Disclaimer: I do not and never will own Pokémon or its respective characters, ideas, settings, plot, etc. I also do not own any direct quotes in this story from the games. I like including them, since this is set in the games. And since they're scattered all throughout the story, I'll just reiterate right now: I do not own them.

My Name? Catch M. Hall

Chapter 1: Offbeat Rhythm and Panic Attacks

It was the middle of the night, but someone forgot to inform the sun of that little tidbit.

I knew it was around twelve in the morning, but according to the rest of the world, I was very, very wrong.

Great, my circadian rhythm was malfunctioning, and now my eyes hurt from the sunlight. Less like twelve midnight and more like twelve noon.

Sorry, you'll have to excuse the snark. I'm a bit grumpy before I actually wake up. Plus, I don't like not knowing what's going on, and wait, why am I explaining all this?

My altruistic qualities choose the worst times to come out. Namely, when I don't need them to.

Ahem, back on topic of being weirded out, I also noticed another weird thing. Yeah. My life is full of them. Get used to it.

Okay, I really need my morning shower. I'm not ready to deal with the world before that happens.

Anyway, temporary ADD aside (yes, I was tested for it, and no, I was not positive! As in the medical condition, not my certainty) I noticed that I was not where I'd gone to bed the night before. Actually, I don't even remember falling asleep, much less being dragged who-knows-where.

Yeah. Anyone ever wake up and realize that they're not where they're supposed to be? Okay, I guess those that have gotten too drunk to breathe probably know what I'm feeling like. Anyone besides them? Okay, druggies and kidnappees, you can put your hands down.

Well, I guess quite a few of you have. Anyway, that's beside the point! I was a staunch anti-drug person (yeah, I know it's not cool to be anti-drugs, but I never gave a flip for what was cool or not), so I was pretty sure this wasn't because I'd sniffed some paint or downed too many shots. For one thing, I didn't have the raging hangover I was sure I'd have if I'd done the latter (only sure, because I'd never actually gotten a hangover, only a caffeine one, which really, was enough for me), and for another, I didn't sniff paint. I only struggled with daubing it on canvas (rather badly too- a five-year-old's scribblings could outdo me there).

Man, I just could not concentrate in the morning.

Focus, girl, focus.

I was slightly paranoid, so the last option of how I got here, kidnapping, I actually considered. And when I thought about it, I panicked.

Yeah, I was one of them. The panickers.

I felt like screaming, like gasping, like bending over and going: "lalalala!" with my fingers in my ears. But that wouldn't do me any good. I fought with myself for a good whole minute to get me out of my panicked-induced haze. Then I fought to control my breathing for another. And then another minute went by with me trying to calm myself down to think coherently.

After that, trying to think was like slogging through swamp muck. Slow, difficult, and frustrating.

I so wish I could be one of those stoic heroes that can always think insanely fast when needed. Unfortunately, I'm just a girl that's a little bit too paranoid for her own good.

Then again, maybe my paranoia was justified, considering the situation I was in.

However, with my obsession for reading about those strong, stoic types, I knew the steps I had to take to get into their mindset.

Breathe, calm yourself down, think. You can't panic. Don't think about your situation, or anything else (shit, don't think about it, don't think about it). Think about how to get out of it. Maybe an explanation? Yeah, that's good. Why does everything look so different? Why am I not tied up? Maybe they want me to lower my guard? Well, that's not happening.

I froze for a few seconds, like a frightened rabbit, trying hard not to breathe too loudly. Yeah, it really sucked. I was definitely on the prey end of the human spectrum.

Observation skills time. Okay, this I could handle. Whenever I got into my "scientific mode," then I got a whole lot calmer and analytical, something I desperately needed.

Okay. Note one: I was in a small grassy area, on a path, and obviously outside in the middle of summer during high noon. There was a ledge in front of me, and short and tall grass (it looked creepy, like somebody had only mown certain parts on purpose) all around, as well as trees. Note two: there was a sign next to that ledge. Note three: I had no idea what was behind me, but I was going for the sign.

Scientific mode over. I walked to the sign.

Route 1. Pallet Town – Viridian City. …What? Was this a prank?

I turned around. And froze. So there was a town behind me this whole time? What the—?

Well, it only had three buildings, so it was probably just a farm or a cluster of really close neighbors.

Creepy.

Anyway, civilization. If I was smart, I'd head for it.

Well, I didn't want to be dumb. I was called that enough as it was. So smart it'd have to be.

I walked into the grass.

"Hey! Wait! Don't come in!"

And cue a creepy old man, running as if his life depended on it, straight at me. A creepy, familiar-looking old man.

Oh shit.

Usually I didn't swear, but this moment called for it.

What the hell was a Professor Oak cosplayer doing here?

Skip the below if you're a first-time reader

Story FAQ
1. So is the main character a self-insert or not?
I originally wrote the first chapter with myself in mind, but I found myself changing things to make things a bit crazier. Soon enough I made her into an actual character, and not me. She's basically an amalgam of various people I know through real life, fantasy, and tropes. She is an OC, and a non-Sue.

2. Why did you start this fic?
I started this as a light-hearted crackfic to poke fun at the Pokémon video game world and highlight all its quirks from an outsider's perspective. However, in my quest to show how a person would realistically react to all of this, I have gone darker than I meant to. I don't really know what to call my fic genre anymore.

3. So-and-so Pokémon doesn't learn this move in so-and-so generation! And why isn't Bidoof in there?
This fic is based off the FireRed/LeafGreen games, so not only will it only have the first three generations of Pokémon in it, specifics like movesets and abilities are based off the FireRed/LeafGreen data. So if you see any elements that confuse you, this is why.

4. Why isn't Red a bishie with black hair and red eyes? Like the Lelouch clone fanart I see online!
Okay, first of all, you should know better than to consider fanart canon. Shame on you. Secondly, as this fic is based off the FireRed/LeafGreen games, he will look like the Red from those games, brown hair and all. But because I like Original Red too (as he looks like in the Sugimori pics) I shall include him somehow, never fear fellow O-Red fans.

5. What's up with Green/Blue/Gary's name?
Ohhh, boy. This question. Our protagonist calls Red's rival "Green." However, "Blue" is how everybody else calls him. "Gary" is from the anime, by the way. I don't think he's game-canon at all except for Pokémon Yellow. This Blue/Green discrepancy is due to the fact that in the original Japanese releases, Red and Green were released together, and the protagonist named "Red" had a rival named "Green." However, in the English releases, Red and Blue were released together. Thus in English-speaking countries they renamed the rival "Blue" to match up with the games instead of "Green" like he was originally called. Our protagonist is aware of this, and prefers the original Japanese version, but as the version of FireRed/LeafGreen she plays is in English, the rival is named "Blue."

6. Do you like waffles?
Yeah I like waffles! And pancakes and french toast!