and frankly I didn't blame her.

I felt bad.

Fuck.

Why was I such an asshole?!

Mary had been wonderful to me. I hadn't even been all that great. I was probably the worse fuck she ever had, yet she didn't let that stop her from pleasing me. What had I been thinking?! I had just fallen into my old way of doing things so easily. It hadn't matter how nice Mary had been to me. I totally ignored her needs. I was no better than the guy that had punched her in the face.

I took to following Annabell around, even though she had been ignoring me. I walked with the baby, feeding him, burping him and cradling him as I moved, hoping that the movements would bring him to sleep. I had heard that somewhere. He was quiet when he was eating, and whenever I was lucky enough to get him to sleep, but the crying did not cease. Maybe the Mage was onto something with the Triforce mark. Or maybe the baby just needed a mother.

Annabell was too busy with her own family. I watched her washing her children's clothes. She now had cotton in her ears too, though she claimed it was to block out my voice and not the young Prince.

Mary was a mother. She was a mother to only one child, who was beginning to be done being a baby. She probably would have had much more time on her hands than Annabell. Too bad I screwed that one up.

"Okay what's wrong?" Annabell asked as she took out the cotton from her ears. "You look sick." She took the baby from me without me answering. I hadn't really been paying attention to her. My arms were still up, like I was still holding the young Prince. She cooed at the baby until he quietened. "Lance," she said when I still wasn't giving a reaction.

"I think I have feelings…"

"Everyone has feelings! I've been telling you that. I knew you'd come around."

"It now bothers me that I'm a terrible person. So I think the only solution is to kill myself."

Annabell slapped me. It made the baby cry again and I was relieved that I wasn't the only one that made him cry. "Stop being dumb! If you're still beating yourself up about the incident that happened last week, instead of killing yourself, make up for it by helping the Prince live! It's the least you could do."

"You're right," I said, more ashamed of myself. "It's just… I threw a woman out of my window and-"

"What the hell are you talking about? Have you been taking drugs?"

"No! I slept with someone!"

Annabell let out a cackle. She laughed so hard I thought she was going to drop the baby so I took him from her.

"It's really not that funny."

Annabell wiped her eyes with her hands. "See, when you told me you were going to get laid at the camp, I never thought you managed to find the time, but then again I suppose you didn't need much time, considered how backed up you must be."

"Well I have all the fucking time right now!" The baby let out a wail. "Okay maybe not really anymore, but you know… before."

"How long have you been sleeping with her? I'm surprised she had the right mind to see you again, though I supposed Mary Ann doesn't care when it comes to that."

"Wait what? Mary Ann?! I'm not talking about her!"

"You're not? Isn't that who you were looking for that night?"

"What night?!"

"The night you told me you could get laid! And I said it didn't count if it was Mary Ann because she does everyone!"

"Oh God no! That didn't even happen that night."

"Even Mary Ann said no to you?!"

"No! I never even found her that night! Stuff happened!" Zelda had happened.

Annabell was giving me a look like she didn't believe me before she moved on. "So this is another woman? Is she more of a whore than Mary Ann?! I find that hard to believe but it is possible. You know, sometimes people do deserve to be thrown out of windows-"

"No. No she didn't deserve it."

Annabell stared at me hard, and I looked away guiltily. "So you really fucked up this time didn't you."

"Like that a surprise. I didn't know how else to react. You know, since I'm not used to feelings."

"So you threw her out your window?! The eighth story!?"

"I know!"

"Is she okay!?"

"Yea, she was fine enough to keep cursing me out after she landed. Well, I guess I just need to get over it, since I can't fix it."

"Of course you can fix it!" I stared at her incredulously. "You find her and apologize!"

"Nah, that's not going to help the situation-"

She slapped me again. "It's going to help the situation loads! Sometimes, a simply apology is enough to gain a person's forgiveness."

"I don't think that's ever worked for me before."

"Have you ever apologized before?"

I didn't answer.

"See?!"

"I'm thinking!"

"Here," she took the Prince from me. "Go find this girl. I'll watch his Majesty while you are gone. A girlfriend would be good for the both of you."

I laughed, "I don't have girlfriends."

"You don't have feelings either." I didn't move. I was reluctant about getting physically and verbally abused by Mary. It probably wouldn't even be worth it. She'd probably always hate me. "Don't tell me you're having cold feet about this. Since when have you ever been nervous about talking to a girl. She can't be that scary."

"I'm not scared! I'm just lazy."

"Your terrified, aren't you?"

"Okay, okay I'm going!" I started to walk away from her. I wasn't planning on going on a trip, but I could use a break from Prince Shits. And if I was lucky, maybe I'd fall off my horse and die. "I have to tell you one more thing before I go though." I turned around so I could get a good look at Annabell's face. "I have some proof that…" I paused.

"What?"

"… I won the bet."

She didn't seem to comprehend for a moment. Then her eyes widened before she looked closer at the Prince. I laugh and then left.

"Hey, is your mother home?" were almost my last words before a horrible untimely death. When Lana raised the crossbow she had been carrying-which honestly, I new was a terrible idea to approach her at all with her holding that thing-I knew she had no qualms about shooting me.

I just didn't realize how fast she could reload that thing after the first arrow flew out as a warning. It was sort of a warning, as it grazed my shoulder, for it didn't give me much time to block the second, and then the third one had effectively pinned me to a wooden fence that was on the property.

"You're trespassing!"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I tried to get on the other side of the fence but forgot about the arrow holding my shirt to the post. I ripped the shirt but didn't have enough momentum to climb over the fence and fell back down."

"Momma says you're a bad person!"

"I know! I'm sorry!"

She ran up to me as I was sprawled awkwardly on the ground, aiming her next arrow at my face. "I should kill you for hurting her like that."

"I know. I had come to apologize to her." Then the little bitch kicked me in the face. "Ah! Fuck!"

"You can't talk to her! You think after hitting her I'm gonna let you get close to her again!"

She tried to kick me again, but I grabbed her foot. "I didn't hit her!"

"How come her face is hurt then!"

"Somebody else did that!" I felt stupid arguing with a little girl. For a moment I seriously forgot how old I was.

She took her foot back. "Then who was it?"

"I don't know! Just some douchebag at some bar."

"Why did he-!"

"Your mother kind of hit him first. But it wasn't right of him." I shook my head. "He shouldn't have done that!" And I was getting angry all over again.

She sighed. "That sounds like Mama. You saved her didn't you?"

"What? I shouldn't even be talking to you about this."

"When she came back crying and told me you weren't allowed to go on our property, I first thought it was because you were the one to hit her, but I should have known better. Mama doesn't cry about stuff like that. She cries about other things."

"She doesn't want to see me again, does she?" I grinned dryly to myself. I figured as much. Why did I even bother? "I'm sorry for disturbing you. I'll leave now." I picked myself up from the ground.

"Wait!" I turned to look at her. "I know you're not a bad person. I don't know what you did to Mama but you came here to say sorry to her. Bad people don't do that. And you were the Queen's bodyguard. You protect people, like my Daddy, so you're not bad."

I made a fist with my hand and clenched my jaw. "Good people don't let the ones they care about get hurt."

"What are you saying?"

I should have stopped talking. The poor little girl's eyes were welling with tears. She had said something kind to me. But I could never shut up.

"I'm no good at protecting people. I let your mother get hurt. I let the queen die. You're Mama's right in saying I shouldn't be here."

"No!" She shook her head viciously, throwing her empty crossbow onto the ground. "No! You were doing your best! You knew! You knew we were in danger! That's why you were trying to get the Queen and me to leave! But I…" she sniffled. "I was trying to run away. If I hadn't been so childish, I wouldn't have put you guys in danger, the Queen would never had been taken, and…" Her face was bright red, and her words mumbling more together as she tried to keep on talking even after she had started crying. "…and Daddy wouldn't have had to go after her. He wouldn't have died! I was my fault! Not yours! I did it!" She fell to her knees and sobbed into her hands. "I'm so sorry, Daddy! Please come back!"

"Oh, no…" I murmured. I knelt down to her, putting my hand on her shoulder. "It wasn't your fault either," I heard myself saying. "It was nobody's fault." I knew the statement I just said went right against my own feelings, but I didn't want to seem as silly as the little girl was being; crying over nothing.

"I miss him! I want him back!"

"Me too…" And I started to fucking cry. The last time I had cried was when I was eight and had to leave my family to go to the academy. A dumb reason to cry. And I had been punished for it. Warriors weren't allowed to cry. I was smacked until no more tears could come out. I didn't even cry when my family died.

But here I was, crying like a little girl, probably getting snot and tears all over Lana's hair. I clung to her and she clung to me. For some reason, my guard crumbled away in front of her, like it was okay.

"I'm sorry I let them die. I'm sorry I couldn't protect them." I could barely murmur it, but I had to tell her. It was my fault for letting her even think she should take any of the blame to begin with. I felt her move at the sound of my voice and I was reluctant to let her go but I did anyway.

She stepped back and looked at me, cupping her tiny hands around my swollen face. "But you protected Mama. Thank you." I felt like she could see right through me. At first, I thought maybe it was okay to cry because she was only a kid. She wouldn't do anything about it. She couldn't. She wouldn't think to judge me either. Little kids cried all the time.

But she wasn't a kid.

It was like a hundred year old soul was staring from her large blue eyes and I could feel my composure starting to break again. "I forgive you, okay?" She let go of my face with a sniffle. "So go find Mama so she can forgive you too."

Wow. Fuck me.

"I think I need a moment before I go see your mother."

"That's alright," she sat down in front of me, probably knowing that if she didn't stay, I would have ran away. "Take all the time you need."

I sat there, staring at her, hoping that the last five minutes actually didn't happen. My eyelashes were still wet. I wiped at them embarrassed. "So um… You just gonna sit there?"

"Are you just gonna sit there?"

"You're not gonna follow me when I eventually get my ass up and have the courage to face your mother, are you?"

"Are you gonna make her cry again?"

"I can't promise that!"

Lana jutted her lip disapprovingly at me.

"I'll give you something…"

"Hmm… Well, I guess I can let you talk to her in private, but you can't go running away!"

"I promise I won't."

"What where you gonna give me anyway?"

"Uh, oh, well…" I didn't want to say it was an empty bribe, so I quickly dug in my pockets looking for candy or something. Instead I found the smooth blue thing that was in the room where Zelda and Link had died. It felt unusually warm in my hand, like it was alive, even though it being inside my coat was the more local reason for the heat. It reminded me of Link looking at it, and I didn't really know why, except for maybe the connection of the location where I had found it in. It was weird looking honestly. Weird yet noble, just like Link's fashion sense and tastes. Maybe it would be fitting to give it to Lana.

"What is that?" Lana asked in a small serious voice.

I shrugged. "I found it. You want it?"

She nodded her head before she anxiously brought up her arm to take it. I gave it to her and sit took it quickly yet gingerly at the same time, turning it around in her hands. Then she held it up with one hand, the other covering her mouth as she whispered, "This is the Ocarina of Time!"

I raised my eyebrows at her. She was busy tracing her fingers over the little golden triangle symbol that was on the thing. It made me wonder if it was a something I should just be giving away. "You know what that thing is?"

She nodded. "My Daddy... My Daddy told me. It was his."

"If it was his, then it should be yours."

She clutched it to her chest. "Thank you," she whispered, staring at the ground.

I got up, uncomfortable and not up for anymore weird moments with the child. I was ready to move on. I looked at the house, and saw a shock of red movement behind the window. She had been watching. I took a deep breath.

"You can do it!" Lana smiled at me, tears still in the conners of her eyes. I gave her a half smile. I wasn't going to make a liar out of her. I went to the house.

I knocked on the door. She opened it slowly, like she was tired. Her bruise was a mix of purples and blues feathering into a sweep under her eye. The rest of her skin was pale and looking as thin as paper, but her eyes were large and bright, so much bluer than her bruise.

She let me in without saying a word, closing the door behind me. She did not ask me why I had come. I could say nothing. She looked past me, out the open window of the kitchen. I heard a clear note of music and turned around to see Lana outside blowing into the instrument I had given her.

"I saw you with Lana," she finally said.

I swallowed, feeling guilty. I wasn't sure how much she had seen. I certainly had no right to touch her daughter.

"I guess she likes you."

I turned to Mary who was still not looking at me.

There was a long silence. "I wish I knew how to help her. With her grieving," she clarified.

I thought about how Lana admitted to me her guilt over her father's death. How truly painful it must be for her. Would she be able to forgive herself?

Yes, I realized. Maybe not now. Maybe not tomorrow. But yes. And that was why she forgave so easily, because she did have the power to forgive herself. Just like that, she had forgiven even me.

A person that was so genuine could only be, if they believed in the good in themselves as well. Me on the other hand, I tended to hold a grudge. "She'll be fine," I said. "She's really special, you know that?"

Mary nodded her head.

And then I knew Lana had gained the trait of forgiveness from her mother. Her poor, trusting, gullible mother. How many times did Mary forgive Link for hurting her? Tens years worth of pain, but she clearly still loved him anyway. And here she was, letting me into her house, had let me talk to her daughter, even though I basically had dropped the woman out of my window.

People like that were either stupid or just so far above the rest of us, that we couldn't understand what was a blessing, like little angles of mercy.

Fuck, I think I was falling in love with Mary.

I had meant to ask her, before, if there was a possibility that Lana wasn't Link's kid. It wasn't any of my business. I really didn't give a shit, but the old man had giving me the willies, and the thought had been bugging me for the past few days. I didn't believe any of his shit. I didn't believe it.

Yet I needed to ask.

"Hey…" But I didn't continue the sentence because after Lana had finish the final note in her song, the sky that had been sunny, opened up with rain.

"Oh shoot. Lana!" Mary called out the window. "Get inside!"

"I'm going to the barn!" The girl called before disappearing around the house.

And it didn't matter. It was a sign to me, even though I don't believe in those types of things. She was just too much like him.

"Why are you here, Lance?" Mary asked seriously. I knew it was now or never. No more small talk.

"Right," I opened the pack I had around my waist, pulling out a ceramic cup before placing it onto her table. Then I pulled out four more. "I'm an asshole," I said, looking at her face. She stared apprehensively at the mugs on the table. "Do you hate me?"

"No," she admitted. "Not really."

"Would you like to see me again?"

"I don't think-"

"Wait, before you answer that let me try to explain myself even though I don't deserve it. I'm a terrible person. I've always been a terrible person. People don't like me. It's normal not to like to me. I'm rude, careless, selfish and don't like admitting that I'm wrong. I'm not good at keeping friends. I don't know how to treat a woman right. I'm pretty much a disgrace as a human being. I've been able to get away with it from the life style I had, but I can't be like that forever. I realize… that I'm worse than the man that hit you at the bar, because I made you cry. So here," I presented the ceramic. "Here are five more cups to slam in my face for being five times more worse." I pointed to the right side of my face that got the most of the damage from the explosion on had been in earlier. "You could either hit me on my bad side so it hurts more, or get me on my good side to make me more ugly. I recommend two on the left and three on the right."

She covered her smile with her hands, tears in the conner of her eyes. "Lance." She paused. "You surprise me everytime I meet you," she laughed. "Of course I'm not going to hit you! You are very kind. It's okay. I understand. I came on rather strong. I understand why you acted the way you did."

"No you don't. It is not alright to throw you out of windows!" I signed before running my hand through my hair. "Listen, stop being nice about this. I'm not good with feelings. I don't let myself have them, so when somehow I do suddenly have them I act irrationally. It's not okay, I know, but it's because I love you."

"What?"

"Shit, wait don't freak out!"

"What did you say?"

"I don't know how to say things like this. Was that too fast? I'm sorry. I mean… I don't know what else to say. I've never had a meaningful relationship with a significant other. I've never felt this way for anyone. I don't know what else to call it. It's love right?"

"But…" Mary stammered, looking around the room wildly trying to compose words. "We just… We haven't… Not for long…"

"You mean known each other? I've known you for over ten years. Sure, I haven't felt this way for ten years. I had just found you attractive, and honestly you made me super nervous and I didn't want to be around you at all, but then…" I snapped my fingers. "… love."

"You're not saying this because you feel sorry for me, are you?"

"What? No! You mean because you had a terrible marriage? Because your husband died? I…" stopped to reword my sentence. "I respected Link. He made your life miserable and I don't think it was right of him to marry you, but he was a good friend of mine. I never really wanted you to be happy with him. I guess I was jealous… or something."

"No one's ever told me they loved me. Not really."

I pressed my mouth together. "I just did. And you know how I speak truths, even when people don't want to hear it." Up to that point, I didn't really think I was winning her over at all. She had been staring at me skeptically the entire time, no doubt finding everything I said bull shit, which honestly was a normal thing to expect from me.

But then she attacked me, kissing me so hard that I fell onto the table and broke all the cups.

I didn't outright ask Mary to be the Prince's nanny. I didn't think I had the right to ask her of anything, but she sort of just became when she realized how horrible I was with the baby. She came to visit so often, that eventually the King gave her and Lana quarters to stay in. She could return to her home if she wanted to, but both Mary and Lana rarely left the castle. Lana was given all the pretty dresses she ever wanted, though she only wore them for occasions she deemed extra special. She'd wear them when visiting the graves of her father and the Queen, where she'd thank Zelda for her dress and tell Link that she was doing alright without him. Lana seem to grow into a little adult, even helping with the baby to give Mary a rest. She'd disappeared often on her own, but she was never gone long enough for anyone to worry for too long.

I would wonder what exactly she was doing.

Mary loved the little Prince like he was her own son. I never thought I saw a happier woman with an infant in her arms. He kept her busy, but I was content to only watching them.

Mary and me had separate rooms, but we were always together anyway.

The third week in, we were in Mary and Lana's living quarters. The baby was moved around so often, we had multiple cribs. It annoyed the other guards because they had to constantly check on which doors they should be guarding. They gave us privacy which was all I cared about.

Sometimes I'd get up during the middle of the night to check on the baby. Since I never slept much I thought it would be something to do.

I left the bed without Mary stirring. The baby had been sleeping so I figured I just look at him for a few moments but he must have sense my presence, because even though I was completely silent, he woke as soon as I went into the room.

Damn. I never once didn't make this child cry. I didn't want to wake up Mary so I attempted to make him stop by holding him, even though it never worked in the past.

"Hi." I jumped about a foot into the air before spinning around and arming myself. I almost killed her, thinking she was an enemy.

"Shit Lana, don't scare me. Ever."

She rolled her eyes. "I feel like I'm always scaring you. Maybe you're a scaredy cat."

"What are you doing here?"

"I was just checking on him. I heard him cry before and after he went back to sleep, I didn't feel like leaving." She smiled at the child. "He always cries when you hold him," she giggled.

"No, really? Here you take him." I handed him over and after a moment of hugging and bouncing the infant, Lana got him laughing at her. "How come you're so good at that?"

"Because I love him. I love my little brother!"

I froze at that. "What did you say?"

"I had a dream," she said instead. "Daddy was in it." I didn't say anything. I stared at her, still weirded out. "He told me he was my brother."

I scoff. "No he's not…" I lied. "I mean that doesn't make sense, now does it?"

Lana gave me a look that I've seen Mary give me, and it didn't fit her small face. It was too mature looking. Then she stared out the window, still rocking the infant. "I'm not supposed to tell you this," she finally said. "But I trust you." She looked done. "I might have to go away for a while. To fix things for Daddy. I just need you to do me a favor. I need you watch over Mama for me."

"Where are you going?!" I asked in alarm.

"No where really. I won't be gone for long. Or it won't seem long to you. I'm going to find my Daddy."

"You can't see your Daddy," I said impatiently. I was feeling queazy. The same feeling I always felt when people around me said things that didn't make sense. Things that defied logic, like magic and legends.

"I know you might not understand. But there are places in other times that need heroes like my Daddy. He can't get there. I can. I have the ocarina. And my Daddy is inside me. So I'm going to bring him there."

She gave the baby back to me. "And eventually he'll have to come with me. But there's plenty of time for that later. We have all the time in the world." She looked up at me, very seriously. "Are you scared?"

"Kinda," I admitted.

"Well don't be. I got this."

I stared at her for a long time. Then I said, "We're playing a pretend game, aren't we?"

She paused for a second, thinking of my words before smiling and nodding her head. "Yes. I'm playing pretend with you!" she laughed. "Dummy."

"Hey! It's past your bed time! Don't make me get your mom…"

She gasped and ran out of the room into her own bedroom.

"What a weird kid," I commented to the Prince.

The baby cooed in responds. I was surprise I got any responds at all and looked down at him in shock.

"Yea?"

He giggled back.

"You're not screaming your head off right now…"

He reached out to me, trying to get a hold of something. He tried to grip my nose but his fingers were too small. It was the first time I had ever found him cute. He yawned, and my insides seem to melt all together. I could do this. I could. And I had Mary to help me if I needed her

It would be okay.

I still had an uncomfortable feeling from what Lana had said to me. Deep down I knew she had been serious. Lana was always serous.

I hated things like that. Prophecies, mages, magic, quests, destinies… All that shit I had been deathly afraid of and refused to acknowledge even though Zelda's entire existence was based off such crazy theories. I refused to believe it because I was afraid that things would go wrong. And they did go wrong. Everything went terribly wrong. And maybe that was because I ignored it and refused to believe.

But I was going to believe in Lana. I'd do it for Link and Zelda.

I had to, I realized. Because if I was ever going to forgive myself, I had to believe that they still lived on, somewhere, in sometime far away.

Besides, those bastards are god damn hard to kill. Nothing could stop those two when they had their mind set on something. They were probably fucking like rabbits right now, as a big fuck you to Time. "Isn't that right?" I asked the baby. "Your parents are fucking like rabbits. Yes they are! That's how they made you! I'm going to teach you everything you need to know before your sister takes you off on some adventure. You got that?"

The baby made a noise in answer.

"Yep. Like if you ever find the perfect girl, you better go after her. Are you listening? Because if you don't, you might not get laid for 20 years. You don't know what that's like. Don't let the the King talk you into that being okay, okay? You're not going to grow up to be some pussy prince. No siree. Not if I can help it. Besides, I know who your parents are, and they weren't pussies."

The Triforce mark on the baby's hand glinted.

"Hey try to keep that to yourself by the way. You have to keep cool so you don't get people suspicious and all up in your grill, you know?" He yawned. "Okay, it's time for you to sleep. You have to rest if you're going to save the world some day."

I laid him done in his crib, and he did not wake up and cry. Then I returned to bed with my redheaded goddess.