A/N: Hey everybody! Time for a new story! I just want to let you all know that this story will contain slash and will get kind of dark later in the story. I'll be sure to post the warnings and everything before the chapter to let you all know. I hope you all enjoy the story!

Want To Be Loved

Everyone has secrets. Some are harmless, and some have the potential to ruin a friendship. I've never told anyone the secret that I've been hiding for the last couple of years but… I'm Bi.

I've never told my parents because they weren't the most… accepting people around.I didn't tell Katie because I knew that she would forever mess with me about it. I didn't tell Mama Knight because I wasn't really sure what her reaction would be. I mean she's a wonderful person and mother, but I didn't really know where she stood on the subject.

I didn't tell the guys because I didn't want to risk throwing years of friendship down the drain. I wasn't really sure where they stood on the subject either, but I didn't want to take that chance. So I just suffered in silence. I had to admit that it hurt watching Kendall be happy with Jo and Logan happy with Camille.

Granted neither of the relationships really lasted but it hurt. It hurt because that's what I wanted. I wanted to find that one person that I could picture myself spending the rest of my life with them. Whether it's a guy or a girl, it didn't matter. All I wanted was to be loved.

"James?" I looked over to Carlos, who was sitting next to me on the couch.

Carlos and I had decided to hang back at the apartment for the day. Mama Knight had took Katie for 'Girl Time' as she put it. So we were home alone for a few days. Kendall and Logan were elected to get the food that we would need for the weekend sense they were the sensible ones of the group.

"Yeah?" I questioned, noticing the sad look on his face.

"Do you think we'll ever find someone? I mean, Kendall and Logan found someone. And even though their relationships didn't last, at least they got to know what it was like. When will we get to know what that's like?" I had to admit that the question had caught me off guard, but he asked the question in such a broken tone that I just wanted to give him a comforting hug. So that's what I did.

"I don't know Carlitos. I guess we'll just have to wait until it's our turn to experience it." I replied while letting him go. And just like that, he was back to his normal over-excited self.

"I can't wait! What if I get to have a relationship with one of the Jennifers?! A real one this time! One that won't involve you ruining our date this time!"

"Hey! If you didn't know, I was helping you! If I wasn't there that date would've went downhill." I retorted, feeling slightly offended.

"You're just jealous that I got to go on a date with a Jennifer!" He said while sticking his tongue out at me.

"Real mature." I muttered before getting up to leave. That was until I felt him grab my wrist.

"James wait! Please? I'm sorry!"

"What Carlos?" I sighed before sitting back down.

"Are you alright? You seem kinda… I don't know. You just don't seem right." He said, looking at me curiously.

Ok, if Carlos is starting to notice something, it won't take long for the others to find out. I kept trying to come up with something to tell him but came up blank so I just said the first thing that came to mind.

"I'm fine. I guess I've just been kinda tired lately. Nothing I can't handle." I said, hoping that he would believe me.

"If you say so."

I could tell by the tone in his voice that he didn't completely buy it, but I was thankful that he let it go.

"I think I'm going to go take a nap." I said, suddenly feeling kinda tired.

"All right dude. And thanks for the talk by the way." He said, giving me a smile.

"Anytime buddy." I gave him another hug before proceeding to my room that I shared with Kendall.

Kendall P.O.V.

I was currently at the store with Logan, once again lost in my own thoughts. Logan kept yelling at me because I kept getting distracted but I couldn't help it. I don't know why, but I just felt like something was missing. I haven't told the guys because I don't want them to worry, but I've felt like this ever since Jo left.

At first I thought it was because I missed her. And while I do miss her, I realized that wasn't the reason. It's hard to explain because even when I was with Jo I didn't exactly feel complete. There was always that void. And it was like I was settling for her just to try and fill the void that was there.

"KENDALL!" I found myself snapped out of my thoughts by an angry looking Logan.

"Yeah?" I asked nervously.

"Yeah? I've been calling you for almost three minutes now and all you have to say is 'Yeah'?" He asked incredulously.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what's up with me lately. I keep spacing out." I told him honestly.

"It's alright. Let's just get the rest of these groceries so we can back."

I nodded at his suggestion, hoping that I wouldn't space out again.

James P.O.V.

I couldn't believe I was crying! I never cried! I looked over and noticed the various books that were now scattered around on my bed. This was yet another secret I kept from the guys. I was really into romance novels. I guess I found myself addicted to them just so I could read about what I couldn't have.

I was basically torturing myself though. Reading about what I can't have is… depressing. I also felt like I was setting myself up for heartbreak. I knew that love wasn't always like in the books or movies. I looked over at the time and realized that Kendall and Logan would be back soon. I put my books back in the box that I kept them in and slid the box back under the bed.

As I rolled over on my side and tried not to cry myself to sleep I had only one thought on my mind.

I just want to be loved.

Careful what you wish for James! Alright so I've been considering doing this story for a while now and finally got the guts to work on it. And just to let you all know, this story does get kinda dark later on in the story. I'm not exactly sure how long this story will be, but it has the potential to be the longest story I've ever written. It all depends on how you all like it. I have the first part of the story planned out and can plan more if you all want me to extend it. I will also be putting up a poll so you all can vote on what relationship you want it to be. But that won't be until later. Anyway, I have half of the next chapter typed out already so hopefully I can update tomorrow! So what do you all think about the story so far? Please let me know! Until next time!

-Epically Obssessed