AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Yea, yea, yea. Get mad, get angry, curse me out, throw flaming apples, then shackle me to the stake and flambé my ass. I KNOW that it has been MONTHS since I even thought of this story – and honestly, I have not a sufficient excuse except that life sucks like hell, I lost my writing spark, and that I have been brooding in a cave made of mussed covers and glaring from the inside.

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Weeeell, it could be that OR the fact that I'm writing this while it's my time of the month. Seriously, I'm in the mood the give the Gods the middle finger because this shit HURTS. I mean why Lord, WHY? Why not tell your daughter (Mother Nature) to stop being an ice pick up the butt and not torture us innocent ones that don't go around spitting fire on the world? Why not just calmly walk to our doors, smile prettily, and say, "Congrats! You're not pregnant! See you next month!" then pat us on the shoulder and walk away? Is that such a hard thing! I mean I think I should have some credit for being 17 and NOT being pregnant. I am a rare species – and virgin to boot! (That's right. And I'm damn proud of it. For those who think otherwise, you can go shove a shiny metal stick up your ass and get the fuck off my page. -_- Some girls are actually more respectful of their bodies and BELIEVE in not tossing it away just to seem cool. Yep, that's right, I'm laughing at all of those who did just for that reason – and THEN ended up pregnant (and at a young age) to boot. *shrugs* call me evil all you want. But hey, that's just my opinion. Screw around to your hearts content. ^_^ who am I to judge? And for those who may have been forced into such conditions or something along those lines, I deeply apologize. This is not, under any circumstance, aimed at you. In fact, I applaud those who are able to stand up and take responsibility as a strong, young woman. Be proud and continue on. But for those that happen to pop out babies because they are simply reckless –or worse, for the check? Shame on you all!)

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Ok, I'm done ranting.

But let us get back to why I posted this and why you are reading it. (Though I'm pretty sure most are even more pissed than when they came due to my little rant. Hehe good. 3: ) So, I bet you're dying to know, "Lilmama, are you going to even continue and finish the story?" *sigh* Well, to put you at ease, yes. I have slowly gained my writing spark back and now feel up to the task of stirring up the whole Twilight world to my satisfaction.

BUT.

There lie a few problems with this. First, I have become sorely attached to Jasper/Bella pairing (even Carlisle/Bella. -_- Don't judge me, even if the pairing doesn't make sense, and Esme don't deserve it. Carlisle is hot and – let's be honest – in the fanfiction world, Bella's a whore. She's even paired up with *shudders* Aro. *face grows green* so I see no reason to justify myself) and I honestly believe that Bella doesn't deserve Jacob. (And rightfully so. I mean that girl has put our lovesick puppy through hell. *pout*) So I'm going to have to reach deep inside myself and find my inner writer who is sobbing for Bella and Jacob to end up together. *Rolls eyes* and trust, the seed of love that I have planted will no longer be ignored. I will help and allow it to grow. (Besides, I still think that choosing Edward over Jacob is the most sickening thing Bella has ever done. And I'm not saying this because I hate Edward…..ok maybe a little – but I do think that he is … um… cool? To a certain extent? *looks to speech writer in the corner* Look, I can't say that with a straight face. Robert is a great actor and has the most sexy eyes and smile to me – but Edward sucks.

*speech writer gives bland look*

*pout* Look! Their so called 'love' is sickening and unhealthy and Edward is a prick who is controlling and …and… - look! I'm not going through this with you!

*speech writer gives pointed look*

Ugh! Even if you're me! I don't - *pinch nose and sigh* ANYWAY. *looks up at disturbed readers* sorry bout that. My mind has been a little frazzled these few months. *looks around.* now where was I …?

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AH, YES! THE STORY! Heehee! ^_^ well, other than my strange addiction to Bella being paired up with Jasper and Carlisle, I have taken notice and consideration to the nearly non-existent plot I have here. Hey, don't grab the rotten tomatoes and the crucifix yet! *hides behind computer desk* I know where I want this story to go and even the key points in the story that is needed. Heck, I even dipped into the second part that will follow up to this story a little bit. But I'm just scrambling to get all the small details just right, ok?

And that brings me to another point. Listening to a certain reader, I looked back on the last chapter and agreed – I hate that chapter and the way I threw together a bunch of crap and muddled thoughts before slapping on a weird and torn Emmett who seemed to try too hard at humor before posting it up for you to read. So! I'm going to be taking that chapter down (is case you're wondering what happened to it) and I'm going to rewrite and hopefully make it better. The last thing I want it for you to be displeased and lost with what you're reading (though honesty, that's unavoidable. But hey, I'm trying. *shrugs*)

Hmm… is that it? Meh, mostly. So I'm working on the next three chapters as we speak, counting the last chapter that I'm redoing. (I certainly owe that for putting up with my crap) and I guess I will see you soon! ^_^ the latest being a week from now because I just started back writing and such. ^_^;

So! With all that being said, if you're still up for an adventure into my even more unstable and bi-polar mind, join me in Lilmama's Wonderland next week! Where Unicorns rock tattoos, burp rainbows, and sing R5 songs while pixies serve Dr. peps on an edible cookie tray!

Orrrr you can just come because you love me and you care.

*readers gives a pointed look towards crucifix*

^_^; ….. please, just think, if you do that, the story will NEVER be finished.

*readers toss rotten tomatoes repeatedly, silently glaring*

-_- … Fine, be that way. But said chapters will be posted soon.

Regardless of the bad vibes that's playing this website like street ball, I love you all! Catch me later my little newborns and pups! ^_~ Mwah!

Ja ne!

~ Lilmama