Yeah this is a sort of AU one-shot that took on a life of it's own, it's mostly from Wash's aspect of fitting in with the Blood Gulch crew and getting used to their way of doing things and a guest that comes to pay a visit towards the end ;) Sorry if Wash seems a bit OOC… Anyway hope you enjoy this :D

Oh and when Wash thinks Epsilon it's Church OK?

All things considered life was peaceful which meant no more UNSC soldiers, which actually hadn't bothered the residents of Valhalla for months, as the last soldier they spoke to had said "Why the hell should we waste our time in a canyon in the middle of nowhere?"

There were no 'evil' freelancers playing shoot the simulation soldiers and as much as they tried his patience sometimes Wash always 'missed' in their battles as he felt he owed them enough for saving his life that he didn't need to hurt them in own of their 'battles'.

Luckily when they returned to Valhalla they discovered not only was Donut alive, and wasn't that a relief for Washington's conscience, he was with Doc who was also fine.

Also the Blues were a lot happier since they had retrieved Epsilon and got him a new robot body that Sarge had provided.

The reason being "Well how in the Sam hell are we supposed ta kill a blue with no body to kill him in dirtbag?"

Unfortunately for Grif this body also had the bonus feature put in that whenever someone said dirtbag Epsilon couldn't help but hit the gold soldier in the face, Washington was sure Sarge did that on purpose but the red leader remained innocent stating "How am I supposed to fix a glitch I can't find?"

Washington had pointed out "You could ask Lopez to do it."

Sarge snorted "He wouldn't know what to look for, right Lopez?"

"Yes it would be easy to remove that feature."

"See? Ya can't expect to him to waste time on something unimportant when he could be helping me improve the warthog!"

"Why bother? It'll get ruined anyway."

Of course Grif had to say "Puma."

Sarge cocked his shotgun at him "Quiet dirtbag."

Washington found it a slightly bizarre thing to watch Epsilon turn away from explaining something to Caboose on the other side of the canyon to run over and smack Grif in the face "OW!"

Epsilon said "Damn it! Would you guys quit saying that? At first it was funny but now it's getting annoying having to smack Grif in the face whenever you guys say that word whenever I'm in hearing range!"

With the combined efforts of Caboose and Lopez, and what an unlikely duo that was, they had retrieved the program F.I.L.S.S.

That oddly enough didn't acknowledge to that name and instead responded to Sheila, and had put her in a tank that had actually been on the Reds side, Washington had watched in minor disbelief as the Reds let them put the program in the tank and let Caboose take it back to Blue base. Unable to help himself he said "Why would you guys let the Blues have a tank!? You would have had so much more firepower with it."

The Reds all looked at him like he was mad, Donut said brightly "We have the Warthog they have Sheila, that's just how it's always been."

He was more surprised with how much time Caboose spent with the tank when he asked him about it he said "I haven't talked to Sheila in a really really long time so I thought it would be nice to tell her about the aliens, and how they worshipped Church when he was a floating shiny ball, and how they tried to be his best friend but it didn't work because I'm his best friend and of course all about you agent Washingtub."

Apparently that was that, until not long after when Caboose also found and retrieved a bomb that he talked to.

Talking to a conscious tank that could talk back he could handle, but talking to a bomb?

Worse still was that everyone seemed to talk to the bomb, cursing at it mostly, but they still interacted with the thing.

Washington looked at the bomb himself and not seeing anything special said "Why on Earth do they all talk to this stupid thing?"

Only to have "Well the only stupid thing I see here is you, you great big Shisno!" thrown back at him.

That was when he discovered that the bomb or Andy was also 'living' and he was really going to have to invest in migraine medication at this rate. So for a while Wash slowly got used to treating the tank-Sheila and bomb-Andy as a sentient members of Blue team.

Yet just as he was getting used to the change there were two more arrivals in Valhalla, the yellow one saw him and yelled "Dex get a lawyer and don't say anything that could be used against you!"

Grif sounded triumphant and exasperated when he said to the Reds "I told you she was fine and she doesn't look pregnant…for once." Then he turned to her "What are you talking about?!"

She pointed at Washington "He's an undercover cop! But he can't fool me I'd know that buff bod anywhere!"

Grif turned to Washington fury evident in his arm movements "What the hell where you doing near my sister!"

Washington looked at her "I'm not a cop!"

Before Grif's words registered "Wait. Sister? She's your sister!?"

Simmons added none too helpfully "She's hot too." He muttered "Lucky bastard."

Grif practically yelled "Simmons!"

Simmons replied "Like I said before she's not my sister."

Washington held his hands up "Look just to clear this up before it gets out of hand I didn't do anything to your sister, what's your name anyway?"

She snorted "Like I would tell you COP!"

Epsilon said "Just call her Sister we all do."

Sister said "Well the last guy I was with picked me up from my job so he called me my work name, Coconut Smoochy, and he said there was no way coconuts can smooch but I showed him."

Donut agreed "Yeah! Wait what?"

Epsilon said "What sort of job would need anyone to call you Coconut Smoochy!?"

Sister said "Pole dancing duh!"

Everyone knew Tucker would say it, but it still didn't make it any less aggravating "Hey baby I got a pole you can dance on. Bow chika bow wow!"

He was soon echoed by "Bow chika honk honk."

He actually seemed to forget all about Sister for a moment as he took in the figure by her leg, "Junior!" he cried happily.

The little alien returned the sentiment and said "Blarg blarg!"

Washington pointed his gun at the creature; Epsilon said "AwesomeWash, quick pull the trigger before it feeds on us."

Tucker snapped "I told you to lay off my kid."

Washington lowered the gun slowly "Your…kid?..."

Tucker nodded "Yeah."

Of all the things he'd discovered from these ragtag soldiers this was quickly becoming the weirdest "You're trying to tell me you got an alien pregnant."

Doc commented "Actually he was the one who was pregnant, isn't that incredible?"

Washington tried to process this "You, a male, got pregnant by an alien…"

Tucker said "Not by choice, but hey stuff happens."

Epsilon patted Wash in what may have been sympathy "I know it takes a while to get your head around it, but once you do it makes it so much easier to focus on the true goal, destroying the little monster."

Tucker growled warningly "Church."

Simmons said "Wow being worshipped by his kind did nothing for you huh?"

Epsilon visibly shuddered at Junior "He's disgusting."

Doc interjected before Tucker could strangle Epsilon, "Aw look at that the lil' guy is hungry."

Caboose hid behind Donut "Please do not let them feed me to the baby, it has very sharp teeth."

Sister said "Well I tried giving the lil' guy milk, cuz after all the pregnancy's I must be like a cow by now or something, and it must have worked since he seemed to enjoy it. I didn't expect to feel so high afterwards though."

Doc nodded approvingly "Good work Sister but you may want to sit this one out. Who wants to take a turn at feeding him?"

Washington didn't like how everyone stepped back, Doc grabbed his arm "That's the spirit Wash now hold still."

Washington wasn't sure if he liked where this was going, "What exactly are you going to do, drain some fluids or something?"

Doc said "Don't be silly that would be horrible."

Wash relaxed a bit until Doc quickly took off the armour and suit layer on his arm and Junior clamped on and started sucking.

Wash stood their stunned and morbidly fascinated that he was letting an alien baby that was supposedly Tucker's kid drink blood out of his stinging arm.

Doc sounded affectionate "Aww look at that. Let the lil' guy see a bit of flesh and he latches on, it's like a miracle or something."

All he could think of was that it was a good thing Sarge was busy with Lopez or Junior would probably be eating lead instead.

Once again Washington had to readjust to life with the new members of Blue team, well new to him at least, and after Sister finally cottoned on to the fact that he was definitely not a cop she hit on him whenever possible. OK not true she hit on anyone but Grif whenever possible but that didn't lessen his discomfort much, especially when Grif seemed to get more motivated if he even so much as looked to Sister the wrong way.

Not to mention since he'd shown 'willing' as Epsilon put it he was involved in a shift system to feed Junior.

He hadn't exactly been thrilled but he went along with it anyway since he was only required for one feed every three days, and as long as they pried Junior off before he took enough blood that would make Wash pass out or die he didn't see the point in making a fuss over it.

After that life resumed as normal for the next three months, it was just another normal day that proceeded as this;

"Hey Blues you suck!" ~ Grif

"Not as much as you do!" ~ Tucker

"What's that supposed to mean!?"~ Grif

"It means Tucker told us how you guys were alone in the shade for two hours fat ass!"~ Epsilon

"Hey don't call him that!"~ Simmons

"Sorry didn't mean to offend your boyfriend."~ Tucker

"Did I hear someone say boyfriend! OK who's been holding out on me and not dishing the details?"~ Donut

"Damn it Donut you're not helping!"~ Simmons

"Hello private pop tart how are you today?"~ Caboose

"Hey Caboose I'm fine, how are you?"~ Donut

"Donut no fraternising with the enemy!" ~ Sarge

"Like we're really enemies at this point anyway." ~ Lopez

"Well said Lopez." ~ Sarge

"Can't we all just join hands and hum a soothing chant?" ~ Doc

"Have you learned how to use anything as a firearm yet?" ~ Epsilon

"No but Simmons made my medic tool into a pretty powerful weapon once, it was strong enough to hold up against the Meta." ~ Doc

"Just go pick flowers or something already would ya." ~ Epsilon

"That reminds me of this guy who said he wanted to see my garden and I said I wasn't into plants, boy did my yard get ploughed."~ Sister

"Yeah. Wait what?!" ~ Tucker

"My senses indicate something's incoming fast." ~ Sheila

OK that was unusual in the routine, everyone paused to pay attention to the tank that had her cannon pointed towards the sky, "My scanner picks up an incoming ship."

The Reds and Blues united almost unconsciously, Washington still found that kind of impressive how even though they seem and claim to hate each others guts they'll put up with one another and work together against a force that could be far greater than their own.

The ship was small and on fire when it crashed into the canyon wall, a figure jumped out from the wreckage just in time to avoid the explosion.

Caboose said "That was so cool. Do it again."

Epsilon groaned "Man if it's anymore crazy AI or AI craving freelancers I'm gunna be so pissed!"

The figure from the crash made their way over the rise, the smoke from the wreck cloaked the armour colours and features, Washington stepped forward raising his gun.

This person could be potentially dangerous and as lucky as the Reds and Blues could be he didn't feel like taking any unnecessary risks on the lives of his friends "Lower your weapon." He stated clearly and meaningfully.

The figure dropped his guns and raised his hands in a the universal sign of 'I surrender' the figure said "Is that?.., Hey it is! Hey Wash we've finally found you!"

Washington swallowed heavily as the smoke cleared revealing York, but what was doing here? He was supposed to be dead! And who was the other member or members he mentioned? "Stay where you are."

The supposed York stopped "After all this time that's the hello I get? Man what a welcoming committee."

A small green thing flickered into life beside 'Yorks' head, Washington could see that it resembled Delta, 'Delta' said "Perhaps my presence would reassure agent Washington that you're not trying to trick him. Hello agent Washington."

Washington was shocked unsure how to proceed, the AI looked and sounded just like Delta as did the person claiming to be York.

He knew it was easy to fake voices as South had no trouble on missions duplicating the enemy's voice and luring others into traps, but to fake an AI… AI couldn't be copied it was impossible that's why they were fragmented but Delta was gone, wiped out in the EMP pulse.

His musings were shortened as Caboose called out "Hello Delta!"

Delta looked at him "Have we met?"

York said "Perhaps he met your copy D."

Delta nodded "Ah yes that is a possibility, would it be OK with you simulation soldier if I glanced through your memories?"

Caboose said "Yes I completely understand and agree with everything that was just said."

Washington regained focus at that moment "Stay where you are, BOTH of you."

York sighed "C'mon Wash it's us you know that."

Washington growled "No. I don't know that. As far as everyone was concerned you're both dead."

York said "I get it you wanna know how I survived that fiasco with Wyoming and Tex right? Well it was simple Delta boosted the healing unit to take care of the severe injuries and once I had recovered enough and they were both gone Delta left a copy of himself and we left."

Washington processed this information knowing that this could be very likely "If that were true where did you get that armour from?"

York gestured himself "What this? This is spare armour that took forever to gather and scavenge that I had tucked away in one of my hideouts."

It added up, it made sense, but Washington didn't want to believe it comrades just don't pop back up from the dead.

"Oh my god! What is wrong with you people don't you have anything better to do than hunt for AI all day!? Oh and hey Delta how's it going?" Epsilon though did seem to be the exception to that rule, and if a tank and bomb could be sentient, and a male gave birth to an alien baby, then hell why couldn't it be possible York was alive?

And if he pulled anything against the Reds or Blues Wash would just make sure he was dead and stay dead this time.

The second he lowered his gun Delta vanished reappearing again in mere seconds "I see. Hello Caboose it is good to see you again, and you as well Church."

York took a step back "Woah wait a minute D like the DirectorChurch?"

Washington smiled though no one could see as Delta said "No like AI Church turned Alpha turned Epsilon turned Church."

Tucker said "And can you believe after all that he's still the same ass hole?"

Washington interrupted the oncoming pointless bickering that would waste time and said bluntly "Why are you here York?"

York glanced at Epsilon warily but said "Well D and I heard that South had it out for you and with project freelancer going to hell we thought we'd back you up."

Washington snorted "Bit late I already took care of that on Delta's recommendation."

York paused briefly "Oh. You didn't tell me that D."

Delta stated "I didn't realise the situation had been handled until I retrieved my copies data just a moment ago."

York shrugged his shoulders "Ah no worries, well I guess if it's alright with you Wash we could just catch up for a bit before I move on."

Sarge cocked his shotgun "I knew it! I knew the new Blue would attract more of them prepare to get Sarge'd Bluetard!"

"That was an excellent line Sir." said Simmons.

Washington restrained a groan "He's not a Blue."

Grif said "Yeah cuz that would be just great if he joined the Blues side."

Donut put his hands on his hips "Grif there's no need to take that tone! If he wants to stay I say we let him."

Grif pointed at the Blues "In case you haven't noticed Donut we're really outnumbered, there's nine of them five of us."

"Not true!" Epsilon argued.

Grif retorted "Oh yeah how so?"

Tucker said "Dude Junior, Andy, and Doc don't count!"

Simmons said "That's still one more than us!"

Washington said "Follow me York and I'll show you around they'll be there for a while."

Whilst they walked they traded stories of what they'd been doing since they were separated as Wash introduced him to a few members that made up the Reds and Blues,

"The tank just talked to me."

"Sheila this is York."

York was solemn when he learned the fates of many of the agents he'd worked a lot with,

"What am I gunna do roll there!? Pick me up ya shisno."

"The bomb just talked to me."

"Andy this is York."

Washington was relieved at how little York and Delta had changed,

"Blarg honk."

"Let me guess is this one gunna talk to?"

"No that would be absurd, York this is Tuckers kid Junior."

"Tucker the green guy got an alien pregnant?"

"Actually he got pregnant and gave birth."

"That's pretty hard to swallow Wash."

"Bow chika honk honk."

Before they knew it six hours had passed and they stood side by die in the middle of Valhalla gazing at the sea.

York said "Well it was great seeing you again Wash but D and I should probably get going."

Washington didn't actually want him to go, he'd considered York one of his few friends from project freelancer and it was good to have his company around again. "Where will you go?"

York didn't answer for a bit "I'm not sure. All our hideouts have been found be UNSC soldiers and whilst this armours mostly like mine it's only second rate in comparison. So I don't really know what we're gunna do next."

Sarge, Grif and Simmons approached and Sarge sprung into action yelling "Aha! Surprise you dirtbag!"

"Another well executed plan Sir!" said Simmons.

Grif muttered "Ass kisser."

Epsilon ran out from behind them and smacked Grif in the back of the head "OW!"

"Damn it what did I say about that word!"

York laughed "You guys are pretty interesting you know that?"

Delta appeared and said "If I may I have an idea, what if York and I joined the Red team?"

York asked "Huh why'd you ask that D?"

Delta said "I calculated the odds of our survival leaving this canyon and found them lower than staying here, besides being with another agent we can trust may be increase our odds in the future."

Even with that sound reasoning Washington was surprised he'd asked if they could stay and join the Reds no less, Sarge seemed quite torn on the idea "It could be a dirty blue trick but it would boost our forces if it wasn't."

Epsilon protested "Hey what!? If they stay they're on our team!"

Sarge said "Dibs."

Just a second before Epsilon said "Dibs-Damn it!"

Grif rubbed his head and said "Are you gunna build a robot body for Delta?"

York seemed shocked at that question, Sarge continued on unphased though "Of course I will turd bucket the more soldiers equals the more glory when we finally crush those Blues, Simmons remind me to kill Grif for such a stupid question."

"Of course Sir!"

York looked at his glowing partner "Well how about that D, what do you think would you like a body of your own?"

Delta said "I don't need a body York I'm more practical assisting you as I am."

"Well how about it you give it a try D and if you don't like it you can come back. Deal?"

Delta nodded "As you wish. Deal."

The next day Washington saw York his regular armour had red accents on it and he was with a green soldier that he'd never seen before, York noticed him "Hey Wash what do you think of the new and improved D?"

The green soldier faced him "Hello Washington." Washington stared at him then replied "Uh yeah wow you got big. So how you guys finding your new arrangement?"

York said "Well it's nothing like what we had before which I'm pretty sure is a good thing."

Washington nodded in understanding before he said "I can't believe you guys joined Red team."

Delta said "I believe the term is 'suck it blue'."

York laughed "Well said D!"

Sarge popped out of Red base "Rookies stop standing around and talking and capture that dirty blue before he escapes!"

York playfully crunched his knuckles "Better start running Wash."

Washington took off back towards Blue base knowing that York and Delta were on his heels but not taking this seriously as the usual day at Valhalla began despite its new residents.

"OUCH DAMN IT CABOOSE!" ~ Epsilon

"Not my fault Tucker did it." ~ Caboose

"Oh that is bull man!" ~ Epsilon

"Beware Lopez the heavy I will crush you and send your weight in paperclips to your next of kin."~ Lopez

"Lopez that's no way to talk about someone's mother!" ~ Donut

"Woah that green guy is so hot!" ~ Sister

"I don't think he's human." ~ Doc

"Hot!" ~ Sister

"I got something hot for you bow chika bow wow!" ~ Tucker

"Stay away from my Sister!" ~ Grif

"Donut initiate plan 21 B!" ~ Sarge

"Yes Sir!" ~ Donut

"OW!" ~ Grif

"Woop now it's time to pound me some Caboose!" ~ Donut

"Arg don't say things like that, you make them sound weird!" ~ Simmons

"Bow chika honk honk." ~ Junior

"Could you shisno's keep it down some of us are trying to sleep!" ~ Andy

"My bullshit meter disagrees." ~ Sheila

Familiar sounds and surroundings that Wash was associating as home that maybe in time so would York and Delta if they chose to hang around. York gave up the pretence of chasing Wash halfway across the valley as he gave into laughter, Delta ever faithful stood by his side, York stopped laughing to gaze at the sky "Hey shouldn't the sun have moved by now?"

Washington stood by him as well smiling as he said "Welcome to Valhalla."