Couldn't resist XD

Blackness where the snake's eyes should be, that is. Black fabric molded smoothly with the snake's skin, clearly showing magic at work. No trace of the deadly gaze remained. Or Tony was fairly sure of that, anyway, considering he was still standing.

That didn't excuse Loki, however.

Aforementioned god was clearly on the verge of laughing, staring pointedly at Tony's frozen expression.

"You seem to have expected something altogether different," The god said, his tone taunting. Tony said nothing. The god tilted his head to the side, still amused.

"No comeback? I must admit disappointment, Man of Iron." His grin was fiendish as he absently petted the snake on the head.

Wonderful. So apparently tailing the god was exactly what he'd wanted, and now he'd nearly had a heart attack thinking he'd stumbled into Loki's long-awaited trap. Loki was really in peak form tonight.

Tony shook his head, watching the snake with trepidation. Considering the snake had 'looked' directly at him several times, Tony had faith in the current situation, but that didn't erase the poison issue. No phoenixes had decided to fly by the mansion yet, and if that snake decided he smelled tasty, Tony was toast.

As such, he kept his distance, a detail Loki did not miss.

"Coward," he called softly.

"Survivalist," Tony amended.

"Resorting to euphemisms are we now, Stark?" the god said, still grinning. "What a pity to see your bravado fall to pieces, when faced by such a minuscule reptile."

"It can be small all it wants. It's the venom I'm not happy with," Tony retorted, keeping his stance firmly by the door.

"And you may be 'not happy' all you want, but this venom is invaluable. Had I wished for nothing but a pet, there are a whole host of better candidates – a chimaera, perhaps – but the only hope for destroying those horcruxes," he said the name with unveiled distaste, "Is in this snake."

Tony didn't much like the sound of a chimaera, but Loki had turned his attention back to the snake. It was very tiny; only about as thick as his finger, and – though it was a little difficult to tell, what with it wrapped around Loki's hands – looked only about half as long as his forearm. Its scales were an iridescent, eye-shocking shade of green. Well, at least he'd be able to see the thing coming.

"Isn't he rather cute?" Loki said sardonically as it wound around his fingers.

"Adorable. And it'll be even cuter when it bites your hand off," Tony said.

Loki scoffed. "I told him once he hatched he wasn't to bite anyone unless I said so. He'll listen."

"Are normal snakes born with full knowledge of the English language?"

In response, Loki hissed. The tiny snake hissed as well.

Tony took a step back. The idea that Loki could actually communicate with the little bugger was more than he had bargained for.

Loki's eyes glittered maliciously as he hissed again. The snake unwound from around his hand and dropped to the ground. It sped towards Tony, undulating across the smooth stone floor.

So this is what it came down to. Tony cursed mentally as he eyed the little poisonous snake rapidly approaching him. Why did it always have to be red wire blue wire? He was fairly certain his assumptions about Loki were correct, but he did not like the way he was currently having to test them. Was this another of the god's test, akin to the window-throwing? Or some sort of Asgardian trust exercise?

Steeling himself, mentally promising to haunt Loki as a ghost if he was wrong, he picked the snake up by the tail before it could find its way up his pants leg.

He flinched internally as the cool scales wrapped around his fingers, but Loki had spoken true – the thing didn't bite. It stuck its tongue out, scenting the air, but never once did it show its fangs. It wrapped solidly around his fingers. Tony waited, wondering if he should try to shake it off, but the snake did nothing. It moved its head slightly, resting its tiny head on his palm in a rather endearing way.

"Okay, it's kind of cute," Tony allowed.

Loki approached and tried the snake from him – the snake wound its head around Loki's hand, but its tail was still firmly attached to Tony. "He shall be called Jormungandur," Loki said quietly, stroking the snake's tiny head.

"Jormungandur? What kind of dorky name is that? He'll be teased relentlessly at snake school."

"I didn't know you had a say in naming him, Stark."

"Well, he obviously likes me." And that was true – though Loki tried again to dislodge him, the snake stayed wound on his finger.

"I see. Well then, if you were given the chance – what would your name for him be?"

"He's a boy?" Tony confirmed – when Loki nodded, Tony peered intently at the little snake for awhile before saying firmly, "Scotch."

"I'm not your waiter," Loki snapped.

"Never said you were. I was saying that this little boy –" He gestured to the snake, "Is now named Scotch."

"No," Loki growled.

"How about Gin, then. Or Whiskey?"

"He will not be named after alcohol."

Thoroughly enjoying the infuriated look on Loki's face, he deliberated once more, then said, "Fine then. We'll call him Snakey."

"Oh, how original," Loki said sarcastically.

"Well, I think it fits him. Much better than Jorgabutt," Tony said, taking the snake back from Loki.

"Jormungandur," Loki said in exasperation.

"Whatever."

It was all rather odd, walking into the kitchen with a poisonous snake and a god in tow. Loki had assured him the snake's – Snakey's? – venom was already fully potent; he couldn't say he felt completely comfortable holding it, but the small reptile seemed docile enough in his hand. He still wasn't entirely sure why he was holding it; Loki had tried to take him back more than once, but it remained stubbornly coiled around Tony. Not wanting to cause a fang-filled hissy fit, Tony hadn't pressed the issue.

The wizards had already congregated, cup in hand. Hermione blanched as she saw what Tony was holding. "T-Tony… that venom has no cure! Why are you holding it?" She looked ready to run, but not out of fear. More likely she wanted to bolt to her nearest book stash, Tony was sure.

It was a good question. Partially because the snake didn't want to let go, and partially… "Relax. He's harmless. I think." He hoped.

"You can't just make a basilisk harmless!" Hermione protested.

"You can if you speak to him when first born," Loki said smoothly, already in his usual shadow-filled corner.

"You're a parselmouth?" Ron said blankly, looking at Loki.

"A parselwhat?" Steve said from the kitchen table.

"Parselmouth. Someone who can speak parseltongue. Snake language," Ron grunted, when everyone continued to look blank.

"If that is your term for it," Loki said, sounding rather condescending, "Then yes. I can converse with serpents, including this one here." He gestured to the snake, who Tony was still holding.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione still looked leery. Ron, Tony noticed, had his eyes narrowed to slits, as though worried the snake would kill him at a moment's notice.

"Guys. Chill. I wouldn't be holding him if he was going to kill me." Apparently he was all for taking stupid risks these days.

Thor pointed at the little snake. "That thing should not be. We should destroy it immediately."

"And waste all our effort? We – Loki –" Tony corrected himself quickly, "Didn't breed it for giggles. This snake –" He raised his hand for all to see, "Is the only weapon we've got against the cup and that noseless sorcerer."

"Some weapon," Clint muttered, no doubt referencing the fact that the snake was lying calmly in Tony's hand, hardly a threat at all. Still, Tony was hyper-aware of the deadly fangs lurking there. Hopefully holding the thing had proved whatever the hell Loki had wanted; unless the bastard just wanted to watch his face as he held the poisonous snake. He never knew with that guy. But considering the ridiculous, bordering-on-suicidal opportunities he'd given Loki, the fact he was still standing made Tony fairly sure the god no longer wanted him dead. For now, anyway.

Natasha walked right up to the basilisk, petting him with one gloved hand. "He's gorgeous," She murmured, transfixed, "Yet so deadly." She tapped him lightly on the nose. "I'll have use for you when you get bigger, my sweet," Natasha said, walking calmly away.

"My sweet?" Tony mouthed to Steve. Steve was staring openmouthed at Natasha, as taken aback as Tony was. Only Loki was looking at the assassin with something like satisfaction.

"It's just like Fluffy all over again," Tony heard Ron mutter to Hermione. Tony was going to ask just what exactly they meant by that, but Harry interrupted.

"Enough. Bring… the snake… over here, Tony. Everyone else get back," he commanded, gesturing everyone away from the table. He placed the cup in the middle of the table. It glistened, golden and beautiful, underneath the bright light.

"I will take him from here, Stark," Loki said, brushing Tony away. Harry looked nervous, but Loki said, "Nothing held within that Horcrux shall harm me. Join the others," he said, flicking his fingers both Harry and Tony.

"Bossy," Tony muttered, but he retreated with Harry. They all stood in a wide ring around Loki and the basilisk. The green-scaled snake turned his blind head towards Loki, tasting the air with his needle-thin tongue. Loki gently stroked the snake's head, then hissed – it was no less creepy the second time. And then it got much worse as Harry started hissing too. In a strange, evil-sounding duet, Loki and Harry hissed and spat, presumably telling him what he had to do.

The basilisk turned his head between Loki and Harry, having no trouble figuring out where the sound was coming from. Then he turned and resolutely approached the cup. It looked huge compared to his miniscule body. He opened his mouth to its fullest extent, bit down –

And bounced off. His mouth was too small to fit around the handle of the cup. Hissing in frustration, he tried again, with the same reaction.

"The rim," Hermione said quietly. "It's thinner there. Tell him to go to the rim!"

The hissing changed in tenor, and the snake turned back, listening to his new instructions. He slid slowly forward, turned, and bit only air – he'd missed the rim.

"Cut him some slack," Natasha snapped as Clint snickered. "He's blind, remember?" Clint shut up immediately.

An assassin on the side of a poisonous snake. For half a second Tony was glad Natasha couldn't speak parseltongue.

The snake reared and lunged again – and this time he made it, his jaws just barely fitting around the thin golden rim as he bit down for all he was worth. Tony was expecting some grand spectacle, from what he'd heard from the wizards, but all he saw was a single spark. Not exactly firework material.

Though his venom was potent, the cup was strong, and eventually he dropped off, his fangs having hardly dented the metal. But he was not finished; the snake reared and bit once more, driving its glistening flames deep. This time it worked; the sparks multiplied and doubled in size, and there were shrieks of surprise around the table as a giant plume of smoke rose from the rapidly-melting cup. Loki darted in and snatched the snake out of harm's way as the smoke coalesced into a horrific visage – the face of Voldemort. It was contorted in a pain-filled grimace as the smoke rose and dissipated. A faint shriek of pain seemed to emanate from the cup, then the final shreds of smoke faded, and all that was left was a half-melted glob of gold upon the table.

The Horcrux was gone.

More to come quite soon~