Hello! Happy New Year! May 2018 meet any hopes you have for it.

I need to thank all of you for the amazing reviews I got for the last chapter. I can hardly believe people are reading this, let alone taking time to drop a review and that means a lot to me. It really does.

I'm not entirely satisfied with this chapter- they're mostly talking but I hope it will at least answer some of your questions.

(I'm done rambling now.)

God, I'm so pathetic.

Santana sighs, frowning as she scribbles a couple of notes on a legal pad. She has a couple of books opened on the desk in front of her, a steaming cup of coffee to her right, working on an upcoming hearing that's going to take place back in New York, a couple of weeks from now.

Leaning back on her chair, she absentmindedly looks at her anonymous hotel room. Everything is tastefully decorated but she can't help but feel a little depressed. It has no soul. Her clothes are neatly folded, all of her toiletries aligned on the bathroom counter and it makes her wonder when exactly she became that much of a neat freak, when she used to be so messy.

Santana sighs for a second time, slowly getting up as she stretches her arms above her head. She makes her way to the window right next to the desk, indulging herself in the great view of downtown Cleveland she has from the twelfth floor.

It's Saturday night and she can almost feel the bustling of the city below her, friends gathering for drinks and lovers on date nights.

It's Saturday night and she has nothing better to do than work. Sad thing is, she thinks to herself as she rests her forehead on the cold glass, she most likely would be doing the exact same thing if she were in New York.

Still, tonight, especially tonight, she wishes she'd have someone to take her out. Or even just hang out. She's well aware turning twenty-seven is not that big of a deal, and she has never been one to fuss over birthdays, but it would have been nice.

The brunette can't help but wonder what is Brittany doing on a Saturday like this one. She imagines she'd maybe be watching a movie with Oliver, both cuddled under a blanket. Or at a bar, doing karaoke with Juliet.

Lately, Santana can't seem to get the blonde out of her head, as hard as she tries to. They went bowling yesterday and the Latina had felt the happiest she had been in a while. Carefree. Remembers it's always the effect Brittany had on her back in high school- she calmed, soothed her even- and apparently, there are some things time can't change.

They had played foosball, waiting for Oliver while he was with his friends, Santana unable to stop smiling as she watched the blonde in front of her concentrate intensely, pulling the same face she used to make whenever she would struggle with homework. And as Santana remembered that she would usually kiss that look away, homework quickly forgotten as they would inevitably end up in one of their beds, it dawned on her that whatever they had been doing for the past two weeks, they couldn't just keep doing it without having a conversation.

Too much has been left unsaid between them, and for way too long.

Santana sits on the edge of her bed, closing her eyes. Seeing Brittany again has brought back a ton of memories and if she's honest with herself, she won't be able to build something with the blonde again – whatever that something is, friendship perhaps- if she doesn't get some closure first. They ended things so abruptly and chaotically- Quinn's farewell party, their horrible fight in the bathroom, the look of hurt in those blue eyes that haunted her for weeks after- and some of her questions have been unanswered for eight years.

As rational as she's trying to be though, she can't deny the mere thought of revisiting the past with Brittany scares her. She has worked her ass off to get over her.

Just as she's about to order something from room service, there's a light knock on the door. At first, Santana wonders if she has imagined it but a louder one follows a couple of seconds later.

She frowns, heading towards the door, slightly apprehensive. It's almost eight o'clock and nobody knows she's in Cleveland.

Santana peeks through the hole in the door, frown deepening when she sees that the person standing at her door is turning their back away from her, green hoodie on their head.

Man up, Lopez.

She opens the door, as wide as the chain she has purposefully left on lets her.

"Can I help you?" She has her bitch voice on, sounding much more confident than she actually feels.

Santana's breath hitches in her throat when the stranger turns around, all too familiar blue eyes meeting her confused brown ones.

Brittany's standing in front of her with a sheepish smile, old coat over a green hoodie and there's a flutter in her stomach Santana can hardly ignore when her eyes travel down the length of the blonde's arm to her hand.

Brittany's holding a single cupcake, a small red candle on top of it, her other hand fiddling with a lighter.

"Happy birthday Santana."

The grin on the blonde's face is contagious as she hands her the cupcake, Santana unable to do anything but mirror it, delicately taking the desert in her own hands.

"Oh my god Brittany, how did you- I mean, you didn't have to…" She trails off, the persistent flutter in her chest keeping her from forming a decent sentence.

"I know, but I wanted to." Brittany quickly takes off her hoodie, revealing slightly tousled blonde hair, "Sorry, it's snowing outside and I forgot my hat", she runs a hand through her hair, not really helping the state of it but Santana can't help but find her beautiful. Brittany has always been effortlessly able to pull this messy look much better than she ever was.

She's suddenly painfully aware of her bun, reading glasses and overworn Columbia t-shirt.

"How did you find me?"

"Ah, a lady never tells", Santana raises an eyebrow, earning her a smile from Brittany, "You may or may not have mentioned the Four Seasons last time we saw each other so it was pretty easy from there. I just asked for Santana Lopez at the front desk, they told me and tada."

"You're so sneaky."

"It's one of my many qualities."

They stare at each other, grinning, and it hits Santana that she has missed Brittany, even though she saw the other woman only yesterday.

"I didn't mean to-"

"Would you like to-"

They both stop mid-sentence, Santana awkwardly clearing her throat, "Sorry, go ahead."

Brittany gestures towards her room, glancing over the brunette's shoulder, "I was just going to say that I didn't mean to interrupt on whatever you were doing. I just wanted to drop by and give you this, I half expected you to be there to be honest…"

Santana shakes her head, sarcasm evident in her voice. "Nop, here I am, in on a Saturday night, on my birthday. I'm unbelievably wild."

It makes the blonde chuckle.

"And for the record, I was working on a case but I'm actually grateful for the distraction."

"OK then." Brittany shoves her hands in her pockets, "Can I- well, can I come in?"

"Oh, god, yes, of course", Santana hurriedly replies, taking the chain off before opening the door wider to let the blonde in. Brittany brushes past her and she can't help but notice the faint smell of lavender surrounding the blonde woman.

Santana shuts the door, taking a deep breath and as she turns around, she finds Brittany looking curiously at the books and papers scattered over the desk.

"This all looks so complicated, I don't know how you manage to remember all these laws and fancy words. Sorry, I didn't mean to pry or anything." Brittany adds the last words hastily, taking a step away from the desk.

"It's ok, I don't mind. And honestly, it's not that bad. I had a harder time remembering it all for my college exams though, the teachers were merciless."

Brittany laughs, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, revealing a couple of piercings Santana doesn't remember her having back in high school.

"I'm sure you did just fine. You're kind of a nerd Lopez."

Santana scoffs, "I resent that. I'm a total badass."

"You're a nerdy badass, at the very least."

They exchange a smile, Santana gesturing towards her t-shirt. "Sorry for my outfit by the way, I wasn't expecting company…"

"I love your glasses." The blonde's voice is sincere, blue eyes briefly trailing over the Latina's features.

Santana opens her mouth then closes it, hoping the blood she just felt rushing to her face doesn't show.

"You don't have to keep holding it you know."

Santana looks down, realizing she's still holding the small cupcake in her hands like it's some kind of precious gem. Notices the way it's decorated- white icing with gold glitters, wrapped in a flowery paper.

"Where did you get it?" She asks, putting it carefully on top of one of her books.

A shy smile plays on Brittany's lips, "Uh, well, I did it myself. We were baking cupcakes with Oliver this morning and I figured I could decorate one for your birthday."

There's a warmth in Santana's chest as she thinks of Brittany in her small kitchen, decorating a cupcake especially for her. It's a simple gesture and yet, it makes her feel happy.

"Thank you again, Britt."

Brittany shuffles her feet, light blush on her cheeks, "It's really nothing, but I'm glad you like it. You still have to make a wish though."

She takes a few steps closer to Santana, lighting up the candle.

"I know you think it's a weird tradition", Brittany says, reading Santana's mind, raising a playful eyebrow when she sees the Latina's about to protest, "You never wanted to blow your candles at any birthday parties I ever thrown for you, arguing it was pointless and unsanitary, but tonight, humor me."

The blonde flashes her a smile, Santana mumbling as she bends a little over the small cake, "People end up spitting on the whole cake, it is a little unsanitary…"

"Come on grumpy, make a wish."

Brittany's warm hand settles for a brief moment on Santana's lower back, surprising her, but it's gone before she has even time to dwell on it.

"Ok, ok, fine."

She doesn't really know what to wish for and in the end, she goes for the first thing that pops into her mind.

She wishes for Oliver and Brittany to be happy, blowing the candle as the blonde claps.

"What did you wish for?"

Santana cocks an eyebrow, meeting inquiring blue eyes, "Can't tell you, sorry."

"That was worth a shot."

"Would like to share it?" The brunette gestures towards the cupcake, slowly taking out the candle, putting it on the desk.

"Sure", a beat, "I almost called you last year, on your birthday. There was a Fleetwood Mac's song on the radio and I thought what are the odds of that song playing on Santana's birthday…"

"Why didn't you?" The words leave Santana's mouth before she can think twice. It's so quiet she half-heartedly hopes the blonde didn't hear her. Realizes she did when blue eyes are on her, watching her intently. "Why didn't you call me?"

Brittany looks down, nervously playing with a ring on her thumb, "I- I don't know… I guess I wouldn't have known what to say to you after, well, happy birthday…", a pause, "I did call you though. Back then, after Quinn's going-away party. More times than I can even remember."

Santana feels her heart pounding fast in her chest, the mention of Quinn's party lingering between them. She knew Brittany would eventually- inevitably- mention these calls.

"Why didn't you answer me?", it's Brittany's turn to whisper, eyes glued to the floor, "You never tried to reach me again after- after everything that happened."

Santana bites her bottom lip, clasping her hands together because the memories flooding back to her mind bring her back to a time she wishes she could just forget.

"I didn't answer because, well, because you were with Sam."

Brittany frowns, "What?"

Santana swallows, hating how she has such a hard time finding the right words whenever she talks with the blonde, "Never mind. It's- there's no point."

The Latina misses the flash of hurt in Brittany's blue eyes.

"Tell me, Santana." There's a silence as the blonde seemingly gathers her thoughts. "I think I deserve to know."

It's weird that out of all the people Santana used to hang out with back in Glee club, she's about to have dinner with Tina and Mike.

She's back in town for the weekend and to her surprise, got a text from Tina asking if she wanted to go out.

It's Friday night and college has been kicking her ass since it started so she figured, why not. Even put on one of her old dresses she found at the back of her closet, one that's a little shorter than what she wears nowadays, along with a pair of black heels.

As she's applying her make-up, she tries not to think about the person she's doing all of this for. She almost (almost) convinces herself she doesn't want to look as amazing as possible just in case she runs into Brittany tonight. Lima is a small town after all.

At the thought of the blonde, her eyes absentmindedly drift towards her phone, sitting silently on her desk.

Santana leans both her hands on the vanity in front of her, the mirror reflecting her dark brown eyes. If she's honest with herself, they've been missing a certain glint for the past few weeks.

Actually, her whole body feels like it's missing something.

Brittany.

Santana misses her in a way she never thought possible. It's as if every little corner of her mind is filled with her and everything she sees, everything she smells, everything she reads relate to her in some way.

Ever since their fight, she has hardly been able to function properly. Keeps replaying it in her mind, wondering how and why it went so horribly wrong.

She briefly closes her eyes, remembering how they both finally said they were over. In that moment, Brittany had never felt so far away from her and she just had to get away from everything. Had bumped into Quinn on her way out- the blonde had shouted at her to come back but she had kept on going, not wanting anyone to witness her crying like that.

The worst thing though, Santana thinks as she checks her purse to make sure she has everything, trying not to notice the pang in her chest, is how she never thought in a million years Brittany would cheat on her.

Granted, they had been sort of broken up after Santana sang to her in the choir room- what an incredibly idiotic move she had made, feels like she's never going to forgive herself for thinking even for a second this was the right thing to do- but she still thought they would eventually end up together.

She had come to Quinn's party with the absurd hope that Brittany would take her back. Santana had wanted to tell her there was no other unicorns but her. That she was a fucking dumbass for even thinking she would last a day without her. That she had gotten into Columbia, starting Law school in September- Louisville had been a mistake- and wanted her to come to New York as soon as possible

That she was head over heels, madly in love with her.

So when Brittany told her she had been with Sam, Santana had felt like she had just received a slap. Could hardly breathe as the blonde tried to explain it to her, her mind unable to register anything other than what she had just learned. Images of Brittany and Sam instantly flashing before her eyes, an irrational anger building up.

Santana sighs, quickly locking the door to her parents' house- they knew she would be in town for the weekend, didn't even bother to make time for her- a cab waiting in front of it.

She can't quite explain why she got so angry. Why she still is.

Dinner goes by quickly, Santana surprisingly enjoying herself as Mike and Tina bring her up to speed with McKinley's latest gossips. Finds herself missing that bunch of nerds. Hell, even Mr Schue. She absolutely loves the freedom she gets to experience now that she's in college but has to admit it feels lonely at times. She doesn't make friends easily and she has spent her time so far either studying at the library or simply lying in her tiny dorm room, head filled with Brittany.

After dinner, they decide to head to a pub nearby where apparently Tina knows someone who won't mind giving them drinks despite their age.

Santana almost says no but decides against it at the last minute, telling her mind to shut up when a little voice whispers it's because she's still hoping to run into Brittany.

The pub is crowded and the Latina is grateful for the loud music and hectic atmosphere.

They start by doing shots and she knows she has had one too many when Tina grabs her arm, pulling her towards the exit with a concerned look.

"Come on Santana, let's get you some fresh air."

She's about to protest but almost trips, giggling to herself. "Why are you walking so fast, I'm wearing heels you know…"

Tina holds the door for her, small smile playing on her lips, "I actually don't know how you manage to walk with these Lopez."

Santana steadies herself on the wall next to the pub's entrance, shrugging. "I was just trying to look sexy..."

The other woman laughs, leaning next to her, "You didn't have to go through all that trouble for us, you know."

"I put them on for-" Santana interrupts herself, frowning, and Tina must sense how the mood suddenly shifted because she puts a comforting hand on the Latina's forearm.

"How have you been doing?"

"College is a little harder than I expected it and I haven't had the chance to make any friends yet but-"

"You know that's not what I meant." Tina's voice is quiet. "Have you talked to her?"

Santana shakes her head, "She has tried calling me but, I -I haven't been able to answer her…"

"Why's that?"

"Because I always fuck everything up." Santana hates how weak she sounds.

Tina's about to say something when the door opens again, revealing a grinning Mike, beer in hand.

"Hey guys! I've been looking for you. Everything ok?" He adds the last words after a small pause, eyes darting between the two of them. "Am I interrupting anything?" He suddenly looks awkward, rubbing the back of his head with his free hand.

Tina shots a quick look at Santana, "Yeah, we were just talking about… Brittany." She realizes her mistake when her boyfriend smiles at the mention of their friend, taking a few steps towards them.

"It's a shame Britt and Sam couldn't make it to the pub. I texted them earlier, but Sam told me they already had plans."

The words cut right through Santana as she leans heavily on the wall behind her, desperate for support. She feels dizzy all of a sudden and there's an ache in her stomach that almost makes her want to vomit.

Brittany. Sam. Together. Her mind is blank apart from those three words.

She can feel Tina's nervous eyes on her as Mike keeps on talking.

"I think they were going to see that new action movie, you know Tina, the one I told you about-"

"Oh my god Mike shut up." Tina hits him on the shoulder, throwing another look at Santana, Mike protesting immediately.

Santana ignores their bickering as she closes her eyes, breathing in deeply. She feels like punching the wall. Can hardly believe the blonde has moved on so quickly. Feels so naïve for even hoping things would work out in the end.

She suddenly pushes herself off the wall, faintly hearing Tina's calling her name as she goes back into the pub. Walks straight to the bar, orders five tequila shots. Santana knows deep down that this is far from being a good decision but there's a sharp pain in her chest she desperately needs to numb.

Tina joins her a minute later, sitting on the stool next to hers. Stops her from downing her third shot.

"She's not the same when you're not around, you know. She misses you Santana."

Santana's heart swells momentarily, hopeful, before she has to remind herself that Brittany is currently out on a date with Sam.

Instead, she puts her bitch face on, snorting. "I'm sure Sam is replacing me just fine." Swallows another shot, grimacing when the harsh liquid hits the back of her throat. "Now, let me gets my drinks on, will you?"

Santana knows she's being unfair, knows Tina is just trying to help but her walls went back up the moment Mike mentioned Brittany and Sam and right now, all she wants is to forget.

It's a couple of hours later, when Santana has had more drinks than she can remember, that Tina grabs her firmly, snaking an arm around her waist.

"Tina, you're still there!" The Latina practically shouts, way beyond drunk. Almost falls over a table, Tina catching her just in time.

"Damn, Santana, be careful." The Asian woman has kept an eye on Santana the whole night, knowing it would not be wise to try and stop her from drinking but wanting to at least get her home safe. "You stink by the way."

Santana lets out a laugh, stumbling out of the pub and into the cold night before she twirls on the spot, "I spilled beer on myself."

Mike follows behind them, exchanging worried looks with Tina.

"Ok Santana, let's get you home."

Santana's eyes are unfocussed and foggy as she nods a few times, letting Tina guide her towards the other end of the street where she knows they're sure to find taxis waiting on a Friday night.

They walk in silence for a couple of blocks before Tina hears a small whimper to her right, head turning to find tears rolling down Santana's face, mascara already smudging under her eyes.

"I miss her Tina, I miss her…"

"Oh god, Santana…"

The Latina looks completely and utterly broken and it saddens her beyond words to see her like that. Gone is the mighty Santana Lopez who used to rule McKinley. Instead, watery brown eyes meet hers and she has never seen Santana look so… small.

"I destroy everything that's good in my life, that's what I do." The Latina trips again, falling into Mike's arms as she lets out a string of Spanish curses. "I'm such a coward…" The words are slurred as Mike sits her down gently on the ground, a protective arm around her shoulder.

"Why didn't she choose me?" Santana chokes out a sob and Tina doesn't really know what to say, "why is she with him?"

Santana looks out the window, afraid to meet Brittany's eyes. She doesn't really know if there was even a point in telling that story to the blonde. Feels uneasy at how vulnerable it made her sound, even though she made sure to leave out the whole part where she drunkenly sobbed in the street.

The silence that settles in the hotel room is heavy, Santana surprised to find the mere thought of Brittany with Sam still makes her feel angry, even after all these years.

Brittany's quiet voice almost startles her after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence. "Sam and I, it was never like… I mean, it didn't have anything to do with… what we had. You and I."

Their eyes lock, Santana willing her heart to stop whatever it's currently doing. It's been so long since she has heard Brittany refer to them as a we.

"You really were with him then?"

Brittany runs a hand though her hair, sighing. "Yes."

"Oh." Santana tries to ignore the sting caused by that simple word.

"I was lost when you left. I needed someone and he was there." Brittany looks away, frowning. "But I don't think I ever was in love with him or anything. For what it's worth."

Something that oddly resembles relief fleetingly crosses the Latina's mind as she absentmindedly toys with one of her bright highlighters. She doesn't have time to dwell on it before the blonde speaks again, voice even quieter than before.

"I missed you too, you know."

Santana quickly looks up, eyes meeting blue ones already on her. Forgets to breathe for a second when she sees the whirlwind of emotions contained there.

"I nearly failed all my classes, dropped out of the Cheerios. I didn't feel like anything was worth putting any effort into if you were not there with me."

The Latina barely moves, wanting to hear what Brittany has to say. She's not quite sure if this will change anything after all these years but at least, she's glad they finally get to talk about what happened.

"I'm grateful for my friends in Glee Club, they were the ones who helped me to get back on my feet and graduate high school."

Santana shifts on her seat, biting her lip. Wishes she would have been there to watch Brittany climb on the stage, diploma in hand.

"You would have loved it." It's almost as if Brittany can read her mind, a smile playing on her lips. "Rachel was there and burst out into a song before they were even done calling our names."

Santana can't help but laugh loudly, "Let's face it, that was to be expected."

The heavy tension that had settled between them after Santana's story lessens, the Latina grateful for Brittany's comment. She's aware there are still some things that need to be said but they have already made big steps tonight.

She feels the need to say one more thing though. "I'm really proud of you Britt. For graduating and everything. I always knew you'd make it."

Brittany's cheeks turn pink, the piece of cupcake she had been bringing to her mouth forgotten mid-air, "I- thank you."

"I mean it." Santana grabs her own half of the cupcake, trying to find something to distract herself from Brittany's intense gaze. "I was about to order something from room service when you arrived but now I feel like going out to grab a bite. Care to join me?"

Curses her voice for sounding so hopeful.

"Sure. Oli's spending the weekend at Juliet's place so I'm free as a bird."

Santana raises an eyebrow questioningly, mouth too full of cupcake to speak.

"She's his godmother", Brittany adds quickly, picking up on the Latina's unspoken question, "they do that every once in a while. I'm pretty sure she feeds him almost exclusively chocolate and lets him play video games but it makes him happy."

Santana swallows, tongue darting out to retrieve a bit of frosting on her upper lip. "Your cupcake is insanely good by the way. You're gonna have to give me your recipe."

"Santana Lopez cooking. I'd pay to see that."

"Very funny." Can't help grinning.

"Woud you like me to buy you an apron as well?"

"Oh, shut up Pierce.

Brittany chuckles, getting up. "Shall we?"

Was it at least a little enjoyable? I don't know how I feel about their conversation. Please, let me know? A review would be greatly appreciated! (Or a fist bump? Dare I ask for a hug?)

Next chapter: they go out and talk some more. (What a cliffhanger.)