Authors Note:

Thanks for reading! Please review : ) Hope you liked it.

Love,

JMO

It's been a full two weeks since you've been home. You're physically here but not mentally and it's killing me. I can't figure out what's worse? You being gone or you being here and gone at the same time. You don't sleep, you don't eat, and you don't even carry a conversation long enough for me to ask you if there is anything I can do to help you. Sometimes when I walk into the living room I can see you sitting in front of the fire place staring into space and when I make a noise you flinch like I hit you or something. Right now you're sitting on the bed and it's been an hour and a half since you've been sitting in the same position not speaking or moving, just staring. I slowly walk up to you and whisper, "Britt Britt?" you surprise me when you speak because I wasn't expecting you to answer me.

You slowly turn your head to look at me, "I can't get up." I walk over to you and bend down and wrap my arms around your waist and look up at you, "What do you mean baby? Are you tired? Does anything hurt?" You look down into my eyes and for the first time I can see the pain covering your deep blue eyes, your whisper is so soft and broken, "I can't move. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't breathe. It was so cold out there… Puck tried so hard to keep me warm but after a while cuddling wasn't enough anymore. I was so excited when I saw people walking our way but they weren't good people. Sometimes when I try to close my eyes I can feel the hits or I can hear the screams… Puck took most of the beatings for me most of the time but sometimes he'd be too hurt."

I want to throw up. Hearing about someone touching you in the wrong way makes me burn inside. I let you keep speaking, "They knew who you were… If I fought back they would have hurt you." You choked out a sob and I quickly sat on the bed with you and wrapped you in my arms tightly and whispered in your ear, "You're safe now. I'm right here. I wont let anything happen to you okay?" You cried harder than I have ever heard you cry before, "I don't know how to get back up." I knew you didn't mean physically but mentally. "It's okay, its okay. We'll do whatever it takes." You wrapped your arms around my waist, holding on as if your life depended on it.

"I cant let you get hurt Santana, what if they hurt you?" I kissed your hair over and over again, "Then I'll go all Lima Heights on their asses. I'm safe, I'm not going anywhere." You nodded and after 20 minuets of me holding you and letting you cry you whispered softly, "Can you help me take a bath? I try but I get so scared and I end up-" I cut you off and kissed your head, "Anything you need baby. I'm here every step of the way. Do you want bubbles in the bath?"

You nodded and for a brief moment I could have sworn I saw a smirk, "Please." I got up and ran the bath for you and held your hand all the way to the bathroom, "Do you need help undressing?" You started to cry again so I cupped your face in my hands, "Hey hey don't cry its okay. Baby look at me, Its okay if you need help." You nodded so I slowly started lifting your sweatshirt over your head and helped you take off the rest. When you turned around to get in the tub I saw all the scars across your back and I whispered, "Britt.." You froze and in an instant I regret bringing that to light. I was just so upset seeing that someone hurt you. It makes me so sick to my stomach. You took a deep breath and sat in the tub. As I'm washing your hair I lean into your ear and whisper, "We're going to get through this okay? I love you." For the first time you don't say it back.

Three weeks later it's my birthday. You're not so scared anymore but how would I know? All you do is go out to hang out with Puck then come home late at night. I can't blame you for that though because you two have been through so much together. I want to know everything Britt. I want to make things okay for you again but all you ever do is push me away. I don't know how to deal with this but I'm more than willing to hold your hand every step of the way until you're better but every time I try you give me an attitude. Quinn and Rachel are throwing me a birthday party later tonight and for once in a while I'm excited for something. You're getting dressed so I walk in the room and you turn around and sigh, "Don't you ever knock?" I'm taken back by this and I cant help but feel like you're blaming me for something. I shake my head, "Why would I? This is my room too Brittany. You're my wife. I don't need to knock." You don't say anything so I try again, "So where are you going today?" You shrug, "Pucks."

I sit on the bed and look at you, "Will you be here later tonight for my party?" For a minute you look slightly confused, "It's my birthday today Brittany.." You stop what your doing and I can see the guilt wash over your face. You look at me for the first time today, "I knew that.. I'll be there." Just as your about to walk out the door you turn around and kiss my head really quickly, "Happy Birthday." and in that moment I knew you forgot which I don't blame you for. You have a lot on your mind these days. Hours later and I bought a dress that I'm 100% sure you'll love on me. Most people are already here but I don't care about any of them. I just want you here. Quinn walks up to me, "How do you like your party so far?" I put on the best fake smile I can, "I love it Q. Thanks." I know she knows something's wrong, "Where's Britt?" I just shrug and take a shot from the table, "Puck." She knows not to keep prying on the subject. Both of our families are here tonight. Your sister comes up to me, "Happy birthday San!" I lean into her hug, "Thanks!" My mom is the first one to ask, "How are you doing Santana?" I'm trying to focus on our conversation but all I can think about is how you said you'd be here.

Hours past by and soon everyone is standing around me singing "Happy birthday to you." And after I blow out the candles and look at everyone laughing, dancing, and having a good time I just want to be alone. I walk fast to the bathroom and take a deep breath. All our close friends seem to know because Quinn, Rachel, Sam and Mercedes are right behind me. That same sinking feeling I felt when you weren't here for Christmas or part of New Years kicks in as I put my hands on the sink and look down whispering hopelessly, "She said she'd be here…" For the first time since you got home I start to cry and I can't stop. Sam picks me up bridal style as I cry into his neck. He brings me across the hall to our bedroom. They don't say anything. What am I supposed to do when tears are pouring down my face in front of everyone we know? What am I supposed to do when the most important person in my life didn't even show up to my birthday party?

After the party was over and things were cleaned up and everyone left I'm still in my dress while I put the cake on the counter. You walked through the door and I didn't even bother looking at you. You place your keys on the table as you walk over to me, "San I'm so sorry…" I just nod and keep cleaning around the kitchen, "Me too." I walk over to our bedroom look in the mirror and start to put my hair up. I can see you staring at me through the mirror, "You don't have to be so mad.." I stop what I'm doing and turn to face you, "I don't have to be mad? Is that what you just said? Jesus Christ Brittany you're my wife and you didn't even come home for my damn birthday party." You just stare at me, "I said I was sorry."

I shake my head no, "I bought this dress today… Not for me… For you. To impress you tonight and you didn't even-" I stopped what I was saying, "You know what Britt just forget it." I start to walk away but I stop when I hear the anger in your voice, "You don't know anything. I'm sorry I forgot your fucking birthday but forgive me if that's the last thing on my mind right now." I know you don't mean it but it still hurts so bad hearing you say that. I turn around again facing you,

"I don't know anything because you don't talk to me!" It startled me to hear myself raise my voice like that. I started to cry, "I sat here all night having people ask me about you and all I could say was you said you'd be here! You're hurting I get that but let me in! You're married to me not Puck so act like it! Tell me what your thinking!" You rose your voice higher than mine, "You'll never understand!" I yelled back, "Make me understand!" I cried harder, "Stop running from this! There's nowhere else to go! This is my life now too!" You didn't say anything this time but I could see something broke inside of you. The wall you were building to keep me out crumbled. You pulled me into a tight hug and whispered over and over, "I'm so sorry…" I held you tight,

"I need you to open up to me. I want to help you get better but I cant do that if you keep shutting me out." You nodded in agreement and pulled away and wiped my tears and leaned in. I haven't actually kissed you on the lips since you got back and I didn't think I'd be so nervous like I am now. As soon as our lips met I wanted to explode. It felt like a million little stars aligning. You gently pushed me on the bed and we made out for a while like we were two teenagers. I know we weren't going any further than this and I'm okay with that. Whenever you're ready, then I'm ready. You pulled away breathing heavy, "Your birthday isn't over yet… Do you want to take a shower with me?" I agreed. We didn't have steamy shower sex. We just held each other close and washed each others hair and in that moment I have never felt so close to you than now. I'm determined to make you better. We can do this together.