Chapter 1

I walk around Beika as the sun starts to set. The colors are a bright mix of red and orange with a hint of blue peeking through. The streetlights become lit as the darkness surrounds me like a blanket. It felt cold and empty as I began to wonder about my life as Kudou Shinichi and Edogawa Conan.

It has been three years since I became Edogawa Conan. It has been less than two years since Haibara has stopped making temporary antidote since she cannot go any higher than twenty-four hours or get a permanent cure for my predicament. It has been a little over seven months since I called Ran to tell her that I will not coming home at all due to the case I have worked on for since my disappearance from her life. I have become nothing but a ghost to her since that day at Tropical Land.

That right. I am nothing, but a ghost that has haunted and confused her since that day I met her as a child to the disappearance at Tropical Land. I played with her emotions and become selfish into thinking that everything would be back to normal in a few months. Unfortunately, I was wrong. I am still Edogawa Conan to her and a ghost of Kudou Shinichi when it comes to similarities and actions of being myself. It is my fault that she is like this and I take full responsibility for what she dishes out at her 'little brother' for the rest of my life.

It started a little over one year after a call from Ran being desperate for Shinichi to come back to her. I refused, but the way that her voice became empty and monotone made me fearful of what was going on in her mind. I know she is sweet and caring to 'her little brother,' but that tone she used made me fearful of what could happen when I got to the Mouris. Ran's voice told me that Edogawa Conan will pay for talking to his niichan later about her even though I cannot help it. I am Kudou Shinichi and Edogawa Conan.

I'm really scared of her since that day. The reason for that is because her anger after calling Shinichi so many times must have built too much and she finally snapped from angel to evil Ran-neechan. She has started yelling at me for nothing and even sent me to bed without food sometimes. She does not care for me like a sibling, but she does hate me for existing in her life. She started showing how much Kudou Shinichi has destroyed her completely. She no longer cries for him, but she has upped her Karate skills from sweet and helpful to ready to kill anyone who gets in her way to happiness. I think she blames Edogawa Conan for Kudou Shinichi no longer being there which would be true in a way.

About five months since that call, she started showing that anger evolving into how much I have hurt her over the years. She started with small stuff, such as slaps and dragging me across the floor, but if her father was there, she played it as me not listening to her or the teacher stated I was in trouble for something. I could not hide the fact that she hurt me and that I was becoming frighten of her, but I did kill the sweet, innocent girl named Mouri Ran. It is my fault completely.

I think the many phone calls to Kudou Shinichi saying that she wanted him to come home and begging for him to love her has finally created an abusive Mouri Ran. This Ran will take it out on her 'little brother' since I do look and act like her crush. The sad part is that she does not even know that I am Kudou Shinichi. She keeps destroying me with guilt and lost hope each time she hits me with her punches, kicks, and words. I really have killed Mouri Ran completely if she is now an abusive person who hates me completely.

I think Mouri Kogoro knows something is wrong since he tries to take me with him everywhere that his daughter is not. Sometimes it's a success and sometimes it's not. Over the past few weeks, he has stopped hitting me on the head since the day I freaked out to a simple touch on the arm. I also think he has the others watch me as well, but they think Mouri Kogoro is just overprotective of me when it comes to crime scenes and women.

I am too scared that Ran would come after me a lot more due to real hate for her little brother. I do have new respect for Mouri Kogoro since he tries his best to not let his daughter know that her father knows what she has done to me. He is my guardian sometimes and that will always stay with me since I know he does care about my well-being. It tells me that he will help me if I come to him in the future and it makes me smile sometimes since he is not as dense as he seems sometimes.

I have not told anyone about the abuse from Ran to anyone directly. I try to act like the normal, everyday kid who is happy and smiling, even though it is all a mask for them. I hide the bruises, sprains, and broken bones with long sleeves and pants instead of wearing short-sleeves and shorts. My shoes are normal since I cannot kick due to the pain, but my watch does come in handy for that and a bottle of painkillers.

Hiding the abuse has become normal for me, but I wonder how long it takes before someone pushes me for answers. I do not think anyone cares enough to save me from the pain I caused to Mouri Ran. Besides, it is my entire fault that she became a monster who knows nothing, but pain for someone who cannot return to her.

The children tried to get answers from me when I stopped playing soccer with them due to the injuries, but I am a better liar than they are most of the time. Plus, they also think I tell the truth to them, but I do not. So far, the children think I got hurt from another case I worked on or played too hard. This seemed to worry them even more. They told the teacher one time, but the teacher stated that it was probably nothing to worry about. The children started to watch me like a hawk after that day. I started to play some soccer as best I could, but painkillers do help with that part since the legs can only go through so much with a soccer ball.

Haibara has not seen them ether since she stopped making temporary antidotes for me. She has not done an examination or draw blood to test anything, and she began a normal for a nine-year old kid who wants to become a scientist in the future. I am thankful that she could move on, but sometimes I wonder why she looks at me when Ran is around. Does she know about the change in Ran, the scars that I hide from everyone, or does she think of Ran as a sister to replace her lost sister? I can never read her as well as I want to anyway.

Hattori does not seem know since we play detective mostly. He does nothing different from what I see, but that does not mean he does not know about the abuse. He did figure out I was Kudou Shinichi, but if he knows, why won't he hint it to me or something. Maybe he is denser than me when it comes to these things or this does not follow into his abilities like murder does. I hope he does not do anything to get Ran more pissed than what she is. I could not afford that if Hattori tried to do something to stop it.

I do not even go to KID heist as much as I use to. It seems that has caught Kaitou KID's attention, but he can never know about these injuries. He probably would do something about it if he knew, such as kidnap me or something, and I would end up back at the Mouris with him behind bars. I would not want that for him, but he does try to get me to come when they are in the Beika area sometimes. I hope he stays out of my problems, but he never listens to a detective anyway. I hope he does not know about my predicament at all. He does have a 'no one gets hurt' rule which he probably follows outside his heist as well.

I even made sure the police do not know as I try to solve a case and go home as quickly as possible after it's over. They seem clueless as well, but Satou-keiji is smart when it comes to certain things and so is Takagi-keiji when it comes to me. They both seem more watchful when I do something that they are not used to doing since I got my injuries. Megure-keibu also seems to have a watchful eye on me at crime scenes due to my strange actions such as asking others to pick up evidence and not myself picking up the evidence. All of them also make sure that Mouri Kogoro takes me home or they make me stay with them until Mouri-Tantei gets there instead of being alone with Ran. Sometimes I wonder if they really do know. Even if they do, they cannot do anything about it. It is my fault that she became this way and it is my mess to clean up over time.

I wonder when Hell truly swallowed me whole for all the things I have done in this world. It probably started before the war between me and the Black Organization since I am the cause of her pain since our first meeting. It is my entire fault and this is my punishment for that mistake.

A/N: Here is another story. Enjoy! Also, please tell me if grammar is still a problem. If so, tell what kind and I will study it until I get better at it. I also started a poll since I have not decided the main pairing for Conan by the end of the story. Please go to my profile page and vote for two choices. Thank you for casting your opinions.

Edited: 10/19/2012

~K. M.

Disclaimer: I do not own Detective Conan.